All Comments on 'The Family Man'

Amazing story, great flow and fun to read.

5 well deserved stars!

DreamCloud, It took me a while to follow your storyline, but I loved it! This wasn't a home run, it was a GRAND SLAM!! Thank you for being able to read your amazing stories. I really hope you figure out how to write the epic story you have had in your head for a few years.

I gotta wonder, where do you come up with these ideas? Great twist, interesting, and suspenseful. The first time jump was a little confusing at first, but it made more sense as I went along. I also got a little confused when Quentin showed concern for Natalie in the end, and I felt the next time jump didn't justify it as well as it could have.

I must say though, this could be Hollywood stuff - it seems like the plotline of a blockbuster action movie more than a user-post on an online erotic story site. Quality work, DC, and five stars as usual.

I'm constantly amazed how you manage to make consistently fantastic stories. I have read every single story, and loved every one. There is not another author on this site that I can say that about. You should be published. *****

This deserves to be regarded as a classic. Wonderful story, masterfully told.

Just perfect.

You are my favorite author as well as your works.

This is not a compliment, it is a reality.

I enjoyed reading this story, I laughed, I felt afraid (especially at the beginning of the story), I felt the suspense, the love, the revenge, the forgiveness ..., and especially the sacrifice of some mothers to save their children.

I laughed a lot with the end of the story, there is a clear reference to Teagan (The Link).

On the one hand, Hollywood is losing the best screenwriter, on the other hand, I'm afraid that Hollywood will find it and we are the ones who lose the best author of Lit.

I wondered why it took so long to re-publish a story, it was clear ..., the great stories are waiting, it's like good wine, it gets mature.

You will always be my favorite author (and I still have a story of you still to read).

I regret that this site does not allow more than 5 *, there would not be enough in the sky for you.

My heartfelt congratulations, not only a great story, is well written, keeps the interest of the reader continuously and makes feel all kinds of feelings.

Great DreamCloud!

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

Bravo....

DreamCloud,

I never comment and only rate a story when it truly deserves the rating. This story is one of your best. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

Provenance.

Superb!

This is clearly the "Highlander" plot with a few wrinkles. Perhaps mimicking is the most sincere form of flattery as the composers of the early classical era thought. Stealing a tune was considered a complement and perhaps the author of the Highlander series will feel the same.

The only problem I had with the tale was that it took half the text to get into the SF mode. I thought it was going to be a conventional story about a recluse (Eric) who had been burned somehow and was going to be reformed by the love of a caring and beautiful mother. Insteead we shifted surprisingly to fantasy and went back to Roman times and immmortal people. I have to admit I loved the Highlander series and was very unhappy when it was discontinued. We miss you Connor McCloud!

This tale was well put together although I'd have to go through it again to get the reference to Jake and Maria being Aglia's children and thus Maria was Eric's grandchild???? I thought all of Aglia's children had been killed by Quentin??

I thoroughly enjoyed it even though the 16 pages was daunting to start with. 5*

5 stars . Really good work. Sad that have to wait a couple of months for a new one !

Is Emma, Natalie's and Eric's child? I give this 5 stars. Many of my favorite stories are from this author. M.P. you rock.

As always.

You got your male characters mixed up in Ch12. And a lawyer acting for a client is "counsel" not "council."

Not providence. A couple other minor editorial quibbles, but still an excellent story, as usual.

As usual well written, with a nice regard for grammar. As someone pointed out, a couple of spelling and usage errors, but entirely forgiveable in an engrossing tale like this.

I don't know about "Highlander" as I've never seen it, but to me, there were hints of that excellent TV series "Forever, U.S." , also about an immortal, but so sadly cancelled by the network after a truly great 22 episodes.

I really enjoyed this story. My only complaint is that it should be under Science Fiction-Fantasy. 5 stars.

Boyd Percy

Twas an unexpected, yet pleasant surprise to read another excellent, new story from your good self on today of all days. Nice present for me. Well done Bonny Lad!

I left work early just so I could read this story, and I regret nothing. Absolutely fantastic! Thank you for another wonderful tale, Dreamcloud. I'm glad you stuck with this story and finished it. It deserved to be told.

