The Girls of Manchester Pt. 01

"Hope, what is it you want?" Kittie asked.

"I don't know what I want." Hope replied, looking as though her entire spirit were being crushed.

"What is it you want from Sam?"

"I don't know!" Hope cried out.

"I think you do, Hope. I think you know exactly what it is you want from this."

"And what do I want? Huh? What do I want, Kittie?" Hope demanded, her tone aggressive. "What is it that I am supposed to know!? I am tired of all of this confusion already. I am tired of not knowing what is going to happen. I am tired of the fact that I have no idea what or who I am!"

"Who are you?" Kittie asked.

"I don't know!" Hope yelled.

What is Sam to you?" Kittie asked. "Why did you kiss her?"

"I don't know. I'm not lesbian. I can't be. I've had boyfriends before. I'm not lesbian."

"Perhaps you're bisexual?" Kittie asked.

"I've never thought of a girl in that way." Hope replied defensively.

"Maybe not before, but it is obvious you have an attraction to her. I mean, you did kiss her."

"I know what I did, Kittie. I don't know why."

"Why ask 'why', Hope? Are these feelings not enough?"

"What feelings, Kittie? I didn't even think about it. It just happened."

"Nothing 'just happens', Hope. Whether you acted impulsively or not, you still made a decision. And if it really meant nothing to you, why are you so worked up about it? Why are you even here? I could be asleep or any number of things, but right now I am trying to help my obviously confused best friend sort through her issues. If it really meant nothing to you, why the confusion in the first place?"

"I-," Hope paused, her mind drawing a very large blank.

"Look, Hope. I don't know if you are a lesbian or not. I really wouldn't care either way because there are worse things you could be- a lot worse. I will still invite you to stay over, you can still share the bed with me when you do, and you will always have my love as your best friend. Don't get so caught up in labels if it keeps you away from what makes you happy. Your happiness is more important than any label, any hatred."

"I don't know." Hope stated blankly.

"Lay down, Hope. Maybe you will feel better after some rest. Perhaps the answers you are looking for will come to you a little more easily."

Hope got under the covers followed by Kittie. Hope felt Kittie wrap an arm around her waist and lean towards her.

"You're my best friend, Hope, no matter what." Kittie whispered. "I hope you find what it is you are looking for. You deserve to be happy. Good night, Hope."

"Good night, Kittie."

Ch.08: A Sleepless Dream

"Sweet dreams are made of this,

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas,

Everybody's looking for something."

- "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", The Eurythmics, 1983

"Hope." Kittie nudged Hope, feeling the clamminess of her best friend's skin as she did. "Hope!"

"Wha-?" Hope asked, her baby blue eyes struggling to make sense of anything in the darkness.

"Hope." Kittie said again, causing Hope to gasp. She was unable to see Hope's eyes clearly in her nearly- blacked-out bedroom, but she was able to see just well enough to notice how Hope's entire body went suddenly rigid.

"What's wrong?" Kittie asked in the darkness.

"Thank God, it's you." Hope replied, the relief in her voice apparent.

"Of course, it's me. You stayed the night, remember?" Kittie asked. She was getting concerned now.

Kittie sat up in the bed and turned over so she could reach her bedside lamp. The room was suddenly bathed in the soft yellow glow of light from Kittie's bed side table. Hope looked an absolute wreck. Besides the obvious distress, and something else, in Hope's baby blue eyes, she was covered in sweat. The slick sheen across her skin culminated in a pool of fluid that had soaked the sheets around her. Her new nightie was obviously ruined, while strands of pink-highlighted blonde hair were plastered to the face of her best friend in impossible knots and tangles.

"Damn, girl. What were you dreaming about?" Kittie asked. Hope turned her head quickly and shot her a wide-eyed look from her pale blue eyes and Kittie knew something really was up. She would have asked but Hope started shivering, hunching over slightly and wrapping her arms around herself. It almost looked as though she were trying to protect herself against the rush of some sudden oncoming blast of cold air.

