All Comments on 'The Devil's Bargain Ch. 05'

Was I overjoyed to see this latest release so quickly!

Good idea to let Monica down easy. Maybe I'm letting you off the hook some, because I could have just as easily said "that's a tad convenient," although anytime you may employ a convenience, you make up for it in other parts of your story...and boy, did you! So it was plenty "real" (despite the magical intervention) how well he dealt with Monica. Great thing is Dan (despite having limited social interactions) IS learning how to deal with women in the proper ways and isn't being a dick (sorry, had to say it) just because he possess the upper hand because of the "contract." It's also not lost on him that he's used 3 of 14 already (well, 4 now) and that's less than 1 year. This uses irony well, as a deal with the devil IS going to have drawbacks--and this illustrates it well. Secretly Tansa is getting plenty of ROFL moments off in "her" space.

Connie's mom stupidly pulling that garden stunt is outside the "contract" influence and unnecessarily burdens Dan--but it's real life--and is exactly how someone as set in her ways as Connie's mom would be, which is to do something she would never do if she were alone...yet expect someone else to be "on the hook" for the trouble (in this case, Dan). The subtext here is the true slavery Connie's mom subjects Dan to (and how uncaring Connie truly was by saddling him with her, and that was NOT his "vow" to take care of her mom) and now although she commented on how pretty Aarti was...she pisses all over the chicken and rice Aarti so considerately made for her by tossing it, then further barks out her blatant racism? If I were Dan, I'd tell her off, tell her to get a life, to get real, and to realize he has MORE than earned the right to move on. If she doesn't like it, he does NOT have to be at her beck and call because his only "obligation" was her daughter and he more than "served his time," so if she wants him to continue helping, she needs to think over what she's going to do before she does it...because she will no longer have a safety net. I would also demand she apologize to Aarti, because although she was not there when she went on her tirade...she needs to learn that despite her age, NO ONE ever "earns" the right to diss ANYONE else just because of their "age."

Returning to Aarti: love how you change the pace, and force Dan into ONE relationship. Although I'm not a "tea" fan, I appreciate the ceremony because it is central to one culture I can think of, and that's (anciently) for the Japanese: we see it portrayed in "The Karate Kid II" and "The Last Samurai," with each illustrating doing things a certain way patiently and achieving a certain result; it can symbolically initiate a sexual relationship or emphasize patiently enjoying the pleasure of the moments. I furthermore appreciate using Aarti to introduce Dan to appreciate the "culinary" journey, as there's a LOT to glean from preparing different foods--and even in the spices used--which is central to Indian cooking (great movie on this is "The Hundred Foot Journey," where even using spices sparingly says something negative about the person). Don't know if you'll include exploring why each spice is used via Aarti, but it's a possibility. The other interesting thing is that generally, the Indian community is a closed one: usually it's not terribly frequent for Indian females to date outside their culture, so I don't know if you'll explore that here at all, but you may not since Aarti falls under the "contract"...but it's sure to me she will NOT remain that law office receptionist for long because her "passion" won't let her stay there long: her need to travel guarantees Dan will have to deal with her leaving too--and I suspect it will hit him harder than even Holly (glad you didn't close the door on those two). It would prove novel for Dan to travel WITH Aarti somewhere and for them to have a great time, but it could also be used to separate them also.

Once more, we have Lisa rescue Dan from Freya. NO WAY she does NOT see him leaving as much as he does, and NO WAY with her nosy dad that she doesn't hear about it. She's outside the "contract," and I'm sure this is eating at her although you're not showing it. Of course, there's the whole idea of if she's talking with her parents about this, because they seem the VERY close-knit family unit and seems to me they share most things among themselves.

Appreciated the note about the tarot reading. I'm no fan of it, but however you redid it (I wouldn't have known otherwise without that statement), the symbols even on their face illustrated his situation well. HOWEVER, if I remember the contract, Dan was NOT careful enough to eliminate "Tansa's" direct influence, which means "Tansa" could manipulate Aarti directly to mess with Dan during that relationship. You may not go there, but Aarti's opened herself to that, and it's a possible danger...although "Tansa" wants a willing worker for 1 year, so perhaps that's sufficient to eliminate that possibility.

Incredibly rich chapter in real-life situations, mixing in fantastical elements with it. No-holds-barred 5. :)

The chapter felt a bit rushed.

After losing Holly, you'd expect Dan to mourn her a little bit. Obviously there's more than a physical/magical connection, on both sides. However inspite of being a bit heartbroken, he decides the next best plan is to drop his other girlfriend Monica within a couple days, all for an unproven 3rd girl (and more importantly burning his third spell)? I don't see why he left Holy *enchanted" but not Monica.

It seems Dan's decision making is getting a bit haphazard and short-sighted. Perhaps that's the direction your taking him, but it was jarring to me.

What I did like about this story was turning the "supermodel" condition of the magic system with Holly with her was very grounding, and practical. Only thing I thought was missing was they never discussed the practically of trying a long distance relationship. Even if it wasnt going to be practical, it would have made their relationship feel more real.

Not the direction I expected but interesting nonetheless. Feels like there is something brewing, ominous undercurrents. Looking forward to more.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is going to be a subversion of some sort coming up in this story. Will it subvert the system or my expectations is what I am excited to find out. As an aside, how many total chapters are going to be in this story?

An author's of this caliber do not rush their chapters . I am sure this is all right on track .

I can't say i like this one. Dan's quite a bit like me -- similar upbringing, though my father was better (can't say the same of my mother) -- and i just can't see him throwing Monica under the bus for a new-age mystic, especially after losing his wife BECAUSE of those tendencies.

Aarti is definitely my type (I'm imagining Dr Sunny from Da Vinci's Inquest, lo these many years later). I'm still infatuated with her, but not so much that I'd throw over another woman AND my distaste for religion and mysticism.

Oh... And not liking dogs... Total deal breaker

I absolutely love that you randomized the cards and made it work. Any form of divination is like a kind of structured collaborative storytelling system, anyway (sorta like roleplaying games, but I guess you already know that given your previous stories). I'm enjoying this so far.

I agree with others, randomizing the cards was clever. Serendipity and doing something to react to that so often work in my own life too. Do you have to keep beating us over the head with Lisa ;-) I'm expecting a plot twist, she's really his daughter! Or something. He will have to be careful not to mess up her current orderly and successful college life.

I loved your story about the young magician who seduced women. I wished there was more to read after the end of that story and plot were resolved. At the same time the endless stories of seduction in that work became a little tiresome. I was hoping for more conflict somehow - it was all focused on the young man gradually figuring out what was happening - inner conflict (with an outside source). I enjoyed his seduction stories as he was getting into his role, but after a while I was hoping for something more passionate, some violation on his part. This story feels like it might suffer a little bit from the same thing. Dan is too mild. He wants to have sex with beautiful passionate women. So then what? How about he uses his power to 'tame' some woman who doesn't like him, but isn't in a relationship, who needs healing? Something that pushes his actions over the line, far over into potential terrible behavior. What if he loses his moral compass? Make him bad!

Yah. Good storytelling as usual. I too would probably find no dogs a deal breaker.

Doesn’t sound like he has much of a relationship with any of these women, his deceased wife included. Maybe he could have gotten there with Holly…