The Dangers of Dating Apps

"Oh uh... it's fine. I just didn't expect you to be... this tall."

Monica gave an exasperated smile,

"Yeah I know, it's crazy right? So are you not interested in the date then? I won't be offended if you want to just call it a night, I understand."

She fluttered her eyelids and flashed Ethan a pair of doe eyes that sparkled green. Her overtly cute expression in that moment struck a bizarre contrast against the truly intimidating size of her body. Ethan tried to get his head around what she was saying, but it made no logical sense. After all of his previous experiences, he couldn't believe that she was the one feeling self-conscious,

"No... Of course I still want to have this date, I am just really surprised, tall women usually aren't into short guys like me."

Monica smiled with glee and clapped her hands together,

"Oh nonsense! Everyone is short to me darling, you have nothing to worry about."

She handed Ethan his glass of beer and pointed him to the table with the handbag.

They approached the table and sat down beside each other. Monica's legs were so incredibly long that she could not fit her knees under the table and had to sit side on to it. Instead, she pointed her body directly towards Ethan in an ominous and unmistakably suggestive fashion. It was a challenge to not simply stare at Monica, most of all her impressively large chest. To distract himself every time he felt aroused by her presence, Ethan took a sip from his beer and tried his best to look in the other direction.

Once they had quelled their nerves with a few more sips, the two dates got to talking. It seemed impossible to believe at first, but Monica was just as compelling and engaging to talk to in person as she was on the app. Somehow, on top of everything else she was capable of, this woman was a consummate conversationalist who never tired of witty or insightful things to say. There was never a dull moment in the conversation. Monica always had some acerbic quip to dispel any awkwardness that arose, and she always knew the perfect follow-up question to ask.

If he hadn't been already, Ethan was now seriously intimidated by Monica. Not only was she younger, smarter, more talented, had a better job, and had far superior social skills than Ethan, but the fact remained that she was singularly gorgeous, even more so in person. With monumental breasts larger than anything achievable via surgical means, and a height that even professional basketball players couldn't match. Yet somehow, even with such a nauseating number of perfected attributes, she was still a joy to be around. She could have easily brushed Ethan aside like an insect of total irrelevance in comparison to her splendour, but she didn't. She was, in every single way, pleasant, kind-hearted and enjoyable.

Sadly, the fact that Monica was really this perfect only depressed Ethan further. He enjoyed his time with her immensely, but as the evening went on, he only became more and more unnerved by her very existence. Surely at some point this was all going to collapse in front of his eyes in some horrifying or humiliating way. So after Monica wrapped up a rather overly technical description of her job and the new lab she had just acquired--because of course she was the boss of an entire team of researchers--Ethan had to let some of his concerns known.

"So Monica, can I just ask you something straight up? And can you be honest with me?"

"Of course! Anything."

"What do you see in me?"

Monica thought about that for a second before smiling innocently,

"Whatever do you mean? You're super cute! And nice... and funny! What makes you ask that?"

The compliments bounced right off of Ethan's protective shell of low self-esteem,

"Well, I can't... it will sound so stupid. Forget I said anything."

"Please. Don't feel like anything you say will be stupid, I would never laugh at you."

"Well. You are perfect. In every way. You are so far out of my league it's like we're not even the same species."

Monica let out a full-bodied laugh,

"Oh my god! See, you are so funny!"

"You said you wouldn't laugh!"

Monica simmered down and wiped a small tear away from the corner of her eye,

"What, are you serious? Get out of here, Ethan! There's no such thing as leagues, and even if there were, you're an awesome guy, I'd never go on a date with someone who I didn't think of seriously."

Ethan's heart began to race at the thought that somehow this goddess actually liked him, but Monica continued,

"Also, how could you possibly think I'm perfect? Are you just trying to flatter me so I'll go to bed with you?"

She said in a playful tone, tapping him patronisingly on the nose. Ethan chuckled awkwardly,

"Haha... well you are, you've got it all."

"All what?"

"I mean everything, you're almost too perfect, it's like you're not a real person."

Monica frowned but still had a playful smirk on her face,

"Oh really? Aren't you a smooth customer. Well enlighten me, what exactly is so great about me?"

