The Expat

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."

She finally pulled me down a little and kissed me on a cheek.

"Thank you. Thank you. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. When I woke up I was already in the hospital and I was barely able to find out what had happened after we capsized. Nobody knew your name. I had no way of finding you."

I took her hands from my face and pushed her softly away a bit.

"It's ok. It was nothing. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I'm glad I could help."

"You saved our lives! That's not nothing."

"Ok. That came out wrong. What I wanted to say was that I didn't expect any reward or recognition and the life vests you wore did more to save your lives than I did."

She was still visibly shaken at the surprise of meeting me but I could clearly see that she tried her best to collect herself, if only for her daughter.

"Do you have time for a coffee? Or even better, for dinner!"

I was tempted to accept her offer when I remembered my groceries.

"I'm afraid I have to get my stuff here into the freezer quickly before it defrosts."

The look of disappointment on her face was hard to ignore but the desperate plea that came from her daughter almost made my heart melt, "Pleeeeease!"

"I can't. Sorry. But how about lunch tomorrow? I can pick you up at noon and we can go to the 'Lakeside'."

"Oh, Mom. Please say yes! Pleasepleaseplease."

"Of course I do, Suze."

I pulled out my phone.

"Then all I need is your name and address."

"I'm so sorry. You must think I'm some ill-behaved fool. My name is Amy, Amy Frazier and this is Susanne or Suze for short."

I opened the contact app and created a new contact before handing her the phone, "Would you mind? It's probably easier if you enter your data yourself."

She took the phone and started typing. She still had my mobile in her hands when I heard her own phone ring in her handbag. Looking at her to see if she heard it, I saw her disconnect a call.

"Just making sure I have your number," she replied coyly as she handed me my phone back.

I took it back and with a few taps had sent her all my contact details. She heard her own phone chime and I told her what I had just done. We said our goodbyes and headed home, each in our own direction.

At home, I stored the food in the freezer and went for some off-time in the pool. After completing my normal sixty laps I returned upstairs, heated a package of frozen lasagne in the microwave and sat down to continue my analysis.

+

The next morning, I dressed in shorts and a Polo-shirt as the forecast was predicting temperatures around thirty-five Celsius or ninety-five Fahrenheit. I hadn't gotten used to the imperial system yet and kept converting the temperatures, lengths and weights to the more familiar scales. As I expected my driving time to be roughly ten minutes I left at a quarter to twelve.

My estimation proved correct so I drove past her house to circle the neighbourhood for a couple of minutes. I parked my car in her driveway two minutes before noon and walked up to the main entrance. I never made it there, though, as I was ambushed by a little raven-haired wildcat coming around the corner from the garden.

"Mr Hero!"

She launched herself at me, trusting me to catch her. Fortunately, I didn't disappoint her. I picked her out of the air, got a near perfect grip around her chest and under her arms and swung her around, letting her legs fly up, making a whooping sound.

"Hey, Sweetie. How are you doing?" I asked once I had sat her down on my arm.

She replied by throwing her arms around my neck and placing a loud kiss on my cheek.

"Great!"

"Susanne Frazier! Give poor Phillip a break."

I looked in the direction from where the voice had come from and smiled, "Hi Amy. Are you... Wow!"

I was quite proud of my capability to utter at least that one word after I laid my eyes upon her. She looked simply fabulous wearing a fiery red sundress with thin shoulder straps, a deep neckline showing off her bosom and a belt highlighting her waist. It ended maybe halfway down to her knees.

"Thanks," she smiled coyly as she tugged a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, cast her eyes downwards and tried to look at least a little embarrassed.

I didn't buy that embarrassment for a second. She knew exactly how she looked and had dressed to get precisely the reaction she got from me. She approached us, I still had her daughter on my arm, took my arm to pull me down a little and stood on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"Hi, Phillip. Ready to go?"

"Sure. Your husband's not coming?"

"There is no husband. And no boyfriend, either."

