All Comments on 'The Empty Nest Pt. 01'

This is periodically very unsatisfying because Charlie 84 is keeping it pretty real. In terms of upheaval after lottery windfall, this rings true to what I've read. As a reader of course I want to give wife the heave-ho and close story with narrator toddling off into sunset with some arm candy. Yet IRL it's agony for many men to bring the curtains down .

He's a fairly level headed man, albeit no saint. The wife has been satisfactory ( to him ) for the majority of marriage's duration. Who better then an accountant to weigh out assets and liabilities? The sane conclusion is obvious. The fun lies in humor found along the path. So far the author is on top of his game, refusing to plump for cliches and challenging his audience. Full marks. *****

I have always maintained that if I were to purchase a winning lottery ticket, I would split the winnings with the wife and within a year she'd be trying to get my share because hers would be gone. It isn't really that bad, but it's my story and I've told it for years. The guy in the story had better start hiding his money!

An accountant who is happy to let his wife "invest" millions with a con man? Yes, he told her it was her money, but if he's still going through the motions of being married then he should be looking out for her interests. At the very least he she tell her what he found out about Jacques.

So that's why he's a wanker.

Overall the plot is weak. Why not simply divorce the wayward wife? Dragging it out for melodrama isn't realistic.

i will never like a story with the MC winning the lottery.

That was an unsatisfactory ending.

helped me to digest it better. In some ways the inability of the narrator to bring decisive action in the face of overwhelming proof is EXTREMELY frustrating. But even so, it reveals quite a bit about his character development. Knowing the divorce is inevitable IS a sure device, as it allows the reader to sit back and watch the roller coaster ride return back to where the story starts. So, no, we aren't chanting at the screen, "will he or won't he?", but instead: "how does he get there from here?"

Thanks for polishing this up and submitting. I thank you for your efforts.

1. Big wins should always come from someplace organic. It would not have been hard for you to establish that this guy was a real estate geek who had never had the funds to play, and had a once in a lifetime opportunity. Or that he was a struggling scriptwriter whose wife laughed at his dreams, and then he made it big. Or....etc. If you had, then the financial gain would have been a part of establishing his ability to succeed, and he would have been a more likable character. A lottery win just makes him look impotent and dependent on fate.

2. Give us either SOMEONE to root for or SOMETHING VALUABLE that could be lost. This guy's marriage and wife are both garbage, and he's actively accepted that for years. He's not a very sympathetic figure, and his marriage is no great loss. He has money to worry over, but you quickly establish that he has a successful business that he loves, so...that's not really at stake either.

3. Consistency of character. He values hard work and is bitter that his daughters have been pampered into entitlement, but gives them each half a million dollars? He can lost his cool and basically tell his wife to fuck off to her face over an argument, but can't shut her down when it really counts? Either he should love her and be in self-protection divorce mode, or he should hate her (in which case we need an entirely different reason to care) and be direct.

4. Children as non-characters never work. To introduce that a character is a father and then to never give significance to those children is unflattering to your character. Whether they are shits or not...they should at least be a part of the story.

It SAYS PART ONE DUMBASS

why prolong the agony? three more chapters to skip.

Husband seems to embrace the victim role despite the alleged outcome.

No vote, no interest.

A good begining, as usual in CharlieB4...This will be a long story, so I'll wait for the last part to comment and rate it all...3* for now

The pieces are all in position, lets see how you advance them across the board.

Written very well. I normally avoid Aussie writers. At the beginning, I assumed the author was Brit. When I discovered the author was Aussie, I was glad I had started reading. Best-written Aussie story I've seen. In America, hubby could not hide the other $10M. No income tax in Australia?

You have the long suffering husband who puts up with his wife because to the inertia of a thirty year relationship. Giving her control of any money is the worst thing to do because she will blow it.

We shall see how things develop.

you are the epitome of " tough love " in your comment to this story. I did find them incisive but on the withering end of spectrum. There wasn't a sliver of praise to be found. I do agree with a fair amount of what you said but only wish you could apply the same standards to your work.

This narrator is a flawed soul . He is consistent in his inconsistencies. Although he excels at being a above average provider , in terms of being a spouse he is unable to curb his wife from demeaning him in their relationship. You and Charlie 84 share these themes in your stories and have been generous enough to share them with me and the rest of Loving Wife demographic.

Some pages of your collective work shine like diamonds, some as dust. But in all my comments, I truly try to find some positive aspect, usually opting to accentuate the positive, all the while communicating what reason there is for disquiet. Kudos on your critiques on this story. But once again, please endeavor to apply them to your work as well as Charlie84s.

Sincerely

Your ( for the most part ) fan- LSD

...I have liked and continue to like Charlie's writing. He creates scenes wherein characters actually speak to one another, do things like eye each other suspiciously, and just generally develop and react to the world they live in. He doesn't paint exaggerated pictures of übermensch, and he cares enough about his story to take the proper amount of time in telling it.

My thoughts listed before are just part of my stubborn attempt to turn the comments section of LW into something more than just a series of middle school-level discussions over whether each male character is a pussy or not.

