The Girl on the Bridge

Thoughts of death plague my mind. They always have and sometimes it's more incessant than others. And I know that something is wrong with me. That I am the problem. Not my parents or my therapist...me. In my head. I can't seem to stop it. Not remembering if I was happy before the accident kills me slowly. Was I different? Were things better?

I'm staring out the window in the living room when my mother walks in.

She doesn't approach me so I look at her. Her gaze is worried.

"What?" I ask.

She shakes her head and comes near me, cautiously.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I guard myself.

She sits next to me on the couch. "It is just nice to have you around." Her smile wobbles.

"Mom?"

She sniffles. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really trying." She hugs me tight.

"What's wrong?" I rub her back. I must be in a parallel universe. One where my parents cry a lot without explaining why. It's unnerving.

She pulls back and huffs out a breath. "You have this look on your face." She shrugs.

"What look?" I want to hide.

"The same look you had before you moved out. Like you couldn't get out of here fast enough." She cries again.

"I'm not going anywhere." I assure her.

I don't want to be the cause of any bad feelings. I don't want to make my parents cry. I don't want her to think I'm unhappy. I don't want to burden her with these depressing thoughts. No one else should have to live with them. I'm not ecstatic to still be here, but I'm also not unhappy. I think.

It's hard to know how I fared on my own but I can't imagine it being any worse than this.

"Do you know if we have some ibuprofen in the house? I am having really bad cramps." I grimace when I get another one.

"Oh, are they really bad again?" She gets up and asks Rosa to get me some pills.

"You mean this is normal?" I want to groan. My cramps were never that bad growing up. Regular pain for the first two days and then more of an inconvenience for the rest of my cycle has been the norm. I would imagine that my body would get used to this pain by now but it is unfamiliar to me. Even if my body did go through this every month in the past, my brain is taking it in as if it were a new thing. More shit to fuck with my head. I groan again.

"I don't know what changed but you started getting really bad cramps during college. They come and go, you had it figured out after meeting..." She hesitates but then continues, "You tried birth control for a while but didn't like the side effects." She gets a bottle of water from Rosa and gives it to me along with some pills.

I don't push her to finish her initial sentence. I'm tired of being in the dark and having my parents blatantly lie for whatever reason they think they should.

"There's also the fact that I don't need to worry about getting knocked up." I take a sip of water, trying to lighten the mood.

She smirks. "Your father did have an easy time getting used to his daughter being gay knowing that he would be the only man in your life."

I laugh and then groan when I get another cramp. "I'm going to rest for a while."

She gives me a hug and looks up at me. "Just talk to me, when you're feeling like that."

