All Comments on 'The Empty Chair Pt. 02'

Why not wait and submit as one?

Your hero is too emotional.

Oh what webs we weave when we aim to deceive!

There was a similar story in LW a few months back. Wife had the hots for a guy and cheated with him before, during and after the husband took off for years until his kid tracked him down or something. I don't remember the title.

• "Everything I ever knew to be true, had turned out to be false."

Well, that's not true. The MC thought his wife was a cheater, and Lord was he right about that! He just was incorrect about how long was she cheating. Plus, he was right about his girls being his.

• "We bumped into his party by accident. It was a wedding party that had spilled out into the rest of the SPA."

The way you wrote this, author, really makes it sounds like this was Alex's wedding party, which would make his plead of wanting Beth back even more difficult...

• Man, do you hate PUNCTUATION, Erringfoil! Your hatred of it seems to have no limit... unless it isn't hatred at all, and is mostly due to one heck of a faulty keyboard! Seriously, though, you're not going to get any extra point for going above and beyond in NOT adding quotation marks. This actually makes your overall story unbearable to read. I know I'm not the first one to say this, but maybe hearing it enough time will force you to put the effort of actually pushing that single button + Shift to make OUR reading experience a little bit more pleasant. One can only hope.

This story better finds its resolution and conclusion in the next chapter - there's really no where else to go, but to the end here.

And his good friend didn't just pack him up and take him to the hospital since he was covered in blood? And his hand was probably still bleeding? Stupidity runs amok. And then the coward runs off again. Although I don't see how he ran anywhere without a spine.

1 star

Not only this story boring but quite frankly the husband David seems kind of like a whiny little shit. He breaks a glass so badly that he cut his hand and potentially an artery or vein... Possibly doing Long term damage to his hand. Then he decides they get drunk as opposed to say gone to the hos

What a loser

The story is good enough you are just dragging it out on purpose and it doesn't help your effort, BTW I went to give you 3 stars for the story but 5 came up so your score is wrongly inflated.

Wonder how she'd take it if he had an "old friend" take him out to lunch and pet on him?

She's been lying to him for years, but he knows she's really telling the truth about his daughters? She fucked around on him at the beginning of their marriage, and now she's been meeting her lover more recently and lying to him about that, but he's not really sure what to believe?

And he responds to her treachery by vomiting? This guy doesn't need a new wife, he needs a set of gonads. And maybe a brain that can function under stress without blacking out or losing track of time? If he's really this pathetic its a wonder the woman has stayed with him this long.

He would do everyone a favor if he just ran in front of a truck and let the wife and kids collect on a big insurance settlement. Otherwise this clueless cuck is useless.

Your not making it a raaac. To many willing wimps and cuckolds stories have ben posted here..The level of betrayal and despair, the sham of a marriage she put on him its to deep..no one can get past it.., otherwise its a very good performance on your part for the first story,

I have not seen a situation quite like this in LW. It is an interesting dilemma for David, deciding how he feels about her confession and does he believe her. Still think it is really good story, but should have been published as one three page story. Looking forward to chapter three.

Please use quotations whenever there are dialogues. Right now everything reads as one paragraph. Maybe get someone to proof read your work before posting it here.

Good luck.

STOP writing til you find out what the fuck QUOTATION MARKS are! 1*

The plot is good, but technically this is a real mess.

You need to punctuate dialogue with quotation marks. You can't just throw character dialogue into the middle of paragraphs, it makes it horrible to read.

I'm honestly surprised that the moderators let this through.

But there are these nifty little things called quotation marks. They're pretty new, only a few centuries old, but trust me, they're great. Particularly useful in separating character dialogue from narration. You should probably look into them.

Brilliant and I am looking forward to the rest of the Story! 5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

I'm enjoying it. Keep going.

Please no reconciliation. I beg you. Doesnt need to be btb but she planned this. Everyone who covered for her also needs a confrontation. I wonder if he can get an anullment?

Make this almost unreadable.

A book that shows how to depict dialog in a story.

I can conceive of this kind of stupidity. People do stupid shit all the time.

What is really stupid is... one page chapters!

Write the god damned story and post it. Not in dribs and drabs.

This is an interesting scenario you've set up here. But the writing made it a little tough to get through. First thing is a lack of quotes around the dialogue. Stick with it though. I want to see how this ends.

This was horrible. Are you allergic to quotation marks? This plot was lifted entirely from another author. Truly, truly bad.

I'm out.

I wont read part three. This is too depressing and pathetic.

I am looking forward to the next part, I hope there is a next part.

Beth and Alex had a plan, old David a good old boy stand by plan threw an unexpected wrinkle into her life, real love with a real man not a party boy. The pain of finding out that your true love started out as a plan to cuckold you has to hurt. Is there any hope for David and Beth and the girls? Only the last page of this story will tell.

