All Comments on 'The Dark Side of the Romantic Comedy Ch. 01'

So cheesey, so irresistible. Kenny did Jason an unintentional favor showing how fallow Penny's feelings would be under duress. Some people aren't meant to make it in the big city. In the end the only real victims were the fish so lethally evicted in Kenny's quest to retrieve the locket.

Full marks * * * * *

Long winded, needs a hell of a lot of editing, I mean there is a whole sentence that just ends in the middle at one point. There was no need for this to be dragged out to 3 or more chapters.

I know a guy who married one of the prettiest, sweetest women I've ever known. I remember the bitchy wives, including my own, who would cheerfully kill to protect her because she was the nicest person any of them had ever met.

The joke at the wedding was the priest going on about how many times they had broken up and gotten back together. I only found it moderately funny because I had seen how he'd cause these breakups so he could be with some other (slutty) woman. He could do this because he knew, absolutely knew that she would drop everything the instant that he was ready to come back. No matter what.

Out of the blue, a couple of weeks ago I suddenly wondered about the guys she had seen during each hiatus. Here they were, unexpectedly with the woman of their dreams and then boom! it's over. Nothing they could have done.

All these years of thinking that he'd only screwed her over and I've finally realized that there was more than one guy who lost out.

So wow, I get what this story is about.

Well written, background, characters, the whole bit.

Really want to see how this works out.

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH WORTHLESS CUCKBOI GOT WHAT WAS COMMING TO HIMAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAH

Jezzaz thought it was great. He only writes stories about whores.

No one has a clue who any of these people talking are. Horrible writing.

Just a damn fine writer too.

Looking forward to reading the rest.

Oh, and the dialogue is perfect.

The Collective Borg Annons have vehemently panned it. Oil and water, business as usual in terms of any quality story that has measure of forebearance towards romantic disappointment.

I guess I'm on the fence. I thought the story was alright in terms of writing and story line, but it didn't really do anything for me. I guess I'll be waiting until I read the 2nd part to make a final decision.

Loving this so far. Please do keep it up and hopefully post the next part soon.

Easy 5 * from me.

It's a good take on the rom-com action but in modern small town 'Murica, the crap Kenny pulled the night before the wedding would get him shot. Noise in the yard means the local meth-heads are out looking to fund their next fix.

Great writing and good story. Please don't delay the next chapter in this saga!!

But a little odd that Penny would go from devoted fiancée to abandoning her betrothed at the alter.

This flowed just fine. Granted, the girl continually saying 'I don't know what to do' is repetitive, but realistic. I think that as a rule (which I just made up) is that if you say the same phrase/idea more than three times in a Lit story, it's too much.

This had story, happenings, plot and characters.

I am hoping that there is some sense of comeuppance because I like the protag you made even if we didn't delve too deeply into his psyche. What is missing here is that in most Rom Coms, the guy left at the alter is usually portrayed as a douchenozzle.. (Wedding Planners in particular)

Here, like Sleepless in Seattle, he most distinctly is not. And honestly, Meg Ryan was a bit of a cunt in that movie. But Pullman was right: why do I want a bitch who doesn't want me enough to put aside her 'magic fantasies'.

I look forward to a continuation.

For me, even if Pen doesn't get burned, lead a life of quiet desperation, or be revealed as a shallow ingrate, I will be content if Jason gets some peace and happiness. That is sufficient.

the first few paragraphs told the entire story and then the next four pages were simply more detail. You gave it all way immediately. I would have preferred that the beginning be the end.

Great story-line, and great development and style. Thank you for posting, really.

You are making a big mistake in continuing this story. It is fine as it stands. She is conflicted, She does the courageous thing and calls it off. He is hurt and marches off to find someone more committed. End of story. No second chances. No bullshit reconciliation. Be a man and move on.

To offset the asshole of LIT! annony is just a pig an old fat ugly fag fool who sucks and swallows.

