The End of the Affair

He took the deal. I tried to hate him for what he'd done to his family, but all I felt was sadness for all of them.

So, what led us down the aisle?

It started with Belle. She would have nightmares and run into my room and climb into bed. I'd just snuggle her and go back to sleep. The first time Amber saw us she smiled, and about the fourth time she decided she deserved snuggle time, too. They ended up in my bed about four nights out of seven.

Nothing happened between us. She was still mourning her marriage and I didn't have those feelings then. It took about five months before they settled down enough to sleep in their beds all night.

I was self-employed and could make my own hours, while Amber had very rigid hours. It came to fall to me a lot to make sure Belle got to school on time, fix her breakfast, and pick her up in the afternoon. If something happened and I couldn't, one of our friends would do it, mostly Claire or Polly, but usually both. That didn't work out so well because they'd hold her hostage until almost bedtime. We finally had to set rules and stick to them.

I didn't realize I'd been promoted until she came out front with a little friend to be picked up. It was warm and I had the windows down so I could listen for her. I heard the girls talking. "Which one is your Daddy?"

She pointed at my SUV. "That one."

I made a big production out of getting out and helping her in, holding her up and giving her a big kiss on her cheek. She giggled but hugged me back.

I told Amber that night after she was down for the night what she'd said. She just smiled and patted my arm.

Later I felt someone slip in my bed. I rolled over to snuggle her and realized it was Amber. A naked Amber.

"Shhh," she said, as she tugged down my pajamas.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting a little Daddy time. Now be quiet or we'll have another little girl in here."

Trying to remain quiet while you make love for the first time in five months is not as easy as one would think. I think there at the end we were both biting pillows. I knew from memory how good she was, but there was a world of difference between young Amber and mature Amber. Neither of us lasted long the first time. It had been even longer for her, so we were both on hair-triggers. Two hours later it lasted much longer, long enough for us to fall into an exhausted sleep.

We woke to the sun streaming in and Belle standing at the foot of the bed. She crawled up and sat between us. "No fair, Mommy. I want snuggle time, too."

"Tonight, I promise." That made Belle happy and she started talking about breakfast. It was Saturday, and that meant waffles. I sent her down to get out the waffle iron and it gave us a chance to scramble into our clothes. Belle and Amber made the batter and I was the cook. Amber did fry some bacon to go with it. When we were done, we put the dishes in the washer and walked down to the stable. We usually groomed our horses first thing after cleaning the stalls.

Jeff told me most ponies had uncertain temperaments but Blackie was as gentle as a lamb and Belle took currying seriously, not stopping until her coat was shining. Sometimes Amber would braid Belle's hair, and then they would weave the same braids in Blackie's hair.

I would do my gray and Amber would do her horse, a pinto she saw and just had to have. She was a little pricey, but I bought her anyway. Jeff grinned all the way back as we brought her home in the trailer.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm guessing the horse isn't the only thing she'll be training."

"You're crazy, she's too young for me. And besides, she doesn't think of me like that anymore."

"If you say so."

We grilled out that night and they all admired her horse while they grinned at me. Claire grinned widest. "You're a dumbass for wasting all the years you could have had with her."

Her smile slipped a little with my answer. "There was just too much going on back then. I was afraid she'd be a rebound girl and I'd end up hurting both of us."

"That was then. This is now. Lord knows I'd love to see you happy again. You're a good man and if my head wasn't stuck up my ass back then we'd have three or four kids by now. Don't hesitate at this chance, Jake."

Kathy and the rest of the ladies chimed in at different times. When they weren't on me, they had Amber surrounded. I caught up with her as we ate. "Well, are we married with three kids yet?"

"No. We're at the stage where we have Belle and Jessica, and Jake Jr is on the way."

That was a mental picture that made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

*****

Belle could be pretty serious for a seven-year-old, and she came to me one day while I was down at the barn. I knew Amber was watching her all the way from the house. I lived in a quiet area, but I'd read enough horror stories that she was never out of sight. She climbed up on the stall wall and watched as I checked a wound the white mare had gotten somewhere. I'd put antibiotic on it, and if I didn't see an improvement by overmorrow, the vet would be coming by.

"Is she all right?"

"I think so, baby. I just did to her what I do to you when you get a scratch. I put medicine and a band-aid on it."

She grinned. "Did you kiss her boo-boo.?"

"No. If she ever turns into a cute little girl I might. Until then, you're the only one who gets their boo-boos kissed."

"Not even Mommy?"

"Well, maybe. She's not as little as you, but she's awfully cute."

I didn't know it, but Amber had walked down to the barn and we didn't see her, but she heard everything we said.

"You kiss Mommy a lot. You really like Mommy?"

