by NylonDreams
This story had possibilities, but the ending is weak. If this was a first chapter, it would have been a 4, however, there are at least three unresolved issues: is his boss lying for some reason, were the friends’ wives actually involved, and the wife’s statement that “it is not what you think”.
Thought it was going to be a very good story, then it ended with lots of loose endings unfinished, so it became disappointing.
I did not care for this story. Sad endings with unfulfilled issues may be reality but I have enough reality in my life without Lit authors bitch slapping me with more
So, no explanations, no info of what her reasons were for cheating, no confirmation of what his "friends" and their wives had been involved in. No revenge on his boss, at least instigated by him. Also, no indication there would be a second chapter to allow closure of this story. Why not? So many loose ends.
why didn't he sue his company and his boss? Should have gotten proof. The ending was extremely flat and let me with a very uninspiring story.
Add 500 so she doesn't miss out on anything? Like she didn't miss out on fucking him over, getting all that strange dick, lying, cheating and disrespecting him? What a stupid fucking premise. I for one really appreciate the stories similar to this that realistically portray a cheated spouse not wanting the cheating asshole to not profit in the least.
This read like a country song. So that's it? Jobless, friendless, alone? I guess you accidentally left off the part where he offs himself?
Naval is a word that does not mean what you think it does. Getting something simple as 'navel' wrong in the first sentence doesn't inspire confidence to bother reading beyond that point
Generally a narrative with only a few instances of interaction between the MC and ANY other character. One conversation with his dominating boss, one conversation with his cheating wife, one conversation with "his good friend Neil", then narrative descriptions of a few job interviews. With details and interactions this sparse, not much could be made of the characters except stock actors in a mediocre play.
While the basic premise was so familiar as to become boring, the author's writing skills (as displayed in the plot development) were good, so kudos on that. Keep writing.
MLJ
Huh? What happened to the story? It had a lot of potential then it just disappeared!
Too many loose ends here. Who did attack the scumbag? How did that jerk's wife react? Did she arrange the beating? Where did Sheena go? what happened to his friends' marriages? It seemed there was another back story to this. A second chapter or an FTDS ending would be welcome. This is unfinished.
Did you just get bored and quit writing this story?? So many things left unanswered or just hanging that I'm not even going to start listing them. You're a much better writer than what you did to this story. It certainly needs a follow-up story.
Why did you bother posting this before you finished it? You have done so much better. Barely a 2!!!
Well ND, don't know what needs finishing more a case of fleshing out and writing in a manner that idiots can understand, you know LCD 'lowest common denominator' 5th grade reading skills. I do agree you really could smooth it all out take off the rough edges, there has to be an editor amongst all the experts in comments! Sorry not me I don't have English or American as a 1st language. BUT hey lots of stars!
Sorry, I usually love your stories ND, but this for me felt unfinished. I felt it was all built up for the ‘why’ to come out, for some type of resolution.
As always I love your writing, how you build the emotions and bring us for the ride. I truly hope that you have a part II to this and you’re just teasing us ;)
Now that said, thank you. I’ll just have to choose another of your stories to undo the tension this one has left :)
Half baked, uninteresting. Who cares about his bowling scores? Finish it up and provide some background, context, follow-up, etc
No ending too many holes why she married him but somehow topped and believed he would accept being cuckolded
The was good so far, but was never finished, too bad was a good start. So the cuckold never got his revenge, and the bad guy got his wife and blocked all good employment for him! McDonald really did deserve a good beating and his balls a good Stomping, to never be Used again. What about Sheena where is the rest of the story on her??
Too many holes in this and no ending at all. Could have been a good story perhaps, with some effort to flesh it out and create a viable conclusion.
What? No explanation from Sheena? No real revenge on her or the boss? No good ending for the MC? What was the point of this?
If Sheena was so badly wanting to explain after she came down she would have tried or the very least would have said it to him the next day...started real well but needed a more thorough ending
What?? Great story but no finish. You're a great writer, better than leaving us hanging.
I was thinking this was a good story until I got to the nothing ending, and said to myself WTF? So this fucking cuckold just quit his job, without even taking a swing at his boss, and he took no revenge on his boss, for black listing him. Or even tried to sue the company? No revenge on his cheating slut wife Either? Like tell her family, and Parents or to the new or Rumor mills about what a the slut did, or shove it up all her friend's asses. BUT no nothing, he just Wimped out of town, just Worthless ending..
What was the point of blacklisting him? Why didn't he tell the wife? What was the point of this.
Not he expected quality, more like a rush job. Very disappointed. So much potential. Author should consider a rewrite!
There was a ton of potential in that one. The fallout may have been somewhat realistic but I have a ton of unanswered questions. That makes this story a frustrating read.
That was a complete waste of time and energy. No insight into what happened or the wife's motivations for her actions. The "author' should be ashamed to have submitted this.
She claimed to love him but thought he would be willing to be cuckold not much of a story
This story is so typical of the British. The men are wimps or cuckolds and the women are whores.
In our state, he would have dragged his boss and his company through the public and the courts with a lawsuit for so long that they would have been happy to pay compensation! Don't the British have that? Then there would still be the possibility of involving the union. But I guess that doesn't work with the British either!