The Donut Man

"About time you got home. I imagine you went to the forest for a while before coming home."

I walked into the kitchen knowing what was likely to come. "Yes. I had to think for a while.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Betsey called me. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. But I know I should. I feel so...well...I don't know...all kinds of things. I'm mad, I'm sad, I feel betrayed, and in part, like I wasn't good enough, I didn't give Tim what he wanted or needed."

My mother came over and put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me. "Robyn, I know you and Tim have been arguing some lately. But you were always honest with him. He wasn't talking with you and I think you began to realize he didn't respect your opinion very much. Your father and I are proud of you for being yourself and standing up for what you believe."

"Mom, it still hurts. Maybe what hurts is that he went to another woman. Heidi of all people. It just seems as if he didn't appreciate me for who I was. I mean Heidi!"

"Robyn. Why do you think he was with Heidi? Was there some reason he found her attractive and not you? Maybe he was just letting off some steam, needing to think about where his relationship with you was going. Sometimes that happens with a man."

I didn't have to think about the reason too hard. There was definitely something Heidi offered that I didn't. I didn't want to point out what that was, though Mom probably already had an opinion. Maybe I should just avoid answering. But then I knew my mother, she wasn't going to just ignore the fact I hadn't responded.

"I don't know for sure. But it doesn't really make that much difference, does it? He cheated on me. I know he hasn't given me a ring yet, but we were exclusive and he acknowledged that."

I was getting more upset as I spoke, "He didn't want me to date anyone else after four months and I didn't. So I don't care if he was going to have sex with Heidi or not, but just because I wouldn't doesn't give him an excuse to go to her."

Then I realized what I had just said. Damn, I had just said what I had intended to avoid. I looked at my mother and saw a small smile on her face.

"Do you feel better now?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. I guess I do," I replied meekly.

"Good. Honey, remember one thing. You are the one who has to be comfortable with what kind of relationship you have with a man. When it's time to be more intimate at any level a man that cares for you will understand and respect your feelings. You'll know when that time comes. You didn't feel that way with Tim and I think once you simmer down you'll know you made the right decision. I'm proud of you and I'm sure your father would be too. We just won't tell him."

I looked up to see a smile on her face.

"Thanks, Mom."

I went to my room, pulled out my laptop, and went over my written comments to submit at the public meeting. I made several small changes and then printed the document out, slipped into an envelope, and put it in my black leather shoulder bag. I decided to take a short nap before supper as the meeting would start at seven and go past my normal bedtime at eight-thirty. I set my alarm and lay down on my bed under a light blanket. I woke just before my alarm went off, an image of Wade's smile in my mind. I sat up, why had I dreamed of Wade? Sure I had thought of him during the day several times, but I had never dreamed about him.

I got up and walked out to the kitchen to help Mom set the table and get the food out onto the table. I felt refreshed after the nap, and even a little better after my conversation with my mother. It had given me more confidence in myself knowing my mother thought I had done the right thing. At one point, I thought she was suggesting Tim was having trouble committing to me and that was why he went to Heidi. But if that was the case he didn't take into account how I would react—no trust, no reason for me to accept that it wouldn't happen again. My instincts told me I was right.

An hour later I walked towards the school auditorium, the location of the public hearing. It was the largest venue in town and it was expected it would be well attended. As I parked my car it appeared easily half of the citizens of the town and the surrounding area were already there. I walked in, greeting at least twenty people I knew before I found a seat in a folding chair. I saw Wade, Phil, and several other Forest Service staff standing together near some easels with maps and charts on them near where a head table and chairs had been placed. Wade saw me and smiled broadly. I smiled back and gave a small wave.

The meeting started on time and the Forest Service staff gave an overview of the EIS process, then presented the overall findings, then why the preferred alternative was selected, comparing it with the no-action alternative that represented the present management plan.