The only part I found a little unbelievable was the attitude of the private detective. They are all business and I can't believe any would be as unprofessional as the one in this story. Other than that, I am enjoying the read. I think it's pretty obvious that his marriage is over.

There is a world outside the good ole USA, Tim. And there happens to be one or two good writers in that world. As well as CharlieB4, could I suggest you try Blin18 and xelliebabex as a couple of other good ones from the Antipodes.

L

ps: Only professional gamblers are taxed on winnings in this part of the world.

In my country the tax is paid from the gambling company so the winning money Quasy tax free.

I am enjoying the ride so far.

All that we have seen so far has to be paired with the opening scene. We have lots to look forward to.

Very nicely done.

Nice writing and a interesting story. I'm looking forward to the next installments.

Its amazing EVERY women this fucking idiot meets seems to have amazing power over him --- he cant out two words together without coming across as the the biggest douche bag of all time

right now I am pulling for the wife

When he won the lottery, that should have been it! Give the money to his sister to put into an offshore shell company, get a quick divorce, when the dust settles, leave others in charge of the firm and enjoy the money and a new life. Let the miserable witch and the brats fend for themselves. By the way, the fact that his wife was allowed to get away with all that crap, and his daughters were brats speaks as much of his failings in the marriage as it does of her failings...no winners in this story so far. Good writing all the same!

*****, carry on!

His marriage is over, but he can't break his wedding vows? I can only hope his wife takes him to the cleaners. He deserves any bad thing that is coming to him. I think she should invite her lover in and make her husband a house slave. Although he doesn't even deserve that, unless he cleans his wife after her lover is done boning her up the ass.

And we can expect 12 more pages of this drivel?

I like the storyline and how the characters are being developed. This makes very enjoyable reading so far, and I'm eager to see the following chapters.

I shall spend sleepless nights until you post the next chapter. I absolutely loved this story. You're a clever, funny and excellent writer. After I post this, I'm going to read some of your other stories.

If I was married to this insipid milk toast I would cheat on him too. Timid men deserve whatever shit dominant women dump on them, particularly when the timid tool lacks the balls to defend his honor and self respect. But of course, if he had any honor and self respect his wife would not be running roughshod all over him, or they would not still be married. But of course he can't even get that right, so she is making that happen, even if inadvertently. God this is painful reading.

And he is so lacking in imagination and fortitude that his budding new girl friend has to give him permission to kiss her! What a fucking wuss! Men like Jacques succeed with wives like Rachel because they are given a wide open shot by wilting cuckolds like "Jeffrey." The wife has no respect or fear of her husband, no concern what her daughters and family will think, so why not have some fun with a man who actually excites her, probably does not call her a fat ass or avoids her company, and who makes her think she is a sex goddess.

No, it is not Jeff's fault his wife has become Jacques slut. Its his fault his wife has been allowed to be a selfish, shallow, spoiled bitch, for years. So he should not be surprised she is doing what makes her life more fun and exciting without regard to him, his feelings, or the consequences. Up till now Jeff has never made her pay any consequences. She doesn't even get nervous when Jeff tells her to tell Jacques hello!

So don't expect any sympathy from me for this poltroon. Since he has never had the balls to confront and demand, he deserves whatever Rachel decides to dish out. Hell, he's been eating her shit for years. What's new?

He is a wimp, disgusting wimp, disgusting moron wimp, he deserv what he gets.

He`s a fuckin` Aussie, you ignorant prick !!

the aussie/brit aspect......

even as a dumb ass american,,,still award

4 stars

...a man this stupid and weak actually owning and operating a business, much less dealing with a wayward wife. Does he ever meet another person that doesn't make fun of him? He apparently has no friends at all, nor anyone at work he can count on. Generally he is an all around miserable human.

But... giving her 10 million was a wee bit over the top given his prediction of her poor financial management skills.

Good first chapter. Still many details aren't known and I look forward to ch. 2.

I don't understand how it happens. How do you write a story where the characters have the intelligence of 10 year olds . Why is it interesting enough that I wait for another chapter . I'm punishing myself ,that's it!

Dumb characters ; the mystery lottery winner needs to get his 30 million , public knowledge . He announced he won the lottery but lies about the amount . Really ,neither his sister nor wife, nor anyone else can connect the dots . At the same bank he deposited into two accounts his money .He tells his wife one for you, one for me how stupid is that . Unless he removed his wife from his account she has access .

Legally his wife will easily use a lawyer to find the money his sister is controlling .

More stupidity ,the wife has a man sleeping in her bed ,in her villa . Does she believe it's the 17the century and her husband cannot find out .

I don't know what happened CharlieB4. Did some details get removed during editing ? Is it that circumstances are different in Australia ? Why the lack of common sense in these people ?

Gave you 2*s . Maybe I am mistaken . I'll see what happens in the next chapter ( sic) .

AMerryman

The characters certainly put on clothes in this work. I am looking forward to the next chapters, though it is amazing that it will go on for three more days! There are so many bottled endings to close it out, but the author wants to work it through to natural conclusion after having sprinkled the stew with lots of dough.

Five stars dude. Good start. Some people don't appreciate quality in relationships.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for the offering.

Shitty writing. The wet rag described as an accountant is functionally retarded.

