The Dregs of Murder

I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to take me.

After the morning chores were completed, I called Lena, Keller, and Aunt Vicki together in the great room. Everyone else was out doing whatever it was they were doing.

"Now that everyone is here," I said as Vicki entered the room. "First, I want to say thank you for helping me," I said as my gaze flitted from Lena, to Keller, and then back. "While I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you for what you did to Aunt Vicki, I suppose I can understand your motives. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones if you are."

Lena smiled. "Thank you, Cam. I'm sorry it came to that."

"To be honest, I regret ever releasing your talent," Keller added.

"Good. Then you'll like what I'm going to say next. I'm leaving. I'm--"

"What?" Keller barked. "No. Impossible. You need to stay here until--"

"I'm not asking your permission," I said firmly. "I'm telling you what I'm doing... as a courtesy for helping me with my gift."

"Ms. Wicker... if you attempt to leave the island, you will leave me no choice--"

"Let me explain something to you, Mr. Helliwell... if you even attempt to block my gift, I will pop into the past, make a little change, and you'll never have the opportunity to block me. Do we understand each other?"

He paled. "Are you threatening me?"

I smiled. "Yes. Yes I am. The question is, do you want to find out if I'm bluffing?"

"Cam," Vicki said slowly. "What are you doing?"

"Returning to my life," I said. "I traveled to the future last night and--"

"Oh my God! What have you done?" Keller cried.

"Nothing... and I want it to stay that way. I traveled to a future where I'd used my gift to travel into the past to save Mom. I didn't like what I saw. By saving one person, I ruined everything." Keller stared at me with wide eyes. "That proved to me, more than anything else ever could, how dangerous my gift can be."

"So you've decided... not to save your mother?" Lena asked, her voice soft.

"Yes. Not only that, I've decided I'll not use my gift anymore..." I paused as I stared at Keller, "unless I'm forced to."

"How do you know you won't change your mind?" Lena asked.

"Because I didn't."

"I don't understand."

"After seeing the future, I had so many unanswered questions, but before I could answer all my questions I was yanked back to my present, to now. I think--"

"You spoke to someone?" Keller asked, his voice soft and quivering, and his face pale.

"Yes. Me. I was waiting for myself to arrive."

"What? How?" Vicki asked.

"Because from my future self's point of view, I'd already done it." She stared at me blankly. "I know. It's confusing. Anyway, I was waiting for myself to arrive, and I begged me to not save Mom like she had... like I was considering doing."

"Why?" Vicki whispered.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. It's not going to happen."

"How can you be sure?" Keller asked again. "What's to prevent you from changing your mind in the future?"

"Because, as I said, I didn't. As I was going to say, I got yanked back to now. I think that happened because in that moment, that future stopped existing. It stopped existing because I didn't save Mom. At the time I hadn't realized that was what happened, and I tried to return there, but I went to a different future instead. In that future, I didn't save Mom."

"How do you know that?" Lena asked.

"Because I told myself. That future is my current future. Every decision I will make for the next forty years will lead me to there."

"How can you possibly know that?" Keller demanded, some of his imperiousness returning.

"I told you. I told myself. I remembered all the important stuff that happened that led me there. That me remembered me traveling to the alternate future where I'd saved Mom. She was me, where that other me was a possible me. I guess." I smiled. "The real me said every time I travel I create paradoxes. Her advice was to not worry about them."

Everyone was staring at me. "So what are you going to do if you leave the island?"

"Live my life. My future me said she'd stopped traveling a long time ago. She told me that changing the past was too dangerous and seeing the future ruined the surprise. I've decided that when she said 'a long time ago', she meant now."

There was a long moment of silence. "So you're not going to travel anymore?" Keller asked.

"Yes and no." I smiled at his confused look. "I think I came up with a good compromise. I said I traveled for convenience, popping into the past to find where I'd left something I couldn't find, meeting myself at the store to remind myself to get something I'd forgotten, stuff like that."

"So you've learned to communicate with the past... and obviously the future?"

"Yes. My future selves gave me a few suggestions that were very helpful." I couldn't stop my smile. "I can manifest and control objects now. It's surprisingly easy... once you know how."

