All Comments on 'The Game of Trust'

There is not one character in this story worth caring about at all. This should be in another category as it is not LW material.

Down the rabbit hole in the Alice In Wonderland fantasy -

Geez, why did I not stop wasting time of life, which is precious by the way, reading this submission all the way to the end?

Well, simply because the author's other work was good.

Just not my fantasy, I guess. But, to each his own. Someone will rate it highly.

Texas(Farmboy) heh? Is that in the deep southern regions?

I read the first page, and I thought, this is interesting and well-written. Then I saw there were eight pages. Yikes! So I went to page 8, and I got an inkling as to why eight pages were necessary. But I also saved myself the trouble of reading pages 2 through 7.

I am reminded a little of the French film "La Ronde," or the Swedish film "Smiles of a Summer Night."

That was much too urbane and sophisticated for me. Gabe comes across as a dolt. Mel is too smugly clever and impressed with herself. They’re married six years and she has to tell him (at the first of the story) that she’s bi-sexual? See what I mean? Dolt. Way too wordy and about four pages too long.

In response to Mel's explanations on the very first page, his response was to go to work, fuck someone in the morning, take a shower using the same products he does at home, go back to work, have lunch and eat something with garlic in it, work hard the rest of the afternoon and go home to a completely unsuspecting wife since he had blown up all of her "telltale" giveaways. Then this stupid story devolved into polyamourous, lets all be friends, claptrap. Simply awful writing. WAY too many unnecessary words. You literally beat this story to death with all the words. Try again. This was a complete failure to entertain.

1 star

At least the first four pages were well written. Felt it was way too long and unbelievable.

Interesting first few paragraphs, but right pages have to be very good all the way. I looked ahead to the last few paragraphs and decided to slip it. No scores here.

FAR from your best work. Characters are totally unbelievable. We could see the writing on the wall by the end of the discussion. The wife intended to have an affair. Looking forward to seeing your work return to your normal quality.

no characters to like.

to what end? It dragged on and on until I just couldn't bring myself to care how it panned out. I read most of it but I can't remember why. Sorry.

Manipulation was too much. 3

Yes, it's long--and perhaps not super-realistic (ahem--unlike everything else on Lit, amirite?) but it's fascinating and full of twists and turns. Above all I really enjoy Gabe and Mel--a fantasy couple in that their affection and trust in one another is so deep and unshakable. For me that's the main thing that makes the story fun.

Thanks, ohio

I actually mostly enjoyed this until the end. Gabe and Grace should just cut Mel loose and enjoy a life together...

Unlike everyone else, I actually read all eight pages (my eyes bled the whole time). Now for why I'm even commenting, You left out the drive Mel and Gabe are supposed to be going on on Sunday (unless the big reveal was at the patio table (which you didn't say it was). For someone with as many stories as you have this was a major screw up unless this is chapter, OH wait, you did say that either.

It was fairly obvious early on that Mel was the one in charge of the universe and that poor hubby was just a human dildo that was programable and controllable. Won't be long before he is getting the strap on up the ass and probably wearing a maid's uniform. Writing wasn't bad but the Mel character was just totally unlikable. And hubby, who made such a little impression I can't even remember his name, was pitiful.

This Fem Dom shit is overrated. Any woman who wants to be a man can find a cuck to do it with. Only men can be men. I'll stay a man.

I gladly read the whole thing. I enjoyed the first quarter, or so, and thought it was a good, serious bit of writing. However, as the story developed, with so many revelations and twisted relationships, I began to see the work as a travesty with no serious implications for the reader. Fun; but that's all.

Just couldn't read the whole thing, hubby is just a person you wouldn't want to have anything to do with, he seems so stupid, mentally retarded, inbred, I mean people like this as a minimum should not have kids. Well, I looked at the comments after reading a couple of pages and my thoughts were confirmed. Next time try being a little less retarded.

TFB

I truly tried my best to engage with your plot and characters. Sadly, after reading Chapter 8, I found that all the characters were overly superficial. Each of them was so, so nice and damned polite towards each other. Why did they have to be married at all? All of them came across as pretty shallow, self-centered. I too was more than a little pissed at they general way you depicted the female characters - manipulative

entitled bitches, while each of the males seemed to me to be beta examples willing to be led by their dicks.

Barely. When the wife told him she could cheat on him and he would never know. Described how to do it. I knew. At the party, all kinds of cheating going on. You went from btb to cuckold story and femdom at that. You lost me as a reader of this story and probably any other ones. I have about 30 authors I just don't bother with. Sorry, but I thought a nice juicy btb. Should have stayed that course. One star.

Or should I say a Hint!

You are good writer, and you have many red H's next to you stories, but...

You don't have ANY next to Loving Wives stories!

Why... because by the look of it, you don't understand relationships.

Doing swapping in uni. is day & night from doing it with your wife!

Any way, good luck with your writing.

Is this the ageing process??

TexasFarmBoy are you getting too old🤔??

What happened to your writing? This wasn't the usual entertaining yarn that you've spun.

With baited breath 😯 awaiting your next story.

