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Varying hues of violet, peach, silver and pink steadily encroached across the indigo sky. The water at Williamstown Channel flowing to the sea was dark against the early morning light deep below the pier. You would now act decisively and rid yourself of your ghosts. Like the naked man among the tombs, your ghosts would pour out of yourself like swine falling over a steep cliff into the sea, perishing in deep waters. Your clothes were heavy. You were not a strong swimmer. It would not take long, you thought as you lowered yourself down on to the pylon below. The night-dark river estuary, grim with cold. And you floating your way downward to oblivion.
The black pall of night rolled from the suburb. A new dawn.The dull murmur of the empty sea. The sky reddened.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoI know Erotic Horror is meant to have dark tones to it, and sometimes in some Erotic Horror stories on here endings turn out tragic, but I like dark, I just don't like endings like this that are uncertain as to where it could've gone. I feel like you could be a very good Erotic Horror storyteller, but you have to mix up the endings ever once in awhile, some tragic endings, some with no hope for the future, and some that show their is a future for the couple, honestly it would've been wiser to write in the main character admitting his guilt and showing that he could've been a better lover than Neville was to her that one night. That's one of my fears is that my girlfriend will want someone with more passion than me, but she keeps telling me that I'm more passionate than anyone she's ever met, and she's got just as much passion in the bedroom as she does when she paints. Didn't mind the story, could've been more effective if it had been told in his eyes. That ending could've been differently.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoThis story would have been much more effective if told by the person experiencing it. As it is the reader is kept at a distance from the emotion being described. It may have felt eerie as you were writing it but that is just the author's conceit.
Redo it first person and regain the power of the narrative.
It's too bad because it is a good idea for a story.
