All Comments on 'The Girl With Pink Hair: Pt. 05'

I know that some of you like this a lot but I’d love to know what you think, is it developing in the right direction, does the story arc make sense, too long, too short, should I be wrapping it up (I already have ideas for a sequel) or extending it?

I’m hooked.

This storyline was going great. Then you totally borked it. The best chick gets lessened, some random penis gets injected, and the love interest becomes an overbearing queen that rules all. All within two chapters. Total ******

Hilariously, nay ridiculously good story, I’m absolutely loving the way it’s developing, the story arc is forming and now we just need to see the opposing sides identified with actual faces etc, although “The Elect” definitely seem to be a bit Voldemort-esque by what we’ve heard so far.

Personally I’m not worried about the FFM side of things, so Alan’s appearance only adds for me, a triumvirate may not be stable politically, but it feels right with how WTDT has portrayed it, after all a three legged stool is very stable, especially on uneven ground, time will tell I guess.

My high points were numerous, but the “No Capes” reference had me laughing out loud and the food theme just gives and gives, that picture of young Gita prospering in later life, but remembering “That Night” is a precious visual picture, but then so was Jess’ meeting with Tony & Co, it was written perfectly from the “Dead Fly” biscuits to the dreams of a little boy, just magical.

If I’ve got a criticism, it’s the initially nebulous idea of the avatars and how you introduced them; are they carried as part of all/some Folks genetic code, or maybe supernatural beings that need a host, or is it something else that I’ve missed and needs me to reread this chapter? It’s obvious that they are known about or remembered by the Folk political leaders, but not so much the rank and file Folk, fingers crossed it becomes clearer as I progress.

Many many thanks for writing and for posting here on Lit, it is appreciated, cheers, Ppfzz. 5⭐️