All Comments on 'The Family Man'

Wonderful story. A joy to read.

One of the best stories I’ve read here. My only bitch is it’s “provenance“ not “providence.”

I read the message in your bio about your work being stolen and sold on amazon and how your new work, "will never see the light of day." I'm sorry that happened to you but why not just sell your new work on Amazon and let us know about it in your bio? There are plenty of us who would be happy to spend a couple bucks on a kindle download for new stories.

Just a small gripe about her learning gun safety and flicking off the safety.... glocks have no safety to turn off, you just make sure there's a round in the chamber and squeeze the trigger.

I agree with the below comments. I just really loved the story. Very creative. Will continue to read what you submit.

6*, Very interesting story and well crafted.... However, a few edit issues between Eric & Jake, got confusing as the names got flip-flopped a few times in the wrong sentences.

Now wouldn't it be so very interesting if 'Amy' is Quentin's daughter??? That would be one interesting wedding!

I really enjoy reading your work. I love the escape. Thank you for sharing.

For future writing, Glocks do not have a safety. The safety is considered to be the double trigger (trigger within a trigger)

See above.

... Does NOBODY on the Lit site know that the pronoun "I" is ALWAYS correct as the subject and NEVER correct as the object of the sentence?

Different. Very. Different but I really enjoyed it

A couple of times Eric's name became Jake, and once Robertson. Otherwise a good story. Good start, wondering if it would be Jake or Eric would get the woman.

You had me going all the way to Chapter 10, and then you had to go into Fantasy Mode, which I do not like. What a total waste of time.

Please use a decent editor who understands usage and grammar! Way too many distracting erroneous uses of words e.g. break/s instead of brake/s, providence instead of provenenace, council instead of counsel, and many more. Good story let down by structural problems.

...after completing 9 pages, and went to the comments, which verified my perception that this was a ghost or spirit story (a comment used that term immortal) that could have been in SciFi/Fantasy or Nonhuman -- categories I do not normally read. I wish there had been a prefatory note that it could be SiFi/Fantasy or Nonhuman, to keep me from reading 9 pages of a genre that I do not care to read.

Frustrated Reader,

Paul in Oklahoma

Really good story line. It would be even better with a good editor.

The biggest thing I would say is it may have been better to have the Gaul slaughter part be at the beginning of the story so the whole immortal battle thing doesn't just come out of nowhere.

Your works have always entertained me. Thanks for your efforts. It is a shame your works have been stolen by others, incapable of writing their own stories. It is funny how the negative reviews shown on this page are posted by the spineless "anonymous" readers. Hope you find an outlet for your writing that brings you joy, and I discover where that is. Thanks

Excellent story, the vengeance part was nice. Putting the history of the conflict as a memory was a very good story gambit, it made reading the part before intriguing, well done.

An author was once told by an editor : " I have enjoyed your stories. They are peppered with grammatical and spelling errors that can distract a reader . " Lol . Don't forget your editor .

Screamed Highlander at me and being my favourite film was not expecting to like it which I didn’t I loved it was so good flowed from start to end absolutely talented writing I’m slowly reading all your stories and have not been disappointed at all 5* and that’s only because can’t give more

DC, consider yourself highly praised.

But, you do need an editor. I’m surprised Overcritical didn’t drop you to a 3* for that.

I loath historical drama

This is one of several of your stories I've read now, and I've noticed a few different times you've used the word "interrupting" when you clearly meant "interpreting". If you interrupt someone, that means you stop what they are doing (usually stopping them in mid-sentence to say something else). If you interpret someone, that means you're reading what they actually mean.

Your stories are great, so don't take this the wrong way at all, I'm just pointing out something I've noticed a few times while reading through them.

This was still a great storie the second time around, I keep coming back as I haven't found anything quite as good as your writing. Thank you I need your stories as the one year anniversary of my loss approaches.

A very few nits - for example "providence" should be "provenance" - but none of those matter.

Wherever you are DreamCloud I truly hope you are still writing! I hope you are publishing them somehow. There is WAY too much talent just to write and leave in a drawer or a hard drive. I am saddened that so many stories ok All of them On this site were stolen and published for greed. It took away the recognition of your writing talent and monetary reward but not your writing talent. A sincere thank you for leaving these stories on this site. A prayer / wish that you are writing and publishing, sharing your stories, writing talent.

If you are writing please let me / us know on this site because I would read, purchase as quick as I could.

Not what I expected but a good story.