Ethan sighed.

"Fine. Well if you really want to know. I mean first of all you're a genius scientist, who is a professor at the age of 22. I was still living with my parents at that age, you're running your own biochemistry lab. You speak four languages, can paint like Van Gogh... what else... and is somehow nice, friendly, and easy to talk to on top of all of that..."

Ethan trailed off, hoping Monica would stop him, but she didn't. Instead, she continued to stare at him thoughtfully, as if she wanted him to go on,

"And... I mean you've got a killer body. You're probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life... and I don't even know how tall you are, but I didn't even know people could get that tall..."

"I'm around 8 foot if you really want to know. And yeah I know, it's waaaay too much height... But thank you for all the compliments though, you're far too gen--"

"And you're humble about it to? How is all that possible? Is there something I'm missing?"

Ethan interrupted, showing the first ounce of strong emotion all evening. Clearly, this woman was starting to have an effect on him. Monica seemed slightly taken aback,

"I really don't know. I mean, the height thing was just a hormonal problem during puberty, that's where that came from. But... the other stuff I've never really been able to explain. You're right though. I guess I do know a lot. You know, I'm honestly just super lucky. Things have always come really easily to me. At college people used to say that I must have two extra brains inside my boobs, that's why they're so big--"

"Oh! And don't even get me started on them."

Ethan broke in with a wry smile. Monica cackled with laughter, and Ethan joined. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Something about expressing his deepest fears and inadequacies in front of this impossibly perfect creature comforted him in a weird way.

"Oh stop it! You big flirt!"

She said, playfully hitting him on the arm.

After that, Ethan felt himself really relax into the conversation for the first time. He still felt hopelessly inadequate in the presence of this woman, but he allowed himself to simply bask in her aura, safe in the fact that he would never be able to match her, and that she didn't even mind. In response, Monica only became more and more friendly and warm to Ethan. As the night dragged on, Monica bought Ethan three or four more drinks--claiming that she earned too much money, and needed to use it on something--and the two of them became increasingly inebriated.

By 10 pm, Ethan was really feeling the effects of the alcohol, and was allowing himself to be increasingly forward with his date. Monica, on the other hand, seemed to be only slightly less lucid than before, despite the fact they had shared the same number of drinks. In response to Ethan's increasingly open displays of attraction, she pulled her chair closer and wrapped her long giraffe-like legs around his. Ethan tried not to glance at her too often, but he couldn't help but notice that there was little more than a few inches of skirt hiding her dignity.

"God, this is the best first date I've ever been on, you are such a stellar guy to talk to."

She said after draining the final drops of her fourth beer. A sober Ethan would have batted away this compliment, but he was getting too drunk now--both from the alcohol and the intoxicating haze of Monica's proximity,

"Thanks, I honestly still don't get what you see in me, but I don't wanna be anywhere than around you right now."

Monica smiled darkly, and brought her face towards his. Before Ethan could react, her hand was gripping the hair on the back of his head and pushing him towards her sumptuous red lips. Then she brought her body closer to him and laid the hefty weight of her bosom on his lap, giving Ethan an erection instantly.

After a few moments of slow and gentle kissing, Monica withdrew and smiled,

"You're a good kisser. Shall we call it a night, or do you want to come back to my place?"

Ethan's heart was pulsating uncontrollably. He couldn't believe that she was the one to be proposing that. In his addled state of mind, he didn't even consider the risks anymore and accepted her proposition immediately.

They were both too drunk to drive home, so they hailed a taxi from the side of the road. After a few clumsy minutes spent trying to figure out how to cram Monica's oversized 8-foot frame in the back of a taxi, they were off. The driver took them to a part of the town Ethan had never visited but knew was famous for its luxurious homes. A ten-minute drive later they arrived. Monica's place was on the top floor of an extravagantly-built apartment complex located at the very top of the central hill of the neighbourhood.

Inside her penthouse apartment, Ethan remained stunned as he took in the lavish decor and furnishings. She had an expansive open-plan space, with a kitchen and living area that opened onto a patio fitted with an underlit swimming pool. Every finishing was exquisite, with neutral contrasting colours and clean lines, and every appliance was modern and futuristic.

