The Debate Team

My name is Sunita. This story begins when I was in the second year of college. I had settled into my life at college and I had a stable relationship that I was very proud of. At the end of high school, my heart was broken and I thought I would never find another stable relationship again. I thought I found someone special, but then I was ghosted by them and they made me feel so insecure. But now I had Rohit, and I was able to feel better about myself and my future.

There were a few things that annoyed me about Rohit, but I was able to put up with these. One source of frustration was that I felt he was afraid to be himself and insecure, but he also had a large ego sometimes. We had been dating just under a year and I knew he planned on going to law school after graduation.

In every way he was perfect. Our families went to the same temple in our home city and he was destined for a good career. These were important considerations for me, since I sought someone to appease my mother as much as to find love. He was never going to blow me away, but I was always pragmatic and sensible in life.

I always planned on going to med school after college and it was important for me to keep my grades up as well as to join extra curricular activities. I had been part of the debate team since high school and I applied to join. Rohit also applied to join as he felt it was a good extra for his application.

There was a selection process, but we both made it on to the team. I was happy we were doing this together and I liked that our relationship was growing. We met up every Wednesday evening and I enjoyed the group dynamic. We had a mix of different characters.

It was a few weeks in when Andre broke the news that he had been selected for the basketball team and he would be dropping out of the Debate Team. We were really annoyed that he had let the team down. In my head, I was thinking, Who would prioritise sports over academics? We needed a minimum of 8 members to compete.

"I know someone in my modern classics class. He recently transferred and he'll be ideal." Amy chimed in while the rest of us seemed despondent.

"That is a great idea," said Rohit. I never liked how he would be so quick to jump on any suggestion Amy had. Amy was Korean and looked bookwormy, but she was the type of girl that if she took off her glasses and let down her hair she would be drop dead gorgeous. She knew it, too.

We agreed for him to come to the next session and we would decide then. The group was slightly curious as to who this mystery person could be.

I knew Amy had Modern Classics every Monday and I deliberately snuck by her class to see who this mystery man could be. I was at the far end of the hallway when I saw her talking to a handsome man. He fit the typical description of tall, dark, and handsome but his back was to me. Amy had her hands all over him and she clearly had a crush on whoever this was or they were dating. He then turned slightly to the side and I saw his profile. I recognised him immediately and I quickly moved out of the line of sight as I was not ready to see him.

I was breathing erratically as I tried to regain my senses. In the final year of high school I fell madly in love with a boy.

I had never felt this before or after. He was my first and it felt like it was meant to be. We grew so close in that final year and over the summer stayed in touch but all of a sudden I heard nothing. He changed his number and I could not get a hold of him on any social media. It was like he had disappeared overnight.

I was heartbroken and I really struggled for a few months but I had to be strong and my mother helped me get over it. I blocked him on everything, and moved on with my life like he never existed but now he was back like nothing happened.

I was lucky to find Rohit when I did and my life was a lot more stable now. I did not need Azeem back in my life right now.

The next day I was thinking of my options. I could always leave the debate team but it would raise too many questions from Rohit and I was not going to let Azeem uproot my life again. I thought to myself if we had another candidate to join this will split the votes and I could easily get Azeem outvoted.

I had to pick a suitable candidate but I could not find one at such short notice.

On the day of the meeting I was so nervous and I had several times thought not to turn up but I could not let the group down. I had made a commitment to this group and I had to live my life.

We had all arrived and then Amy turned up with Azeem. They had an easy chemistry with each other with their arms brushing against each other and constant smiles. In that moment he just made me so angry. He would make her fall in love and then ghost her. I hated him so much for what he did to me.

They finally looked up at the group and his face went white when he saw me, like he had just seen a ghost. I really wanted to leave, but I held on to the table until my fingers went white. I was not going to let him hurt me again.

"Hey guys, this is Azeem. We do modern classics together. He transferred yesterday. He was on the debate team at his old college.They were state champions and I think we might be lucky to get him." Amy introduced him as we both just looked at each other, the others in the room becoming background noise.