Your plots are wonderfully imaginative! Your writing is very well paced, dialog is believable, etc. Normally I'm a proofreader and there's lots here to correct, but the plot and execution are always so well done that I just skip the corrections and keep going - I want to find out what happens too badly!

Well done again!

The only flaw in the story is a glock pistol does not have and external safety as it is unnecessary. The safety's are all internal. The hammer is always down until the trigger is pulled back and returns to down when the trigger is released. It will only fall if it is completely pulled. If you don't have your finger on the trigger it will not fire. You can drop it with a round in the chamber, throw it against a wall or hit it with a hammer it will not fire. Other than that a great romance. You are one of the few authors who seem to know bullets do sometimes over penetrate.

The part about the Glock the previous commenter made is correct. The other research that went into this story had to be gathered in years of study of history, study is not the right word, just the one I can find. A romance, A mystery. A historical novel. knowledge of Egyptian artifacts and their construction as best we can know today.

ALL ROLLED INTO ONE These are not stories they are labors of love. From the depth of knowledge you demonstrate this could be a Doctoral Thesis. Despite the length I am guessing this was an easy write. Words just flowed as did the story My admiration for you and your writing is ----

Man up you wimp. So somebody stole your stories. Wah, wah, wah. Get revenge, show them by writing another story that gets a 4.89 rating and hall of fame status........

Actually, I am just trying to goad you into writing again. You are the best on Literotica. Your stories are great and I, and I am sure 100's, 1000's probably more, really miss your writing.

If you are still writing (and I hope you are) please drop a line to your biography here to let us know where.

Again, thanks for the great stories.

I have read so many of your stories, how come I've never read this one before?

I don't know if you're even still keeping up with comments here on Literotica...

When you left we lost one of the best...

Wonderful story with a lot of unexpected twists. I am still at a loss why someone with as much talent as this author has would become a defeatist rather than share his talent with his fans. Well Done 5 stars

I will say this with every story of yours I read; publish these stories (via Kindle, audio and paperback) and sell them on Amazon. I will ALWAYS purchase 4 copies of each to show my support. The only time I’ve come across an author with consistently amazing works was when I read Orson Scott Card, James Patterson, Mary Higgins Clark, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, etc. Never let ANYONE convince you that you are without talent. This story is one of the best, most surprising and greatest things I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. The climax was so unexpected and surprising, it reminded me of the ending of “Lost Boys” (Orson Scott Card). Please, keep writing and share you blessed mind with the world!

A difficult story to write. Dreamcloud is a master.

Good luck at your new publishing house sir. We will miss you here.

Loved the story, as I've appreciated everything else you've posted here. Especially appreciated reading another romantic story with strong characters who have ties to Roman times, though the story I have in development is set 100 years later than where yours flashes back. Very sorry to learn that you're no longer writing here, and I sincerely hope you're doing so for profit elsewhere; you're an excellent, imaginative writer with a knack for tying together intriguing knots for a complex story, though as others have pointed out, you need better proofreaders.

Do you have a publisher? Some other commenters have indicated that you do, and I'm glad to learn that; your writing is certainly good enough. I was fortunate that no one ripped off two works I originally posted here before I took them down. One has now been published (I just received my first royalties) and appears on Amazon, among other places. The best solution is, I think, to publish somewhere that will propagate it to Amazon, so no one else can rip it off there. About everything I've already published here, well ... I self-published some of it before getting my publishing deal in hopes it would deter theft. I don't expect it'll make me much money, but at least it won't make money for a thief, either. Here's hoping ...

Well. I didn’t like this story at first. I found her to be a limp dishrag of a woman. Spineless. But, damn your hide! You pulled it out. Again.

Nicely woven fabric of a story. There were a few errors, ‘fir’ for ‘fur,’ describing the coverings in the cave. Easily missed errors that autocorrect wouldn’t catch.

But damn, well done. A fun tale. (Perhaps I should say,’ A fun TAIL,’ in reference to the few errors.

I have been following many of your stories, and admiring your skills. This story might well be your masterpiece. Thank you.

Bravo! Another story I fully enjoyed! Please keep writing.

truly outstanding. Thank you

Absolute pulitzer worthy... 5 stars

One of your best DreamCloud, thank you for leaving it up on here. Thanks, Ppfzz.

I'm not crying. YOU'RE crying!

Too many words

I have over the years come back to this story, also caught up with the comments as well. I rank this as one of the best reads on this site. Just my opinion of course and we all know how much an opinion weighs.

A lot of work went into this story and I would like to thank the author for the time and effort it took to write it. Always a great read and many thanks.