Keller swallowed hard. "What do you want from us?"

"To be left alone. You, the Council, the world, have nothing to fear from me. I've seen the future, and everything is fine. I know there's nothing you can do that will change that... because you didn't... so I suggest you not even try. Report to the Council... or don't... it doesn't matter to me because I know whatever you do will be the thing that was done. Nothing you can do will change the future I've seen... so why try?"

"What if trying to stop you is what gets you to that future?" Lena asked.

I shrugged. "Then I'll successfully deal with whatever comes up. I will win, and those trying to stop me will lose. I know it because I've seen it." My gaze flicks between Keller and Lena. "I'm leaving, you can't stop me, and you can't block me. I don't want to do anything to hurt anyone, so my suggestion is to let me go in peace and leave me alone to live my life."

"The Council may not agree to that."

"Doesn't matter to me if they do or don't."

"You seem very confident," Keller said.

"I am. If you were to look out the window and see it raining, how confident would you be if you were to walk into a room with no windows and tell the people inside it was raining outside? They have no way of knowing if you're correct or not... but you know, because you saw it."

He nodded very slowly. "What you're saying is, every decision from this point will lead you to the future you saw?"

"That's what I'm saying. I'm the only one who can change the future, and I can only do that by changing something in the past. I have no intention of ever doing so." I paused as I held his gaze. "I saw where that leads... and I didn't like it."

He held my gaze for a long moment, clearly thinking. "I'll take you at your word. I won't try to stop you leaving... or block you... but I don't speak for the Council. They may decide... otherwise."

"And that's fine. For their sake, make sure they understand what could potentially happen if they decide to... interfere with my life."

"I will."

"Good. I hope you can convince them." I glanced between Lena and Keller. "Thank you. Thank you both for helping me."

"You're welcome," Lena said softly. "You seem to be a good girl. I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

I smiled. "I did."

There was an awkward silence. "Thank you again," I said as I pivoted and walked out of the room, Vicki hurrying to catch up.

"Cam?" she said as she caught up to me.

"Not here. In my room."

I led her into my room and closed the door. "I didn't ask you, but are you okay with leaving? If you want to stay, I can catch a bus or something."

"No... I'll go with you."

"What's wrong?" I asked after a moment of silence. She didn't say anything. "Come on... I can tell something is bothering you."

"You... worried me."

"Really? How?"

"You're... threats."

I shook my head. "I'm not threatening anyone. I'm not asking anyone to do anything other than leave me alone to live my life. Anything that happens if they don't is... well... it's on them." She continued to watch me. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No!" I arched an eyebrow. "Okay... maybe a little. The power of your gift..."

I nodded. "Which is why I want to be left alone. I'm not going to use my gift anymore. It scares me."

"Did you really see your future?"

I nodded. "I really did. One looks... wonderful... the other..." I shook my head. "The other me begged me to not save Mom. She was desperate."

"What happened... when you saved Cathy?"

"It doesn't matter. It'll never happen."

"Please Cam... I have to know. I've felt so guilty we weren't there for Cathy... or for you."

"You couldn't have known."

"No... and you couldn't have either, but I know you felt guilty."

I nodded. "I did. Maybe I still do... but that future..." I looked down for a moment. "It was terrible," I said to the floor. "Mom was alive, but she'd lost everything. Figgette took Coffee with Cream from her, and I said she became bitter. You and Aunt Liz tried to help her, but she pushed you away. Maybe she pushed me away too."

"Cathy? I don't believe it!"

I looked up to meet her eyes. "I know. It's hard to believe Mom would become like that, but if you could have seen the desperation in my eyes. I begged me to not save her."

"What about you? What happened to you?"

"I became an E.R. nurse. I said I loved my work, but I lived alone, and I looked... exhausted and sad."

"Do you think...?"

"What?"

"That you wanted Cathy to die so you could have a better life? Are you sure you didn't say those things because you were bitter about how your life turned out?"

"Yes."

"Why? How can you be sure? Maybe she wanted the life you saw, the other life."

"She didn't know about that life."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't hers. She could never get there because she'd prevented Mom from dying, so that future was closed to her. By saving Mom, she never learned to use her gift."