Like what? I don't ask.

~~~~

{Camryn}

Emma and I see much more of each other in the upcoming weeks.

I wait until at least the third week of us knowing each other to address one of the many elephants in the room.

By this time, we have spent a lot of time in each other's presence. She has allowed me to take her out to the movies, dinner, gallery shows, and even the beach. She enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. I wish we could spend all day together but I count my blessings with any time she gives me and make sure to keep her entertained.

"I want to cook for you tonight." I open the door to my studio and allow her to go in first.

She has been here twice and we usually order in.

"I'm not really hungry." She removes her shoes and walks to the gray couch.

She's wearing a black t-shirt with dark blue leggings.

"I make a mean mac and cheese." My tone is playful but I give her a look.

She stares without saying another word.

Finding the power balance between us has been as easy as breathing. She is a natural submissive. I get a thrill when she lets me take the lead on most things and doesn't question my decisions. Her trust is as endearing as it is nerve-wracking. I had to earn it and I don't want to lose it. Every now and then she will refuse to try something or force me to persuade her into doing something else but it has never gotten bad. That is before tonight. Pushback is to be expected. I mentally prepared for this.

What led to me pushing this up on the list of things to tackle with her, is how bad her period cramps seem to be. Last week she barely got out of bed because of the pain and it was hard not to react. I didn't mind spending time indoors but I could tell she was hiding just how bad it was hurting her. I'm not a doctor and I don't claim to have all of the answers but I know her body is not getting all of the nutrition it needs. She eats less than a mouse and I can't keep letting her get away with it. Not while we're together.

I go into the kitchen and take out a pot, rolls of cheese, pasta, and everything in between. My mac and cheese is nothing special. But it will be. I don't hear a sound coming from the living room and worry that she could decide to leave at any moment. I try to cook as fast as I can, feeling an imaginary timer going off in the distance. Of course, waiting for the water to boil is the toughest part. I try not to watch it.

Once everything is done, I set up the table, ignoring her as she watches me from the couch. She hasn't moved an inch.

I serve our bowls and motion for her to join me.

She shakes her head.

She doesn't look playful. She actually looks like she's going to be sick.

"Please join me, Emma." The request is laced with a warning.

I hate to admit it, but I get a tingle in my stomach at the thought of what is to come next. Besides our one kiss in the park, we have kept everything between us platonic. We act more like friends than anything. Not that I mind in the least. She has been the only one in my mind and I will go at whatever pace she sets. But the thought of bending her over this table and fucking her into submission makes me horny. All with her consent, of course. I will not lay a finger on her without making sure she wants it as much as I do. We have to be on the same page in the bedroom as we are out of it.

"I'm not hungry." She lifts her chin slightly.

I push my chair back, the wooden legs scrape against the cold ground, and she jumps. Seeing her reaction stops me from getting up. I don't want to scare her.

I pat my leg instead. "Sit here." I try to ease her nerves with a softer tone.

I mentally count and make it to ten before she gets up and sits on my lap. I open my legs and make her sit on my left thigh, so that she can face me. I wrap my left arm around her small waist and grip her thigh. She shakes in anticipation. My lips move into a spot right behind her ear. I kiss her lightly and feel her shift on my thigh. Her pussy pulses against my leg and I lick her in appreciation. I'm practically purring into her neck. I'm hungry now, and not for this food.

"I'm going to feed you this bowl and you're going to be a good girl and eat every last bite." I graze my teeth down the length of her neck. "If you don't, you might as well forget about this. About us." I will not stick around to see her disappear before my eyes. I have come to terms with it. If she refuses to eat, I will take her back to her place and ask Evelyn to contact her parents and tell them everything. If I can't help her, then she needs someone who can. I've taken it upon myself to be anything she needs me to be, but I need help from her too. She needs to want this too.

I pull back and look into her green pools.

They water up immediately but I hold my ground. This is important to me. It is as serious as life and death to her. Her hip bone digs into my forearm reminding me why I need to do this. It is something that I can help her with. I want to do this for her. I want to serve her in any way that I can.

"I want you to be here, to be alive when you're with me." I explain.

She nods and opens her mouth.

I feed her through her sniffles and wipe her eyes when I have to.

That tender moment brings us closer than I could have imaged. Her mouth never closes for me and I feed her until she finishes her bowl. I feel connected to her on a level that I did not think would be possible in such early stages of our relationship.

She turns to the other bowl after finishing hers and feeds me my dinner while I happily take every bite.

~~~~

{Emma}

I control my breathing and place my hands above my head.

The tennis racket feels heavy in my hand. It has been too long. Charlene walks around the net and comes to shake my hand.

"Not so bad for someone who hasn't played in years." She is an older woman, with a great body, who taught me tennis in high school. Now she's retired and comes to the country club when her husband is out of town.

"I need to get back to the gym. You wiped the floor with me." I breathe out with more ease.

"Just give me a ring when you want to play and I'll meet you here." She shakes my hand one more time and leaves.

I left my phone in the car, so I have nothing left to do but catch my breath. Not like anyone important will call me. I only have my parents' numbers saved. Not even my friend/roommates'. Who is probably not really a friend anymore since she hasn't called once since I've been out of the hospital. Did she move out of our apartment? Hasn't she wondered where I have been? At this point I'm finding it hard to believe we ever even lived together. Is she just a figment of my imagination? Does amnesia work that way? Create new memories to replace the old ones?

If so, I'm fucked.

"Emma?" I see a girl walking towards me. She's wearing a short white skirt and a pink polo. She also has a racket in hand. Her light brown hair is up in a ponytail. She's a few inches taller than me.

