The Erotic Book Illustrator

She shook her head in confused bewilderment. "You condescending prick. I was sharing a fantasy with you that's all."

"Bullshit. You outright asked me if you could do it. That wasn't game playing. You were fucking serious."

She nodded slowly. "Yes, you're right. I was. We were having so much fun with the role play, and yes. I might have been a little obsessed. But bloody hell Sean. I was never going to do it."

"Yeah, then why the cold shoulder?"

"I was annoyed. God, we've fought for longer than that before. Yes, I wanted to try something, and I knew before you answered what your answer was going to b and that pissed m off. I wanted us to talk about it. Why I felt that way. I wanted to hear about how you felt, why you didn't want to do it. Instead, just like you always do. You just blew it all up. You couldn't even talk about it. All I wanted was an adult conversation."

"How did you expect me to behave? You told me you wanted to have sex with another man. To make that worse, you wanted to rub it in my face. Humiliate me, what was it you said? Oh yeah, I remember. You wanted me to sit outside the bedroom door and listen. You're worried about how I humiliated Stu. How the fuck do you think I felt after hearing that shit?"

"I'm sorry Sean. I handled it badly. But I was never going to do it if you weren't into it. I had to ask the question."

With tears collecting in her eyes, she added. "We had so much fun over the last month or so. The role play, the pillow talk. I thought you were into it. So I asked."

"I don't understand... I told you I wasn't interested."

"Yes, I know. But lots of men feel that way. They're afraid, or scared to admit it to their wife that it turns them on. Shit babe, there are literally thousands of comments from guys who went through the same emotions on the forums. You're not the first guy to go through the emotional confusion. For some reason men are afraid to open up and admit that it excites them. I thought maybe that's how you were feeling. All I wanted was a frank and open conversation."

Staring at her with what I hoped was determination. "Answer me one question, and it will have to be honest. Do you want to have sex with other men?"

I watched as the gears began to turn, her brows crinkled as she thought carefully. "Okay, you want honesty, then here it is. Yes I do. But, and it's a very big but... Only if you were happy with it as an outcome. Also, only if you were going to be there with me."

"Then I think my statement earlier holds water. I think I'll move out for a few day. I need space to decide what I want to do about that piece of information."

"Why? I told you it would only happen with your consent and participation."

"Yeah, I got that bit. My response was no way. What I now have to consider is. How disappointed you were with my decision and how the hell we would ever get past it. You would forever feel let down, cheated if you like. Whether you admit it to yourself or not. Slowly the resentment and bitterness would bubble to the surface and you would hold that against me."

"No I wouldn't." She stated loudly. "Like I said, I was confident I knew what your answer was going to be before I even asked the question. I bloody knew."

"Sorry Zoe. I don't buy that at all." Standing up, I carried my empty plate over to the sink, and dropped it in. "I'm going to pack a few things and find somewhere to stay for a few days."

"Fine, run away. After the way you treated Stu. I should have expected nothing less. You better watch out for Claire though. If she catches you. I think she just might kill you."

"Duly noted." I muttered as I walked up to the bedroom to pack. Jesus, how did this spiral out of control so quickly?

As I was loading up the pickup, she walked out and stood behind me. I could see her in the side mirrors, hands on hips. "Could you please call Stu? You need to apologise."

"For what? Everything I said was the truth."

"Sean, I don't know what's come over you lately. Stu was your mate, and you were close. You did the wrong thing. You were cruel and nasty to him. I know that wasn't the real you. I know you better than that."

Maybe she did, and maybe she didn't. Jesus, even I didn't know anymore. I sure wasn't proud of myself. I booked into a small camp ground down by the beach. It was cheap, and the beach gave me something to do. I walked, watched the waves.

It took the best part of a week, but with time to properly cool off, and with my mind spinning a little slower. I found myself really hating the way I dealt with Stu. I acted like a real dick. Zoe wasn't right about a lot of this, but she was right about that. I needed to fix it. Like it or not, I was going to have to suck it up and apologise.

My hand was shaking as I dialled his number. I was actually surprised when he answered. "What do you want?" He snarled.

"I wanted to apologise. I acted like a dick at the golf course, and you didn't deserve that shit."

I think he was shocked. "Well thanks Sean, I appreciate it." I sensed he didn't know what to say.