I had, of course, assumed that she was married or at least had a steady partner, she had a little daughter, after all, so hearing that she was unattached caught me by surprise. This must have been obvious on my face and it didn't take a genius to guess what my next question would be if I hadn't had Suze on my arm, so she just whispered 'later' into my ear. We walked to my car, a 3 series BMW leased by the headquarters, where I noticed the difference between a company and a family car.

"We'll either have to switch the kiddy seat or take your car," I remarked to Amy.

She just smiled and I couldn't shake the impression that I was being evaluated by her. I seemed to be doing pretty well because she simply pointed to the seat standing next to the main door. I went to pick it up, Suze didn't even think about making my life easier by letting me put her down, and returned to the car. After opening the door and trying to figure out how to fit that seat into my car I turned back to Amy.

"I could use some help here. My experience with these seats is non-existent."

I wasn't totally sure but I had the impression that my willingness to admit that she, a woman, could do something even remotely technical better than me, a man, without trying to find some excuse, earned me a favourable mark on her board. I also wasn't sure why it mattered to me so much.

"Sure. Let me do it."

With a few experienced movements, she had the seat placed and fastened and moved aside to let me put Suze into it. But there was a limit to how much I was willing to spoil that girl, so, with a grin, I put her on her feet and told her to climb in.

"Big girls can do that on their own."

Quickly Suze climbed in, I strapped her in and told her to watch her hands and feet and closed the door. Of course, my next step was to open the passenger door for Amy and help her do that 'I'm-wearing-a-skirt-and-have-to-be-careful-not-to-flash-anyone'-slide into her seat. I closed her door carefully, hurried around the car and climbed in as well. It was a twenty-minute-drive to the 'Lakeside' and the chatting consisted mostly of Suze telling me what kind of entertainment we could do after lunch. I did notice that all activities were taking place on land and about as far away from the lake as possible.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I first helped Amy out of the car before unstrapping Suze. The little girl made it very clear that she expected me to carry her into the restaurant, a task which I gladly took upon myself. But I also realised that I would have to be careful with her. I didn't intend to stay here for longer than it took to save the mall and it was unlikely that Amy and Suze would want to accompany me to wherever my next stop would be so I had to avoid getting her too attached to me. Her mother would be able to decide for herself when I told her the facts but the girl was a different story.

We spent a wonderful lunch during which I learned a little about Amy and Suze. She would be twenty-seven soon, in September, Suze was four and a half, her birthday in March. The father had disappeared the moment he learned of the pregnancy and she had since been supported by her own parents and was working part-time as a substitute teacher. While she was working, Suze stayed with the day care centre in the school. Amy tried to insist on paying for the lunch as she regarded it to be a reward for pulling them out of the water. I countered by arguing that I had invited them and that I had chosen the restaurant. I completely failed to convince her, though. My rescue came when the waiter automatically brought the bill to me, making me think that there are a few instances when sexism is not a totally bad thing. The look she gave me when I commented accordingly clearly spoke of her disagreement but I could also tell that she actually enjoyed being treated like a lady on a date with a gentleman.

After lunch, we went for a little walk along the lakeshore. I didn't miss out on the fact that Suze always kept us between her and the lake. After an hour or so of strolling, she became a little tired and used her charm to get me carry her for the rest of the walk. While Amy and I kept talking about anything and everything, the one thing that never came up, though, was my work but I was relieved to learn that the rowdies that had caused the accident had been identified and charged. When we returned to my car I was surprised to realise that Suze had fallen asleep in my arms, her face resting on my shoulder, drool running out of her mouth onto my shirt. I carefully loaded her into her seat, helped Amy into the car and drove us back to her place. Once there, I got a bear hug from Suze who had woken up during the short trip back and a light kiss on the cheek from Amy.