Everyone in the room introduced themselves and then it turned to me. I was lost in my own thoughts when Rohit nudged me.

"Hi. I'm Sunita," I muttered, unable to come up with anything else as my thoughts were on a million other things and it took everything to not scream at him.

Everyone asked him questions about all number of things. They were impressed that he was part of the state winning team, and I thought to myself that I knew him better than anyone under this cool, charming mask.

"Should we see if there are any other candidates?" I asked. "We can put it to a vote now," Amy interjected quickly. She had been won over by his charms and there was no escaping that.

Everyone nodded in agreement to the idea of a vote and wanted to finalise it today. Amy asked for objections and I was the only to object. Even Rohit had been won over, but that wasn't a surprise. He always sided with the group, especially Amy.

Afterwards, we went to a bar for drinks to help Azeem into the group. I had a couple of shots and it was probably not the best idea in my emotional state. Azeem went over to the bar to get another round and I joined him away from the group.

"You are not cool. I don't care what they say. I will always hate you," I said, slightly drunk and stumbly as I punched his chest. "I didn't know. Amy said they needed me and I joined. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said with his sincere eyes and beautiful facial features.

"Fuck you, asshole," I said, a little too loudly and the group heard.

"You have every right to say that to me and you have every reason to hate me. I deserve it," he said, being all sincere.

"Seriously, man. Fuck you. I am so over you. Fuck you," I said as I became emotional and then I felt him hold my arm. In that moment, my emotions came back and I was taken back to how things were when I first fell in love with him. But, then I remembered where we were and I pushed his arm off.

The next thing I felt was Rohit next to me ushering me away. "I am sorry dude. She has had a little too much to drink." He said apologising to Azeem.

Rohit brought me back to my apartment and put me to sleep.

The next morning I awoke to a hundred questions from Rohit. I told him I couldn't remember what happened and that I was too drunk. He said Azeem was thinking of quitting and everyone was blaming me. I agreed to clear the air with Azeem before the next meeting.

Azeem was waiting for me after my Biology class. I did not want a repeat of the last time I ran into him. We found a quiet room to talk.

"I have never apologised to you for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you." He had a way of talking to you that made him sound so sincere, but I knew the truth.

"You are full of shit. I will hate you but I have moved on. I don't want you ruining what I have with Rohit. We'll just have to agree to stay out of each other's way and do the best for the group." I didn't wantto hear his excuses.

"I meant it. I hate what I did. I hate myself for hurting you. You know you are the only one..." he said, and for a moment I almost yearned to hear him say it again.

"Just stop this bullshit. Can we just agree to move on?" I said, cutting him off before he could say it.

He agreed and we settled our differences. We were 2 weeks away from the preliminary rounds and thoughts turned to how to prepare and who would lead.

Azeem was picked to lead as he was the strongest team member. Rohit would be second although he was disappointed not to be lead. He had been in the group longer and he resented that the group was backing Azeem. I wondered if he blamed me for his being held back, due to my initial behaviour with Azeem.

We met more regularly in the next two weeks to prepare for the preliminary round, and I began to put things in the past with Azeem. In a way I felt content with being friends, but that was because I buried the pain deep within.

We visited the college, staying over at the campus. It was a trip, and we were boisterous, enjoying this new experience.

At the event, Azeem had a strong start and we were on the rise. Everyone contributed something on the day, but the main debating was done by Azeem and Rohit. There was a moment where Rohit had a slip up where he confused his response and Azeem had to step in to save him. I could see the disappointment on Rohit's face and I knew he was hurt by the mistake.

We managed to win, and we all headed to the campus bar to celebrate. We were overjoyed, but Rohit was a little down. I tried to cheer him up, but he ignored me and went over to a couple of guys from our group that were playing a card game.

Amy and Azeem were together, as always, and a part of me resented the fact that he had moved on. In many ways, Amy was more attractive than me, and she was intelligent.

I had a few cocktails as Rohit continued to ignore me. I was about to walk over to him, but I was a little unsteady on my feet and Azeem was the one that got up and helped me steady my feet. I looked over at Rohit and he was still ignoring me.