Then the floor was opened for questions. I would like to say it was without rancor, but there was a vocal minority who was obviously resistant to any change. It was also evident they hadn't read the document as many of their arguments were just plain wrong. The EIS had discussed the same issues and arrived at a logical conclusion based upon the data that had been collected. One of the speakers was one of Tim's friends. It was then I saw Tim standing along the back wall.

I quickly looked in the other direction as I felt my emotions well up. After the question and answer period was over the audience was invited to view the exhibits and to ask questions of the presenters and other Forest Service staff stationed at each easel. I went up front to look at one of the large maps that showed the distribution of lands open to logging, outdoor recreation, and hunting. Then after a few minutes, I went to look at the land-cover map where major habitats were shown. I was looking at the map when I felt someone behind me—then a male voice.

"Good evening Robyn."

I turned with a smile, "Hi, Wade. You know I thought you did a good job explaining the preferred alternative."

"Well, listen to you, using the correct terminology right from the start. I'm beginning to think you're trying to impress me," he said in a teasing way.

"Had a good teacher I guess. You did a good job explaining things to me the other day."

"Robyn, do you have any other questions I could answer for you?"

I noticed a few people around us, all listening to our conversation. I decided I should probably be business-like. No reason to give anyone any ideas not knowing what the gossip was likely to be over the next week or so.

"Just one. I was surprised no one actually asked you for a number during the meeting. Will the amount of timber to be harvested each year be smaller than it is now?"

"Actually, it will be greater for the first two years, then it will go down to present levels. Once it goes down the size of the parcels put out to bid will be larger, but spaced farther apart. But it's a good question. I too was surprised no one asked it."

Then several people around us asked Wade questions. I stood, listening as he answered each one with patience, his voice respectful—even to questions that really didn't make much sense. He seemed to be able to tease out what they really wanted to know, most of the people were older. Then I saw Tim walk towards us—I felt tense as I really didn't want to see him.

He looked at me then took a step closer not smiling. I could smell beer on his breath as he looked at me not smiling.

"You went out on me didn't you?"

I was stunned by the question. Where would he have gotten that impression? I really didn't want to respond to him but as I looked around me I could see all of those close enough to hear were looking at us.

I was about ready to just walk away when he said, "Well, are you going to answer me or not?" this time louder than before, a little more aggressively.

"Tim, I don't know what you're talking about. When would I have gone out on you?"

"You went out with him," as he pointed his finger at Wade.

"What are you talking about? I have never gone out with Wade."

"You were seen at the Wooden Spoon after work the other day. So, don't pretend you didn't," his voice more strident.

I looked at Wade. He was just as surprised as I was. I looked back to Tim.

"We had Cokes while he answered my questions about the EIS so I would be prepared to attend this public hearing. After we finished he went home as did I. I don't know where you came up with the idea that we were on a date but we were not. You could have asked me," I retorted.

He looked confused. Then Wade spoke up.

"We had Cokes and that's it. She was interested enough to ask questions and I took the time to accommodate her. That's all it was."

Tim didn't say anything—he just stood there. I decided to push back thinking he was an idiot.

"Okay. So who told you I was on a date?"

"I really don't want to say," he said quietly.

Then I realized who it was. One of the girls who had passed by the restaurant window while I was sitting with Wade was Heidi. It had to be her. The people standing around us were silent, just listening as if it were a soap opera being played out in front of them.

"Well, are you going to tell me or not?" I demanded.

He looked up at me with an expression that said he knew he was busted. "Heidi."

"Tim, I don't have anything else to say to you. I don't want to see you again. I hope you understand it's over between us. Don't ever call me again."

I watched as the people parted to make room for him to leave. He left without another word as I breathed a sigh of relief—I was afraid it was going to turn into a loud scene. It was a scene anyway—it didn't have to be loud with that many people as witnesses. It would be all over town in no time. I looked at Wade wishing it had not involved him directly—I was surprised to see he didn't seem fazed by it at all.

"Sorry," I offered.

"Quite alright, not your fault," he replied with a sympathetic expression.