"Nah mate, I was a dick. I think I may have still been pissed. I'm not making excuses, I am sorry mate, I didn't mean any of that shit. You know that right?"

"No Sean, I have to say. I think you were saying what you felt. I know my lifestyle isn't your cup of tea, and you lost respect for me the moment you found out. But shit mate. That hurt."

"I know, I was wrong to say that stuff. And, yeah. You're right. I have struggled with the new, or should I say real you. Seeing you run around after Claire the way you do. Even though she treats you like shit. That's hard to take dude. Shit I've seen you at work ripping strips off guys because they fucked up. You let her walk all over you."

"I know it's hard to understand. Trust me Sean, Claire and my relationship, is fine. I'm happy with it."

"Yeah, whatever. Look the reason I called was to apologise. I am sorry for blasting you that way."

"All good mate. No worries. How are you doing?"

"All good man, I'm starting to work shit out."

"Don't bullshit me bud. Zoe is here now talking with Claire. She said you walked out."

"Yeah, things got a bit heated between us. We both said some shit."

"She told us, Seems like you owe her an apology as well."

"Nope, not happening mate. If anybody's apologising it's her. I'm not sure we can go back not after what she said."

"Your call Sean. I wasn't meaning you had to change your stance. All I meant was apologise for what you said. She is no slut my friend."

"Seems like it to me. What do you call a woman who fucks other guys?"

He chuckled softly. His voice not more than a whisper. "I don't know about you, but I call her mistress."

"You sick twisted fuck." I said laughingly.

"Maybe I am but this isn't right my friend. You need to fix things with Zoe. I know you love her, and I know she loves you."

"Yeah right. Sorry man, I gotta go."

The extra couple of days gave me more time to sort shit out in my head. I couldn't hide from Zoe forever. I had to go home to pick up my tools. I started my new project Wednesday, with a couple of days of inductions and safety briefings.

Pulling into the driveway Tuesday afternoon. I backed up to the shed, and started loading in my tools and instrumentation. As I sorted through what I would need. I heard her voice behind me. "Hey Sean."

Turning, I acknowledged her without turning. "Hey."

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I start a new project tomorrow. I needed my tools and stuff."

"Sean, come home. We need to talk. I hate you not being here. This is your home as well."

"Zoe, it might be my home, but I'm not sure you and I are meant to be together. I do love you. It's just that... I'm not sure love is enough. There needs to be respect."

"Oh for pity's sake. I do respect you. I always have." She sighed in frustration.

"Tell me then, how much respect could you have for me when you want to go off fucking other guys? How the hell is that being respectful?"

"If we were both happy with that as an outcome, and we were happy with it. Then I think it's respectful, doing it behind your partners back. Now that is where the disrespect lives. If we were both happy and aware of what was happening, then it is respectful."

"What if I want to fuck other women?" I saw her flinch a little, this wasn't something we had talked about up to this point. "I hadn't thought of that, but if it's what you wanted to do then yes. I could deal with that." She gave me a darker glare. "Is that where you've been, what you were doing? Teaching me a lesson?"

"Nah, don't be daft, for your information. I don't want other women. I was always happy with you."

"Sean, I had a fantasy okay, I asked. You said no, that's the end of the story. I will happily live the rest of my life with you as my husband. Our sex life has always been great. I know I threw a concept into the mix that you weren't happy with. But that doesn't mean we can't get past it. I said right from the get go, that nothing would happen without your consent or approval."

"Zoe, you don't get it. Knowing that I'm not enough, and that you want more hurts. You asking for my permission, actually told me that you were dissatisfied. It tells me I wasn't good enough."

"No, I never said that." She blustered. "I never once said that."

"You didn't have to say it in so many words. By asking for more, you were saying what you were getting wasn't enough?"

"Not true babe. You are all I have ever needed." We had never lied to each other, well as far as I knew anyway, so I had no reason to doubt her integrity.

"Then why tell me you want sex with other guys?"

"I admit I have been obsessed with it, and maybe it's because I see it working for Claire and Stu, and thousands of other couples. It's because I'm not dissatisfied with out love life. I am more than happy. It's more about opening our minds, trying something a bit kinky, something new. It's about being really dirty, raunchy and naughty. Something completely risqué, taboo. Shit, the thought of you watching me with another guy really gets me going. Even talking about it makes me all gooey and tingly inside."

