All Comments on 'The Devil's Bargain Ch. 16'

Last chapter seemed a bit rushed, and the whole "Devil's Bargain" explanation was not explained much and Mind Control as a category was a stretch at the end. Nevertheless, 5 stars for the quality of the entire story.

Almost a shame it is over, but thanks for the great story.

tears of joy in my eyes. 5 stars and a very big thank you.

One of the best stories I’ve ever read!

Thank you for your incredible story. Thank you for ending it in a good place too

Loved the series - thank you

What a great and authentic way to end it. Lisa was already close to being a complete package at 17, but then to give her 10 more years plus a doctorate? Brains AND eye candy? Sensors to overload! So multi-faceted, too: she got along with everyone but never lost sight of what she wanted. Hell...how impressive was it she figured out what a witch Connie became to Dan?

I understood the reasons for the drawn-out discussion with Lisa, although it really boiled down to Dan (sadly) being still quite remarkably insecure. Yes, he was badly damaged...but in some senses for him not to figure out that Lisa was the only choice MUCH sooner and to hold on to any hope about Holly? That I'll never get. Thankfully, he valued her logic and ability to disarm all his arguments and they admitted their mutual fears.

How you surprised me was through Julie and Dan's visit to BC, with all the explanations Julie gladly supplied, filling in the missing pieces (especially those relating to Paul and then the other 3 males present). It was extra icing on top to see them "disappointed" by Dan. jajajajaja.

The only one hanging thread you didn't explain was HOW Lisa remembered Dan saying the phrases, when every woman was supposed to forget him having uttered those words. I would assume because she already loved him deeply and that overcame the "spell."

Pretty complete wrap-up and you accounted for everything nearly perfectly. You made me laugh tons with this chapter, but I still got the biggest kick from "she still sleeps with her mouth open." 5

I’m actively sad to see this one end, it was beautiful!

The only thing I wish you had done was address the extra Magic Phrase uses that were left over, but in a way the fact that they’re just out there was it’s own form of weight to the finale. Bravo!

Of all your harem stories — and I’ve enjoyed all of them — this is the one that has resonated with me the most to date. You have a wonderful gift for really making each character feel real within the ridiculous porn conventions and magical scenarios you create, and it’s that character verisimilitude that has you at the top of all my favorite authors on Literotica. Thank you for the wonderful story and I cannot wait to see where your inventive mind takes us all next.

A really lovely story

Fucking excellent. I have a new bar to measure my stories against. Thank you.

Enjoyed it mostly but dragged on at the end and lost interest

An accurate description of this story would be "Middle aged widower uses mind control powers to seduce teenage neighbor girl." Somehow you've taken a fairly common, almost cringey premise for a smut story and create an account of personal growth and development. Sex was integral to the story, built into the very premise, and yet the characters had sex but were not defined by the sex they had. The story stood on its own, as shown in the last few chapters, where sex--though still central to the plot and sensual--hardly appeared. Despite all the fantastic elements, this story and the characters felt real. The only thing I found unbelievable was not the magic, but that Dan could have a relationship with someone like Tansa and *not* develop religious belief. Having a de facto angel deliver sexual and emotional justice is pretty much proof of a divine, even if Tansa is all there is.

Outstanding. Complex interesting well written surprising entertaining emotionally satisfying. Oh and great sex.

Thank you for another enjoyable tale. I really appreciate what I think of as ‘the Southern Ontario Tales’. I grew up there playing D&D and being a bit of a geek, and I always enjoy how you capture the spirit of the era. My thanks for the time and talent you put into these stories.

One of your best - and I've read them all. Ending up with Lisa was probably more obvious than your usual endings, but that's a minor quibble. Thanks for continuing to share your gift

Loved the story, you were building up a great head of steam. But then suddenly it ended.

What a marvellous conclusion. A beautiful ending to a beautiful story. This is arguable my favourite story, easily within the past 5 years. Well done.

I would have liked to have read about Dan telling Lisa about Tansa.

Sir, you are an amazing author.

What a brilliant story.

Can't wait for whatever you write next.

FDD

Wonderful series. Thank you for writing it.

Heartwarming ending ftw

Loved the story. Writing was great and I always looked forward to the next chapter !!