"Come with me." Kittie said, getting out of bed. Hope did not move, but Kittie was undeterred. Hope was not acting right. Maybe after a warm shower she would be able to come around sufficiently to talk to her. Kittie walked to Hope's side of the bed and watched. Hope was zoned out, her eyes staring into some far-off space. If it weren't for Hope's unceasing shivering, Kittie would not have known that Hope was alive. She didn't move in the slightest, she didn't even seem to be breathing. Kittie reached for Hope's arm and pulled her towards the edge of the bed. Hope compliantly unwound her arms and legs, getting to her feet. Kittie opened her bedroom door and quickly padded down the dim hallway to the bathroom and turned on the bathroom light to give Hope some light in which to see.

Kittie returned to her room and grabbed Hope's hand. Once more, Hope was nothing if not completely pliant.

"Are you okay, Hope?" she asked.

"So cold." Hope answered in a breathy whisper, following Kittie as the younger girl led her down the hallway to the bathroom. She could tell by Hope's voice that this was more than a simple matter of being cold, but she wasn't about to press things yet. She turned into the bathroom and looked into Hope's eyes, which were drawn and weary- looking. Kittie turned on the water so it could warm up.

Hope made no further movements, staring blankly out into space. Kittie walked around the blonde and shut the bathroom door, being sure to lock it so that nobody would accidentally walk in. She eased the straps of the silk nightie down Hope's shoulders and began tugging the fabric down Hope's body. She was gentle, trying not startle Hope. She knew Hope wouldn't mind. Both girls had been naked in front of each other many times over the years. With anyone else, however, this probably would not have gone over so well. With the state of mind Hope was in, which she guessed was the true problem, there was no telling what Hope would have done were it anyone else but her. She tossed the nightie onto the sink and slid Hope's thong down her legs and tossed it with the nightie. Kittie turned around towards the bathtub to put the plug in the drain before placing a hand on Hope's sweaty arm.

"Are you okay?" Kittie asked, indicating she was about to leave. Hope's eyes finally seemed to register her presence with a haunted look.

"Please don't go." Hope whispered.

"Okay." Kittie replied, guessing Hope would eventually get around to talking when she was ready. Deciding it was best for Hope's situation, Kittie began stripping her night clothes off then pulled Hope by the hand into the tub, which was rather large and could fit them both comfortably. Kittie got in first, feeling the warm water envelop her as she laid against the back of the tub. She pulled on Hope's hand, prompting the blonde to step in as well. Hope was rigid in all of her movements, even as she sat down to rest the back of her head against Kittie's chest. Hope's body at that moment had all of the softness and feminine allure of a wooden board.

Kittie was not sure what to do. She had been fairly certain that a warm bath would have at least gotten Hope to relax at least a little bit. It certainly wasn't going how she thought it should. Warm water always did the trick with her. Suddenly, Kittie got an idea. More than a few times the roles had been reversed, with Hope playing the role of comforting presence. When Kittie was so worked up she couldn't relax, all Hope had to do was play with her hair a little bit. For some reason, that always managed to work no matter how obstinate or depressed a state she had managed to work herself up to.

Kittie took a finger and started twirling it in Hope's hair, waiting for some sign or reaction that maybe it would work on Hope, too. After a few minutes, her hand was getting tired and she suddenly realized how limp Hope had gotten to be. Somehow, she had not noticed how quickly Hope had actually melted against her, sort of like butter on bread. She could hear Hope now, slight sighs and nearly inaudible purrs of gratification as Kittie continued to play with the wet blonde strands of Hope's golden hair. How had she not noticed this change?

"Better?" Kittie asked, forgetting the tired feeling in her hand as she was finally able to focus on something else.

"Mmmhm." Hoped hummed.

"You were quite worked up in there." Kittie said, trying to dangle a little bit of bait on the chance Hope would bite and open up about what was really going on.

"I'm fine, Kittie. Could keep doing that? What you were doing with my hair feels wonderful. I've always loved it when people do that."

"Okay." Kittie giggled, knowing Hope was trying to sidestep the question. "As long as you can tell me why I am in a bathtub in the middle of the night."

Hope sighed. It was a deep, sad sigh.

"I don't know how to say it without freaking you out." Hope replied after a pause.

"What, did you try to kiss me while I was asleep?" Kittie asked, amused.

"No." Hope replied, her tone betraying the fact that she was less than enthusiastic about the conversation.

"Did you try to molest me in my sleep?" Kittie asked, trying to pry the doors wider into a conversation.

"No!" Hope shouted.

"Ssssh. We don't need to wake my parents. They're antsy enough about people breaking in as it-"

*Knock, knock*

"Mija, are you in there? Why do I hear splashing?"

