The Florida Trip Pt. 02

"Sorry," I heard her say, "You know how long it takes guys to use the bathroom."

I took a moment to collect myself and then walked out. I was only a minute behind her, but my redheaded girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. Instead, just Kevin and Kelsey stood in the center of the room, whispering to each other. They were both smiling, Kevin's arms around the beautiful blonde's waist.

I couldn't help but be a little jealous. Kelsey had been mine, once upon a time. Well not mine. Kelsey was a person, not an action figure. But she'd held me and smiled at me and looked at me with those big blue eyes -- affectionate and wanting. Who doesn't want that?

Because we'd been in separate cars for the whole drive, it felt like I'd barely seen the K-couple on this trip. Although, the night before I'd also seen a bit too much of both of them. So I suppose it balanced, in a way. Still, it almost felt like we were on two different trips to this point and I was looking forward to spending more time together.

"Alyssa's already waiting for us outside," Kevin said.

"What took you so long in there?" Kelsey asked.

"Oh, you know, just some um, problems. I mean, not those kind of problems, I just... Well, that is, Alyssa. You know what? None of your business."

The K-couple stared at me.

"Well, OK then," Kevin said.

We found Alyssa leaning against the balcony outside, studying her phone. We walked back down the stairs to the pool as a foursome. Julia, Sarah, and Chloe were already waiting for us, the three of them leaning against the chain link fence, squinting under the sun.

"Took you guys long enough," Julia said, pointing down at her magic band like it was a wristwatch, "Mickey's not waiting around forever you know."

"Some of us non-robots had to use the bathroom," I said.

"Hey, I have to change my oil every now and again," Julia said, "I just don't take forever to do it."

We tromped back to the front of the hotel. I felt oddly light without my suitcase to drag behind me. I kept patting my pockets, counting and recounting my belongings as if I was forgetting something important.

"Everything OK?" Sarah asked. I didn't see her sidle up next to me.

"Yes, I just have that feeling like I'm forgetting something," I said, "You know what I mean?"

"I do," she said. She looked pointedly in front of us, where Alyssa was walking with the rest of the group. She was doing the flirty-touching thing with Kevin. Laughing too loudly at Julia's jokes. Making sure to keep pace with Kelsey.

"Not forgetting anything there, either. Right?" Sarah asked.

"You know Alyssa," I said, "Well, actually, you don't. But it's fine. She's getting in with the group. That's a good thing. I think."

"Just making sure," Sarah said, "Don't want to lose anything on the trip, you know? Something you might miss later."

I cocked my head, confused. But Sarah just smiled and sped up to catch everyone else.

*

We'd planned to go to Magic Kingdom that day. While that only gave us a half-day in the most packed park, it was impossible to imagine starting our adventure anywhere else.

Back in front of our hotel, we got in line for the bus to Magic Kingdom. A few people were already waiting when we got there -- a couple of families with small kids and a grandma sitting in a Rascal scooter. We queued up behind them, between the silver chains that marked off the waiting area. A couple of the guys, Dads with their wives and kids, saw us come over and openly stared.

That seemed to happen a lot on our trips. Usually it was the men who did the drooling, but sometimes the women did, too. I could see why. Alyssa, Sarah, Kelsey, Julia, and Chloe were all fucking gorgeous, each in their own unique way. And then Kevin and I were the only guys with them -- I mean, I'd be jealous of me, too.

A long accordion-style bus with the words "Magic Kingdom" on the front pulled up. "First ride at Disney!" I said as I stepped in. The group all gave me a dirty look.

The seats were hard, and the A/C ran harder. As a group of seven, we all had to split up in different spots. Alyssa and I managed to sit across from Kelsey and Kevin near the front, while Julia, Sarah, and Chloe went to the rows of seats near the back.

We sat for a little bit while everyone got loaded onto the bus. It was surprisingly full for a mid-Monday ride. Then we glided off. The K-couple seemed pretty engrossed in each other -- not making out or anything like that but holding hands and staring at each other in that young-love kind of way. That didn't discourage Alyssa at all.

"So, Kev," she asked (Kev?!), "Have you been to Disney before?"

"This is actually my first time," he said.

"Virgin, huh?" Alyssa asked.

"Oh, not even close, sweetie," Kevin said. His girlfriend shot him a death stare.

"What about you, Kelsey?" I asked, quickly moving to intercept, "Have you been to Disney before?"