No score... We done?

You have me waiting for part 3. I like these type of stories where the wife keeps an old lover. I am in the middle of writing one myself so I am anxious to see the comments feedback you receive to help me in my writing. I really want see how you deal with all of the others who aided her in her deceit.

Please, no RAAC. She was just to deliberate in her quest.

We do dumb things for love, hell, we do dumb things just for the chance to be in love.

Slicing your hand open and then going to the bar is not one of them! That will literally kill you.

Clear!!!

To see how you end this fiasco.

I hope that's not the end because so far Dudes a whipped pussy.

Good to see you back Erringfoil!

The hang up is the delusional attitude of Beth.

How to write. This was actually worse than the last one. And no, this does NOT need to be a 3 part story.

Nice story, different. Sadly, only time can mend a broken heart. Let's see how it ends in part 3. Thanks for the story.

Absolutely terrible

Some polish please

Seen this story line on here more than once, be interesting to see what you do with it.

I'm not sure if she has been unfaithful, at least since the twins were born.

Hope this ends well for the husband. She genuinely seems to love him.

As was pointed out in the last comments, your jumping back and forth and not using Quotation marks makes this very hard to follow.

If I do follow it, your MC's wife said, 'Before you ask I was going away with Alex'. Then, 'I know you're not going to believe me, but I was ending it that weekend. I couldn't live with the lies anymore'. OK so she was going away for the weekend with an old love so she could tell him it was over, even after she had told him it was over before that.

Next she said, 'He was running late arriving, only before we had the talk I heard of your accident. Without a second's thought, I left him standing there and I drove straight to the hospital and to you. I knew then that I if god was to let you live, I would be the best wife and mother I could ever be'. So it took her husband getting hurt to realize what she was doing was wrong.

Then, 'Yes, the girls are yours, you can check if you want'. Like that is going to easy his mind, she has lied their whole marriage, got her parents to go along with it, and now she says she is telling the truth.

Now this is why I and I'm sure most of the readers are confused with your story. In chapter one you started out with him in the hospital, I assume (bad word) it was the accident that led her to not go away with Alex, but you also stated that he had just found out about it after the spa weekend which occurred six weeks ago.

You start chapter two off with a confrontation (which is where you ended number one), where he breaks a glass in his hand for which I guess he needed to go back to the hospital to get a cast. You never said what the extent of his injuries were from the accident in one, and you end number two with him on the run again.

No where in either story did I see what she had planned to do with the twins while she went away for the weekend, the second one in six weeks, or how she was going to justify it with David. Our we suppose to believe she was going away to tell her old love goodbye and not sleep with him again?

I realize you have already submitted number three, but if you haven't answered the questions I stated above you are not going to make the commiserate happy.

And here I thought chapter one was a flaming car wreck, this added a train derailment to it. End this misery now, please.

. . . submitted as a single story, with the first and all subsequent chapters as one. The first two chapters are simply too short to justify as separate submissions.

How can you write a story with dialogue and not use quotation marks? First, learn a little about writing before attempting to waste a reader's time.

Good story. Well written. Hopefully the ending will be a little longer so as not to seem to rush to an unsatisfying ending to a complicated problem.

EVERY sentence of dialogue requires quotation marks. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

The commiserate. Brilliant title. I'm not sure of who is commiserating with whom, but it does sound like a group of people who would be perpetually unhappy.

Lue

In my senior year of high school, and then again in early college I fell in love with two women, and both fell madly in love with me. The problem was I felt very strongly that I needed to live "my life" and experience the world on my own first, and didn't want to be encumbered by being tied down to one woman or family. On the opposite end both of these women wanted to be married young, have children, etc. I remember telling both of them a couple of years apart, look you get married and do your thing and maybe down the road you and I will reconnect again when I'm ready. To my 17 and 19 year old mind that actually made sense. It wasn't concrete plans, like these two in the story seemed to have, but I can see how to two teenage minds in love that seems like a logical solution to their impasse.

So, if the MC believes her story then I think he would be a fool to throw away his marriage. Yes, it's hard for him to take, because he sees the marriage beginning under false pretenses. However, think of this. How different is this of a marriage where a single mother, struggling financially, meets a man who is financially set and decides based on that alone she will accept his advances. She is a lot younger than him, much more attractive than him, but he is much more financially set. Then along the way she falls in love with him and she truly comes to love him.

Then one day he finds out that when they married she wasn't in love with him or even attracted to him, but only agreed to date him and then marry him because of his finances. Why should they break up and break up their families when now they both truly love one another, their children, and have a wonderful family?