"Yes, mom. I'm with Hope. She was having trouble sleeping so we are just talking." Kittie replied,

"Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, mamá. We're just talking."

"Okay. Let me know if you two need anything. I can bake some cookies if you want."

"No thank you, mamá." Hope replied, putting herself into the conversation.

"Okay. Good night, girls."

"Good night." Hope and Kittie replied in unison.

"I really didn't want her to hear us talking." Hope said as soon as she heard a door close down the hallway.

"Us? I've been doing all of the talking. You're trying to avoid the conversation. Why?" Kittie demanded to know.

"Like I said, I don't want to freak you out." Hope explained.

"You had a dream?"

"Yeah." Hope replied after some hesitation.

"Was it good or bad?" Kittie asked, switching to use her other hand on Hope's hair.

"Good- I think."

"Think?" Kittie asked, intrigued.

"I enjoyed it, in my dream at least."

"Yet you wake up looking like your dog just died or something. That doesn't sound so enjoyable to me."

"It's hard to explain, because-."

"You don't want to freak me out, I already got that part. Yet here I am, asking you. Why all of the dramatics?"

"I was dreaming of-" Hope stopped.

"A girl, maybe?" Kittie asked.

Hope nodded.

"Look, Hope. If you were dreaming of a girl, that's fine. Just because you're sleeping next to me in my own bed does not mean I expect you to stop being you. You could be the most lesbian woman out there, and I would still trust you to sleep next to me. You are way overreacting to this. Still, it does not address the larger issue."

Hope seemed to deflate, her entire body going even more limp than before, Kittie couldn't see how that was possible.

"What is it you want to know that we haven't covered before?" Hope asked in a defeated voice.

"Ohhhhhh." Kittie intoned with a grin. "So, it is a about a certain brunette after all."

"Yeah." Hope replied, looking straight towards the tiled wall of the bathroom in front of her.

"Did you fuck her?" Kittie asked.

Hope bolted upright, turning to face Kittie with the most shocked expression she had ever seen on anyone's face before. Kittie could've sworn that Hope's jaw was literally about to hit the floor and she was unable to prevent the burst of laughter that erupted from her mouth. Hope began to look incredibly dismayed, so Kittie took some time to rein herself in before continuing.

"Hope, if that was your dream, I wish I could have such dreams. Don't get caught up in such dramatics over something so natural. Maybe not every girl is into other girls, but you are certainly not alone in your desires of the softer flesh."

Hope looked down at her legs, running her hand along her smooth-shaved skin in an attempt to come to grips with the anxiety the conversation was causing her. Absent-mindedly her hand began twirling through the small tuft of pubic hairs she kept neatly trimmed on her pubic mound.

"Still horny, I see." Kittie observed, having caught the thoughtless movement of Hope's finger. Hope gasped, turning a beet red.

"Hope, you are hardly the first girl to play with themselves, um, down there, either. You seriously need to relax a bit."

"How? I have never been this nervous before." Hope asked, her light-blue eyes desperately begging Kittie for some answer which would alleviate the worry that dwelt within her troubled mind.

"First, quit playing with yourself. It's kind of distracting. I'm not used to watching other girls, you know. Second, put some more hot water in the tub. It's kind of getting cold in here. Third, you have to come to grips with whatever this is that you are feeling. Obviously, our talk earlier did not help that much. I would suggest you talk to Sam about it in the morning."

"Why would she talk to me? First, I kissed her, then I abandoned her in the middle of the road." Hope asked as she shut off the running water.

"Before you count yourself out of the picture Hope, it might do well for you to talk to her. If nothing comes of it, you might be able to walk away feeling better for yourself. You could write this whole thing off as some crazy phase or something."

"If not?" Hope asked, turning around to lay her head against Kittie again.

"If not-," Kittie paused, playing with Hope's hair again," then you need to be honest with yourself and realize it isn't some crazy phase and you might, in fact, be at least bisexual."

"I'm not ready for that." Hope replied, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the feeling of Kittie's fingers mingling among the soaked strands of her hair.

"Who is, Hope? Unlike what so many of the hateful little people out there try to claim, you rarely get to choose who you are as a person. You can accept it and make something happen, or try to run from it and become a miserable, cold-hearted bitch."