Who would have thought of some cheesy Romantic Comedies would have unknowingly given birth to a very good ( so far ) storyline here in the LW section of lit , " Strange things are afoot at the Circle K Ted " ! Lol . ( that's more my style than the RomCom's )

Looking forward to seeing how JTJ ties this up .

I will wait to vote because there is a second chapter. However I already don't like how he spent several months in his apartment hiding. So hopefully he grows a pair.

Bonnie slut cunt is already offsetting my vote and I have not even read the story yet or voted. Too bad her fortune telling abilities had not kicked in until after she fucked the beloved family dog, Rex, and gave him a cocktail of std's that had him put down. Your ex-kids will always hate you for that.

Very well constructed

I look forward to the next chapter.

Unless there is redemption for him please don't post chap 02. The story was fine as it was.

Read the other stories by this author. Hated every one. All with spineless pussies for male characters. So I'm sure the author will have the slut come back apologize for humiliating hm in front of everyone by what she did. Then the pussy will take her back all the while crying. After he apologizes for her fucking another guy right before their wedding she will consent to marry him. Hell she will probably invite her ex boyfriend to their next wedding. So 1*

. . . and I'm looking forward to the 2nd part. Hopefully, you won't make us wait too long. Four stars in anticipation of a satisfying conclusion. Penny and Kenny need to suffer, and so does her idiot and insensitive "friend" Theresa. Thanks.

I know that many of the commenters here like to say that the wronged person in these situations should "pick himself up", get on with his life", "find somebody better", etc etc. And I agree with that advice. But, not everybody is strong. And the blow to a person's self-image, confidence and esteem when they are dumped for another person can be devastating.

I have seen it. My best friend for over 30 years, who is normal, smart, somewhat athletic, successful (before this happened) with the ladies and is definitely a tough man in many ways. Well, his girlfriend of two years just dumped him. No warning. No problems. They were living together and talking marriage. They were in many respects as close as my wife and I were, and we were (and are) very close. And the girlfriend found somebody better and dumped him. Almost like this story. She was to be his date at his sister's wedding across the country, and the day they were leaving she said it was over. She had reconnected with an old flame and they were "soul mates." She swore she hadn't cheated but knew that that was who she had to be with. After seeing him twice in a week after not having seen him for 10 years.

My friend never really recovered. This happened when he was 35. That was 25 years ago. He has never had a serious relationship again. He goes to work; loves sports; hangs out with friends, men and women alike. He just kind of became asexual. I have talked to him about this a lot over the years, and even got him to see a therapist early on. He tried to date, but had no real interest anymore. He worked at it. He wanted to recover, if that's the word. He was unhappy (not really clinically depressed) for a while but then sort of just got used to it. This whole aspect of him just evaporated. And it did effect -to a far lesser extent- his confidence in his own judgment in other areas of his life. He just couldn't recover from what happened. Is that mostly his fault? I guess it is, though he tried very hard. I saw it all. He isn't pitiful, just badly injured and unable to recover.

His experience did teach me, however, that people can be destroyed by a trauma, and that the people who do things like this to them, even if it was not intentional, handled as well as could have been, cut his losses, etc, do cause real harm. Its not fair. Sometimes life isn't.

So I totally get the guy in this story being holed up for months. I have seen it. Because of my experience with my friend, this story touched a nerves. 5 for sure.

They should have kept him surrounded with gals at the party! I will agree that this party should have been presented after the crime. It is also logical that he should be happy that he escaped, but~~~~ If she had told him that she slept with Kenny the night before he would probably be even more depressed.

Don't make him a wimp cuck punk! Let him walk if he can regain his self respect!CDDC

I like the story line so far. Been in Jason's shoes before (though it was not at the altar) so I'll be curious to see how you wrap it up.

I had to laugh though because the author picked a fictional town called Centerville in Illinois which seems like a quiet little place, whereas Centreville, Illinois has lots of bars and a least a couple of strip joints. I did enjoy the story though

It's your story and we can cry if we want to.

