The Date from Hell

I was totally shocked. I couldn't believe that this vision of beauty in front of me had suffered the worst possible torment available to a young girl at that tender age. It was... surreal. A sort of paralytic, surreal anguish, to know that the person you see in front of you was tortured for two days and a half as if her life meant absolutely nothing, by three fucking low-lives. Fucking hell.

"But, you know what?" she resumed. "I decided to live. But then I had to remake myself from the very beginning. I couldn't bear to be the victim I was. I couldn't love myself. I couldn't live with myself any more. I decided to reinvent myself completely. I changed location. I changed my name as soon as I could get my full rights. I decided that the girl they raped died that Monday. I disappeared from the face of the Earth as far as my old family and acquaintances go. I created a new woman. I decided to make something out of myself, so that I am never in that position ever again. I studied religiously, to make sure I become something in my life. I exercised every day, and I took up martial arts. As you see, this so-called 'beautiful' woman that you see in front of you, was not just hurt. She was destroyed. And she fought for her existence and physical and mental health with every fiber of her being. But wanting to be healthy and actually being healthy are not the same thing, my sweet Rob."

This was beyond surreal. The one woman that I never wanted to see in my life, ever again, just called me sweet, while telling her own version of personal hell that could melt the will of seasoned veterans. Beyond the impossibility of the person and what said person said about me, this was nothing compared to the effect of what she actually said about herself. I truly was shocked beyond words. She basically opened her soul to me and offered me her nightmares. I don't think I could have survived what she had to endure. And she got out of this alive. Amazing.

"What happened to the scumbags?" I had to ask.

"That is yet another disappointment in my life's history. Yet another failure. I planned how to kill them, how to torture them in oh so many and innovative ways until they died, many days later, in absolute pain. Like that movie with Gerald Butler, where he caught the rapist and murderer of his wife and daughter, and what he did to him. That was the scenario that kept running in my head all the time." she said. "But life has a way of doing things her own, bitchy way. All three died. They crossed the wrong crowd, and they were found a few days later. I was to be denied the satisfaction of dealing them their demise as they deserved. I couldn't even have THAT. Can you imagine? What a waste..." she said, dejectedly, with tears in her eyes. I couldn't hold mine either. This was a story of true tragedy.

She opened her purse and gave me a photo and a newspaper clip. The photo was a hospital photo of a young girl that looked very much like her, but severely beaten, in a very bad shape. I cursorily read through the paper clip, and it pretty much summed up her story. The name of the girl was not disclosed, she still was a minor. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.

"Alice, I... I truly don't know what to say. This is so horrible. So utterly horrible. The whole thing. Everything that you went through, and... and everything you had to go through to get yourself in one piece. Oh my God..." I said, with a feeling of loss. I couldn't even bring myself to imagine how it would feel if I was in as horrendous a position, more so if I could actually reinvent myself to stay alive. This was so... heartbreaking at every level. To hear, to imagine it on any person, and yes, admittedly being an absolute asshole to all others, on a creature as divinely fine as her. It was devastating even to imagine this. My heart felt very heavy.

"Does Joyce know any of this?" I asked her.

"She is the only one that knew up till now. Now it is both of you, nobody else. Not even George." she whispered.

I just didn't know what to say. All this was...

"When all the shebang happened, I tried to justify my behavior ny painting you an asshole. However, Joyce took none of that." she continued.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, absolutely. Joyce loves you to the point of crazy. She would literally take a bullet for you. If I ever started badmouthing you, she immediately would be on my case to 'shut the hell up!' as she said. 'You are being stupid and a shit!' she told me. 'All this with Rob you did yourself. Don't try to blame it on him! And for the umpteenth time, I tell you he is your man, your soulmate, your other half! He will protect you with his own life, he will love you, you will adore him for the rest of your days, and you will have a great family together. And the stupid thing is that both of you have your heads up your butts, you even more than him, if possible! This is so damn frustrating!' she used to lament, time and time again."

"Funny, she said the exact same thing to me, until the day in the club. After that day, I expressly forbade any mention of you." I said.