Later in the evening, I sat at home, trying to concentrate on defining a strategy on how to make the mall profitable again without the need to invest money we didn't have but failed miserably. I really liked Amy, she was easy to talk to, I had found out that she had a really smart brain in her head, she was modest, compassionate and, last but not least, very easy on the eye. She had a beautiful face and her dark eyes sparkled in a way I hadn't thought possible. What surprised me even more was that I really liked Suze, too. She was an extraordinary mixture of a sweet angel and a boisterous tomboy. She also was the spitting image of her mother, with the same black wavy hair, the almost black eyes and a cute button nose. What scared me the most was that I could easily see myself falling for both of them. Then what would I do in two or three years when it was time to move on? Amy wasn't by any means someone I could, or wanted to, use for comfort the way I had used the young woman during my time in Brazil. But build a relationship when it would be heading nowhere? As I had reasoned with myself earlier I could talk to Amy about this but what about Suze? She was already very attached to me and my heart hurt when I imagined how she would feel when I was sent on to Dakar, Kathmandu or wherever and leave her and her mother alone again.

+++

I always prided myself to base my decision on logic and not emotions. Unfortunately, that philosophy dictated that I forget about them, get my head down and keep focused on saving the mall. I almost managed to convince myself that it was the right decision but Constance realised within two days that something was wrong with me. She cornered me on Wednesday, only a few days after my date with Amy and Suze.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine. I'm just pissed that I'm not finding a solution to this mess."

"It doesn't have anything to do with the woman and the child from last Friday evening?"

Damn. I should have anticipated that she knew about everything that happened in this building. There was a reason why I regarded her as my most important employee after all.

"What are you talking about?"

She just laughed at my poor attempt to weasel my way out of this interrogation and it didn't take her long to get me to tell her the full story, including my fears what would happen in a few years when it was time to move on. She had that motherly touch on her and I should have listened to her advice right then and there. Mothers know best and she was the thing closest to a family I had, but I didn't so it would be a couple of weeks before I saw Amy again.

+++

Two weeks later, it was nearing the end of August, I was driving home from work when my phone rang. I replied on the hands-free device, not checking who called.

"Phillip Kohler."

"Hi, Phillip. It's Amy."

I was so heavily caught by surprise that I almost forgot to keep my attention on the road but I did not fail to notice that my pulse increased dramatically.

"Phil?"

"Yeah, still here. Sorry. I'm driving and had to focus on traffic for a moment. How are you?"

"Ok. A bit confused but ok. And yourself?"

I reflected on that and realised that I felt a lot better, only from hearing her voice now in the car over the speakers than I had in several weeks but I couldn't tell her that. Not after I had failed to call her in the last two weeks.

"A bit overworked, I guess, but generally ok. How's Suze doing?"

"Not so good. She's developing a hydrophobia and she misses you. She keeps asking when she can see you again."

That wasn't fair play. She was using her daughter to give me a guilty conscience. I sighed. I was quite sure that Amy could hear that, even over the hands-free device.

"We need to talk. Just you and me."

"She's the reason you didn't call, isn't she?"

Fuck. This was not going how I wanted but I wouldn't lie to Amy.

"Yes, she is but it's not the way you might think. Please. This is not a conversation I want to have on the phone. Can we meet somewhere?"

"I can't find a sitter on such a short notice but I just put Suze to bed and she will fall asleep shortly. Why don't you come over around eight?"

I checked the time on the car's display. Just past seven so I had an hour to get over to her. I would walk right into the lion's den. I was not at all sure that this was a brilliant idea but what could I do? She deserved an explanation for my silence and I really didn't want her to think I rejected her because she was a single mother so I accepted her invitation.

When I got home, I stored away my dinners for the next week into the freezer, took a quick shower and dressed in Jeans and a Polo. I parked in Amy's driveway only a few minutes after eight and was careful not to slam the door loudly. Walking up to the door I was questioning myself whether I should knock or call because I didn't want to wake Suze but my worries were unnecessary. Amy opened the door just as I pulled out my phone to call her.

"Hi, Phil. Please, come in."

"Hi, Amy. Thanks."

I wasn't sure what I had expected but this very guarded greeting and the very conservative clothing, a pair of Jeans and a T-shirt that revealed none of her alluring features, left me a little disappointed. While I slipped out of my shoes and followed her to the living room, I scolded myself a little. After our phone call, she would most likely expect me to make all kinds of excuses why I didn't want to see her.

"Anything to drink?"

"You have coffee?"

She looked at me curiously.

