All Comments on 'The Gift'

Nice and sweet. If I had to quibble, I thought it missed a "mutual karate interest" beat, since you set it up but didn't follow through beyond an oblique reference to Ali's own first time. Not a deal breaker, since the story flows beautifully and, given its brevity, the characters are compelling and surprisingly rich. Tara is especially impressive in that regard, I think. She's barely in the story, but she comes across as a pretty complex character by the end. Again, nice job.

Very nice! It flowed as you said it did. Leave this as a stand alone.

nice and light. thanks. i generally read BTB.

Every male should have an Ali :)

Enjoyed this whole heartedly. Nice story of a family and a best friend. You did not drag everyone into the mix and it was a nice first time experience for the brother. Sister making sure her brother was not hurt or taken advantage of. Not many families are that close in this day and time. Good brother-sister banter. All around great story. 5 STARS

Nice - 5

Loved this story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Cheers. Frankie

Very nice and really well built.

I really appreciated the plot between a more mature girl, more experienced in looking for love and the younger brother of her friend who she talked about so much but who is without confidence and without experience.

Do you plan to continue the story of this budding relationship?

Yep good job!!! Awesome the way it came together. Now it needs a follow up. Seems there is more to the story to tell... 5 Stars!!

Excellent, thanks

Thanks for a nice one, short but sweet. More please!

Axelotto

Hard not to pull for them in the future. Loved it and thank you.

Excellent story, perfect pacing.

Really like the characters, would like to see more of their story.

You never know when or where you'll find love the first!

5

The words dad and mom, when used as names, are capitalized. He is my dad. Hey, Dad, can I get a picture?

Some of your paragraphs were painfully long with mixes of descriptions and quotes. A good way to shorten them is to make a new paragraph with any speaking.

4*

Nicely done! The last reader's comments were constructive & can be helpful. I thought the pace was perfect. The dialogue was intricate because the emotions were. Creating at this level, and Knowing when to leave it alone shows skill and promise. Don't stop.. 5 stars...Rich

Excellent story and perfect finishing

But may be another part is good I think

Great story! There are a few minor typos. The run-on sentences are a problem but don’t detract much from the story. Well done.

This was great. Thank you.

Not a bad story. Some typos but that's alright. I liked the characters. The consent is great and necessary. I liked the descriptions. I only wish we knew a little more about Ali's personality aside from just knowing she's pretty and does karate too.

This was very enjoyable as an erotic story. It could be a better story with a little editing. Too many minor, inconsequential details and explanations.