All Comments on 'The Eighth Warden Bk. 02 Ch. 11-12'

Salutations Ivy!

So... over the past week, I've been diving into your story and I'm not talking about the kiddy pool side of things. I'm talking full on cannon ball into the deep end!

What a story! Corec and his growing gang of adventurers are some of the best reading I've had in quite a while. I just want to pull a few of your strengths and really praise you for such a job well done.

1. The right amount of fantasy. Some authors use fantasy to dive into ideas (I get it, being unshackled from the laws of reality is a fun exercise) instead of using the unique genre to help us delve into the characters. Thankfully, you use this world for the latter. Corec, Katrin, Shavala, and the others are the focus of your story, and the world around them provides the backdrop for their growth, characterization, and adventure. The fantastical nature of the story provides your heroes with unique situations, dangers, and abilities, but they're still human... and that's what makes us connect with them.

2. Excellent mix of action and characterization. I'm a slice of life guy, I love it when authors use the little things to tell us about characters and their hopes, fears, desires, and interactions with others. I think the nitty gritty is where we find who they really are. But I also know that action (especially in fantasy/sci-fi) is a huge mover of plot pieces, climax action, and character decisions (fighting for your life makes you see things differently!). You have a great balance of both, and while you've begun to have larger timeskips due to distance issues (understandable to be sure), you never hesitate from finding moments for our characters to live and interact in.

3. Great use of writing beyond the protagonists. Using other characters to push the story is a tool many users make as the story moves onwards, but they can get lost in the intricate web they begin to weave and forget that it was the protagonist and his/her companions that readers love. You are careful to tie these outward story elements back to Corec in a quick and prudent notion, making sure that the audience knows enough without giving too much away. It's fun to see the world from the protagonists eyes, while sprinkling hints that make the reader feel special for knowing more than they do at points. Well done.

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So yeah, you've been doing a wonderful job, and I've enjoyed every moment of it. I do have a question for you though, and that's the issue of romance.

A book and a half in, and there's a... hesitation of sorts when it comes to you inserting romance and desire into the story and characters. Of course we have Corec and Katrin, and I love it! I love seeing them hold hands, and sneak a kiss, and smile at one another, and make love with one another (even if it's a fade to black). But it's all brushed aside quickly, no more important than a quick bite to eat or a gathering of herbs on the roadside. Simply no more or less important than anything else they do on a day to day basis.

I would just love to see well... love being more important to the story. Being bonded, I was hoping for their passion and love for one another to add to the bond in some way, and right now there's simply nothing of note. A joining of the souls through love, trust, and dedication must have some effect on the warden and their bondmate? (Especially in contrast with Rusol) I hope that you begin to elevate romance and personal relationships in the story. I really feel that it's that missing element that can turn a wonderful story into an unforgettable one.

You also seem hesitant on the issue of this being a harem fantasy. The pieces are all there, and you've constructed some amazing characters to piece together. A strapping, competent, adventurous man who is brave, kind, giving, and heroic despite his faults (and seasickness). That's a protagonist that's worth following. Besides him are beautiful, intelligent, capable women. All of them with strengths, flaws, hopes, and fears. Bonded by fate.

But a book and a half in, we've barely explored one relationship, and you're finally warming up (again) with Shavala. I don't mind a slow burn when it comes to romance and passion, these things take time, effort, and work if they're to endure. The story keeps hinting that a harem fantasy, but every time we get that hint it's pulled away once more, shelved until you have to deal with one man and many beautiful women around him.

All I can do is encourage you to take more liberties with Corec's unique bond with his bondmates in how that affects the notion of a harem relationship. It's already been hinted at that Katrin is either through herself or through her bond, open to Corec allowing Shavala into his heart as well. But this element, despite being threaded and teased throughout, is missing compared to your other story elements.

I respect your fade to black scenes when it comes to intimacy, but I would just encourage you to try writing more passionate and intimate scenes between Corec and his loves (knocks on wood). Such intimacy, passion, and love between one another could only deepen the bond between warden and bondmate.

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Whew, I've written too much, but I just wanted to show the appreciation I have for your story, characters, and adventure. Thank you again for your creativity and passion for writing. I really think you're on to something with Corec and his bondmates (and Bobo!). I can't wait to see where you lead us next. :)

Thank you, Anonymous, for your detailed feedback. I appreciate it! Regarding romance, the story is in an awkward position in that it's straddling the line between mainstream and harem fantasy, and I'm hesitant to jump between the two. At the same time, one deliberate goal for the story is that each of the relationships will be different and unique, and not necessarily romantic (for example, it's been mentioned that Ellerie likes women rather than men). To avoid spoilers, I don't want to say more about that at the moment.

A secondary goal was to write a harem-like story, while at the same time subverting the tropes of a harem story. For example, when they meet another warden and discover a completely different social structure than their own. One of the mysteries is why Corec is only bonding women, and the answer is quite simple, but I don't know if it'll ever be explained in the story (there'll be a hint provided in the Book 2 epilogue, but it won't give the actual reason).

In regard to showing more details of the existing romance, you're right. I need to do better at that. There's just so much to cover in Book 2 that it's been hard to fit in some of the daily-life scenes. I'm trying to not add any scenes that don't advance the plot or character growth in one way or another. On the plus side, though, Book 2 will receive at least two more drafts before I publish the novel, so I'll keep that in mind as I work. Book 1 is almost ready to publish, and it's been much improved over the version posted here. I cleaned up a lot of awkward wording, especially in the first half of the book.

Thanks for reading!

--Ivy

I'm working through this story, and I'm loving it. I agree with everything the Reviews and Romances reviewer had to say. I'm also glad to read the author's reply. It does seem like romance is being neglected, but everything else is great. Keep up the good work!

The story is great. The characters are great. The story has the making of a true epic. But the series seems dry on something that makes the series great. Character interaction and feelings. The novel seems dry...without no romance whatsoever. And I don't mean sex. True character interaction. Without it the story will fail to capture the audience however great plot.