"Wow. How much do they pay you at that job."

"Haha, probably too much."

She replied casually. As Ethan explored the place further, Monica brushed off any compliment he showered on her home as though it was something that was of no importance to her. However, it was evident now more than ever that this woman was considerably wealthy. Monica pointed to a stool beside the kitchen island and beckoned Ethan to sit down. She poured them both generous glasses of red wine and then sat on the stool next to him. The stool was tall with an immovable seat that rose a good distance above the ground. While Monica could sit comfortably on it with her feet firmly on the floor, Ethan's short legs hovered in mid-air. Ethan looked down at himself and then over at Monica, whose mostly-uncovered bosom was now threatening to fall out of the excessively deep plunge neck of her top.

"Seriously though Monica, what the hell do you see in me? You're obviously stinking rich, and so beautiful, and so smart. You're like a goddess, and... you're... you're just so fucking tall! There's no way someone like you would ever be with me."

Monica laughed and casually tugged at her bra and top to try and prevent herself from tumbling out,

"Oh stop it Ethan! Enough with the self-deprecation, I love the way you look. And height is no issue for me. When you're this tall you can't exactly get picky about finding guys taller than you. It's not easy being this big you know. It's all anyone sees in me, just this giant pair of tits looming down over them. You know sometimes, I do wish I was smaller..."

Ethan picked up her thought,

"Trust me, you do not want to be smaller..."

Monica blushed,

"Well I do actually, it's not ideal being taller than literally everyone else around you. I guess it should help me have authority in a leadership role, but honestly I think I just scare people. In fact I've been... No sorry, forget I said anything."

Ethan frowned and placed one hand on Monica's knee,

"What? What have you been doing? You can tell me..."

Monica put down her glass and placed her own hand over Ethan's,

"Okay, I'll tell you what I've been up to in the lab recently, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. This is completely confidential. Don't think I won't sue your ass if you blab about it!"

She laughed, but Ethan remained quiet, allowing her to finish,

"I'm only telling you cause I really like you, okay? It's not to leave this room."

Ethan nodded. He continued to smile inquisitively, but in truth, he hadn't the faintest idea what she could be about to say,

"Okay. So at the moment I'm working on a treatment which acts to shrink living tissue. Basically it contracts the molecular structure of cells in a way that, in principle, should not affect their basic function, only make them smaller. I think it could be really useful for treating cancer, or genetic abnormalities, or it could even--"

Ethan burst out laughing,

"I get it! You're making a drug to shrink yourself to a normal size!"

Monica laughed and slapped Ethan's hand away,

"No! Don't be silly, the idea was purely in the interests of fundamental research. And well... Okay, I have been working to try and develop the drug to be administered to living bodies. I've gotten it to work on mice, and before you say anything wise guy, yes, I did take some myself and it did nothing, are you happy now?"

Ethan continued to chuckle softly. It was comforting discovering that there was some element, no matter how tiny, of fallibility to this god-like woman.

"Maybe you needed a bigger dose!"

"Maybe... hey do you want to try some? Seeing I've just let you in on all of this, it would be fun to see if it actually works or if it's just a dud..."

Ethan hopped off his stool and walked away, shaking his head,

"No fucking way! I'm like 5 foot nothing, I do not want to be any smaller. No thank you."

"Oh please! It would honestly just be a bit of fun, and you would be helping out with my testing so much. I think if I had another human trial I would really start to understand if it's working or not. I promise it is totally safe, at worst it'll just do nothing."

Ethan folded his arms and stared at Monica in disbelief. The whole proposal was just far too ridiculous to even think about.

"No! I can't understand how any drug like that could be safe, and besides, you're not listening to me: I hate my height! I can't bear the idea of being any shorter! You obviously can't understand that being an 8 foot tall amazon."

Monica ignored the comment and stood up. She went over to one of the cupboards in the far corner of the kitchen and retrieved two pills,

"Okay Ethan. It is totally safe, you can trust my expert opinion on that. In all likelihood, the drug probably still needs some tuning to work properly on humans. If that's the case we can just call it a fun experiment. And if by some miracle it does actually work on you, then all you need to do is take this other pill and it will reverse all the effects. This one works on the mice every time and I'm very confident that any of the effects you may experience are reversible."