"Are you sure?"

"No. I'm not sure of anything dealing with that stuff. I said, the other me said, that she'd made herself crazy thinking about it." I nodded to myself. "I can understand that. The best my little pea brain can understand is once a change is made, everything from the moment of the change becomes reality. She couldn't see my other future because her change closed it off from her."

"But you could see both?"

"No. I could only see one."

"But..." she protested.

"I know... I know!" I said as I raised my hands in surrender. "I saw the first future, when Mom died, because at some time in the future, I traveled to the past and save her. That was my future. But seeing that future caused me to change my mind about saving Mom, so I had a new future."

"And you can't go to the other future?"

"No. I tried. I wanted to tell myself everything would be okay... but I couldn't get there anymore."

"And you believe... truly believe that not saving Cathy is the right decision?"

"I don't just believe it... I know it. I was unhappy, Mom was bitter and felt like a failure, Ken was dead, I never met Hunter... and who knows what else was changed that I don't even know about?"

She nodded slowly. "How did it happen? How did you saving Cathy make such a drastic change?"

"Figgette didn't kill her, so he never went to jail. Because he never went to jail, he managed through some legal wrangling, to take Coffee with Cream from her. I said she felt like a failure, returned to waitressing, and became bitter with the world." I shrugged. "When I get home, I'm going to look up what law Figgette used to do that, and I'm going to do everything I can to get it changed because it's not fair."

"Do you know what the law was?"

"No, but I said it was a law from the early two thousands. Something with eminent domain."

She nodded slowly. "I remember something about that. It had something to do with taxes, or something. It was a Supreme Court ruling."

"Whatever, it isn't fair he could take her business like that."

"And you said Ken died?"

"That's what I said. Convicted of murdering Melina I suppose, and then died in prison because... I guess because he didn't think to call me because I didn't find out who killed Mom... because she didn't die." I paused and smiled slightly. "See what I'm talking about? I don't want to be responsible for something like that happening."

"I can understand that," she said with a slow nod. "You're sure the Council will let you live your life?"

"I don't know. I hope so, but whether they do or they don't, it doesn't matter."

"Because your future is set?"

"As much as I can understand this shit... yeah."

"Tell me about the future?"

I grinned. "And ruin the surprise? Forget it."

She said nothing for a moment. "But it's good?"

"It's wonderful."

She licked her lips. "Will... I be there? Will Liz?"

I debated telling her but decided not to. "Just do what you think is right... and everything else will take care of itself."

"That's not an answer."

I smiled. "I know."

She waited a moment. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"No."

She huffed out a sigh. "I guess I'll have to take each day as it comes then."

"Just like the rest of us."

"Except for you."

"Even me."

"So you're really not going to travel anymore?"

"No. To dangerous."

She said nothing before pulling me into a hug. "I'm so proud of you... and I know Cathy would be as well."

I sniffed, her words touching me. "Thank you."

She released me. "When do you want to leave?"

"I want to say goodbye to everyone, but after that, as soon as we can get ready."

"Do I have time to say bye to Jim?"

A grin flickered over my lips. "So... about an hour?"

She flushed. "About that probably," she said, unable to meet my gaze.

"I think we can spare that, don't you?"

She smiled as she turned even redder. "Yes."

While Aunt Vicki said her goodbyes, I wandered around the island, making my own farewells. The Burnette family was surprised I was leaving on such short notice but wished me well, Maggie giving me a long hug of parting. There were no tears, but I felt a sense of loss. Keller and Lena's goodbye was cooler, but they both wished me well. I made no mention of my threat, because I knew no matter what anyone did or didn't do, it was supposed to happen that way. My final stop was Landon. I found him in the barn slowly brushing Masie.

"I'm leaving," I said as I stopped at the horse's nose. I began to stroke her. He said nothing and continued his strokes. "I want you to know... I'm sorry I hit you."

"I deserved it," he whispered.

"Yes, you did, but I'm sorry anyway."

"Good luck."

"Thank you. You too." I paused a moment. "I also wanted to tell you I'm not going to do what you asked."

He nodded. "I understand. I didn't expect you would after what I'd did."