TT

Great story, 5*

Good first part...But we have to wait for part 2 to see where the story is going...4* for now

Nice tale that keeps one's interest. Looking forward to next part.

Centerville, Il is in fact a real town. I actually lived and went to school there?

You mentioned this is a romantic comedy. I haven't come across the funny part yet. The dark side? Yep, I see that. I cannot wait to see the next chapter. Great read, thanks for writing it.

People do get destroyed,they die of broken hearts, human beings can be wiped out by emotions,and the he man bullshit of the iron man picking himself up is more myth then reality.

For the author,I liked the story. One thing I would suggest is limiting descriptions, did we really need to know the jerk watching TV was fat? Did the descriptions of the girls hitting on Brian matter? Did we really need when we met the father john a description of his looks? A description can help,for example 'looking at john's angular face twisted in fury,and the cold fire of hate in his eyes framed by his steel gray crew cut hair,you knew someone was going to hurt'. Obviously,when setting a story,like when a guy or gal describes rheir spouse/partner,you get a glimpse of hoe they feel by how they describe the loved one.Likewise describing the plates a meal comes on would matter if you say 'the plate was cracked,reflecting my heart',but otherwise wouldn't do anything. Especially w short stories minimal can work better.

Again I liked the story,wanted to offer suggestions to improve.For the jilted hubby,the answer is the best revenge is to live well,knowing penny likely will find kenny turns out to be a loser,who likely will not support her well,will likely cheat on her and she will end up with regrets.

Can I respectfully point out that your comments are internally inconsistent. First you reject my advice that he move on and then you conclude with exactly the same advice. You are right the second time.

It is true there are those who cannot get over a failed relationship. My advice is not directed at them because nothing can help them. My advice is directed at the far greater number who have a choice and need to be encouraged to make the right one rather than wallow in self-pity.

I hope you write Jason as moving on and getting his shit together after that traumatic event of his soon to be married penny , sticking it to him. Let her marry that loser Kenny and live in Some trailer park home and think of the life she could have had. To fall back to that hick loser suprises me , shes educated and what is his real job , janitor in a drum. Anything else would be a letdown. As for Jason stopping his father from defending himself from penny fathers punch ,definitely a mistake.

Well written and a great idea to explore. I look forward to seeing the next installment.

I normally don't feed the trolls, but . . .

To all those telling the main character to man up and calling him a cuck: This is a fictional character, I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a hoot what you think about him since he's . . . not real. You all need to get out of your parent's basement, go meet someone not related to you, and attempt to get a life (as much as you're capable of) instead of trolling the comment section of a free story site. Considering the lack of stories of any skill or depth of late, being an asshat to one of the few that have submitted something worth reading is a tad counterproductive.

This story deserves a much higher score.

If that cheating bitch can cheat the night before her wedding, he doesn't want to marry the slut anyway. That prick is a loser and so is she.

We agree, that's why I stated my long post by saying" I know that many of the commenters here like to say that the wronged person in these situations should "pick himself up", get on with his life", "find somebody better", etc etc. And I agree with that advice"

The rest was pointing out that it doesn't always work, and some people really do get destroyed by betrayal, or the trauma associated with it. But the default position is to move on, and most can and many do.

Unrelated to your post, I would despise a reconciliation here. But, I think that a traumatized person who can't move on would be more inclined to "take her back". I hope it doesn't happen here. But, again relating to a similar situation I actually witnessed, I think my friend would have taken his GF back during those first few years. It would have driven me nuts, but may have made him feel less rejected and unworthy. I don't support this, but (kind of) understand why some people might do it. Like I said earlier, life isn't always fair - or sensible.

For this very reason!

Excellent story and 5*.

Penny is a stupid bitch. May she reap what she sows.

You did a good job of portraying a woman who had not really thought out her options nor had made intelligent logical choices. In the end she went with her emotions and her fantasies, which is great for infatuations and flings, and absolutely deadly for a successful marriage. Its not rocket science, and its not about winners and losers. Real men don't have to compete for the women who love them. Real men don't waste their time on the women who don't.