You continue to turn out quality work, thank you for all this.

I dont know how to report that the android app of this story ends about half-way on page one! I got so excited to see another title by DreamCloud! Still trying to read this story...

Good as always, but Glocks don't have an external safety. ;)

and it would be half right. Half on Eric's side.

The story kept my attention, was entertaining, and had some serious drama and conflict.

But, I think I need some help with one thread of the plot line. It was, by his oath to his mother, the mission of Quentin to kill Aigla and her children. We saw Aigla at his hand in the presence of Marcius. That part was accomplished. We learn that through the centuries Quentin and Marcius have fought many times, even to the death (briefly but not permanently). Jump forward to today and we are told that both Jake and Maria are children of Aigla and Quentin is still hunting the descendants and killing them in the presence of Marcius. Did he not kill all 4 of her children during his trip to Rome when he killed Aigla? Or did he diabolically always leave one so there would be another generation? Another opportunity to make Marcius suffer? If Quentin and Marcius had not confronted each other in nearly 100 years would there not be several generations and many more in the line of Aigla?

One last question. If Marcius/Eric had killed Quentin several times during the centuries, why didn't he borrow one more element from Highlander and behead him?

Is Emma, Natalie's and Eric's child?

I may be wrong, but I believe Emma is Maria's daughter.

""What's wrong, Grandma?" Emma asked."

I detest writers who use THRU instead of THROUGH. Just because some dimwit added THRU to the dictionary doesn't mean it should be used in a STORY. I mean you can't be that lazy with 14 page story that you can't type the right through. No score since I stopped at the first thru.

Great. Thanks for sharing this story.

Thank you so much for your work, and the love you put into your stories. While not a substitute for real life, I have to remind myself, it is truly great to lose one's self in a great tale. Others may have commented that toward the end, while the transitions may have been purposefully done, it was a bit tricky to figure out and assume which children were from whom and such. Also much earlier in the story, you seem to mix up Jake and Eric's name several times while Natalie is pondering her burgeoning love and being thankful that Jake was getting better.

I was a little unnerved that the person Natalie would end up falling in love with was the helper of Jake, but I thought you handled that potentially awkward situation pretty well. Depending on whose perspective is being told and the genuine feelings of others, sometimes people have trouble with love moving on, I know I often do. It is a bit odd that Eric fell in love with the wife of one his great great... - grandchildren but I guess that just keeps him close to the family in this case. Again thank you, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

She died of a heroine overdose? Two stars.

I really liked this story, even with the mixup in the names and such. The twists you threw in were completely unexpected yet appreciated as they were better explained. I look forward to reading more of your work!

This is high level writing and storytelling for an amateur site. Thank-you for sharing all your hard work with us.

Good story, but needs editing.

Thank you for coming back to Lit and sharing with us...for free!

Love your writing, enjoy the journeys.

Hit all the right spots!

All the best.

C

You've told quite a tale and the previous commenter was right in saying it could use an edit. Still well worth the 5 stars.

Thank you, reading your stories is a great way to spend ones time.

Was able to finish reading this story! 5 stars! Excellent writing and story plot! My reading of the story, is that Quentin killed Aiglia, then Marcius was able to quit the senate, scatter and hide their adult married kids. Quentin admits to Natalie that he never thought to hire a PI, thus inferring that Quentin had to do his onw detective work. Which would allow time for kids to grow, marry, and have more kids. Great story and barely was able to put it down long enough to go to work to earn a living!

Just, wow!

A wonderful story, well told. I didn't see the ending coming until quite late, but it fit wonderfully with everything that had come before.

A couple have commented on the need for editing. I saw three or four places where the wrong man's name was used (Eric when you meant Jake and vice versa) and a few misspellings. But that was all and they were relatively few for such a long story.

Again, wow, and thank you.

Extremely well done!

Another great story. Also don't forget to completely ignore anonymous

I'm only half way through the story. It's good so far, I'm not reading other comments, so I don't spoil it.

For anyone interested in some advice: hollow point bullets SAVE LIVES! 9mm is a great round, but "regular" or FMJ rounds can kill loved ones or innocents. Hollow points stay in the BAD guy!