"I am taking you to your room," I heard Azeem say. He then told Amy he would be taking me back to my dorm.

We were walking across campus to our rooms and I mumbled to myself, "I hate you. You know I hate you so much."

We were at my room and he was trying to go through my bag for my keys but I kept pulliny it away.

"Just tell me first. Why? Why did you do it?" I said in my drunken state.

"Why I did what?" he asked a little exasperated.

"Why did you break my heart?" I asked, feeling a sadness come over.

"Because I love you," he said with all sincerity as we were being drawn together.

"You are a liar. Liar. Liar. You don't love me. You never did. But...I did and I still do." I said as I leaned in. The chemistry between us ignited a fire, as our lips met like they had never parted, and our bodies came together. He had me against the door and I kissed him passionately. However I had had too much to drink and I was feeling sick.

I pushed him away and rushed into the room as he followed me. I went to the toilet and hurled again and again. He came up beside me and held my hair back. "I fucking hate you. You were the one. You are so evil. No one else knows but I know." I was blabbering in my drunken state. I was a little worse for wear at this stage, but he stayed with me and then helped me to bed. The last thing I remember was that he kissed me on the head before leaving.

The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover and I saw Rohit passed out next to me. I had the consolation that I was not the most drunk at the party.

As I sobered, my anger at Azeem returned. I hated myself for that weak moment last night. I was struggling to hide those feelings I had buried deep within me. I had a boyfriend and Azeem had a girlfriend and I had to be loyal to him. Amy was a friend of mine and I would not want to see her hurt.

Rohit apologised when he woke up for his behaviour the night before, and the guilt I felt returned tenfold. I had to confess it to him, but then I would have to explain so much and it would just make him jealous. I didn't need this complication in my life. I had promised myself that I would never let him ruin my life again.

A week later, after the preliminary round, we had our opponent for the quarterfinal rounds. It was a home tie and I didn't have to worry about going to another campus and getting too drunk.

Azeem hadn't mentioned that night since, and I wondered if deep down he felt what I did. I tried to shake the thoughts but they always returned to him. It just really annoyed me that he wouldn't tell me why he did what he did.

We were seeing each other on a daily basis now that we were in competition and I was getting back into a comfort zone. One of these days it was just me and Azeem researching the topic at my apartment. There was a college football game but neither me or Azeem were interested as the rest of the group attended. We had a couple of burritos and a lot of drinks as we settled in to work.

We always worked well together and even in High School this was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I was just lost in a million thoughts and kept looking over at him.

"What is it? Do I have something on me?" He asked and kept brushing his face. We'd been eating burritos and he thought he had something on his face. I brushed his face as I did not want to face the real reason for looking at him in this way. Our eyes were locked on to each other as I touched his face. We were just naturally drawn to each other, like we were under a spell. We both leaned in, but I knocked over my drink,lost in thought, and we both rushed to clean it up before we damaged the books.

As we settled down again that thought returned to me that was always there, why did he do it?

"Can I ask you something? Just promise to tell me the truth." I asked him. He nodded to confirm he would.

"Why did you do it? No bullshit about love. I don't care if there was another girl, or you just used me. Just no more games." I was sick of the games.

"The truth will hurt more than anything you think it is now. I just never wanted to be the one to hurt you." His sincerity pissed me off.

"Was it another girl? Just tell me the truth instead of this cryptic nonsense. What you did has tortured me. I always blame myself." My frustration was coming out.

He took out his wallet and fished something out. He handed me a folded piece of paper.

"You need to ask your mom if you want the real truth. It's not bullshit or lies when I say I loved you, when I say I love you, when I say I think about you every waking moment and regret throwing away what I had." He walked out of the room.

I unfolded the paper and it was a cheque for $100,000 to Azeem from my mother. Is this why he ghosted me?

I called my mother that evening and she did not answer. I sat on my bed thinking about what this all meant. Did she pay Azeem to break up with me? I was sad at the thought that my own mother caused the biggest break up of my life.

