by sweetdreams95
Why would she make a deal with him like this its not her fault her sister's a slut let the sister deal with it
I would suggest being more descriptive in the story. Such as giving more things on size, color, texture and similar things. I would also suggest describing a character once you introduce then into the story. Such as what they are wearing.
I DON'T like "Non Consent" (Rape is Rape whatever it's tagged!), blackmailing a girls virginity is especially despicable! So the first of their interactions had me ready to be MAD, but in the nick of time you brought in the "twist" that made this a rather good story (particularly as a first effort). Well done & keep it up. A bit of advice - there were some typos, so you might try the volunteer editors available on this site, they could make your next stories better - for your readers enjoyment and your own success.