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Click here"What--" he started to say as he caught sight of where she'd ended up, but she blinked again and tapped his side.
"Two!" She disappeared just as he swung his shield through the spot where she'd been.
She ran at him again, and this time, to give him a chance, she didn't blink away. He swung his sword, but she twisted out of the way, her enhanced speed and agility allowing her to avoid his attack.
As she passed him, she struck, hitting the back of his shoulder. "Three!"
"What are you...? You can't--"
"Four!"
He yelled and charged straight at her. She waited until the last moment and then dodged to the side, kicking the back of his knee as he went past. He tripped and fell to the ground, rolling over onto his back to look up at her as she pointed her sword down at his chest. She summoned flames to line the blade.
"Five," she said, not bothering to touch him with the weapon.
She stepped back and let the flames dissipate. The other knights were all staring at her wide-eyed. "And that's why we're going to fight the dragon with magic," she told them. "We don't need an army."
They'd seen Sarette fly during the training drills, and they'd seen her summon lightning, but they didn't truly realize what it meant. They didn't understand the impact magic would have on the fight.
Perhaps the personal demonstration would help.
- COMMENTS
sweetone66almost 2 years agoI'vw waited a long time for more of this story... it's very good!!! Now on to the next chapter :)
Kryptilealmost 2 years agoCan't wait for more chapters, this is a very nice non-sex story. Keep it up.
Wildwood55almost 2 years agoSomething which would help your readers immensely would be including some identifying/clarifying adjectives to character & location introductions opening paragraphs of new serial submissions.
At this point in your series, there are a lot of chracters and locations to remember. Simply adding 1–2 adjectives to character & location names, when first used in a new submission would help to quickly reactivate reader memories. It"s along the same lines of why some writers include either a couple of paragraphs of a previous chapter rehash or the inclusion, verbatim of the last few paragraphs.
Personally, I dislike both methods as they are unnecessary work, and tend to be more redundant than they are memory enhancers.
For example, here are some phrases from the first 3-5 paragraphs of this submission. Some have suggested modifications, immediately following. Some are without suggestions because I can't recall the character or location, and I haven't read the entire submission, yet.
"Eellerie closed the book..."
"Eellerie, the reluctant Elven princess, closed the book..."
"…found in Tir Yadar."
"…found in the ancient xxxxx city, Tir Yadar."
"…found in the recently discovered city of Tir Yadar."
"Except for Hildra."
"Except for the warden Hildra."
"Except for Hildra, from XXXX."
"…known in Teravas..."
"…known in the XXXX city of Teravas..."
"…without Sevala..."
"…without Sevala, the XXX..."
(The XXXX's are where I can't recall details about the characters.)
Not only will the addition of memory re-association adjectives help your readers jump quickly into the latest serialization, but they will add 'color', 'vibrancy' & 'depth' to your writing.
Remember, THE goal of the written word is communication. Anything you can do, as a writer, to improve or facilitate communication helps accomplish that primary goal, with the aded benefit of improving the overall quality of your work.
You want to constantly strive to make it easy/easier for your readers to immerse themselves in your world. The fine balance is between being just helpful enough vs being redundant to the point of repetiveness.
Hope this helps. You have an engaging tale going, taking place in a unique world, with well developed chracters. If the format was not serial in nature, my suggestions would not be necessary.
Thanks for sharing your delightful imagination.
GeoD
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoLoving the story! But have to agree with the previous comment that said you're stalling and it feels stagnant. You've crafted an amazing world, but the story itself is filled with lots of minutiae rather than moving the plot forward, or character development.