I wish you and yours all the best for 2023 and look forward to your next written adventure.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying!” Loved the story, thank you for writing and sharing it with us.

You are awesome

Marry the poor girl!

Wonderful Series--thank you so much for an incredible ride.

Wow wow wow, what an enjoyable story. This author is in a select few who writes well and with a great plot. Good to see an author finish off a story in such an enjoyable way. Well done. 5*

Awesome. A great story.

I love it!!! So happy to see him end up with Lisa.

Thank you for sharing this delightful story with us. It is sweet, and human, and carries just enough suspense and tension to hold itself together.

I note that you seem to have chosen a slightly different "voice" to write in; call if "flat," but that sounds critical. Perhaps "dispassionate" might be a better term. It worked well for these adventures.

Again, thank you.

Another top rate tale Mr. AE . Thank you .

one inexcusable thing about this story: it ended.

I feel like this ending was a bit rushed. I am overjoyed he ended up with Lisa. But I also can't see him NOT marrying her. In my head I envisioned them getting married and living peacefully and Lisa ends up pregnant and Dan being very excited about the baby and also being concerned and wondering about being able to keep up and help raise the kid. The final scene is him walking into Queen's Arms and Tansa saying "Welcome Dan. So you want to be able to keep up with your children and be faithful to your wife. I think we can make a deal."

Really liked this one. My only criticism would be that the first chapter is rather slow--perhaps a bit too front loaded with background, though I don't know that there were any better options.

I'm not quite sure what to make of Tansa and the 'magic,' but I suspect that's partly the point.

What an incredibly awesome story. Thank you for writing, AspernEssling.

So glad I read this... You are the best writer here!

Well that I didn't expect, but it is a good ending. Thank you for writing this. We'll Done!

I absolutely love how warm and comfy this story turned out to be. It’s brilliant. The talent you have, to turn the mundane and the magical both into a gripping and endearing tale, is amazing. Well done.

Great ending to an excellent story! I look forward to reading your other stories. Happy new year!

Thank you for that story. It was quite enjoyable.

thank you for the story. he probably didn’t need the phrases for lisa

Loved it, and thanks for landing it with happy.

Perfect ending to a really outstanding story. Thank you for letting us all read it.

A nice ending to the story, he grows, the women grow, Lisa bags her man. Still he has a significant secret from her, and that could doom the relationship. He could wonder if Lisa would really like him if not for the magic. Or Lisa could find out about it and feel manipulated. Maybe she was on her own magical journey since she heard the words. The man won the jackpot, a beautiful, accomplished, loving younger wife.

Great series great characters and the MC growth and becoming worthy of Lisa was really well done. My one thought was Tansa could have made Dan physically closer to Lisa’s age if not I looks then in energy and sexual stamina through her magic. Just to give him that confidence in the relationship. I mean it is a fantasy.

Now that the words don't work on Lisa, are they still unable to have children?

Cool seeing how you took a trip to Victoria for your story.

I have been a tour guide there for the past 7 years. Maybe we crossed paths.

What a fantastic series! Thanks so much for writing and sharing this delightful work.

Beautiful, thank you.

Great story. Read in a few days as so engrossed.

My humble thanks 🙏🏻

Heart warming and a little thought provoking.

Great sex too.

Lovely work

Heart warming and a little thought provoking.

Great sex too.

Lovely work

Appears some posters missed some details the story provided. First, Lisa cared for Freya because she loved doing it, and secondarily because she loved Dan. Lisa's dad always talked about Dan, so Lisa could only have thought two things: absolute adoration or complete indifference. Lisa always held her tongue, but kept right on doing things to help Dan--AND she noticed how Connie neglected him--and never forgot it; she also never forgot Dan tutoring her, although it was obvious from Dan's side he only wanted to HELP her--and Lisa knew that, too. Perhaps what "sold" Lisa the most was when Dan picked her up from that boat party yet never said a word to George and Anna. That's either HUGE to a teen or it enables the behavior: seeing she appreciated it and Dan did NOT try to take advantage...well, if the reader can't figure out that's going to make the maiden feel at least a shade smitten...I don't know what will. What should a reader conclude? Dan **never** tried to seduce Lisa, but Lisa indirectly worms her way into his heart; when she has her chance, she throws her heart into it. What we can reasonably say is the only one "seducing" anyone is Lisa seducing Dan. The novelty here is Lisa eliminates Dan's arguments and the especially the BIG one of "the cultural gulf" with that age gap: she's MORE of his equal despite her youth because of her Ph.d AND she outthinks him and in several ways surpasses him in maturity. If this happened in the real world, this couple would succeed brilliantly because there's no arguments left from them NOT to be together and flourish (even the parents--especially Anna--pushed Dan and Lisa together). From a practical standpoint, the story sweeps away all impediments to them being happy and together--which is why it's so well-done and executed. :)