"Twice, as a kid," Kelsey said, "Last time we went I was in high school."

"So last year, then?" I asked.

"Very funny," Kelsey said, "It was two years ago." Kevin, Alyssa, and I all laughed. Then we realized Kelsey was trying to be serious.

It was a long ride and they played jaunty Disney songs the whole way over. I found myself staring out the windows, as if I could figure out where we were going. There was a ton of construction everywhere. If something wasn't getting built it was being torn down.

Then I saw the sign. A bright blue arch with the words Magic Kingdom sitting over it in yellow. I got Alyssa's attention and showed her the gateway. She smiled and leaned back to look. We all did. Whispering and pointing like we'd spotted a UFO. It had only been a few weeks, really, from planning to fruition. Somehow, finally getting here, it felt like the culmination of an amazing, arduous quest.

The bus stopped with a squeak of breaks and a long, exasperated sigh. We stepped out under a series of individual awnings, each marked with different resort names. The rest of the bus stops were empty. Julia shot me a wide grin as she got off the bus. We weren't even inside the park, and she was already a schoolgirl, skipping happily down the street. I didn't recognize happy, silly Julia. I kind of liked her.

We walked through the parking area. There was a lake on our left and a large ferry boat was docked there, letting off its own passengers. Then the road went up, slightly. Above us, I could see the bright blue monorail station. To our right -- through dark, wrought iron bars -- were fields of flowers: yellows, oranges, and reds all in swirls of color.

Sarah grabbed my arm and pointed at the front gate. A large wall of archways loomed ahead. There was a clock in the middle of it and, on top, train tracks. As we came closer, I saw a line of security guards and metal detectors blocking the way forward.

We'd left almost everything back at our hotel room -- kind of smart, sort of stupid -- so getting through security was a cinch. The girls had to show their purses, but that was it. Kevin and I waited on the far side as they went, then we all walked through the metal detectors.

Still, somehow, we weren't in the park. We got into the next line. Disney employees each stood in front of four metal poles with a round Mickey symbol on top of each of them. Alyssa went first, then me. I pressed my Mickey-headed bracelet to the Mickey-headed sphere. I put my finger on a fingerprint reader. After a moment, they both glowed green.

We were in!

We went under the shaded archways, past faux-movie posters for some of Disney's most famous attractions, and then we were there.

The Magic Kingdom stretched off in front of us. If you've never been, this is the picture you've seen a thousand times. A downtown street right out of the suburban 1950s ran before us and, beyond, as if another dimension had crashed into our own, was the massive, bright Cinderella castle. Grey stone turrets topped with bright blue cones.

On film, on the Internet, it's neat but not a big deal. In person, something about the view made my whole body thrum. It's not something I can describe, exactly. Maybe it's cultural programming -- if I was from Zimbabwe maybe I wouldn't feel this way. It would just be a weird amusement park. We've all been brainwashed by TV and movies. Our entire existence, honestly, is designed to make us respond to things a certain way.

Or maybe it really is magic. Maybe that family from Zimbabwe would walk in and stand, shocked, like we did. Hearts pounding. Suddenly engrossed in this other, incredible place. I can't speak for other people. I only know what I felt stepping into the Magic Kingdom, surrounded by my friends. I was nine again, my world filled with wonder, caught up in the candy-scented breeze.

*

We were in a small square with a flagpole in the center. Next to the pole, in a little park surrounded by dark chain fencing, Pluto was standing and taking pictures with families. The line to meet him ran through the little circle where he stood and all around the fence. Rationally, I could say that it was some poor guy in a bright yellow dog costume. But my heart just screamed 'it's Pluto!' and at that moment I couldn't imagine feeling any other way.

Julia squeezed my arm and pointed at the same place. I guess I wasn't the only one having a moment. All of us bopped around, laughing and calling out all the different little details. The firehouse and the movie theater. And, of course, the great big castle at the end of the street. The excitement of it all so great that it filled us up, burbled out, and spilled over everyone.

We strolled up Main Street, past the shops. They had little sculpted, moving vignettes in the windows from the different movies. It reminded me of the windows at Saks Fifth Avenue during Christmas. A woman stood on one street corner holding what looked like hundreds of Mickey-shaped balloons. Everything smelled of fresh popped popcorn.

