All Comments on 'The Fallen Ch. 03'

Getting very interesting! I like how your taking the time to explain your world, but not taking to much time. :) hope your next chapter is out soon! Thank You

DJ

I loved chapters 1 and 2, but this one was really dry. Show, don't tell, and when you have to tell, break up the info dump. Full lit pages of exposition are just too much.

I have been on this site sense it started and this is one of the best stories I have read. The writing and flow of the story is spot on. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue with it.

Don't forget that there are stories on here with FAR more exposition than this.

And in the context of this story, it makes sense to convey the information this way.

but it is enjoyable, you're putting in enough detail to build a complicated world, and honestly it took re-reading several sections, but it makes sense and it's held my attention. I'm wondering what Erykah turns out to be, and how she's going to upset the balance of power (because that's obviously where this is going). I could care less about the sex right now, the story has wings of it's own.

This story is awesome, as one of the previous comments said, this story has wings... Let it fly! :)

for sharing. Please continue!

but I'm sure the information will come in handy to those who can remember all those details.

I don't buy Thomas' absence based on the rule of two. Build a granny flat in the backyard or buy the house next door or even in the next town over. The parents could have pretended to be separated but staying close together for the sake of the kids. Or, Thomas could have kept the kids together and left himself. Problem solved, only two eternals in the house. Then he could have come back to visit regularly. There are many ways they could have lived in different dwellings and still kept their family together. I don't see any reason for Thomas to be completely absent in her life...

Thank you for encouraging me to continue with your kind words and constructive criticisms. I knew there would be some who found the exposition portions a bit dry for their likings, but there were some basics that needed covered quickly. I sort of saw it like ripping off a Band-Aid...just do it fast and be done with it. This stuff is only scratching the surface of what I already have outlined as far as the mechanics of Erykah's world. This will be the only chapter with so much stuff like that, though. I promise.

To cantfightfate: Yes, it does seem like a rather flimsy excuse...doesn't it? Hmmm...interesting is it not? Lucky for Thomas that Erykah was so distracted and emotional from her awakening she didn't question it. Not yet, anyway...

But I like what I've read so far. I expect to keep reading as you progress with the story!

As for the "dry" criticisms, I respectfully disagree. YOU are the story teller. Not the critics. If it was written EXACTLY like one critic thinks it should be written, then some other critic will tel you it's "too predictable"

This should be about how YOU are comfortable telling the story, not about how some formula should be followed. If it works, you will get a lot of readers, if it doesn't, you may not; but as long as the story pleases YOU, its a success.

I think you will get a lot of readers. I was not very appreciative of the "there are a LOT of "magical" entities" and of all sorts of different descriptions like Werewolves Vampires, etc. (the long list) because as I mentioned, those stories are not generally my cup of tea. I get having a few, but the list seemed to me a bit preposterous for a setting of "normal" earth and mankind is oblivious to all this. But again YOU are the storyteller, not me, or anyone else. You clearly have a plan for where this is going; take it there without letting others interfere!.

As I mentioned, this is not generally what I read (or write), but I'm interested in where this goes, and its because of the story weaving its web, and you are the weaver...

You for giving an update on chapter fours status in your bio page. I'm really looking forward to your next offering. Thank you for sharing it here!

Wow..... I too am a sci-fi junkie. Really love the world your weaving. Please continue, you have me hooked. The magic that is drawn from your imagination is truly amazing. I think your explanation of religion has a touch of genius, with the rest thrown in shows a deep understanding and although a bit complex for my small brain to grasp. But I am loving it. The complexity of your story will just make me comes back and read it all again. PS the sex scenes were really nice too😎.

Such excellent storytelling.