I was wrong. The penultimate chapter wasn’t the best. Maybe I was half right though; the waves were inevitably still building. Masterful. Thanks so much for the read

Best praise I can think of is, I came here for the anticipation of sex and stayed for the story. Great read. I don't think I have ever finished one of these stories. We should all have a girl or partner like Lisa, it would make the world a better place. Good writing as well. It appears there was a lot of effort and research involved, and it shows. I hope you get published somewhere and paid. Thank you.

Great story, great work, very entertaining I literally had trouble putting it down. To me your best besides Westrons. Thanks.

Another incredibly well written story. Can't wait to reread it in a few months after I go through the rest of your catalog again.

So many fantastic bits. To all the below, I’d add that I’m glad the author didn’t find happiness with a stranger with his final wish. I’m glad the author didn’t try to get overly specific about Tansa, that the characters had vulnerabilities, and that the sexual intimacy led to character change.

And it’s sweet that he finished the story on the anniversary of Dan’s and Lisa’s agreement.

That was a GREAT heartfelt fun story. I laughed, cried several times and loved it so very much. Thank you. CI

Great original story. Wonderful character interaction.

Thanks!

Great story. I would agree with some that the title and the name of the manipulator, Tansa, seem a bit out of place.

What I love about this story -

* The ending line is fantastic. Honestly, a majority of the writing is fantastic.

* I love the character Aarti. All the women are attractive, sure, that tends to happen on literotica. But her appearance enhances the character's personality which is especially rare. Most of the time characters tend to be hot because, well, literotica. Adding it to one's characterization though is wonderful.

* The age gap between Lisa and Dan is also done well. Extremely well. The arguments they have are well thought out and characterize them both nicely. How Dan approaches it at the end I think is crucial. That is the only way I could see that kind of age gap happening in real life.

* Sue was great; I liked him realizing that he was going full circle.

What I liked a little less -

* Holly seems a bit weird. She mentions repeatedly that she kind of regrets letting Dan go - but she keeps letting him go. And that's in character, sure, but why would she keep mentioning it? Her actions indicate she's not going to be end game but her dialogue makes it seem like she wants to be.

A speck of constructive criticism -

* One of Lisa's lines - "You may think that you can't be a raging torrent of passion for me. You think I'll crave excitement. But don't you understand? I find you exciting. You're my deep pond. I want to spend the rest of my life in your waters."

I think this should've been broken up between the first four sentences and the last two. The first four are evoke excitement and passion, but the last two are more about stability. No one wants to stay in a torrential storm; they want to stay in a deep, calm pond. Perhaps something like:

- "You may think that you can't be a raging torrent of passion for me. You think I'll crave excitement. But don't you understand? I find you exciting." Lisa took a deep breath and looked directly at me, eyes shining with tears. "You're my deep pond. I want to spend the rest of my life in your waters."

Maybe not the tears (that might be a bit out of character for Lisa), but something along those lines.

I do want to reiterate that I enjoy your writing. For some weird reason, literoetica writers have this odd fascination with women's cup sizes instead of the numerous adjectives that describe a buxom woman. The fact that you use those adjectives makes me so happy.

Thanks for writing.

At the expense of sounding creepy, every goddamed story this author writes leaves me flabbergasted. The character development, pacing, nods to reality amidst the blatant unrealism, and much more - simply brilliant.

I would be very happy to pay for these stories but can’t see anything on the bio pointing at commercial work.

Thanks for sharing - you are a freaking genius.

Truely a lovely story once I started I couldn’t stop till I’d finished thanks for a wonderful read.

I hereby nominate Lisa for "Sexiest Female Character in a Story," in the Literotica 2022 Award Nominations.

