The Doctor's Assistant

He checks his watch, "Oh! It's almost noon! I have to get to the other side of campus. Jason is waiting."

He snaps his briefcase shut and disappears out the door.

My breathing has finally normalized. I was not expecting the first sexual experience of my life to happen this morning. I sit up and run my hands through my hair. Wow! I gather my strewn about sweats and socks, along with the abused towel and shove it all in my laundry basket. I guess I have a load to do, but I need that overdue shower first. I slip back into my robe and grab my toiletry caddy, intending to head to the showers, but I'm stopped by another knock on my door. Did Paul forget something?

I swing the door open and there stands the doctor assistant guy from last year. Gary, he says his name is. I look at him with a confused expression, but he pushes past me into my room. He says, "I'm glad you're already in your robe. Noon has snuck up on me and we have a lot to do in just two hours."

Today, 40 years later:

My grandson Max chokes on his lemonade when I ask him, "Are you still a virgin?"

The question alone is bad enough, but considering that his parents are on one side of him and his new boyfriend, Javier, is on his other side, maybe my timing could have been better. The kid is turning fifty shades of crimson as we all laugh.

Everyone is at my house today for Max's twentieth birthday. He and Javier are about to go off and start their third year of college. Looking at the two of them, it just brings me back forty years. I smile.

"Max," I say, "I'm sorry. Don't answer that question. You can tell me later. Privately."

He winks at me as his cheeks go from red to pink. I used to blush a lot at his age. My son is just smiling at me. Vince. Max's dad. My husband and I adopted Vince when he was ten years old. I was his fourth grade teacher and he was floundering in the foster care system. It took a year to work through the process, but it all came together in the end. That's why, at the young age of sixty, I have a forty-five year old son and a twenty year old grandson. Vince is happily married to Gina, Max's mom, sitting on his left, and Max seems happy with his new beau, Javi. Life is pretty perfect these days.

I tell the four of them, "I only ask because I had just turned twenty myself when I had my first sexual experience." All four of them groan.

Vince says, "Dad, we don't want to scare off Javier. Maybe save some crazy for their next visit."

We all laugh. Me too. But I've decided that I'm telling this story and no one's gonna stop me. So, without names, I tell the four of them about the day of my preseason physical all those years ago. Subtlety is not my strong suit, but I attempt to give them a PG-13 version of events leaving some things unsaid, though they seem to understand the implication. Of course they do. I was never good at playing it coy.

My story has made Max forget that I embarrassed him earlier. He asks me, "Grandpa Mike, so the second guy, he was the real guy, right? Your appointment really was at noon?"

I nod.

"So what was the deal with that first guy? Was it a mistake? A setup? A prank? Was he even with the doctor's office?"

I open my mouth to reply, but just then, my husband enters the room with a tray full of appetizers. He had been cooking all afternoon.

Vince says to his other dad, "You missed quite the story here."

My husband tells his son, daughter-in-law, grandson, and grandson's new boyfriend, "How can I miss it when I starred in it?"

Vince and Gina's eyes almost pop out their heads.

Max is hanging onto Javi's shoulder as they both howl in laughter, "Grandpa Paul, you mean you were the fake doctor's assistant?"

Paul huffs, "Nothing fake about it. I was one of the assistants, but your grandpa Mike wasn't on my list of patients. I'd seen him around campus the previous year and I just kind of felt a nice vibe or whatever coming off him."

Paul smiles at me and Max asks, "So, what? You saw his name and dorm room on a list, knocked on his door and pretended there was a scheduling mix up?"

"If I hadn't, none of us would be here together today." Paul shrugs, "I just squeezed him into my busy schedule. He was as cute then as he is now." I look up, Paul bends down and we kiss.

Vince groans and Paul musses his hair, like he's still ten years old.

"I'll never understand the 80's," Max chortles.

Paul kisses Max's head, "Would you rather Grandpa Mike tells you our embarrassing stories or goes back to asking you embarrassing questions? If you paid attention to the story, you know that I'm good at asking probing questions too."

Max's cheeks flush again. He and Javi really do take me back to 1983. Max puts his arm around his boyfriend, Vince puts his arm around Gina and I pull Paul into a hug. Life really is good.