We watched as the people wandered off, apparently satisfied nothing more of consequence was going to take place. I went back to studying the map as Wade stood next to me as I pointed out a location on the map. When it appeared no one was near us I looked at him with a frown.

"It's getting late, I should go home and get some sleep," as I reached into my shoulder bag. "Here would you please take this and put it with the other written comments."

"Of course, I'd be happy to," he said, as he took the envelope from my hand.

I turned to leave and as I did I heard his voice. "Robyn, are you going to be alright?"

I turned my head, "Time will tell, it always does."

When I got home I walked in, wished my parents a good night, prepared for bed, and feeling exhausted, crawled into bed. I wanted to say I felt bad, but the truth was I felt a sense of relief, of freedom. It was over, really over—no more having to be careful about what I said to avoid an argument. I hadn't realized until I was driving home how much stress I had been feeling. Sure, I felt awful, but now I understood that he didn't trust me, didn't have enough respect for me, to ask a question rather than assume I had wronged him. As for Heidi, well they deserved one another as far as I was concerned.

I got home and had a snack while sitting with my parents, telling them about the events at the meeting. My parents didn't say much about Tim, other than saying they were sorry it had happened in public with so many to witness it. I agreed, but it hadn't been of my making and I had to accept that and move on.

The drive into work was as uneventful as usual, not a bad thing given the night before. The morning was as busy as usual and when Phil came in I waited on him while Betsey waited on another customer. He looked at me with a smile after he paid for the donuts.

"Robyn, have you seen the Town Crier yet?"

Our local weekly newspaper had just been delivered about fifteen minutes earlier and hadn't been placed on the rack yet. It was a job that either Betsey or I did as customers would often read it while sipping their coffee at a table.

"No, I haven't. I was just going to get them out after I waited on you."

"You should. There's a nice picture of you and Wade on the cover from the meeting last night."

I watched as Phil walked out the door, the bell ringing with his departure. I looked at Betsey with a worried look—I wondered what the newspaper had to say. Surely, it wouldn't have put something in about the incident with Tim. I cringed at the thought.

I walked over to the bundle of papers and untied the string. I pulled a copy out holding my breath. There on the front page was the title- 'Forest Service Hearing Draws Crowd' with a photograph showing Wade pointing at the map as I looked on, the caption below read: Wade Simmons shows Robyn Stover the location of proposed logging areas under the proposed management plan. I let my breath out slowly. I took a copy of the paper and placed it on the countertop where Betsey and I read the story. No mention of the intrigue between Tim and I was mentioned despite the fact the reporter must have been standing right there at the time.

"That's a great picture of you and Wade don't you think?" Betsey offered.

"Yes, I guess it is," I replied evenly.

"You know he's quite handsome in that uniform. Maybe you should spend more time with him now that...let's see, how shall I put..."

"Betsey! You know?" I said incredulously.

She placed her hand on my shoulder with a smile and patted it several times. "Honey, the whole town will know before noon. I knew before I went to bed last night. There are few secrets in this town and you know it."

Just then, I heard the bell ring as another customer arrived. When I looked at the door Wade was coming in. He walked up to the counter with a smile on his face.

"Good morning ladies," he said cheerily.

We both said good morning and before I could get another word out Betsey spoke up.

"Wade, have you seen the Town Crier yet? You and Robyn are on the front page."

"Really! No, I haven't. I saw someone with a camera but didn't know they took a photograph of us."

Betsey held up the paper with the photo on the front page.

He chuckled, "Well, nice that I'm in the paper standing with an attractive woman for a change rather than some stuffed animal."

I felt myself flush a little. Though maybe I shouldn't have, he said it so matter-of-factly. But he did say I was attractive. I said the only thing I could think of.

"Three donuts today?"

"Yes, Please Robyn. By the way, I looked over all the comments we received at the hearing early this morning. I have to say yours was among the most comprehensive and well thought out."

I looked at him surprised," Thank you."

"Robyn, don't look so surprised. You read the EIS and understood what so many others didn't. You have a sharp, rational mind. I'm impressed."