"Ouch. Well deserved though. I treated you like shit. You know, I went to therapy for that. Joyce insisted." she said, to my utter amazement. "There is where I understood, with the help of my therapist, of course, that everything Joyce said was true. When I met you I liked you from the moment I saw you. But all the fear and everything I told you made me lose the feeling of self-control that I so desperately needed to hold my life together, post-rape. And I couldn't lose control, because when I did lose control, it was to the three scumbags of that time, and I ended up hurt. Bigtime. In essence I sabotaged everything I felt, and turned it into rage. I did everything in my power to make you look like a patriarchal freak to my eyes, and persuade myself that I had averted yet another oppressor, possible rapist, and all that. Of course, neither my therapist nor Joyce took any of my shit. They demolished it all. And I was left with the depth of the cesspool I created for myself. The worst part: it was but also wasn't my fault. Indirectly those lowlives took my life away from me, and you with it."

I didn't know what to say. This was getting deeper by the second.

"Once I understood the situation as it truly was," she continued, "that those three pieces of shit had destroyed my very soul, and through that they destroyed the one chance in happiness that presented itself in my life," she said pointing at me, to my utter astonishment, "I just wanted to end it. I wanted to take my own life. Joyce found me in a very bad state. But she saved me..." she said and started crying.

It was impossible for me not to comfort her after all that. I just went there and hugged her. And she cried, and cried, and letting it all out. And I couldn't hold a few of my own tears.

After she composed herself, I took her by the hand to the sofa in the living room. Then I went back to the kitchen table, got the coffee mugs and took them there. I sat beside her. She immediately put my left arm around her and basically stuck to my left side, refusing to let go.

How things change in one instant. A few minutes ago I wanted never to see or hear her again, and now I felt...numb, and very heavy hearted. She was a deeply traumatized person. I started feeling bad for the way that I treated her, although I knew I was justified. But, after all that, did it really matter? Bad date versus this? Not in the same universe.

"Why the club, then? Why did you not accept my help?" I asked her, although I already knew the answer.

"The moment I saw you in the club, it was still fresh from the date. And it all came back. I felt like shit. I was still in the angry phase, but at the same time I just couldn't find the courage to talk to you. Then I started blaming you for the loss of my mood. Then that asshole started stroking my ego, for obvious reasons. And you do play a mean darts game, which pissed me off to no end." she said, half-smiling.

"Well, the darts master is George. I am but a mere mortal compared to an Olympian God." I exclaimed.

"True, he is virtually unbeatable, I know. No idea how he does it, it's magic. Anyway, when I saw you were a close second, I felt a mixture of feelings. The net result was rage, at myself. And of course, instead of keeping it inside, I threw it at you, hence the unsportswomanlike and overall shitty attitude. And then that stupid a-hole wanted to take me home. I felt that I was trapped. On the one hand, I didn't want to give you the satisfaction that you were right. On the other, I didn't want to be raped. The way I saw it, if you hadn't thankfully intervened, I would have either been raped again or narrowly escaped this fate. In case it happened, I would have killed the sons of bitches. And I would end up a felon. How fucked up. You basically saved me from myself, and you also saved the asshole. Because, I am telling you, they would end up dead for sure. Maybe not then, but eventually." she said, and her eyes corroborated her story. She would definitely have ended them, someday.

"And The Genie? Maybellene?" I asked.

"When I realized how royally I had fucked up, as I told you, I was in a pretty severe depression. Joyce truly wanted to somehow help me, and the only way she could do that, was to repair a part of the damage I caused. So she thought of the costume party." she answered.

"You mean, she had a costume party for you?" I asked her, bewildered.

"No. She had the costume party for US, as in us both. She had that idea that we were meant for each other, but I fucked up royally, and you didn't know what you know now so you took everything on face value, which meant a total bitch as far as I go. And that was the truth." she said. I winced, as guilty thoughts started seeping in. She felt it.

"Please don't feel bad, my dear." she said. "It was all very justified. You didn't know, and I truly was a bitch. And I felt miserable for it, and with everything that happened it was a lost cause. And I felt powerless even to ask for your forgiveness. Such a fucking coward..." she said, and broke down and cried again.