She called me back an hour later.

"Hi, sweetheart. I'm sorry I missed your call. Your father and I were at a dinner party," she said, oblivious to my emotional state.

"Mom, do you remember that boy in high school?" I asked.

"You mean the one that broke your heart. You need to forget about him. Why are we talking about him?"

"I saw him the other day and he said he had met you. Is this true?" I asked.

"No, sweetheart. Don't be silly. If I ever met him, I would have ripped his heart out for hurting you. Now stop thinking about past mistakes and focus on Rohit."

"Mom, please just tell me the truth. He showed me a cheque you gave him," I said, laying my cards on the table.

"Sweetie, why do you be so naive? If I gave him a cheque the bank would have taken it when he cashed it. He is playing games with you again. You have a good man in Rohit and you will have a good future." Her tone shifted to that soft, sympathetic, but condescending tone that only a mother can have.

"I'm sorry, mom. It's late and I should be getting to sleep." I knew I would have to find any answers on my own.

I was saddened by this betrayal from my own mother. It was a little after midnight and I had a few glasses of vodka and coke. In my drunken state, I called Azeem.

"Hey," he answered, groggily, as though I had woken him up.

"I need to see you right now," I said, emotionally.

"Are you ok?" he asked with concern.

"I need you right now. Please."

"I will be over in 10 minutes."

In the background, I heard Amy ask "Who is calling at this time?"

He told her it was 'an old friend that is visiting'. I liked knowing that he was willing to leave Amy's bed to see me at a moment's notice.

He arrived a few minutes later and I was a little drunk.

"What was so urgent? Where is Rohit?"

"He is staying at his own place tonight. I need to know what happened. My mother will not tell me the truth. I need answers." I was in a drunken state, but not quite slurring my words just yet. I was always told I was a cute drunk.

He came in and we sat down on the couch. "It is for your mother to tell you."

"I want the truth. Please just do this for me so I can move on. I am tired of the games and the lies."

"I need a drink," he said and I poured a vodka and coke.

"I don't know where to start. It was around a month after prom. I was working at Subway, my normal Saturday shift, when your mother came in. I don't know how she knew who I was or where to find me."

Something dawned on me as I heard this. It was the night before that I had told my mother about a boy at school. I always had an open relationship with her and shared everything with her. "I mentioned you to her. What happened between you?"

"I recognised her vaguely, as she looked familiar. It was as I was ringing up her order I saw the resemblance to you. She saw my name tag and said she needed to talk to me about you. I took a break and sat down with her."

"But when did she give you the cheque?" I wanted the real details.

"Well she told me you were madly in love with me. I told her I loved you."

"But what is the cheque about?"

"She told me about your family history. Your mother comes from the wealthiest family in India. I told her I was not interested in money and I never asked or cared about this. I loved you for you and what we experienced together."

"Why did you take the money?"

"She told me I had to leave you. I told her no, that I loved you more than anything. But, then she became irate and said she was not going to let you settle for a poor Pakistani immigrant. I said you are immigrants als,o but she responded by telling me the difference is you come from one of the wealthiest families in India and you would not settle for some poor immigrant. She gave me a cheque and asked me to leave you. I refused to take it and told her I loved you and no number will change that but she threw it at me like I was some street urchin."

"Why did you not tear it up? Why did you not tell me?"

"It was not that simple. That night I thought over what she said. I was only 18 and I was madly in love but I know the bond of family. Since the first time we kissed in front of the biology class, you were the first person I spoke to in the morning and the last at night. But that night I had so many thoughts on my mind."

"That was the first night you didn't talk to me," I said as I came to a realisation.

"You had your whole future ahead of you and you could easily forget about me but you cannot forget your family. I thought about secretly dating, but we would have to face this now or in two years or in five years. I did it because I love you and I didn't want to hurt you. I never took the money but I kept the cheque as a reminder of what I lost. The pain stays with me every day" Tears began to roll down his eyes. It was the first time I had seen him so emotional.