The Diary

Life went on for many years, and I tried every day to make it up to him. I think I succeeded. The way he hugged me, kissed me, made love to me and looked into my eyes with a smile made me think I had succeeded. There was just one hole in my life.    

Years later    

Now we come to the present day. I know I'm poorly, I'm in a hospital bed and pipes coming out of my arm, and he's sitting there in one of those NHS armchairs that are actually quite comfortable.    

He smiles at me, and I feel a warm glow. There was a gentle knock at the door, and a nurse put her head around the door and said. "Are you up for visitors?"

I looked across at him, and he nodded, so I said, "Yes," she told me it would be a couple of minutes. He smiled at me from his chair, and I closed my eyes just to rest. I wondered who it would be. Carol popped in the other day. She was on her own now as Paul had passed away a couple of years ago. Julia and Alan popped in last week, and I swear they hadn't changed one iota.    

There was a noise at the end of the bed, and I opened my eyes. There was a small tribe standing around the bed. Bloody hell, there was me 20 years ago with longer hair, but still me. There were a lot of people that looked familiar as well, but I couldn't place them. My Old Man was still sitting in the chair over in the corner, smiling at me.    

The one that looked like me twenty years ago smiled and said, "Sorry, Mum, It's taken us a while to find you. When we found Carol, she told us where you were."    

I hadn't spoken to her for about thirty years, but she called me Mum. A single tear rolled gently down my cheek.    

I knew who she was now; this was my daughter. I'd seen her for so very long only in photographs, but she was so much prettier in the real world. There were others that I recognised from the pictures, her husband Harry and Jack with his wife Cheryl and some babies whose names I couldn't remember. He was still sitting there in his chair, smiling. He looked so handsome.    

My family were here. I know I hurt him and them; I hurt their hero. Nobody should do that; I know I caused it; he forgave me, and they didn't. They were all here; perhaps they had forgiven me now.    

"We got married again, you know," I said.   

She approached the side of the bed and took my hand; Jack was beside her.    

Jack smiled. "We know, Mum, we were there. We watched from behind a bush, like you did at our weddings and the christenings. We knew you were there. I'm sorry we couldn't forgive you, we were wrong." He looked at his big sister just like he used to when he was little.     

She squeezed my hand, and a tear ran down my cheek. Debbie said, "Dad sent us a letter asking us to forgive you for what happened and how much you've looked after him these last twenty-five years. He also sent us this," and she showed me that damn diary, "he told us to read it from the beginning where it opens, it took us a while to pluck up the courage to read it, but when we finished, we knew we'd been wrong, and we had to come and find you. We're not here because of the letter; we're here because of the diary, Dad kept telling us everything you two did together, and he kept on asking us to take you back, but we couldn't; we almost lost him that night. He should have been safe; he wasn't at war; no one was trying to kill him; I couldn't shake that thought. But he loved you, and you love him. We were wrong. Can you forgive us, please, Mum?"    

I looked at my family. "Yes, my babies, I can because I understand the fear of losing him, and it will make him a very happy man."    

There were many tears, "I'm sorry; I've tried to make it up to him all my life." I lifted my hand and pointed to the chair. "Look after him. I love him so very much. Sorry, but it's your turn now. I've done the best I can. He's a good man."    

My daughter looked across at the chair; she took hold of my hand in both of hers and said, "I'm sorry, mum, Dad has been gone these last seven months."    

I looked at the chair; it was empty.    

I felt a warm, comfortable feeling engulf me as I used to when he wrapped his arms around me.    

I smiled and closed my eyes.    

The End.