If you liked this story, please go to the forum and second the nomination!

One of the best stories I’ve read in a Long time. Few things I’d consider?

1. Using this power over people for more global or national implications. Bigger picture?

2. Would of made more sense in the ending for Lisa to love him as he is without the phrases being used and all the “14 woman” he have end disastrously and have the year of service be much darker in nature

and i enjoyable

Loved this . Yet again you deliver ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I literally punched my pillow when I thought he was getting back with Holly.

"You idiot Dan! Have you learnt nothing!!!"

A nice ending to the series, while I prefer a bit of darkness I'm glad that Tansa's machinations weren't evil.

Good one.

Hi Aspernessling, thanks for this story. It was frankly a privilege. I'm not in Dan's position, but there's a number of parallels and you've given me a lot to think about.

Superb. A great pleasure to read from end to end. 5 stars.

Dear author,

Great job. I enjoyed your story a lot over its arch.

I am sure it took a lot out of you to write this story, and I think you should be proud. I have some comments, but keep in mind that they did not diminish my enjoyment of your story (maybe just a little).

Great story to start, it goes down after Lisa. It takes off again and reached a peak when Freda and Mom passed, Only to reach an even bigger peak when paying back Tansa.

The ending explains a lot of what happens before in a way that surprised me (top marks).

However it seems to me that you changed your mind on the plot direction and the characters on the fly during the middle chapters. Nothing big, just here and there the continuity is broken. That stuff is easy to fix, but it takes time. Since you give your work away, I cannot hold you to that high of a standard.

Monica: this is more a matter of personal taste. I like characters that grow, progress. So I liked Monica, and Urog from Smitten, and Mirella. You dismissed her for Aarti who gave me a strong “huge red flags, run!” Vibe. You dismissed Urog too at the end. The ending explains that Dan did all he could for Monica and moved on, still I would have liked you to treat these types of character better. I know it could not work in the long time with Dan: you are pretty clear. Just give them something more than dating a bodybuilder again.

The ending: I am glad it is Lisa. Good choice. I think you could have spent a little bit more in describing their life after their contract.

I just want to finish by thanking you for this story. Top marks.

Kinda sad the story is over, but bravo... Great read from beginning to end.

Excellent stuff

Thank you for a lovely story :)

The most involved, the most creative, sorry in Lit. Bravo

Always awesome

You are so good with character creation.

Good story! Ultimately I just wanted to say that this story has given me some things to think about in my own relationship and I thank you for that.

Tought provoking and heartwarming... uau. Perfect story for the holidays... god i miss my wife...

Thank you so much for this story!! It was delightful.

Excellent novella.

Very solid character development. They learn, they grow, they make mistakes, and they have to cope with consequences.

Should have given an update on Kayla. You made us worry about her dental issues, and left us hanging.

You know a story is good when you find yourself reluctant to stop reading because it's one in the morning. I'll definitely be checking out some of your other work.

you brought these characters to life, made me cheer and cry, often at the same time, thank you.

What a fantastic story. Thank you.

Simply perfect, thank you!

Thank you for this story. I enjoyed it immensely and was throughly enraptured with Dan and his struggles. It made me think and cry. All in all your characters and their growth were excellent.

Thank you again !

Thank you for yet another outstanding series!

This was one of the first stories I read on this site. 2 years and a 2nd read later, it is still one of my favorites (with Gamers and a select few other authors).

The characters are very well written and feel real because they are uniquely and perfectly flawed.

At first I was angry with Holy, but I realised that I was just applying my own standards. I also realised that when men do that, they are celebrated. So her choices did hurt Dan, but in the end she did what was good for her.

Finally, I loved Lisa's drive, intelligence, openness and, well, everything :)

Thanks again for sharing this story, I'm looking forward to (re)reading more of your work.

Read it in one fell swoop, no regrets. Bravo!

I read this entire series over the past couple of days - had it been printed on paper, I wouldn't have been able to put it down. I haven't spent much time on the 'Mind Control' genre, but wow, what a great introduction. I enjoyed this start to finish. I love stumbling onto to an author with a decent sized body of work - I'm going to wade through all of yours. Thanks so much for the time and effort you've put into all of this.