Her face looks familiar.

I take her hand and smile. "Hi."

She blushes. "Oh, come on. We can be more friendly than that."

I blush too and twist the racket in my hand. "I don't know if you heard but I was in an accident recently." This is that awkward part about being back here. People have heard stories but they want to hear it from the horse's mouth. I'm reluctant to feed their curiosity but it is hard not to do it when I don't remember some of them.

"Oh, wait, that really happened?" She turns even more red and brushes her ponytail aside. "I'm sorry. This is so embarrassing. Please forgive me." She brings her thumbnail to her lip as a nervous gesture.

That image resonates with me and a name pops into my head. "Heather?"

She smiles brightly and nods her head. "You had me worried there for a second. I thought you forgot all about me."

"Well, the memories are spotty but I do remember you." Well, enough to remember a name. I'm happy with that.

She turns to see a guy walking up to us and reaches out to shake my hand again. "That's my tennis partner. Can I give you a call soon, maybe we can catch up and I can refresh your memory?"

I nod and give her my new number.

"Bye, Heather."

"Bye, Emma." She walks away and I watch as her skirt sways side to side.

~~~~

{Camryn}

Emma has gotten more comfortable eating larger portions around me.

Whenever we eat at her place or mine, she readily takes a seat on my lap and allows me to feed her. We sometimes just talk or watch T.V. as we do this, making it a favorite routine of ours. Because I am allowing her to set the pace, we haven't kissed or done anything other than hold hands in the last three months since we met. I want to kiss her. All of the time. I want to taste her lips again and make her feel good. But I don't want to scare her or ruin what we have. I already know that once we get past that threshold there will be nothing to hold me back.

I see a change in her as the weeks pass.

Her cheeks are rosier, her body fills out her dresses differently than before, and her attitude changes for the better. Not that I have minded having a moody girlfriend.

Girlfriend? I wish. But that has yet to have been established.

The only times she does not sit on my lap as we eat is when her roommate is around or when we are out in public. She says the embarrassment would be too much, which I try to respect and understand.

On a random hot afternoon, I take us to the same ice cream shop we went to after our first interaction. Some weeks we see more of each other than others. Those weeks when I see less of her, I worry things will go back to how they were but she surprises me by staying the same. She's not overtly affectionate or always says what is on her mine, but I see a warmth in her eyes when she sees me after some time. It is a delicious feeling. Which is why, after not seeing her for 6 days straight, I decide to treat us to something sweet.

She fidgets in line as we look at the different flavors and I know she is probably remembering the first time I brought her here. When I barely knew anything about her and why she was on the bridge that day. I can't say I even know the true answer now, but we are at a completely different point in our relationship than we were that day. She chooses a strawberry scoop and I go for vanilla this time. I want her to be as close as possible, so I guide her to the nearby park bench and make her sit on my lap.

She tries to pull away but I hang on tight.

"I don't like doing this in public." She looks around and her cheeks turn bright.

Her pussy pulses against my thigh and I lick my ice cream instead of kissing her soundly. With each flutter from her pussy, I find it harder and harder to control my thoughts.

"Don't worry, no one is going to stare at us. They see lesbians on dates all the time." Maybe that will put her at ease.

She shifts and tries to pull away again. Her breathing is more labored than I first noticed.

"What's wrong?" I'm now more concerned. Am I ruining the moment? Maybe this is too much for her and I'm being insensitive.

She briefly looks at me. "I want..." Her eyes drop to my mouth.

I wait but she looks away again, it's frustrating.

"What do you want, Emma?" I lean in closer, getting a whiff of her ocean breeze perfume.

"I'm hot." She explains.

"So, eat your ice cream." My stomach tightens as she licks her lips. If I'm reading her body language correctly, I want what she wants too. I need to hear you say it. Please say it, sweetheart.

"Sitting on your lap..." She is at a loss for words.

My tongue sticks out and I dip it into her strawberry ice cream. I picture getting to taste her sweet folds and hum in appreciation.

Her eyes widen.

"Would you like to go back to my apartment?" This is it.

She nods hurriedly.