That's what happens when manual laborers try to write white collar workers.

You should know, cuckie!

Both countries use English (sort of), but there are two diferences the Australiian author should have covered a story widely read in the US. In Australia, the lottery winnings are non-taxable, and the winner can remain anonymous.

Generally impossible in the US, where the state government (which runs the lottery), knows to the last penny how much the winner made.

So, [spoiler alert], much of the drama in subsequent chapters is totally impossible as the wfe would know exactly how much he had.

Since I'm American, not Austrakian, there is just too much disbielf to suspend.

Accordingly, to an American, the story is nonsense, before we even reach the issue of whether the plausiblity of any of the characters as the author has written.

It's a darn good story or it would be if you quit breaking your med in half. Relaaax.

Looking forward to the rest of your story; I can already tell there's very little chance of a RAAC being readied to shove down our throats. The wife's behavior is horrible, even before her affair in France. France, of all places. She's having an affair with a tubby French con-man. LOL. She deserves everything she gets.

I've been reading stories on this site for over a year and I'm still appalled at the vehemence in the negative comments. For pity's sake people, it's just a story. You're NOT proving your manhood by coming here and posting hateful comments - you're simply proving how small and cowardly you are. Yeah, we all know the lottery results are posted in the US, we know that if you take the lump sum payout that it's less than the amount you actually won, we know it's taxed, etc. That doesn't bother me, I still enjoy the story. Take the 'dawg's advice and Relaaax. Or just go away. Nobody will miss you.

In several of your stories, you use the word "organize" for what we in the United States would refer to as "schedule" or "arrange", but absolutely NEVER for either of those terms.

Example from this story:

"They organized for me to go to one of their regional offices to present the ticket for verification . . . "

To us, "organize" is something you do to arrange things in some logical fashion, as DVD's by first word in the title, or putting the piles and piles of papers on your desk into some order. "Organize" can also mean to set up something or establish something, e.g., "he organized the disorderly rabble into a well-disciplined army".

And those of us who don't live in the good ole USofA have learned to cope with your use of the English language. It will do you a power of good to learn to cope with the way others use it too.

Lue

I'm patriotic to the point of being jingoistic, but the idiot anonymous who posted about how Australian English should be left behind in favor of American English when posting here is an embarrassment to our educational system.

but it does have no conscience, TK U MLJ LV NV

1 star for garbage. Take a note and do not waste time with wimp writers like this one.

Who cares whether it's a BTB or RAAC or Cuckold story. A good writer is able to make any circumstance believable. I like your writing, your plot-line, your characters... I like your story.

Sorry. I can’t feel for the protagonist.

He likes the abuse apparently. So he deserves all the shit piled on him.

4/5 for writing but I’m done with this story.

Thanks!

Smart man not to tell the so called 'entitled' bitch about all the money. Serves her right if Jaquess takes it all.

Good story, well told and thanks to the editors also.

You and your protagonist cannot hide the closeness to the British. The born idiot and cuckold. Knows his marriage is going down the drain, but gives her 10Mill. and lets her cuckold her in France. So we actually only know the British. But it also seems to be the case with the Aussies!

I like your story telling style.

re:luedon's comment Americans are to arrogant to learn the ways of others or their language. They feel one should bow to their ways only. Take away the one language from most Americans and they would have to bark like a dog to convey a message. I spend some time in the US and was told numerous times to speak English. Maybe if they visit other countries they should be told to speak that language also, but they can't because the majority never bother to learn another language, but then the majority never leave their country ever. By the way, don't threaten to take away their guns, they go ballistic. Also don't even mention abortion they go ape shit, but at the same time have nothing to say about the thousands that die yearly from guns. It isn't even safe to send children to school, every few months young people get shot to death and it seems nobody cares. It's a way of life in that nation. They have a two party system, but it appears only one party governs, the other one just obstructs, but yet the people put them in power anyway. Cheating and lying seems to be how they govern. Figure that one out. So it's best just to ignore the stupidity of some of them when they make comments. By the way, between the wife and I, we read, write and speak five languages. Enough said.

Anon luedons comments:

Feel free to stay gone beta boy.

@bacchant2.

Did you even read the story? On the first page the lottery win is in $ and he contacts a private eye in the UK from Australia…

1 star for usual ridiculous dumb LW stuff, He should have filed for divorce when she was abusing him. He should have deposited ALL the lottery under his (or rather corporate) name. He should have filed for diviorce the moment she cheated AND told the usuelsss kids (not like they'd probably care) and everyone else. He should have definitely NOT paid for vacation or agree to stay married "for the kids". I didn't bother reading the rest of this garbage after that. And he's an Aussie supposedly, so that's even less realistic and dumber.

This story is really dumb, the characters are of low IQ level, like totally hillbillies............why would you settle for the level of people who not ever be qualified to live above subpoverty level. NO point in reading any further.......

⭐⭐ I struggle to understand why authors write a LW MC as such a loser and think it's what, interesting??? And he won't kiss a beautiful woman who falls into his arms after spending the day with her because he's "married". But he'll kiss his wife who's sucking some other guys cock? Loser.

Not wasting time on the rest BTW.