"I really like your Mommy. A lot."

"Can I ask you something?" She looked about as serious as a seven-year-old child could.

"Go ahead, baby."

I want to call you Daddy. My friends all say you already are. If that's true, why can't I call you Daddy?"

Well, it sure was dusty in here. Must be why my eyes started watering. "You can call me Daddy if you want, sweetheart. I'd love to be your Daddy. But being Daddy is a lot more than just being called that. It means I have to love and protect you until you're all grown up. I can handle that, but it requires you love me back."

Her face lit up in one of those radiant smiles I loved so much. "Silly Daddy, I already love you. Does that mean you have to love Mommy, too?"

"Absolutely. Mommies and Daddies who have cute girls have to love each other. It's a law. But I won't be loving her because I have to. It will because I want to. For the rest of our lives."

That's when we heard the sob and looked behind us. Amber was on her knees, tears running down her cheeks. Belle ran to her, scared to death. "Mommy! Are you all right?"

When she could get her voice back, she told her she was more than all right, she was very happy. "Why are you crying because you're happy?"

"It's a big girl thing, sweetie. You'll understand one day. Would you like to spend the night with Aunt Claire and Aunt Polly?"

"Uh-huh. Why?"

"So Mommy can do big girl stuff with Daddy. All right?"

"Okay."

*****

Big girl stuff included ring shopping on the way back from dropping off Belle. We went to five different stores, from the big chains to a couple of small independent shops, before she found the one that was just right. Fate must have been with us, because it was the right size and she wore it out of the store.

I'd asked her to marry me in the barn, not the most romantic place, but I dropped to the floor beside her and asked anyway, with Belle as our only witness. Then there was some big three-way hugs and kisses from my girls. Lots and lots of kisses.

We were up most of the night doing big girl and big boy stuff with each other, and were a little slow getting out to the barn. Belle had told Polly and Claire about what had happened, and they smoked the phone lines. By seven, the party was in full swing. Jeff was manning the grill with me, grinning. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm happy for you. I've got some good news of my own. Kathy's pregnant, three months along."

"Well good for you. Learn all you can and you can guide me a couple of years down the road."

That sparked a trend, and in the next four months the other two ladies were pregnant. They had all coordinated it and they only slept with their husbands until they were sure they were with child. Jeff also told me no woman would bear any children that weren't their husbands'. They had all agreed.

The first one to a child wasn't any of them, because Claire and Polly adopted a four-week-old boy. They'd been qualified for 18 months, and they said it was pretty fast for the system. They told the guys it was up to us to teach them how to fish and ride, and anything else a young boy should know.

Amber decided that I was getting a little long in the tooth and she didn't waste any time, throwing out her birth control the day I gave her the ring. She must have been physic, because it was another girl, Jessica, then two years later, a boy, Jake Jr.

We had plenty of mainstream friends besides Claire and the group, but we rarely mixed them. Twenty years later we were at the barn watching my daughter Belle introduce her son to horses. He was giggling and reaching out for them just like she did, so I think he'll be fine.

We took a ride and I found myself besides Jeff, with a good little gap between us and the other riders. We were sharing memories and just general topics and I asked him if thought he would be living his lifestyle when he was in his seventies. "Absolutely. We've haven't had a new couple in our group for sixteen years, and I think we'll all be together until we die. Changes are coming, Jake. People are already more relaxed. I suspect in another twenty years it will be pretty common and multiple partner marriages will be legal."

"You really think so?"

"Think about it. Thirty-five years ago, you never thought gays would be mainstream to the point no one cared what their sexual orientation is, or that they would be allowed to legally marry. There's not one valid reason for multiple partner relationships being condemned other than some religious beliefs and long-standing custom. Do you care how many partners I have? if I get one more will I go over a quota you've set in your head that means we can't be friends anymore? I know you really didn't like it when you were in the lifestyle, and that was your choice; all the same, you didn't judge us for our choice."

I thought about that as we rode, remembering. If Claire hadn't cheated outside the group, would I have stayed in it? No, I would have eventually left. When Claire said it was the end of her affair it triggered something in me. No matter how you explained it, I got to feeling like I was in one long-running affair, cheating myself more than others out of the life I wanted. So, I ended the affair and lived my life, and I have few regrets.

*****

Another end of the affair story. I've known a few swingers in my life but it wasn't until recently I encountered a permanent multi-person lifestyle, and it was by accident. She's still a nice woman and once she knew I knew she relaxed and told me a little about her life. She even introduced me to her husbands. I'm too old, I think, to really understand the lifestyle, but if it doesn't hurt anybody it's their lie. She's the one that told me her lifestyle would be mainstream soon, using the same analogy I did in the story. I doubt it happens in my lifetime, but you never know.