Two years ago I read this for the second time, this obviously is my third time. Still a wonderful story. It has a beginning that really grabs you. Then the mystery of the man next door. Our author a definite talent and well worth the price of admission into his realm.

Than you to our author and his editors.

Great story!

Always nice to come back and reread a great one.

A great story but too many holes at the end. What happened to Jake? Is Eric now aging, or is he the same age he always was but everyone else aged?

Excellent story. Wonder writing and imagination!

A wonderful romance story! Thank You for penning it!

It was long but we’ll worth the read. Good job

Yes excellent extraordinary ...... This real life tangled with this immortal roman centurion, fabulous and it was so smooth ....... "Who wants to live forever" smile , but your story was kind of more realistic more touching, not the Hollywood hero challenge

Ten hearts 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝🌟💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🌟

One of, if not the best story I've read on this site. As I clicked on the last page, I was thinking it would be really cool if the curse was broken when Quentin walked away. Viola! 5+*

Eric: Benedict Cumberbatch

Natalie: Jennifer Lawrence or Mila Kunis

Jake: Kit Harrington

Quentin: Tom Hardy

Maria: Not a clue

Any other suggestions? Comments?

Loved every bit of this fantastic story I’ve laughed cried been on the edge of my seat could have been made into movie thank you

I think I have read this story in eccess of ten times in the past year. I forget how many in the years previous. It is simply superb.

Great is the pity that DC had to move sites for publishing but his stories elsewhere are even better.

Glocks do not have safety

Wow! I'm a long time reader here and I've got to say that this story is as good as anyone will find on this site.

Where does DreamCloud publish new stories? Is there a different site?

For me your other stories were far better than this but still it wasn’t too bad. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I must agree, one of the very best I have read on this site.

Great story, again (×3)...

i thoroughly enjoyed this story. I was a little concerned that it would turn out to be another vampire tale and I thoroughly appreciate the approach you took.

It's interesting that in 2000 years Quentin never considered that killing children made him a monster?

Be needed *her* to point it out to him for him to accept that it was true...?

Just fantastic!

Wonderful.

You might want to check the different meanings of "providence" and "provenance."

Absolutely love it

Wow. What an interesting journey it would be to travel through your mind and imagination, @Dreamcloud. 5⭐️

Phenomenal

Some glaring errors. You mix up Eric’s name with jakes at least twice. And once with Robertson, for instance. And use of the wrong word in others. But aside from these things it was wonderful. 5* because you really evoke some emotions at the end. Really liked it.

Erinnert mich an den Highländer.

Wonderful story, as always. 5^5 big stars.

A couple of quick tongue-in-cheek observations - based on the last couple of paragraphs on page 1:

1) Campbell's Tomato Soup MUST be made with milk. Never with water.

2) Cheese toasties (that's what my Mom called them, and at 64, I'm sticking with it) and Campbell's Tomato Soup (made with milk - see above) is what so-called "comfort foods" eat when they need comforting.

Weird story line

Only thing I saw that was wrong was that Glocks have no active manual safety, only a passive one in the grip.

Good storyline, it was different.

Good tale. The references to The Highlander were interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I know this as I had to take a break in reading it foraa couple of days and wanted to get back to the plot BardnotBard

Crazy but good. Five stars.

Note to Kayeo: Glocks do not have a manual safety or a grip safety. The manufacturer claims their safety is in the trigger.

Chapeau ! 👍

An all around great story with some unexpected twists, never boring, well written - what more could you want?

Gladly 5/5 stars!

Enjoyed this but not convinced by the Romans and the Gauls. Only gave 4*

Excellent. Well conceived and written. Yes, a couple of typos but not too many and didn't detract from the story.

Wonderful, imaginative. I loved the narrator's character. Feisty. Loving. No nonsense.

Excellent. No need to write anything more.

Seriously, one of the top authors on this site.

Another five-star effort.

After multiple reads I still find this story captivating and very entertaining. My emotions are stoked and jerked throughout the story. Great story. I enjoy every time I read it. Thanks for sharing. John

What a great story! Btrying used the word captivating and I couldn’t agree more. Started as a modern abused wife tale and took none of the usual turns: the drunk ex gets sober and becomes a loving dad, the hateful neighbor does indeed have a nefarious past but not the one you think, and other great plot twists. Thanks for this gem Dreamcloud.

Probo hanc fabulam

This was worth reading once, but not what I come to Literotica to read. Well written with few grammatical errors,:so in many ways a pleasure to read.

Bill S.