"At this time of the day? Don't you ever sleep?"

I smiled back weakly.

"Coffee doesn't keep me awake. I can drink a mug and go to sleep fifteen minutes later."

While Amy went to fix a mug for me, I went through my script. When she returned, she had a cup of tea for herself, she pointed towards the dinner table. I noticed that she didn't expect me to want to get comfortable on the couch. Again, I felt a little twinge of pain but I saw her point of view.

"Let me get one thing out straight away. I like you. You're smart, committed, compassionate and you're beautiful. There are no words to describe Suze, so I'll keep it simple and just say she's absolutely adorable."

"Then why didn't you call? What's the problem? Is it because I'm a single mother?"

"What? No! Really. You must believe me. But somehow my job never came up while we were having lunch and were walking along the lake."

She looked at me without saying anything else, looking probably a bit disbelieving but willing to wait for an explanation. I gave her a rough outline of my career so far. School, Fortaleza, Chongqing, Bomery.

"The way it looks, I'll be here for maybe two and a half or three more years at most and then headquarters will move me on. To where, I don't know but it could be anywhere; Asia, Africa, Europe, South America, Australia. I don't know. I don't think the headquarters know yet."

"So what?"

"So what?" I repeated after her, mildly shocked. "You're an adult woman, you can ask yourself whether or not you want to have a relationship with me. But Suze is already bonding with me. Don't think for a minute that I don't know that because I damn sure bond with her as well. But when I have to leave in a few years we'll just suffer."

"Who says you have to leave? You could decide to stay."

I started to understand that I wouldn't be able to get my point across.

"And do what here?"

"I don't know. Manage the mall?"

"That's not what I'm good at. I'm good at fixing them but not necessarily at running them. That takes a different set of skills. Ones that I don't have."

She sat there for a moment, shaking her head. Before she could reply, I went on.

"I'm not happy with it. From my point of view, I have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. No matter what I do, I lose."

"You're just scared."

That was, at least partially, true but it was also unfair.

"I haven't heard you mention the option to follow me on my travels. You're kind of asking me to risk a bad case of a broken heart or my career on the chance that we would end up together. You haven't considered coming to Gaborone in Botswana or Samarkand in Uzbekistan or some godforsaken town somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Australia. Why not? What makes you think that I would want to stay here in Bomery?"

"Who says I wouldn't? I don't know what will happen when your stint here comes to an end. But I know that I'm willing to take a chance. I'm not tied down to Bomery. I moved here shortly after Suze was born because I found a part-time job here as a teacher. I can teach anywhere. I'm sure English native speakers with a teaching certificate can find a job almost anywhere. But that's not even important. What's really important to me is that Suze has been happier than ever after we met in the mall. She couldn't stop raving about you after our lunch and hasn't stopped asking about you every day since. And I like you, too. It's been a long time since I felt that kind of connection with anyone. I really want to find out where it comes from and where it leads. And if it's Timbuktu then so be it."

I sat there, thinking about what she had said. Was she right? Was I just scared? Did I use my itinerant career as an excuse to not let her come close and avoid being hurt? One thing I couldn't deny was that I really didn't know what would be in three years. To hell with it.

"So, what are you two up to tomorrow?"

The smile she gave me made me realise that she had known before me which conclusion I'd come to.

"I was planning on forcing my daughter into her swimsuit and go and fight her hydrophobia."

"Is it only the lake or also indoor pools?"

"It's getting worse by the day. I find it more and more difficult to get her to even take a bath."

I took that information in. I was in no way a child psychologist but I had lots of experience with water and from the time as pool supervisor during University, I also had some experience with anxious kids. Maybe I could help.

"Why don't you bring her over to my place tomorrow after lunch?"

"Why wait so long? We could come midmorning and have lunch together."

I laughed quietly and slightly ashamed.

"I don't want to poison you. It's a lot safer if you have lunch on your own beforehand."

"Midmorning around ten it is. I'll make lunch for the three of us."

I laughed out louder this time. She sure wasn't one to take a no for an answer when she wanted a yes but I liked strong-willed women.