The road was crowded, but it wasn't a press. People were stopping in the center of the street for professional pictures in front of the castle, but most were like us, moving a brisk pace up the sidewalk. A couple of times, I almost got run over by someone with a stroller. If that happened to me anywhere else, I'd probably be cursing them out for hours. Here, I just smiled and let it go. I don't know, maybe they were pumping Xanax into the air. It would have explained a lot.

We passed a bakery and I looked in the window at all the Mickey-shaped treats. I felt my stomach grumble. We'd skipped lunch and now everyone admitted they were hungry. We wanted to get moving, start doing Disney stuff, but we couldn't deny the need for food.

At the end of the street, we found a hot dog spot called Casey's Corner. It had striped awnings and a picture of an old-timey baseball guy out front. I mean, how could we say no to such a portentous icon? Also, we were starved, and Julia said if we made her walk any farther she'd eat one of us alive.

Fortunately, four o'clock isn't a big eating hour. There were no lines and plenty of seats. We used our phones to order food, then pushed together a couple of tables in the outdoor courtyard. A man was playing the piano in one corner. I sat back in my little metal chair, ate my hot dog, and soaked in the sun.

There was something about just being on the street eating that felt so comfortable. I'm going to be saying this a lot, but it's not something I can exactly explain. The atmosphere relaxed me, took all my worries and melted them away. Watching the crowds stream by, listening to the piano music, I felt good about the world. Like everything was in its proper place.

"This is not bad," I said, "Not bad at all."

"This is probably the worst thing we're going to do all day," Julia said, "Seriously, if you're going to get all mushy about Casey's Corner, what happens when we go on an actual ride?"

"Prolly die," I said, mouth full of hot dog.

"We can only hope, dude," Julia said, and punched me.

"You've wounded me!" I said, "If only there was a medical student nearby to save my life." I looked pointedly over at Kelsey. The beautiful blonde rolled her eyes at me.

"I'm not even pre-med, yet," she said, "Julia's physical therapy degree would be better help than anything I could do."

"I can't look for assistance from the one who attacked me," I said.

"Guess you'll have to die alone, then," Kelsey said. She went back to eating her hot dog. I gave Sarah a look that said "ouch" and she nodded back, knowingly.

When we were finished I collected everyone's plates and took them to the trash. Sarah came along and helped.

"I wouldn't take it personally," Sarah said, "Kelsey's been that way the whole trip. She's my best friend, supposedly, and she's barely even said two words to me."

"That's odd," I said, "Wonder what's up her butt?"

"I think that's exactly the problem," Sarah said.

*

Full of food, we made our way around a few grassy plots and up to Cinderella's castle. Spires reaching to the sky. Somehow, they found a way to make stone shine in the sunlight. It's quite the effect.

I started to pull the girls forward and get them set up for a picture in front of the famous edifice. I turned to Sarah, our resident professional photographer in training, and realized that she wasn't holding her camera.

In fact, it suddenly occurred to me, I hadn't seen her take one picture the whole drive down. The previous summer, Sarah had done a whole photoshoot at a Canadian gas station. Yet here we were, probably the one of the most photographed spots on Earth, and she didn't even have a disposable.

"Must have left it in the hotel," Sarah said, "Oh well. We all have cellphones."

So we did. But even with that, I noticed Sarah wasn't taking any pics. We grouped, separated, regrouped again. Alyssa and I with Kevin and Kelsey. Julia and me. Sarah with her sister and Julia. Chloe and Julia alone. We even found a young couple willing to take a shot of all of us together, smiling and pointing back at the castle. As they walked away, I heard the man say, "Holy fuck, every girl in that group was fucking hot." His wife slapped his shoulder, like something straight out of a famous meme.

The sun was starting to sink in the sky, but we still had a few hours of light left. After 'wasting time eating and taking pictures' -- as Julia's put it -- we all wanted to make the most of what was left of the day. For a group that had spent hours together in the car, we proved surprisingly unwilling to separate. Which was fine, except no one could then agree on where to go.

"Less arguing, more rides," Julia said, hands on her hips.

"Fine, you fix it then," Kelsey said.

Julia stepped back and pointed to each of us, like she was directing traffic. She sent Sarah, Chloe, Kevin, and Kelsey off to Fantasyland. Then she told Alyssa and I that she'd come with us to Splash Mountain if we'd agree to do Space Mountain afterwards.