With a shake of my head I replied discontentedly. "It just makes me angry."

She saw the sadness, I'm sure. She almost jumped into my arms, and her arms circled my neck in a crushing embrace. Her moth collided with mine. Her sweet velvety lips open, get tongue like a raiding serpent sought out mine in a ravishing urgent hungry kiss.

Her body melded with mine. Turning her, I pushed her back up against the body if my ute. My hands crushing her braless boobs. Her nipples already standing firmly, poking through the thin cotton of her top.

"Oh god yes." She moaned passionately into my gasping mouth. Dropping my hand between her legs, I felt her feet move allowing her legs to part, and I cupped her mound through the stretched fabric of her yoga pants. Already damp, the moist heat announced her excitement.

My own arousal was at a feverish pitch. With no sex for several days, I was on fire. My hand slithering down into her pants, into her moist cotton panties.

I was rewarded with an open invitation. Her puffy distended pussy almost begging for attention.

My fingers slid easily into the core of her womanly centre. Slippery and encouraging. I pushed down on the elastic top of her pants, and she wriggled and writhed helping me get them down low enough.

Her arms never once released. She clung to me, scared I think that if she let go, the magic would evaporate. Once the pants were down around her knees, she raised a foot and pushed them off completely. Her pussy wet and sticky, my hands covered with her concupiscent gooiness.

Aroused as I was, my mind in a wild passionate frenzy, I pushed down my own jeans, pushed myself between her parting legs and drove what felt more like an iron bar deep up into her. In no mood for gentleness, I bent my knees and battered her squelching pussy.

Her legs lifted and locked around my waist as I fucked her with a violence I had never experienced. Beyond brutal, I let all of my anger biol into passion. Her whimpering cries of "Yes... Oh god yes..." Only drove me harder.

Her arms stayed locked around my neck as she bounced against me. Her legs contracting, matching my thrusts.

It was wild, animalistic, and passionate. All over in a matter of minutes. We kissed deeply, as I eased out of her. "Oh my god I needed that." She sighed. "I have missed you so much Sean."

"I missed you as well Zoe."

"Good, then stop all this foolishness, and come back. I never wanted you gone in the first place."

It was a no brainer, maybe I overreacted. I know in the heat of the moment, I did say shit perhaps I shouldn't.

Once home, life did become more normal for want of a better word. Our lovemaking regathered the old warmth and love. The trust levels returned, and we didn't have to think before talking.

When, Zoe told me, Claire and Stu were coming over for a barbecue Friday night. I was a little shocked. Even after my apology. I hadn't heard from Stu. I knew Zoe and Claire met for lunch a few times, and they talked at least two or three times a day. However, she had never come to the house.

"A barbecue aye, surprising. I thought Claire hated my guts?"

"Only because of your treatment of Stu. Although she wasn't pleased with being called a slut."

I chuckled, imagining her reaction when Stu told her...

"Sean, they were our best friends, and since we moved here. Life wouldn't have been so easy, or fun. They went out of their way to include us in their group of friends. Shit, if it wasn't for them. We wouldn't have had a social life."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I get it. I'll be on my best behaviour. As long as she doesn't promote her lifestyle choices, then we'll be good."

She scowled at me with dark hooded brows. "Just don't be late home from work."

I got home early to find Zoe was already going hard out. She had the salads already made. She had rolls baking in the oven. I was directed to get the barbecue cleaned and fired up. With a beer in hand, I cleaned it down, and thankfully it fired up. Zoe dropped off a mountain of meat...

"Jesus how many people are coming?"

She laughed at my jibe. "Stop it, there's just the four of us."

I was busily pretending to be a chef, when I heard Stu's car pull into the driveway. The greetings were loud as everybody made their way outside.

Stu walked up to me, chilly bin in one hand. Dropping it at my feet he drew me into a man hug. "Hey mate." He said warmly.

"All good bud, what about you?" He reached down, pulled out two beers from his chilly bin. He offered me one, and we toasted as we always did clinking bottles.

Claire, had been standing back watching the exchange. Her and I had historically had a great relationship. That seemed to have fully broken down. "Hello Sean." She said coldly.