Carry on.

Well done. I enjoy your use of imagery. The imagination can run wild and yet you keep the story flowing and concise.

GREST JOB.

Excellent story. I am glad you are still writing, I think I have read every one of your stories, and enjoyed every one! An easy 5 from me, keep up the good work!

How a few complain about the grammar yet they themselves are barely able to form a coherent sentence.

The story was fabulous and kept me engaged from the first page to the last.

5*

It is such a pleasure to see a new story from this author.

How do you keep coming up with these fantastic story lines?

Another superb story that deserves the highest rating.

More please

Another beautiful story from Dream Cloud.

Thank you for continuing to give us wonderful stories to read.

With a great ending.

Thank you DreamCloud for this

captivating work.

I'm a huge fan of your work and this is a really creative idea and back story. Can't wait to see what you put out next.

Wow! What a clever wonderful story! I won't have any questions or concerns about this story! It's Perfect! Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story with us! GREG. OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

I've read several of your stories now, and though I had trouble getting into this one, I knew it would be worth reading and kept going. Good detail, great finish. Thanks for continuing to work out your stories for this grateful audience.

This story, as your others, was wonderfully written. I throughly enjoyed reading it.

I usually have no complaints with your stories, but with this one I must register one. A Glock does not have an external safety. I overlooked the slight once, but then you repeated it several more times. I almost could not keep reading. Thankfully, you stopped commenting on it and I kept reading.

DoW

Very creative story line

For starters you mixed up the names really often and a century happens to be a 100 years not a thousand, I believe the words you meant to say we're 'two millennia' when you were talking of how long ago the wife he loved had died

Aside from this the story in itself was captivating

A little mixed up for awhile, but all-in-all, a really good story.😎

... for this wonderful story.

For a while you had me questioning where this was going and where the romance aspect was coming from. However you showed me yet again what a talented author you are with your superbly spun tale. Five stars yet again, and thanks yet again.

one hell of a story. loved it

your stories are always one of the best... thank you for sharing. deserves five star as always...

Your writing style is one of the best on this site. My hope is that you will bring enjoyment to others for many more years by continuing your work.

A couple of notes...a Glock does not have a manual safety, per se. Just a "trigger safety", if you can call it that. And provenance is the word relating to the back-story of a piece of history or an item, not providence.

Telling this to someone as skilled as you are with words sounds petty; not my intention at all. Your word-smithing is so well developed that those minor issues stood out, but did nothing to detract from a GREAT story.

Nicely done.

Your stories are some of the best on the site. Thank you for your work.

You kept me guessing as to where the plot was headed all through the story, I was pleasantly surprised several times when you went a direction I wasn't expecting. Once you got to the Centurion's immortality story, it reminded me of Anne Rice's book, "The Mummy", but even there you went another direction. Excellent story, really enjoyed it. Thanks!

Also had to laugh, here in the comment section, at the pretentious douchebag who haughtily lectured us on his refusal to allow "Thru" vs. "Through" in any story he reads. Hey Anony 3/07/17: It's better to be thought a self–righteous, pompous ass and remain silent, than to put it in writing and remove all doubt. LOL

I'm in awe of your ability to weave a story that is so entertaining it rivets my at tension from beginning to end. Thank you!

Could Quentin be jack the ripper from England because he fits the profile perfectly.

Your work never disappoints. I'm glad that I have so many of your tales ahead of me to enjoy, and that you are still active here.

As others have noted, a good editor might pick up on some of the rare oopsies that appear here and there. And yes, I'm volunteering! So when you have something new that you're ready to publish, you can contact me through my Lit profile.... ;-)

Thank you many times over for writing and sharing here!

bb

I always like the characters, and love the stories. Thanks

Damn.....that was a hell of a tale. I really enjoyed it

You are a great story teller and you've been my favourite, have read all your stories posted at Lit, & been waiting for your latest. Keep it up for your brilliant efforts. And Thanks

I am happy that you shared this story with us! The only thing I seemed to have missed is how he lost his immortality.