"That's not the reason." That got his attention. He stopped brushing, and for the first time, looked at me. "It's because it doesn't matter. If they hated you or not, if you did something or not, it doesn't matter. The past is the past. We can't change it. All we can do is move forward and make peace with it."

He began brushing again. "You can change the past."

"No. No I can't. I tried once, or would have, but I've seen where that leads." I waited until he stopped brushing and looked at me again. "I tried to save my mother, or would have, but I got a second chance to not make that mistake. The past needs to stay in the past."

"I wasn't asking you to change anything..."

"No... but knowing won't help you now. What's done is done. You need to accept that everything that has happened to you is what made you who you are today."

"I don't like who I am today."

"And will having the answer to your question, will that make you a different person?"

He was quiet for a moment. "It might."

"It won't. It can't. If you become a different person because I tell you something you want to know, that person is inside you already. You don't need me to change you. I can't change you. Only you can do that."

He held my gaze for a long time. "I understand."

I nodded. "I hope you do. Goodbye, Landon. I hope you find the person you want to be. I really do."

He said nothing as I walked away.

"See you for dinner tomorrow?" I whispered as I leaned across the Range Rover for a hug.

"Absolutely. Liz is going to want to hear all about it."

"Love you."

"Love you too, Kiddo," Aunt Vicki said as we parted.

I opened the door and hurried around to the back of the vehicle where I tugged my suitcase from the cargo area. I was tingling with excitement to see Hunter.

It took us closer to two hours than one to get away from the island. When we were finally ready, I made my goodbyes to Jim before he and Aunt Vicki hugged long and hard. As she slowly pulled out of his arms, he'd given her a long, slow, parting kiss before he turned and hurried away from the dock. Keller waited until Jim was well away before he started the boat and drove us across the lake, since he was still going to talk to the Council... and probably the 'some people.'

Vicki barely had the Range Rover started before I was dialing my phone to tell Hunter we were on our way home. Now I'd arrived, and if I wasn't dragging my bag behind me, I'd have sprinted up the step to our apartment. He must have heard me thumping up the steps, or the rumble of the bag rolling along, because as I reached for the doorknob, the door opened.

Leaving my bag where it sat, I threw myself into his arms. I could tell he was surprised by my exuberant greeting, but he caught me before pulling me into a long tight hug.

"Glad you're back," he whispered before taking my lips for his own.

"Glad to be back," I murmured as our lips parted.

He placed me on my feet before pulling my bag into the apartment. I glanced around. The apartment had changed in the twelve days I'd been gone. There were a few more boxes on the floor, boxes I recognized as being from my trailer, but many of the boxes I'd packed were missing, their contents visible here and there. Taking my bag, I led him into our bedroom. I put the pull handle down on my bag before he tossed it onto the bed.

"How was your trip?" he asked as I began dumping clothes onto the bed.

"Eventful. I learned a lot about myself."

"Is that a good thing?"

I smiled at him, almost bubbling over with happiness. "A very good thing."

"Are you going to have to go back?"

"I don't know. Maybe someday, but not anytime soon," I said as I stuffed my undies into my drawer. "How was the moving? Any trouble?"

"I had to put a new battery in your truck, but other than that, it went smoothly. One trip with my Jeep, two with your truck, and we were done."

"I'm sorry about that. Let me know how much it cost and--"

He cut me off with a splutter and a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about it. Call it even for all the free coffee you've given me."

I hung my last few things on my bar in the closet. He stepped in behind me and hoisted my bag onto the shelf. I turned to face him as he lowered his arms around me. "I missed you so much," I said as I wrapped him in my arms and placed my head on his shoulder.

"Not nearly as much as I've missed you."

I couldn't stop my smile. I looked up at him, and as I'd hoped, his lips were waiting for mine. "Ready for bed?" I whispered.

"Yes. I've been waiting on you. It's been a long, hard, day."

If he was going to toss them out there, he couldn't expect me to not swing at them. "I hope that's not the only thing that's long and hard."

He snickered. "I don't know. You tell me."

I cupped his manhood. "Nope. Not the only thing." He snickered. It was nearly midnight, but I wasn't sleepy. "You're not too tired to... you know... welcome me home are you?"