For a second Monica almost convinced him, but Ethan quickly snapped out of it,

"Oh come on Monica. No. I really don't see how anything good could come of this. I trust that you're this big genius and everything, but I seriously can't accept the risks."

Monica looked disappointed,

"Okay. Well how about this. You agree to trial this drug for me, and if you do, regardless what happens, whether it works or not, I'll give you a double dose of the growth pill, it basically has the opposite effect, it expands all the cells. It would make you bigger. You could be even taller than me by the end of it!"

Every word coming from her mouth sounded like pure insanity. Ethan tried desperately to find the words to deny her, but in a single sentence, Monica's proposal had suddenly become wildly exciting. The thought of being bigger was something he had always dreamed of. Being even bigger than Monica, though, that was beyond a dream. Perhaps if he was that size he would finally have the self-confidence to seize an opportunity with this incredible woman. He pretended to ponder the ludicrous proposition some more, but his mind was already made up.

"Fine. I mean... probably none of the pills will do anything right? But whatever, let's just try it anyway."

"You are amazing! Thank you so much... Okay take this one first."

She passed him a red and white pill, and with a swig of wine, he swallowed it.

"I don't feel anything?"

Monica laughed,

"Well give it time, it's a complex molecular process, it has to pass through your entire system first."

Over the next half an hour, Ethan and Monica continued to chat away mindlessly. At first, any momentary itch, pain, or passing of gas made Ethan panic that the drug was affecting him. But every time, Monica consoled him and said it was just anxiety. Then another hour passed. The pair had made it over to the couch and were chatting even more freely now, thanks to a few additional glasses of wine. As he finished off his glass, Ethan noticed he was feeling hot. Then, over the next few minutes, the feeling didn't go away, he started to feel hotter and hotter. Ethan told himself it was just too much alcohol or the effects of sitting so close to Monica's irresistible body, but his temperature kept on rising further. Before too long, he was sweating buckets through his clothes. He felt like he was going to pass out if he didn't jump in the pool in the next five seconds.

"Shit Monica. I feel really hot. I mean hotter than anything, it's like my whole body is on fire."

"Really?"

Monica looked intrigued and not in the least bit concerned at the growing alarm on Ethan's face,

"Is that bad? You promised that the drug isn't going to kill me... will it?"

"Nooo, there's no way it will kill you. Actually, you know what, I think it might be working."

Ethan shot Monica a panicked expression,

"Seriously? It's working? Am I shrinking?"

"Well, you look normal to me, but the shrinking of your cell walls is exothermic, so there will be a lot of heat released as it starts to take effect. This is to be expected, actually. How exciting!"

Ethan tugged at the collar of his shirt. He fanned himself with his hands, frantically trying to lower his temperature,

"Can I have some ice or something?"

"Sure. I'll bring you some. But I think you should go to the bathroom. Now."

"The bathroom? But I don't need--"

"Just trust me."

Monica's inquiring smile had disappeared. She was deathly serious. Ethan didn't want to question anything she said by this point, so he did as he was told and rushed to the bathroom.

By the time he made it there, it was all too obvious why Monica had suggested it. He opened the lid of the toilet instantly began to relieve himself with an urgency the likes of which he had never experienced.

"I don't know how my bladder filled up so quickly, that was cutting it way too close."

He shouted out through the closed door behind him. There was no response.

"How did you know I would need the bathroom?"

Through the door, he heard Monica's muffled footsteps followed by her voice.

"Did you make it in time? I think it's definitely working, your bladder is shrinking, that's why. It's just pushing everything out of you. Nothing to worry about. Just be glad we didn't eat anything tonight or it would probably be coming out the other end too."

Her tone was cheery but analytical, like she was simply trying not to alarm the panic-stricken patient on the other side of the door.

After around a minute, Ethan's bladder seemed to be drained so he flushed the toilet and went to wash his hands. But just then, he noticed something different. The sink was now definitely higher up than it was when he walked in. In the mirror he could no longer see the entirety of his face, only his eyes and forehead.