All Comments on 'The Cottage Ch. 01'

This may be an interesting story but as English is obviously not your first language, you need help to make it understandable.

In addition to any "language issues", you've got to find another way to narrate your story. The way this is written, it's like someone's dictating a report.

"Jason was under me fucking my tits. My husband put his cock in my mouth and fucked my face as hard and deep as he could. He tells me he was the first to cum and that he was able to shove is whole cock into my mouth and throat while he shot is load. He says the guys keep going while he sat back and watched. Ryan was the next to cum and rolled off."

Throw in some actual DIALOG. Instead of a blow-by-blow account, let your reader read an actual STORY. And stop jumping between past and present tenses. One moment it's "Jason WAS under me..." and then it's "He TELLS me..." WAS is past tense, and TELLS is present tense. If you're going to confuse us, why not add some FUTURE tense as well? "My neighbor WILL EVENTUALLY walk up the driveway, while Fran sucks my pussy and my husband fucked me an hour ago."

Found as did other bad language and words that made no sense or plain don't exist. Like "cummed" there's no such word to be found, likely best fit would be "came;" thus the author best go back to grade school.

The story has good potential and some potentially really hot moments, but some editing is clearly in order. Don't be discouraged by some of the comments here. Truth be told, most don't have the courage to write and publish anything.

You can tell a good story but your grammar is very distracting. I think it would be fun to meet you. However until you get an editor to rewrite your stories I think I will read another author.

Couldn’t read, because of bad grammar