It was a great story

But I just saw his text on his bio page

It's a bit interpretive

Not sure if he'll b writing again

Very well done and a fun twist. I tried reading it on the literotica app and it only. Loaded the first chapter or so. Had to go to the site to see it all.

Because some assholes stole his work he's no longer uploading stories anymore!

So sad we won't see more postings from this author. He is truly great.

Thank you for another story again, you're one of my favorites here.

-kiko, 27, philippines

I've enjoyed reading your stories and have spent too many late hours reading when I had to work the next day. I am truly sorry some asshole stole your stories and claimed it as their own. I was looking forward to reading more of your future stories and this makes me sad. If by any chance you become a published author, (i hope), can you update your profile so we can buy? Thank you for the years of great writing.

This is a wonderful, imaginative story. You have a gift. I hope it brings you happiness.

This is the best I have read on this site since becoming a member 7 years ago. You writing is FANTASTIC Dream Cloud – Please consider at least indie author/publishing on amazon and let us all know. I, for one, would buy your work! It would be a real shame for them not to see the light of day!

Good story

But the saddest story was what happened to your stories and you...

As a Lit fan of many years and your writing, I apologize for what has happened and the fact we have lost your writing is beyond belief.

I trust all else is well with you and yours.

C

Loved the story, as I have all those of yours I've read. However, two nit picks have I:

Heroine addict? (heroin)

Safety on a Glock? (no external safety to set)

I much prefer the curse to the vampire trope. Thank you for writing.

A very good story... some editting issues but only where you mixed Jake's and Eric's names were detracting...

Unfortunately, now I remember why I like reading your stuff and will probably end up having to RE-read some... sheesh, so many things to read to begin with and I'm forced to go over some a second or third time...?

However will I get everything read at this rate...?

Too bad the sites that hosted your stolen stories would not compensate you since they made money off of your stolen intellectual property.

This is one of the reasons I rarely buy from kijiji or Amazon.

You are a genius and we will really miss you.

Damn

that is the most amazing story ever....started off full of drama and intrigue then...suddenly transported us 2000 years back...what an incredible tale...loved it from beginning to end....one of the very best....

This story should have been listed as a Fantasy not Romance! I read over nine pages before I realized that you wrote a fantasy. I hate fantasy. Change the category from Romance to fantasy.

DreamCloud,

I throughly enjoyed this romance. Your stories never disappoint. I’ve previously read all of your other stories and was frustrated to see this was your only submission for 2017 (so far?). You are among only a few authors who after I’ve read one of their stories motivates me enough to want to read all the rest of what they have published. I hope you’ll continue to write for us. Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

Please don’t let the “Anonymous” detractors discourage you from writing for the rest of us.

Thanks for all the joy I have had reading your stories. I only hope you will reconsider and resume writing and posting. Don't let one asshole ruin your talent for all the rest of us. Ken

Have enjoyed your stories for a while now. You tell a story well.

Sucks about the Amazon crap.

If you find a way to post up new stories either here or in a different venue, I would enjoy knowing about them.

The Family Man, The Link, The Mountain or any of the rest. All of them - best in class. Perhaps, if you get some time between stories, it would be great to learn how a story develops in your mind. It seems like you live each character in each story and we get to see, through your eyes and words, what is to be seen and felt.

You have a great gift that is bestowed upon few authors. Thank you for sharing your views on history and life.

Natalie's self sacrifice was, IMO, the highlight of the story. I didn't understand it at the time but you did a great job of describing the young boy watching his mother take her own life to save her boy. WOW! This story is a masterpiece.

You are a natural writer

Keep it up

I doubt you have a choice

Writers write because they must

Readers read because it's so very satisfying

Thank you for sharing your gift

:-)

That was unbelievable!!! I'm sad it had to end yet thoroughly satisfied by its ending if that makes sense! Wow! What a read! I've read many of your stories and they all have something special. I'm not sure what it was with this one, but it stood out a bit more for me. Just Brilliant! Thank you!!

This would make a great first story in a book of your stories. Let me know if you need help finding a publisher. I am sure you would attract interest in the UK. Best wishes matt@developmentenabling.com

Dreamcloud,

You're gifted. I've read almost all of your stories in this genre..my favourite is the Cotillion and the Festival too.

