All Comments on 'The First Time'

Excellent first story! Short and sweet!

Slow down, add more build up

Loved it! Can't wait to read your next. Cheers, Frankie

Not bad at all for a first try. I would say this, a little too fast and quick, no pun intended. I hope if you do write a part 2 or more you revert back to some history of both the younger brother and older sister's relationship, then carry on with the lust of both of them. I gave you an average rating of 3 stars only because it was short and rushed. Keep it up and please write more on this brother, sister relationship. A reader in Florida

I don't typically enjoy second person stories, but this was well done and I look forward to seeing more from you.

Hope you have more of this story!!

Hot

Needs noor build up went in to the sex far to quick

They're not...

They're not... They're not you, Amy, they're not you...

Second person was probably the worst choice you could make for a first story here.

It doesn't draw the readers into the story; it alienates them.

Good luck in the future, but I don't see any reason to ever read anything else you submit here.

I wish they allowed us to rate up to 100 starts. 1/100 is more appropriate than 1/5.

I didn't really care for the POV here. 2nd person didn't really work for your narrative. I also have a huge problem with the seduction. I've been in a similar instance several times, albeit not with my sister (she died shortly after her birth). Two or three times I've had a coworker express their interest in me by getting into my personal space and being close as the opening move. Same thing with the two or three friends that I ended up making love to. It's a common move for the woman to snuggle up close as her opening gambit.

You should have had her slide across the seat and put her arm around her brother first. I also have a problem with the mood switch. She's unhappy in the beginning and in a bad mood. But snap your fingers and suddenly she'll beg for you to screw her.

I gave it a 3/5 and that was probably generous.

Very hot and very short. It seems more like a single section or chapter than a whole story but a good read. Thanks for sharing this tale. A couple of comments seem too harsh. Story is more incomplete than anything. Keep writing if its what you like.

Good fucking!

What color was her panties?