The Denouement

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A brief moment at a party changing the course of a lifetime.
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If 750 word stories aren't your thing, move on, because this vignette is exactly 750 words after the bar.. It's just a tide-you-over story until my next long story, "D.R.T.", is returned from the Beta Readers.

I peeked around the corner into the room. Sarah and Jeremy were talking with each other, a foot apart, deep in their intense, private, conversation. He was trying not to stare at her cleavage in the eponymous little black dress she was wearing, the diamond pendant I had given her for our anniversary making it hard as it caught the light of the room, reflecting it towards him, a shining beacon saying "Look at my tits! Look at my tits!", but only to one man, after sneaking off to the empty room fifteen minutes earlier.

Sipping my Jack and Coke, I moved back around the corner and went back to the party. I needed to give them enough space, before I discovered them.

Then I saw Loretta across the room. She was looking for Jeremy, but I couldn't let her interrupt them, not until I was ready. Reacting quickly, so as not to spoil my plan, I intercepted her.

"There you are! You need a refill... come on, lets get you something." I said, taking her elbow and gently leading her away, to the other end of the house.

"Rob, yeah, I'm a little thirsty. But I was looking for Jeremy. Do you know where he is?"

"I'm sure he'll turn up in a few minutes. But first, we need to get you that drink." I said, escorting the tall blonde towards the bar.

"Rob, I need to talk with Jeremy first. Do you know where he's at?" she said, stopping and pulling me to a halt.

Downing my Jack and Coke in one quick gulp, I dissembled. "Loretta, I'll help you find him after we get a drink Sarah's missing, too, so we'll look for both of them."

She acquiesced allowing me to lead her further from the pair. I knew I needed to give them more time. I caught Paul's his eye, as we passed, and he reached over for the camera bag as I hustled her to the bar.

For the first time I took in the sight of Loretta in her blue dress. I've heard that women either have a little red dress, a little black dress, or both to be their sexiest but Loretta wore a blue dress, matching her cornflower blue eyes, sleeveless, with a modest, but sexy, scalloped neckline, but a daring, bare to the top of her ass crack back that looked more suitable for a porn starlet than a 30 year old woman.

I was lost in her eyes, and hoped she would be able to accept what was about to happen with grace. I made small talk, constantly pulling her eyes back to me as I waited for the time to go back to that side bedroom for the denouement of this moment.

A lifetime. That's what Sarah had once promised me. I knew it was time..

"Loretta... I know where Jeremy is. And I know where Sarah is. You need to come with me.... but be quiet for a moment."

As we trudged back through the house, I nodded to Paul and he quickly followed us, camera at the ready. As we approached the door, I motioned for everyone to be quiet. As we got closer, the voices, hushed as they were, became distinguishable.

Sarah's whispered voice was earnest.

"We have to tell them. They're going to figure it out, soon enough. It can't stay like this."

I covered Loretta's mouth, gently as we approached and her eyes got wide. I could see the tears start to form. She glance at me, her eyes wide, as she tried to digest it. I nodded my head, and raised a finger to my lips in the universal "hush" sign.

"I can't, Sarah. I mean, how will Loretta react? I made promises to her, Sarah. And mom and dad.... how will I handle that?" my brother whined.

"I'll handle your parents. You'll have to worry about Loretta." my wife replied to him.

I could see tears forming in Loretta's eyes.

I knew it was time. Grabbing Loretta, I lead her into the room. Jeremy was in shock, realizing from her sudden appearance and the tears in her eyes that Loretta had overheard him.

Dropping to one knee, with Paul ready, Jeremy took out the box and grabbed Loretta's hand as he said, "I know I promised to never ask, but I have to. Will you make me an honest man?"

Loretta shrieked as the camera clicked.

And since there are always folks who don't "get it" (I mean, who could miss Bob Marley's 'I shot the sheriff' in "Bob's story" and not understand it? Some anons did.....), yes, this is Rob's wife getting her Brother In Law's courage up to finally ask his long term girlfriend to marry him, after she's told him in the past, even making him promise, never to never ask, all while Rob runs interference and arranges for a Paul to take a picture of the moment.

But does she accept? The romantic in me says her shriek was a "YES!", but feel free to substitute-+ your own ending, or add or even rewrite it to your hearts content.

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42 Comments
LoejtcLoejtc5 months ago

I agree with Dreddras’s comment. Dialogue inconsistent with scenario.

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago

VERY CLEVER 💥💥💥💥💥💫💫💫💥💥💯💥💥

Regguy69Regguy6910 months ago

Just reread this, still a fun little read. You were dead on with the "I don't get it" comments, but they are not quite as bad as the "finish the story" crowd. Some folks have no imagination and can not follow a line of thought to a logical conclusion. An extremely short story is sometimes just an ACT in a larger play, like seeing an auto accident as you walked to the store. You describe the accident and some want to know what you bought at the store, what kind of shoes were you wearing, and why didn't you tell us the name of the street.

RW, I thought this one deserved a higher score. Thanks for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymous10 months ago

In some stories and movies, the author will use something called “ disappointed expectation”. Basically, it means building the story to a point where you feel something bad is going to happen, and then you go in an opposite direction. Think of a teen opening a door you know a chainsaw wheeling assailant is behind, only to get her called away by someone at the last second. This works, because the person watching the movie of reading the story, already has witnessed the killer in action, so it’s believable. In this example, and the “ I shot the sheriff” story, the author believes it, because HE is aware of the characters, and how he expects them to act. In my opinion, both stories do not work with the “ disappointed expectation” , because the writer does not have the time to get the readers understanding of the characters and the buy in, to what is happening. When you need to explain your story line after the fact, it does not work. I offer this up, as constructive criticism.

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