"Hi Claire. Nice to see you." I replied with about as much enthusiasm as she had offered me. Zoe recognised the tension was building. "Claire, do you want to give me a hand babe?"

They disappeared and went back inside. Stu looked at me with anxious eyes. "That went well." He muttered sarcastically.

"She seems to have some issues with me all right." I replied.

"Mate, come on. Some of the shit you said about her was pretty over the top."

"I didn't say them to her though. I said them to you."

"Sean, Claire and I don't keep secrets from each other. Your comments hurt. When she asked why I was crying. I told her...

"Yeah, I'm sorry for that."

"It's in the past Sean. No grudges on my part. Claire on the other hand can carry that anger around for a while."

"It'll be what it'll be mate. I won't push her."

"Mate, if you were to offer an apology, like you did with me... It might help."

"It's hard for me Stu. I know I had no right to call her names, but I do want to be honest. I feel like she has really shit on you, and is really being a nasty bitch towards you. I can't help that."

He winced, sipped his beer slowly. "Sean, I know this is hard for you. Shit, it's hard for everyone who hasn't lived with it. The lifestyle we live, was driven by me, not by her."

"Jesus..." I took a long gulp of my beer, trying to find the right words. "See, mate. That is what I don't get. I simply can't get my head around it. You like it."

He nodded. "You don't want to talk about this, but you can't hold Claire responsible. It took me a long time to convince her to walk down this path."

"Okay bud, even if that's the truth. I see in the way she orders you around. She likes it. She's not doing it against her will. I've seen you cringe when she humiliates you in front of us."

"That's true, she does. Maybe that side of her was always there. She loves it as much as I do. I would never force her, or anybody down this road. It works for us, that's not true of everybody."

We finished our beers and had another couple before I called out to Zoe that we were ready and the food was cooked.

It was a pleasant evening. The sun hung low in the sky, the breeze wafted across as we all enjoyed the food. The conversation was slow, and forced for a while. Stu and I were trapped in our world, and Claire and Zoe shared their own.

I caught Claire taking sneaky glances at me, as Stu and I shared a few stories and jokes. It was clear she wanted to say something.

I waited for a break in conversation before I said so everyone could hear. "Claire, I apologise. Let me get that out there. I said some things I shouldn't have. I know they were insulting, and I don't really know enough to comment on your life choices. So, yeah. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I can see you've got something to say. Lets clear the air, take your shot. I'm not going to hold it against you."

She looked from Stu, to Zoe, then back to me. "Thank you for the apology, but you really hurt me." Her voice went up an octave as she got into it. "You're right you know nothing about me or our life. Not a bloody thing. It might seem weird to you but we are happy." The last words rang out emphatically.

"Claire, I said I was sorry. You and I were friends, we freely talked about all sorts of shit. I would like for some of that back. This is your chance. Get it all out, don't hold back."

She stood up and leaned across the table, her nose flared. "All right, you want it. Here it is. I think you've got some real issues with self esteem. I think you're a very insecure little man. You put all of your fears and inhibitions onto Stu, and he didn't deserve that. He was your friend."

"That may be true. I don't know, but yes I do have some issues with your choices."

"Yeah, it's frigging clear, don't worry. I got it. Just because we don't fit your idea of how a successful marriage works doesn't make it wrong. Just different, you're nothing but a closed minded intolerant weak little man."

I had to stand there and take her insults, I asked for it, and she gave me both barrels. "We're going to have to agree to disagree. We are adults, and I'm trying to be less judgemental."

She looked around the group, and I knew she had more. In the end, she sat back down muttering "thanks."

It didn't happen overnight, but we did manage to find some of our old friendship. Stu and I were always going to. The football season started, and we both played on the same team. It was only social but it was fun.

Zoe and I also found ourselves delving back into the role playing with sex. She was still obsessed with the cuckold thing, and it found it's way into our lovemaking. I probably should have fought it off. The truth is it brought out a side of Zoe I loved. Whilst we were in the middle of her role play, she became, adventurous and sexy as fuck.

Previously, she wasn't exactly demure or uninterested, but with this new fascination she was alive and so engaged. It wasn't that I was into it, I was into her. If she was wild and sexy, I got the benefits... And for that I wasn't complaining.