"A few weeks before Halloween, we chatted and I told her that I didn't have any energy left to attend any Halloween parties. And she asked 'what if Rob was here?' And I said "No way! He hates me! I cannot show myself there! You will lose him as a friend because of me, I cannot allow that to happen to you Joyce. He is too precious of a friend to you to lose because of me!' I told her. And then she had the idea of the costume party and the Genie and all. It was her idea, as it covered my face but left me enough leeway to show some body. It was all for you, you know." she said.

"I am truly flattered, but I really had no clue." I answered her. "Your eyes were different color. Contacts I suppose?" I asked her, and she nodded. "I searched for you but you disappeared. What happened?" I asked her.

"Joyce planned it. I hastened up to their bedroom, and waited for a few hours. You were dead to the world when I came back to the party. Joyce told me that everything went according to plan and you were asleep in the guest room. I went there and I saw you. I so much wanted to kiss you, to beg for your forgiveness, to tell you how stupid I was and how I fucked up and what a great guy you are and how much I really like you, but you were asleep, and I couldn't find the courage to wake you up. I was also afraid that you would just be even more disgusted with me and just leave, and that would damage your friendship with George and Joyce, and that would kill Joyce and me too. Joyce is hurting these past few days, so much..." she said.

Shit! I gotta call her! Alice sensed me.

"No, she knows I am here. You can call her later, don't worry my dear. She knows." she said, holding my hand tight.

We let some time pass, just to collect our thoughts.

"And Maybellene?" I asked.

"Again, Joyce's plan. After I couldn't get the courage to talk to you, she decided to help me out once again. She told me to create a Genie profile. So I did. The name I got from Chuck Berry's record, but you know that. When I realized you knew the song, it blew my mind!" she said with a chuckle between her occasional sobs.

"And the date at Giorgio's?" I asked her.

"This was the hardest thing I ever had to do." she replied. "I so much wanted to tell you that it was me the whole time, but I couldn't. Deep inside I knew you would hate me for the whole thing even more than you already did. Still, we had to meet at some point, so I agreed to a date. But I would never have the courage to pull this off alone, without Joyce. She decided to be there, both for me and for you. Even if you ended up hating her in the process."

Shit. And I did end up hating what she did so much that it made me question her loyalty.

"So, my dear, I had to come here." she continued. "I had to tell you everything. I truly don't know if you will ever forgive all the despicable things I did to you, but please, don't hold a grudge against Joyce. She only did this because she thinks we were meant for each other. She believes it so much that she is willing to risk everything in order to have us see it as clearly as she does. It took her some effort, but I understood she is right. You are perfect for any woman out there. And you certainly are perfect for me. You are so perfect that it is uncanny. I read our correspondences and I just felt warm inside, more and more as time passed. We just clicked on pretty much everything. And as I fell for you, my anguish for the impossibility of the whole thing as it was increased accordingly. Oh my God, what a mess..." she exhaled.

Well, there was one thing I needed clarity on.

"Alice, I need to ask you one thing. This is very, very important. To me at least. Please tell me, is anything about Maybellene real? Do you have anything to do with Maybellene?" I asked her, very seriously.

"Rob, I AM her. Everything I told you was me. Every single thing. I was opening myself to you every single day. Only the name was fake. Everything else was 100% Alice. Me. I gave you me, through her. I promise you, Maybellene is Alice except for her name." she answered, looking me in the eye.

"Alice, talking to Maybellene made me realize that the woman behind her was probably my soulmate. Are you really her? This is the heaviest question anyone can ask you, so please be totally, completely honest here, alright? Please!" I asked her, desperate. This was the moment of truth.

"My dearest Rob, I am her. Completely and totally. You say you think that I am your soulmate. I have to tell you that I KNOW you are mine. It is as Joyce said. I believe that we were made for each other. We click to a ridiculous level. I know you, and now, you can say that you know me. I am broken. I am damaged, I am a complete mess. But I also know that, after all those talks we had, and seeing things from a real perspective, you are the ideal person for me. I know that it may seem totally nuts to you, but the reality is that I have fallen for you. I actually love you. I am yours if you want me in your life." she said, eyes wide-open, staring at me, holding my hand.

