All Comments on 'The Devil's Bargain Ch. 01'

I really got into the brilliant way you brought in the backstory and the amount of detail you described so perfectly. Another great piece of work and I can’t wait to continue. Thanks for posting it.

Hey, another Shamus Young fan! Man, the internet won't be the same without him around.

Can't wait to read more :)

You have a knack for fascinating story lines. You have also always delivered the goods! I am looking forward to where you take us with this.

Great start. Feel bad for MC. He got the short end of the stick for a wife

i find it unbelievable that satan would enforce minimum age of consent

New aspernessling series, hype!

There are some parts that seem excessive, that don't help the story. However, you created tons of sympathy for Daniel, some from his backstory, some from how Connie "went downhill" long before she died, and the ball-and-chain known as his mother-in-law.

Some of the backstory regarding his family was unnecessary: some of the religious backstory seemed moralizing rather than only explaining; explaining some of what Connie suffered from HPV seemed unneeded too (e.g., quoting the stats), as anyone can get it, and the medical community has spread word enough to know that it's not gotten because of promiscuity: married couples that never strayed got it, and sometimes the man got it from his faithful wife. In other words, Connie's attitude, leaving sex behind, staying WAY too tied to her parents and basically forgetting Daniel as a partner was enough "shit" to have readers saying "man....this dude got dumped on!!"

Obviously Tansa is Satan, so regardless how Daniel feels about his parents or his "religious background," I don't think there's a single reader saying "take the deal," as most of us should be thinking about "Crossroads" and "Bedazzled" where most get horrible deals and in only 2 cases, come out ok (although not unscathed). Daniel taking Angel home foreshadows Daniel getting at least partly shafted by this deal if he's not extremely careful, and NO ONE believes he's got the brains to come out ahead. I'm intrigued where you steer this, as I'm not as thrilled as I would have hoped by this start. The reality is the world's situation sucks (and especially for a single guy trying to get a good woman, that's right for him)...BUT it's not like even the most awkward has zero chance, much less needed a "deal with the devil." 3

It started out good, but then you turned him into something sad and pathetic instead of somebody worthy of being the MC in a story.

Lots of really great writing here, all the background is interesting and would be nice to touch on during the story, but that great writing is wrecking the story. I’m not saying cut right to sex, but the long background isn’t plot, and it actually completely stops the story for half this chapter. It also plummets your tone into a maudlin tale of midlife wreckage. Still ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ But more story, less misery and exposition 😉

Dan's family history and his views on religion were only meant to explain why he so readily risked a deal with the Devil. They do not necessarily reflect the experience or the opinion of the writer or editor.

I disagree with all of them . To even make a 3 page chapter . One has to have filler , like backstory and such . So you don't have as much of that in future chapters . Or if so . It will be about other characters . I think it all fit fine .

IDK who these guys are . To have the audacity to critique you with ignorant remarks . They must not know how estabished and talented you are .

Why would he wear a condom when he got a deal to do whatever he wanted with angels for one night? Sounds like angel just manipulated him out of paying the full price of her returned favor to tansa. This Mc is a pushover and a moron. Hopefully he redeems himself and proves more competent in future chapters.

… makes me happy. Welcome back.

Great first chapter!

I’ve now read through chapter nine. Tour de force! The pace and the details are wonderful. The story may not be for everyone, but what story is? The sex is terrific. The protagonist’s decisions are believable, especially when you factor in his background as a Canadian (they’re so nice!). I often feel that amateur writers use way too much filler, that they need to get to the point. In this author’s case, I tend to think the non-sex “filler” is part of the protagonist’s charm and personality. He’s a thorough and thoughtful engineer whose childhood was filled with harsh religiosity. I like the fact that the author plays with issues of religion, power, control, kindness, etc. I don’t think all the stories on the site need to involve brute force or severe retribution. I also like that the story allows the reader time to mull over who he’d choose for his own affections, as well as consider some of the unexpected consequences to those choices!

Awesome back story. Thanks for creating a foundation. Too many writers fail to do so.

Fantastic start.

I don't know gents, i don't need a Chad Thundercock to be MC in every Erotica novel i read, in fact, I find those MCs ridiculous, but this MC is so indecisive and pathetic i just can't watch him fumble around anymore. I've read 4 or 5 chaps and it was time well spent, i've had fun, but it was also tiring to read.

This is my second read. Part of what makes this story my favourite is that for once the main character is not a university youngster.

He's in his forties, with the issues that comes with this age.

And he's lovable, believable and perfectly flawed.

Overall an amazing story punctuated with great sex scenes. Amazing.