I somehow missed this one.

The Amazon stuff sucks and I'm sorry about that but I really really wish you'd write again. Why deprive the world of your stories?

- A med student who relaxes on an off day with fine stories like these

Take care

As others have said... WOW!!... just WOW... I've had mixed feelings about some other stories of yours... one... I can't remember which... there was an unrealistic plot device you kept using simply for the sake of extending the story... that kept irritatingly pulling me out of what was otherwise a great story...

but this was flawless... the only thing I disliked about it... was that it ended... just excellent... people have read enough of my reviews to know that I'm pretty blunt... and honest... you can take that "excellent" to the bank... it's heartfelt...

-jaye-

Holy fucking WOW!!!

That was a beautifully written story. This is the second one of your stories that I’ve read. You have a true gift of story telling. Your characters are believeable and always presented with a twist. There were a few times where character names got mixed up but it only mildly distracted from the events unfolding. I particularly liked the story being written from a woman’s point of view. A lot of other stories I’ve read here have always been from the man’s. You also expressed the bond between mother and child perfectly and the lengths we would go to to protect our children. I do wonder what happened to the ex husband after the final events of the story but besides that, beautifully written.

Hi there , well I read another one now, A few more to go before I get to a series.their was only a couple of things that didn't get caught by your Editor that I saw ,1 wrong name used in place of husband , you put Eric's name in place.had to read it a couple of times to get what happened. one other but it was not as important for the story . I guess any mistake would be deemed important if it pulls away from the meaning of love hate the 2nd one did neither. so you'll get an A on this paper today but please try harder next time ok " LOL" not sure where your headed with these maybe a book at some point in time,thought you like to know about the name thing for sure ..chapter 3 or 4 for the name I believe.. R.W

Great story! Built characters into teal people,wonderful story of love.

...don’t have safeties. 😜

The word is “provenance”, not “providence”.

A fine story, with a bit of overt fantasy thrown in.

It was a good story but you need an editor.

The spelling and grammar were fine but you transposed a few of the characters names. Calling Eric , Jake or Robertson.

And a fun story. Although I'm sad that Eric didn't turn out to be a tragic vampire consumed with remorse for past actions. He seemed a little too perfect and didn't really seem to suffer the consequences of ANY "curse". In fact the ending was a little too easy, too Mills and Boon, sickly sweet for my taste. I think Natalie should have died and bought Eric's salvation with her death.

It still left big questions unanswered.

What happened to her husband, Jake? He just fell out of the narrative. I was hoping we would get the restoration of the relationship with his family.

And isn't it a little creepy Eric having a child with the wife of one of his own descendants? A bit like a Granddad perving on his daughter in law. It seems like the pervy old coot couldn't give two fucks about Jake once he was knobbing his wife.

It was pussy he was after, not family!

And isn't Quentin (from Quintinus) a teribly Roman name for a suposedly Roman hating immortal Gaul?

Just some idle thoughts.

Thanks for a diverting read.

I mean I could go on and on how seamlessly your story flows, how it builds interest quickly, takes twists and turns, tweaks emotional strings like a great composer, but what is the originality in that? Much better literature critics exist on this board, and they can weigh in with perspective, but I know what i like and enjoy and this is it.

You did have some t ypo's, a word missing or two, but completely understandable given the length.

Please tell us where we can find your work now, is it Amazon? Sorry for your troubles of having stories stolen, another fine writer, Susan Jill Parker had the same thing happen to her, and probably many others on here.

you threw me A HELL-OF-A-CURVE BALL with this one but again a very good read

hornyoldgoat6969

Page 2 "Widower? His wife probably threw herself off the nearest bridge."

OK, that was hilarious.

Page 6 What is he, the Highlander?

Page 9 Holy crap he must be!

Page 12 Well not exactly but close enough

Page 13 Two centuries? Did I miss something. Wouldn't that be two millennia?

Page 13 I believe the word you are looking for is provenance rather than providence.

Wow, there's a movie script in this story.