We move like we're being chased. The people on the street either move out of the way or get moved as I pull her along. She lets me drag her into my building. We wait for the elevator and in no time we're in my studio. She lets me take every inch of clothing off of her in my living room. Her small breasts beg for my lips. She wraps her arms around her lower stomach and I see a small dark, blonde bush between her legs. She looks nervous and embarrassed.

I remove my shoes, black shirt and jeans. I can't tear my eyes away from her.

Once I'm completely naked, I pull her down on my plush white rug. I position her body in front of my couch.

"Put your elbows here." I make her kneel on the carpet and cross her arms so she's leaning the upper half of her body on the couch. I run a hand down her back, following the ridges of her spine on the way down. I kneel behind her, one leg on the outside of her left leg and the other in between her legs. I pull her ass firmly against my hips, my pussy brushes the back of her thigh. I move her hair aside and whisper into her ear.

"You let me know if it's too much." I kiss her neck. "Just say the word."

She nods.

Very tenderly, I wrap my hand around her hair. Her eyes flutter close. I move back slightly, positioning myself for my next move.

Without warning I yank her hair back and she yelps. Her back arches beautifully, causing her pink pussy to peak out from behind. Her elbows stay on the couch. Good girl. My excitement grows.

Giving her a moment to recover, my free hand explores her firm ass. I give it a light slap, letting her decide if this is too much. I slap a couple of more times, alternating between each cheek, watching as her fair skin turns a beautiful pink after each contact. Her breathing becomes shallower but she doesn't say anything. My juices trail down my inner thigh until it lands on the back of her calf.

I pull her head back further and her hands move off of the couch.

I quickly put them back to their old position on the couch and lightly slap one of her breasts. It jiggles in a mouthwatering way. "Leave them there." I warn. My voice is thick with desire.

She moans when I slap her breast again. I slap again and again and move to the other perfectly untouched beast, with my other hand, while still hanging onto her hair. The slaps are light, mostly pushing her breasts to watch them bounce. Her hips roll as her moans get louder. I see the glistening wetness dripping from of her pussy. Her breasts turn a delightful pink and I groan.

Without hesitation, I stick two fingers into her warm pussy, causing her to cry out in relief. I pump my fingers in and out of her wet pussy, hearing the gushing noises coming from between us. I pump at a quicker pace and twist my hand so my thumb rubs against her clit. It's not long before I watch as she cum all over my hand. Her hips ride my fingers through her orgasm, while I enjoy the grunt coming from her lips. I can see her body starting to relax and decide to push her just a little bit more. I move my forearm to her back and make her upper body lean further into the couch. Her breasts are pressed against the gray cushions. I move my fingers around and hook them until I find her g-spot and pump at a faster rate.

She begins to thrash against me and moans even louder than before. I try to listen for any words or noises that she is not enjoying this, but her hips keep grinding against my fingers. In a beautiful turn of events, I feel another pressure building within her and all she can do is moan into the couch as her pussy clenches and unclenches around my fingers, trying to find another release. She's cumming again! It catches us both by surprise when she squirts all over my hand, my leg, and my rug. Oh fuck, she's so fucking hot! Watching her lose all control and scream in release is incredible. How did I get so fucking lucky? I let her ride her second orgasm out and only pull her back against me when she closes her thighs against my hand.

I lay back against the carpet and pull her on top so that we are both facing the ceiling. Her back against my front.

"Are you okay?" I kiss her sweaty forehead.

She nods and turns her face to kiss me deeply.

"I am perfect." She whispers against my lips. "I've never had that happen before."

We lay in silence for what feels like hours, enjoying the feeling of bliss. If I had any doubt that she would not fit in with my sexual lifestyle, it has all gone out the window now. She behaved amazingly. The perfect little submissive. I briefly wonder if there is an angel out there who I should be thanking. And then I sigh and decide to bring up another one of those many big, colorful elephants in the room that have been nagging me ever since I first bent her over. Just when I think there is no more room for elephants another one appears. She must be summoning them to test me.