A very surreal scene, for sure. On the one hand, I was elated. On the other hand, I just couldn't come to grips with the fact that my possible soulmate was the demoness I knew. The worst part, I still felt uncertainty. Not that she was sincere. That showed. But I just couldn't get her image of the date or club out of my mind. Still, I couldn't get Maybellene out of my mind either - and that was her. But, oh, the things she revealed about herself - they tore me in half. And then she said... that she loved me? As in, love me?

I just felt all sorts of feelings associated with utter confusion. Strong feelings that seemingly contradict each other.

Alice understood that, apparently. She got up from the sofa and started towards the door. She stopped halfway and looked me in the eye.

"Rob, I understand that this was pretty heavy. But I felt that I needed to show you the truth. I needed you to understand my side of things, even if I was so wrong about how I treated you. I apologize for it all from the bottom of my heart. If you don't want to see me again, I will understand. It will hurt me immensely, but I know I have earned that. It's mine and mine alone. But please, know this: I would truly, truly love to have a chance with you. I know that, if you find it in your heart to forgive the Alice you met, I will make it my life's goal to prove to you that you were right to do so. I will happily spend the rest of my days proving it." she said, and went to the door.

I just stared at her.

"Please, just think about it. That's all I am asking."

And then she was gone.

---------

It took me a while to undo all the undoings of my accounts and all. I did call Joyce, and she was so anxious to hear my voice. She was scared for my well-being, and she felt so badly about the whole thing. The fact that she put our friendship on the line for my and her friend's sakes was reckless at best, but also very touching. She did care about me so much, and I had thought the worst of her. This stung a lot in my heart.

It just took a few minutes of us talking to realize that it was all going to be fine between us. This was maybe the greatest relief of all for me. I wouldn't lose my friend. I told her to tell George to let me off the hook for a few days, to get my bearings. I also wanted to see her.

She came by my house in just a short time. We hugged and she just cried, and I joined her.

After we got our shit together, we talked. I asked her about the stuff she knew about Alice, and she confirmed everything. It was all as Alice had said, and her own role was as I thought. She did indeed put everything on the line for our respective happiness.

I told her about the turmoil in my head about everything. We had a very frank talk about it, and she understood my position perfectly. She already knew Alice's position for some time, but mine was the great unknown here. To me too, to be honest.

I expressed the fact that I truly didn't know what to do. On the one hand, Alice had shown a truly disgusting personality when we met and in the club. On the other hand, the Alice that had left just some time ago was no demoness. She was a traumatized person that came clean about everything, which in itself was a truly brave thing to do, especially to the one person in the world who despised her. On yet another hand, Maybelline was a dream come true for me, and it was the same person, something that I still found very hard to reconcile, even with everything that I knew, including the roasting tests that she put me through. In the end, did I truly want to be with someone who would turn into the proverbial bitch from hell just to test me? If she was that scarred, did I want to commit to such a person?

What Joyce told me was the perfect solution. If I didn't know if we were meant for each other, why not test it? In other words, do what everybody else does in this world when meeting people: date.

This actually made sense. Yes, this was truly the solution. I would take it slow, and allow her to show me her - hopefully - true colors. That was the only thing I could do if I truly wanted to see for myself who Alice, the real Alice, was.

I then took the decision to put my life back together, and then start dating Alice. If that was what she wanted, of course. Joyce assured me that Alice would be more than happy with it.

So started my next phase: getting to knowing my former nemesis - dream girl. I called Alice, informed her of my decision and asked her out on a date. She happily accepted - I could sense her smile from the phone. It was to be the first of many dates. Surprisingly, and beside my initial apprehension, our dates where good. As in, really, spectacularly good. I had the time of my life, and so did Alice - at least she seemed so. I took things slow, but let's face it, when you are a red-blooded male dating a woman as stunning as Alice, you cannot keep going slow for long. A voice in my head always kept me on alert, and she could sense it, but to her credit, she didn't flinch. She persevered. She did everything she could to show me that she truly was the Maybellene I knew from messenger. She did allow me space to feel at ease with the whole situation, but she always ended our dates with a sweet kiss and her admission that 'I love you, don't you forget it'.