Hope chuckled.

"You laughed," Kittie observed," at least we are getting somewhere now."

"Only you can be so blunt." Hope whispered.

"I'm sure just about anybody could. I'm only being this way because I love my best friend, and she is having some serious issues."

"Is there a happy ending? For her, I mean." Hope whispered, her heart aching for some validation of the feelings it already knew to be true.

"Only if she quits being a miserable, cold-hearted bitch."

"Ouch." Hope replied.

"You asked for my opinion." Kittie replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You didn't have to be so brutal."

"Maybe not," Kittie responded," but sometimes drastic measures are required to get the message through that thick, pretty skull of yours."

"Trying to butter me up now, are you?" Hope replied with light laughter.

"Nope. I'll leave that to you and your lover-girl. I just hope to God that she isn't nearly as dense as you are."

"And why would that be, friend?" Hope replied sarcastically.

"For the sake of my own mental health, I don't need to have to deal with two emotional basket cases on a daily basis."

"Hmmm." Hope responded thoughtfully. "Just think of it, you get to be in the enviable position of mediating all of our relationship problems."

Kittie didn't respond.

"What's wrong, Kittie?" Hope asked, lifting her chin so she could look up and into Kittie's face. She saw a wide grin plastered across the face of the young Latina beauty.

"Don't look now." Kittie finally responded after a few tense seconds," I think you've made your decision."

"Wha-?"

"Our relationship problems" Kittie replied using Hope's words to illustrate the point.

What I meant was-. What I mean is."

"Good God, Almighty!" Kittie said, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "You are the most hard-headed girl I have ever come across."

"Also, the prettiest." Hope replied batting her eyes.

"Second to me." Kittie responded with a grin. "But even great beauty needs its beauty sleep. Speaking of sleep, we need to get up early and I need to work some feeling back into my legs if I am going to have a chance at making it back into my own bed tonight." Kittie paused as Hope looked at her with a blank stare. "Which means get your fat behind off my legs, they've fallen asleep!"

Hope laughed and stood up, draining the water from the bathtub.

"Can you help me up please?" Kittie whined, unable to move her legs to stand on her own accord.

"I should make you crawl to bed after calling me a fatty." Hope replied, holding out a hand to pull Kittie to her feet. Hope reached for a couple bath towels on the rack and began to dry herself off. "I think my nightie is ruined."

"Probably." Kittie replied, dabbing at her hair with the towel. "I'm guessing you didn't bring any extra clean night clothes, either?"

Hope blushed and shook her head.

"Luckily you've left like half your wardrobe at my place. I'm going to have to start charging you a fee for all of the space you take up when you're not around. Either way, I've managed to make room for your stuff in my dresser. Grab what you need. Though be sure to grab your own underwear. I had no space left after all five hundred shirts I threw in there to put them anywhere else but my own underwear drawer."

"What did your mom have to say about that, I wonder?"

"Not much except I almost got into trouble because she thought I was buying thongs behind her back."

"Sorry." Hope replied with a snicker, wrapping the towel around herself.

"You should be. You know how mamá can be." Kittie responded, stepping out of the tub and grabbing her deodorant off of the sink counter.

Hope followed, grabbing the nightie and thong off of the sink. She noticed the dried crust that caked the gusset. She looked over at Kittie to see the girl smirking at her with a knowing smile.

"I'll tell you what, Hope. That must have been one hell of a hot dream." Kittie responded, clearly waiting for an answer.

"It was-" Hope responded, smiling brightly," intense."

Ch.09: Young and Restless

"Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can't begin to explore your possibilities."

- Tim Fargo

The water fell from above in big, fat droplets in the dim yellow light. The sound of moving water, the steady hiss of fluid rushing through piping to exit the shower head and fall down upon her sore body was as much a distraction for her troubled mind as it was a hypnotizing force in the otherwise stifling quiet of her home. Amanda's parents had already gone to bed hours before, but Amanda had trouble falling asleep. What was more, she was finding it difficult to pass the time. Every once in a while, she found it difficult to keep her mind focused on a task, resulting in an inability to do much of anything at all. Usually at times like that, she went to take a shower. There was something about showers that seemed to unlock the floodgates of her brilliant young mind, but the fourteen-year-old redhead was having difficulty trying to keep certain thoughts at bay.