All Comments on 'The Game'

I almost loved your story.

And I say almost because it was too short to fall in love with. At least for me, I need a bit more time.

I always feel a little presumptuous giving advice since I'm just starting out as a writer myself, but here are my thoughts, do what you want with them:

Positive:

You seem to have an ambition to be a good writer. It shows when the writer cares about the actual art of writing and I thank you for it. (If your story was longer, I could probably think of more positive things to say.)

Negative:

Surprise, surprise, but I thought it was too short. I've only written one story on literotica so far and it was probably too long, but I really think it's important to develop your characters. Not because the characters are necessarily all that interesting (all the better if they are though), but because it puts the reader inside the story. Or it puts the story inside the reader's head, which ever way you want to see it.

I suppose you were writing a story that was just supposed to a quick but intense image, so making it longer would probably screw that up. Therefore, I guess my advice is for your next story, one I hope is longer and more character-driven and, one I'm looking forward to.

One final thought: Try to keep your language simple. I think the worst mistake a talented writer can make is to try to baffle the reader with her/his linguistic skills. A general rule of thumb, I hear, is to delete all adverbs. Sounds ridiculous but it works. "He rode into town on his Harley" sounds better and more confident than "He slowly rode into town on his Harley".

Thanks for your story :)