Why should the MC throw away his marriage, his closeness with his children, in consequence push his wife towards her old love? If things are as she has relayed so far, this relationship is definitely savable, and in doing so I don't believe it would be a case of RAAC at all. Simply a continuation of an above average love and marriage.

the lack of quotation marks for dialogue, for one (even though a reader can figure out when a character is speaking). Nevertheless, the plot idea is creative, which is far rarer in LW than technically correct writing. So, I give it a 5 for being creative and not actually hard to read. As a constructive comment, I am telling the author NEVER write something like "I was a broken man." Good writing, as good writers know, "shows" the reader rather than "telling" the reader. Well before that clunker of a sentence at the end we knew he was devastated. I would also mention that you would have served your readers better by combining chapters 1 & 2.

If you’re paraphrasing what someone said it would be improper to put in quotation marks. That seems to be the case in this story. But at the same time the author put it in that person’s voice which was the mistake I think. So the sentences should’ve started with SHE SAID THAT SHE or SHE INDICATED THAT SHE, etc, As opposed to, I DIDN’T, etc.

However, there were other glaring grammar and spelling errors that need fixing. Repeatedly writing ‘women’ instead of ‘woman’ was really annoying for one.

Last point, difference between consumer and producer. Consumers of the story, including me, would’ve loved this to be published all at once. Producer, the writer, I’m assuming wanted it piecemeal to create tension or suspense. Being an unpaid amateur site, it’s good to experiment with different formats. Ultimately, I think the conclusion that is obvious to me is that when the story is this short it is extremely counterproductive to break up the story as it was broken up. If the author wanted to create that intrigue then he should’ve fleshed out the story enough for it to be longer to justify the breakup of the story.

keep this story going please

claiming that this story is different or unique, you may want to take a look at "Turning Tables" by PapaToad here on Lit.

He did a much better job of telling this story.

There will be blood. Hopefully.

you have painted your husband into the proverbial corner. What you do next will be important to the outcome. Try to stretch this out as long as you can, if possible. It’s your story so good luck and I look forward to the next instalment.

So she is a reformed cheater, now she loves her husband but cheated most of her married life. With a boyhood sweat heart. She meets him after ending the relationship ,even that is unacceptable. So what does David do going forward . I would divorce her. But then u have 2 kids and the courts will punish you.

These comments are "brutal", but I always say " Pay no attention to the anonymous cowards that criticize, but are to chicken sh*t to put their names out there. I'm waiting on Part III.

they are coworkers and have stated in real life how they would love to find a man who would raise and pay for their children while they had passion with others at the same time. They honestly believe that there is nothing wrong with their lifestyle idea. They claim they would be such a devoted wife that it wouldn't matter if they were sleeping with other men on the side. In their mind all that matters if they "really love their husbands" Some have said that "if their husbands truly loved them back, they would allow them to have this. If they didn't then they were misogynists" That quote is real and actually happened. I was disgusted and horrified. I told the two women that came up with this that they were a blight on all decent women everywhere, feminists included. I cite feminists because they claimed feminism demanded that they act this way. I explained feminism was about equality and demanding equal respect and consideration. "How can you expect anyone to treat you with dignity and respect when you shamelessly lie and obfuscate for no other reason than a cheap physical thrill. That isn't feminism, that's psychopathy".

To figure where you should have put the quotation marks. Too distracting. Couldn't enjoy the story. Sorry.

I must admit this may be one of those times when a divorce followed by trying to rebuild may be in order. Continuing a marriage based on a lie of this magnitude is tough to say the least.

You could just as well have not written part 1. I can’t remember a single fact, from part 1, about either of the main characters.

Umm... what?

Sorry. I meant: “Umm... what?”

Sorry, didn't like this one at all. I don't see this ending as a conclusion at all. Maybe I just don't get it. Don't really care if a part 3 gets written.

Good luck, Erringfoil.

beware of shit from anonymous assholes.

Look forward to Ch. 3 and David's response to Beth's deception.

Thanks for sharing your hard work with us on Lit.

x

I'm looking forward to chapter 3.

Learn to punctuate the dialogue. It’s really annoying this way.

grammar. *

Terrible.

Than the first. Great job portraying his anguish.

This could have been really good, if it contained any dialog.

Quotation marks are our “friends”, please learn how to use them

Not bad at all. Rough, but interesting.

"Before you say anything, nothing happened," Oh, yes it has! The dating & getting married was a setup. A sham. In addition, she has continued meeting with another man (her 1st & true love) behind her husband's back. I think he needs to "man up" & move on.

He is weak, pathetic and scared. Still, somehow, the story has grabbed my attention.

Respect to the author's writing.

OK, so far so good. Still no resolution.

To these stupid commenters here - get a life, these are characters in a story, not real people. The story is good so far but it needs resolution.

First off, Dark2Dumbass2 is a fucking moron, so ignore.

Second, this series has already withered and died. There's practically zero dialogue and the grammatical errors make it nearly impossible to keep up.

Damn, she's a special kind of monster. Fuel for my paranoia when it comes to meeting new women, thanks. ;)