Finally, we all had a deal and a destination. Even this way, though, it wasn't perfect. As a compromise, doing both Mountains together made perfect sense. Geographically that's a disaster. The rides are essentially on opposite sides of the park. No one recommends doing Disney this way, but whatever.

Julia, Alyssa, and I backtracked past the sculpture of Mickey and Walt, pointing off to the future. Then we cut over a bridge and into Liberty Square -- the section of the park made to look like Colonial America. I saw Haunted Mansion in the distance, another one on my wishlist that would have to wait, and then turned into Adventureland.

On the right was the river and Tom Sawyer's island. On our left were restaurants and the show for the Country Bear Jamboree. Finally, at the end of the road, we saw it: Splash Mountain. We walked down the hill and right to the entrance of the ride. The sign said there was a 30-minute wait, which, all things considered, seemed pretty good. I had been prepared to wait for hours. But it was still late February, near the end of daylight, and the park was beginning to cool down. It was busy, of course, but only in pockets. We'd lucked into an open space.

We sprinted to get on line, then slowed to a crawl as we waited, step by agonizing step. I leaned against the wooden fence, hands on my knees. We were all out of breath from going as quick as we could. My shins burned. Since when was I so out of shape?

"All that sitting the last few days," Alyssa said, "It made us weak."

"Also, how much exercising have you been doing all winter?" Julia asked. I had to admit, it wasn't much. Yet another thing to blame the constant cold for.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Alyssa said, "You've still got a super sexy bod. Don't you think so Jules?"

We went around a few corners and then started up some wooden stairs. This waiting area seemed to go on forever. I couldn't imagine what it was like when a ton of people were there.

"Seriously, Julia, isn't our Ben still totally sexy?" Alyssa repeated her question.

"He's OK, I guess," Julia said, finally, "Not that I make a habit of noticing, or anything. He's just my roommate, after all."

"Come on, look at those calf muscles," Alyssa said, reaching down to squeeze my leg, "And those biceps. Broad chest and shoulders. Our Ben is a prime piece of man meat. And I haven't even mentioned the choicest cut."

Both Julia and I got tactically distracted. The architecture of this ride was really something. The feel of an old mill, all the pictures of the brer characters... That's great Imagineering right there. Right?

Look, I don't mind being objectified -- I clearly do it all the time, so I can't exactly complain when it's done to me -- but I could tell Alyssa was making Julia uncomfortable. The family-friendly environment wasn't helping things. I kept waiting for a disdainful mother to glare all of us down to size. None of that stopped Alyssa from going over my finer assets and asking Julia for her expert opinion.

We started going back downstairs. I could hear people loading into the boats. Everything was wetter. We were clearly getting close.

"OK, yes, he's hot," Julia said when we reached the bottom. Then, quieter, "I always thought so."

"See?" Alyssa continued on, "And he's all ours." Julia raised an eyebrow. Alyssa reached over and squeezed Julia's bicep. "Ooooh, you're not so bad yourself."

The line jumped forward before Julia could respond and then we were splitting off to get into our shared log. I ended up between the two women -- Alyssa at the front of the boat and Julia behind me. We all cheered as we lurched forward.

"Now this is our first ride at Disney!" Julia said and squeezed my shoulder from behind.

After the walk and the line, it felt nice just to sit in the log as it carried us along. Up a hill, then around past animatronic rabbits, foxes and bears. A couple small drops, then climbing up again. Always bringing us closer to the big finish. Kind of like a lot of other things I'd been doing on these road trips, honestly. I reminded myself to stay focused -- we were on a fucking kid's ride after all. I was pretty sure an erection in that moment would be just cause for immediate ejection.

We made the final climb. A pair of vultures warned us about going to the Happy Place. The boat paused at the top. Brer Fox held Brer Rabbit over a boiling pot. We slowly tipped forward. Gravity reaching for us. Gripping. Wooosh! We raced down the hill and then hit the bottom, water splashing over us.

The ride held for a moment at the bottom and I checked the damage. I'd gotten a little wet, mostly on my arms, but not nearly as much as I expected. Then we went around the corner and all the animals serenaded us with "Zip A Dee Doo Dah" before we had to climb out.

"I think they turn down the water when it's not so warm," Julia said as we walked through the gift shop, showing me that she hadn't suffered much of a soaking, either. Alyssa had been in front, yet she was mostly dry, as well.