Since you portray the jilted fiance' as pinning away for his lost love, we have to assume he has not yet grown into a real man. This failed love will help move him toward that maturity, once he has had time to think about it. Or maybe he will just waste away in regret, ignorant that you can't lose what you never had. Penny's not a loss, just a short term mistake. She would eventually have been a long term mistake, and a much more expensive loss. Good riddance.

I will wait to rate so I can rate the quality of the entire story. You can make this a winner, or really fuck this up. Can't wait to see which, or if either.

The author is setting us up for a reconciliation when fiance discovers lover is a turd.

The main job of any author is to entice the reader to enter into the story as it unfolds & for me you've managed this - well done. The hard part now will be to maintain that standard with the balance. 5 *****, I tried to give 5 but sorry my big fingers hit 4 instead.

The Bitch loses!!!

Well Written But She is still the biggest loser... There is no RACC possible. Living well is the best revenge ...especially with a better looking girlfriend of hers.

for the length, you could have spent more time editing. But still 4*

That doesnt make sense, although what he is making in bank I am sure overshadows the cost of the ring. Long, wordy but entertaining. Like to see how you end it.

Five stars. This is the best story I have read this year for sure and trust me I read a lot of them.

Best part was when he said "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. None of this is worth it"

Penny is woman without a heart.

Going to read chapter 2. Here in Germany is 00:32 but I have to.

Must be a great story because it made me really hate Penny. Jason is better off without that weak minded, muddled thinking woman.

Five Stars

This happened to a chap I knew.

Broke his heart.

Who is so rich that they just "chuck" a ring?!?

I always look forward to your work. Five stars.

An excellent, five star story and then some ignorant asshole feels compelled to smear shit on it.

To Anonymous:

Are you a Royal descendant of a long line of obnoxious assholes or is it a PC goal that too many of you brain-dead fools devote your pathetic selves to and now you're proud to show the World that you've 'made it' the finish line?

Well... Congratulations. You're another run of the mill asshole. Here's your sign.

Kuddos to you for that. Takes talent.

Great stuff. I think John might be my favorite LW character ever. Lol I almost cheered when he marched in to lay down the law.

Enjoyed it very much. Looking forward to the next part

Just enough suspense to keep me intrigued. I agree with Twentyseven that you could have ended it here and it would seem complete. Nevertheless, I am glad there is another chapter.

I certainly didn't see anything romantic or comedic in the story. It's also in the wrong category since they aren't married. Past those things it was a good story. Jason comes out in, the end, smelling like a rose. He was saved from marrying a woman that really didn't love him. Not many better things could happen to him. So why would he be upset? We'll see where the next chapter goes.

Is a fucking, lying cunt.

When a story is well written, as this one is, the longer the better. I'll never figure out why people complain about the length of a good story. Maybe they're accustomed to reading comic books or something. They talk as if it's a chore to read the story, maybe they made their way through high school using Cliff Notes instead of enjoying the whole tale. Who knows? Speaking for many though, you're a good writer, your stories are interesting, and most of us love seeing a long, well written and interesting story. Thanks so much!

We mostly ignore it, her loss, DB hometown hero is typical ex jock loser living in the past. Those of us who are ex jocks with game still live in the present. Chick is a liability. Good riddance. OldBearSwitch

He's in pain now, but he'll eventually be thankful that she backed out - and she IS doing the right thing. It's very difficult to walk away at the last minute, but that's exactly what she needed to do. If you're having sex with an old boyfriend the night before, then you certainly aren't ready to get married. Thank goodness he didn't get stuck with her. Great story, great writing. Thanks!

So far this is one good story.

He is at his reception and the slut tells him the marriage is off and he has nothing to do as to chicken out??? Are you that a wimp???

An honorable woman would have sternly told Theresa and other friends to not tell her stories involving Kenny in front of Jason (she should have done this before the party itself), particularly when Kenny was also there. She was weak from the beginning and it was only a matter of time.

