All Comments on 'The Eldritch Realms Pt. 01'

Love your world building, but the exposition is too matter of fact for my taste. I think the story would be stronger if you weaved the details of how everything worked more slowly. The erotic scenes could use more details and motivation. What I mean by motivation is we have no idea what turns the protagonist on before the sex scene. Some foreshadowing at the very least would help.

The premise of your story has good potential. Unfortunately your character and world building were so brief and jumped around so quickly it was quite harsh to read. There is a fine line between too little and too much information. You sided on the too little. I feel if you flesh out your characters a bit more and slow down the cadence of the story it would be far more appealing to me at least. I'm sure you are a affluent reader. Find a great writer of science fiction or fantasy and try to emulate how they write. It's not easy, if it was everyone would be a writer lol. Keep working on it and I look forward to your improvement!

If you had read Disciple of the Liga Umbrei.You would not be behind . I like the aothors pace . The world was built in the main story . No reason to repeat . GR8 start .

This is not well written. Considering your best defender uses "Gr8," I think you probably know that. It's just ham-fisted.