I picked out three apple fritters and placed them into a white bag with a smile as I handed the bag to him as I rung him out.

"Thanks, I appreciate the compliment. It took some work but I figured it out after a while."

He smiled and handed an apple fritter to me. "Here let me put this in the back for you," Betsey offered. I handed the fritter to her and noticed there were no other customers present in the room.

"Robyn, do you have any plans for Saturday after work?"

I heard the words, but it took me a few seconds to appreciate their meaning. I looked at Wade.

"No, I don't, I mean... I did, but not now," remembering Tim and I were supposed to get together with his friends.

"Would you be interested in going to a movie and dinner with me Saturday afternoon?"

I was slow to answer, was he really asking me out? It seemed a little unreal.

"Wade, you're asking me for a date?"

He laughed. "Well, that's what I would call it. I know you may not be interested right now, but I thought it would be good for you to know I'm interested in getting to know you better. I hope you don't think I'm insensitive given what happened last night."

I wasn't quite shocked, but I wasn't expecting this from him at all. I quickly realized I wanted to spend time with him, it wasn't like I didn't have some clue as to what kind of man he was—the past month had shown that pretty well. I looked around and saw it was only the two of us in the room—not even Betsey would know.

"Wade, I'd be happy to go out with you."

I quickly took a page out of the pad of blank paper on the counter and wrote down my cell phone number, then handed it to him with a smile. "Call me later so we can make final arrangements. Is that okay?"

"Perfect. I'll call you after I get home tonight, it should be about six. Will that work for you?"

"Yes. I'll be waiting for your call," feeling a thrill run through me.

"You know you can change your mind. I would understand if you did."

"I won't, and Wade, thank you for the fritter."

He smiled, "You're most welcome, well I should get to work. I'll call you."

I watched as he walked out the door as Betsey came back in. I must have had a big smile on my face.

"Well, either that apple fritter has really made you happy, or something else has. I bet I know what it was."

I just looked at her smiling and went to clean the tables and around the coffee urns. She would find out soon enough I figured—she always seemed to. Maybe this time it would take longer—Nah, not likely, my mother would tell her just as soon as she found out anything.

I didn't care, my heart was still beating a mile a minute, thrilled with having been asked out—Wade looked good regardless of what he was wearing, I had really noticed this time. It was as if I were seeing him in a new light—I wondered if I had been working hard to ignore him previously? I hadn't gone out of my way to attract his attention. Had I?

I had lunch, finishing my apple fritter with a satisfied grin. Each bite reminding me of his smile as he had handed it back to me—as if it were somehow special this time. His eyes had looked into mine as if he saw me differently as if I had changed. I admitted I felt on cloud nine after he asked me out. Had it shown that much? Oh my god! It must have, Betsey had seen it too! I guessed it was a good thing I didn't play poker.

I finished my day and headed home wondering what Wade would suggest when he called. Since we didn't have a movie theater in town it would mean going to Ashton for the evening. I wondered what that would mean for Wade, I didn't even know where he lived, only where he worked, though I did know he had worked out of another office rather than the office here in town until recently—in fact, about as long as he had been coming to the bakery.

The afternoon went along quietly. I kept thinking about how things had changed over the past two days. I was still upset about my breakup, but now I felt like it was going to happen and I should have seen it. I should have known I was near a breaking point with Tim—a point where I didn't want to deal with our disagreements any longer.

Wade called me at five to six and we talked for a while, it felt different as it was the first time we had really dealt with each other on a purely social basis. I found he had a wonderful sense of humor and after a while we made plans for him to pick me up at about three, allowing us to catch an early movie and then go to dinner before bringing me back home. After the call, I went out and told my parents what my plans were, my mother looked at me, then smiled.

"I saw the picture of you with him in the paper, was that before your talk with Tim, or after?"

I thought about it. It wasn't much of a talk. More like a couple of questions and a proclamation we were through on my part—with too many people around. If I hadn't been so upset I would have been embarrassed.