All Comments on 'The Dance'

Congrats on your first submission, and what a lovely story that was.

The pacing was neat, the world building had just the most basic stuff and wasn't burdened by wearing off somewhere in the middle, the characters were flashed enough to be believable, the emotions were displayed realistically and the spark that set it all off was a nice ploy by his friend (he either knew something or simply played a trick on them).

I would gladly see some more of those two in you future works to see the relationship progress, but if you keep it as is it's still a very good romantic story nonetheless.

I gave it 5* for the effort, the nice feelings it gave me and to stimulate you to write more.

That was really a great story! Very polished & pretty much flawless for a first effort. It is probably better quality than 99% of the stuff on LitE. I don't usually read stories of the Incest/Taboo genre but I'm very glad I read this one. Keep up the good writing.

Very creative and well worded! Believable.. Not over the top over sized (except his dick lol) keep writing and your helpers did their magic!

Cannot wait for more.

Sorry about this. As much as I like to encourage young writers, and as much as I think you've done a good job with basic writing (there's some very good writing in here), two problems reared their ugly heads to spoil the story: (1) the length of his dick. C'mon, get real. (2) her virginity. You really need to find out where the hymen is located. No way could he get three fingers in her or stimulate her g-spot if the hymen was still there.

I do love romantic stories.

However I agree you missed when knowing where the hymen is there wouldn't be one after shoving three fingers in her, this has been a bitch of mine for ever about other writers.

You have a gift so keep writing but keep to the facts, leave the huge cocks and tits out of your stories and know where the hymen is (check it on the web)

Adam is older and if possible, sexier than his sister. As she lays her head on his chest, I imagine she is tracing the dusting of chest hair that grows lusciously there. Give sexy Adam some hair on that chest and those abs -- something for her to grab and caress during this r love sessions.

and a 9 inch cock. That crap is not necessary to write a good story. In fact, that's what writers without good and original stories stat off with.

BUT!

where to start ?

Just a few things

6 foot 3",9 inch long dick but (when it was soft it didn't really look that amazing. Adam enjoyed this as it always weeded out the more judgmental and shallow girls) #Really

Adam sister shouted WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE gets blanket to hide her Body the next was (Charlotte nervously bite her lip then reach her hands behind his neck and pulled him down so her mouth was next to his ear "Adam, we may never get a chance like this again so I need to tell you something; I love you)

And who the fuck is Daniel ?

Also She stayed At Katie's, you know, Daniel's cousin #WHY?

Why did she need to stay there ?

when she knew parents away & even if they weren't its her home

Oh one or three more little things

Parents left The 6 foot 3" with the 9" dick brother a generous amount of funds (or as he liked to refer to it "emergency money")& she gets Zero also What shall we do today while we wait?

Not lets go shopping or to Mall bu next paragraph was

Adam and Charlotte arrived home and collapsed on the couch "Man you sure know how to spend my money!" Adam said looking at the clothes Charlotte had bought.

And lastly #WTF!! You Really needed to explain the

Ah yes the newly married couple!

With that being said if you "The_reluctant_wordsmith" can explain(give more background) the story better!

I'd love to read next chapter/'s because its a good premise

Too short, almost no build-up, and eye-roll inducing description of the 9'' cock totally lame.

You can't write Quickies in incest.

It should be atleast 4 pages just for a quicky

You're a good writer! Good story well written. Keep this up! It has just the right amount of eroticism. I especially appreciate that there is NO ANAL! Anal has nothing to do with LOVE!! Forget that comment about not enough pages! Your story is complete and well written!