AMerryman

You hear the phrase "fag cuck shit" thrown around so liberally these days in LW, but this story actually has the phrase "fag cuck shit" applied literally to it. The sex between Blake and Dale seemed to be added as a balancing act against the Mel/Gabe/Grace triangle more than anything else. Well written technically, the story warps traditional values in ways that seem to serve everyone's specific kinks.

Mel is left as the master of all she surveys, as she moves her pawns according to a strategy known only to her. You get the feeling that everyone is dependent on Mel's dictatorship remaining benevolent, because nobody in the story was capable of saying "No" to her. It's not many people who can handle that kind of power before it goes to their head.

This somewhat silly story was really too complicated and dreary to be erotic. The main character was a childish wimp who was too gullible to be interesting, no wonder Mel called him 'Dilbert'! Grace seemed OK to cool ... but Barbara, Dale and Blake were sickos. I think more is often 'less' and there were too many 'defective' characters 'running around loose' in this tale which made it less enjoyable to read.It certainly had the nucleus of a good story but it, sort of, went off the rails! An overview, for me, would be for Gabe and Grace to cut these sickos adrift and live happily ever after.4**** BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.

but the unceasing attempt at banter and humor, and the dense paragraphs put me off it around page 6. I skipped ahead to page 8 to see how it all ends. Just gets a bit unreal for me.

With most of the comments to date. Really not worthwhile reading or pondering about, not even comparable to your worst submission to date.

Certainly not fun, even though submissions on this site is by and large fantasy.

Please stay away from the DOM, polygamy or similar sheist or anything remotely implying those genres, even if Ohio though it was good enough to submit.

pretty disconcerting that the youth have no idea what manipulation or duty mean, especially in a marriage where "fidelity" is expected (unless you are a Californian).

TRASH

Awful long and I really didn't care for the way Gabe let Mel lead him around by the cock. Still I stuck with it to the bitter end so you must have had something going for you. cd

I couldn’t get past the middle of the second page before skimming the last page. Just crap!! With unbelievable characters.

Really should have been in fetish or BDSM.

Although it started off interesting, it soon became apparent that Gabe was a sap just thinking with his dick... and was dragged along the exactly the same road as Dale, excluding the bi part.

Also there is the important part like errr... Sunday and the dark dirty secrets. All the big lead up and it was left out.

It could have been a good discussion about men and women cheating, it could have been a good BTB or RAAC, instead it went full on Fem-Dom but it felt like the author changed their mind part way into writing the story.

Nothing positive or useful here.

I was ok with the story until the last page, when Mel told Barbare that Gabe was off limits ("not in this lifetime") and then immediately tokd Gabe that she was going to have sex with Barbara. Huh? Sex with Barbara was ok for her but not for Gabe?

Far too long and totally crap.

One word,Garbage.

The real controlling bitch in this story is actually Mel but she is honest about it and very up front keeping her large family together. Not sure I'd want someone like her in my life though.

Trash

This is deep shit, the first part had me in a vice grip but what a way to introduce the rest of the story. You must have bargained with the devil to conjure this up...

I like it because nobody is really hurt and everybody has a happy end.

I know the outcome is not for everyone and honestly even not for me, but it may work for them if everone is open and honest.

A cartoon for people who don't know which bathroom to use!

Mel is both a cuckquean and a dominatrix who manipulates everyone to get what she wants from them.

Dale and Grace are submissive characters lacking no real depth (similar to pawns).

Gabe just plays the witless fool throughout the whole story always a step behind his cuckquean.

What I dislike about this story was the promised drama or showdown with Barbara and then we find out that Mel

had to know everything right from the beginning of the story.. Mel had to know about the arrival of Barbara to town so with some quiet inquiries she determines Barbara past connection to Dale. Grace told Mel about Dale's recent weird behavior. Mel put two and two together and see this is an opportunity to seduce Grace. First, Mel had to lead her husband around by his dick to encourage him to make the first move on Grace. Once Gabe fucks Grace Mel is free to move on her. Lastly, we get the anticlimactic confrontation ending where an idiot could see how Mel played with her husband and best friends. What is disappointing is how clueless is Gabe.

Too fucked up to read after a couple pages - 1*

I realized at the end that Mel had suckered me just like everyone else. She's one manipulative woman and I'm glad she's not in my life. So Gabe gets Grace as the consolation prize while his wife, who swore she was faithful waltzes off to have an affair. Have is such a fucking naif. Well written but ultimately like a cardboard emulation of real food.

Convoluted pawns and manipulators mostly Mel of course.

This story is for people who think, and surely don't think exactly like all the hammerheads who drag their intolerance through the comments like some weird flag of honor. Like most readers, I'm not crazy about Melanie, but her character is well-written, interesting, and compelling. I'd love to spend an evening verbally and mentally sparring with a woman like her. What's not to love about engaging with a mind with which you might not agree? I mean, if I want to be with someone exactly like me, I'll have an evening with the guy in the mirror. This writer is magnificent, albeit a wee bit twisted.

Mel is a narcisistic meglomaniac...

Was the author of this tripe high or just braindead?