This a good one, really into it so far. On the way to read part two. Hope he doesn't find a way to take her back. She is a bitch.

Very well constructed, and you kept the pace just right. The tension was palpable.

Looking forward to the second part.

This is a great story! JT, BTW, any other friends, you need to read this. Author's other stuff isn't bad either.

I don't think you understand comedy.

That’s why the audience roots for the underdog protagonist. Even if we know very little hard facts about the fiancé, just the few tiny bits we see are usually of an arrogant prick, who may already be two-timing the heroine, or at the very least an obviously an unsmiling unfriendly corporate automaton.

Admittedly, I can picture a few films (but just vaguely so cannot remember the titles) where the fiancé does seem kinda cool and/or nice But, to my recollection, that is a minority.

Utter BS. Slow melodrama on the level of the worst romance novel (note to author - try there), totally predictable cliché from the very beginning, with completely cliché characters without an ounce of originality of any kind. This sort of garbage has been repeated so many times in 10 cents novels that it is unbelievable somebody still wastes his time writing garbage like this for no pay.

I really leaves a sad taste in my mouth that I wasted time reading that though I started skimming through it on the second page when it became patently predictable.

This story is a complete and sorry drivel.

Good, skilled writing. Thank you!

Wow, Im impressed! The best story si far here! No unreal cuck shit or brain dead characters who justneed to fit into an brain dead cuck plot. Nice one!!!

I'm with Etchiboy, Jason seems like a good guy so far. Too bad Penny can't get over the turd.

Announcing the ending at the beginning totally kills any reason or interest in reading the story. Very poor construction.

eh give him time probably in part 2 he'll see he dodged a bullet here

arsenelupin6621 days ago

Announcing the ending at the beginning totally kills any reason or interest in reading the story. Very poor construction.

a lot of authors here do it not sure where they got that template.

So far it's been a good,interesting story. Although the redneck, hometown bunch have treated the fiance Jason poorly, the GFs' family have been stellar. Hope next part is as good. LP

At least he found out before getting married or God forbid, kids.

This remains one of my favorites after several readthroughs. Would honestly make a good movie.

Good story about a really stupid bitch that Jason is better off without, but it will be pend on the ending. 4* so far.

the problem with a story is that once again the main character Jason is fucking stupid. I mean almost to the point of being retarded.

.

For example how does he not know about the big break up between his fiance and her last serious boyfriend? They've been engaged for how long and he has never heard the story before? That makes no sense and it's completely unrealistic. That's not the way people who are engaged and about to get married do things. This was a major event in that woman's life and up until the car drive to the wedding he had no idea what actually happened.

.

That is just crap.

.

Almost as bad as the way Jason sits there when the next boyfriend shows up to the Rehearsal dinner without his approval without his knowledge and he does nothing. For hours..

.

Of course, the woman would end up cheating with Kenny.

This is a perfect "Carrie" moment..."suddenly the doors to the church slam shut, the crucifix turns upside down, and fire consumes the entire ceremony, killing all those in attendance. All those but one lone figure...and his father." I don't know why this came to mind, although I do like the dark side sometimes....don't mess with me.

I have hopes that Chapter 2 (which I have not yet read) will repair the "total wimp" portrayal of Jason's character that this one paints.

^

Incidentally, if the last paragraph of the author's afterword is meant to actually be an apology, it falls short. First sentence offers an apology, then second/last sentence functionally retracts it.

The message becomes more like "Yes, I made it too long, but that's YOUR problem" -- and while that may be accurate, it's NOT a true apology!

I think it would have been an excellent ending to have Jason turn to his father, in front of the large gathering crowd, and say, 'Come on Dad, let's get out of here. It's probably all for the best that I found out she's a lying, cheating slut before we got married instead of a couple of years down the road and I was stuck with her'. Turning to walk through the shocked crowd, he said to his father once again, 'what a piece of shit, they deserve each other'.