The Good Life Ch. 02

Evan's eyes fixed on him. "Dyson. Why the hell are you here acting like my friend? A month ago you hated my guts. You didn't think I had any business being a school crossing guard much less a cop. Well, guess what, I hated you even worse. Neither of us are different people than we were then. You wouldn't have minded if I had been hit by a truck. I wasn't thinking when I grabbed that gun, or I never would have done it."

Dyson stood there frozen in place, looking like a deer in the headlights. "I am your friend Evan. You know that," he managed in a voice that was surprisingly small for such a big guy.

"Ha. The fuck I do. The truth is neither of you would give a rat's ass about me if it wasn't to make yourselves feel better. That's the only reason you're always here. Well you can both fuck off!" I saw that, through his fury, he was finally telling the truth. He really, honestly believed that we were only here out of guilt.

I had planned to ride this out in silence, but he was ripping my heart out and didn't even know it. "This isn't about guilt," I found myself yelling at him, "I fucking love you Evan, don't you understand that?"

For a moment he stared at me in stunned silence. He really hadn't understood. But this freight train had way too much momentum to be slowed down now. "If what you and me have is love then there's something seriously fucked up with both of us. Just touching you made me feel sick."

I think he immediately regretted saying it, which didn't make it hurt any less, but he had finally worked himself up to the breaking point. He screamed and threw his television remote at the window so hard it cracked, and then started gasping for air. That's when I yelled for a nurse. It took both Dyson and me to hold him down while she administered a sedative, and both of us would have bruises to show for it. After a few seconds Evan's body went limp. The nurse went to find a doctor.

"What the hell wasthat?" Henry asked me breathlessly.

"The last straw."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know. Either he's really lost it or that was just him blowing off fifteen years of steam." I was surprised by how little concern I felt. I believed in Evan. And I was right to.

Two hours later Even woke up, looking hung over. He flinched when he looked at me and Henry. "That wasn't a dream, was it?"

We shook our heads.

He groaned. "I'm sorry you guys. I just kind of... lost my head."

"No joke. But you didn't say anything that wasn't true. You should have said it a long time ago. God knows we deserved it."

He thought about it. "Yeah, kind of." He gave a small smile. A real smile, for the first time since the shooting. "What about Urich and Cooper? Are they pissed?"

"Well," I said, "you scared the shit out of them, that's for sure. But they're your friends. You can't chase them off that easy."

"I wouldn't say I was easy on them."

"No you weren't. But you were honest. We can take it Evan. We're all big boys. You don't always have to be such a saint. Not anymore. You've got everyone on your side now."

"Even after what the chairwoman said?"

Henry grinned. "Especially after what she said. You didn't hear the rest of the interview. She was out in front of city hall and people started heckling and jeering her. It was actually funny as hell. She just kept going, tearing her career down around her head, and just never fucking got it. She's probably being tarred and feathered as we speak."

"Wow." It certainly hadn't been the outcome he expected. Just then there was a knock at the door.

It was Urich. "Is it safe to come in now?"

Evan smiled back and gave him the finger.

"What, no apology?"

"Apology? You're lucky all you got was yelled at. If I had two legs I'd of kicked your ass."

"And I would've deserved it." He finally stopped smiling and looked at his feet like a kid in trouble. "Look man, I really owe you an apology. There isn't any excuse for how I acted."

"Yeah. Well, sneak me in a cheeseburger and we'll call it even."

"Sure. Just promise you'll never do that again."

"Only if you piss me off, Ulrich."

"Oh, I almost forgot. Cooper brought someone to meet you."

Cooper poked his head in the door. "Women and children present. We gonna cut out the sailor talk?"

"Fuck yes," said Ulrich.

Cooper pointed out the door, Ulrich mock-saluted and left.

Cooper looked at Evan. "I owe you an apology too." Before Evan could respond he was ushering in his wife and two small children. He introduced Evan to them as a hero, and asked Evan if he could call on him to babysit once he was better.

I remember how I used to think Evan was the best guy in the world and someday everyone would realize it. Now they finally did. And all it took was fifteen years of hell and getting his leg blown off.

********

I was feeling better than I had in a very long time when I got home late that night. Then I opened my door to find my parents sitting in my living room. They had a key, but had never used it before.

"What's wrong?" I asked, alarmed. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, everyone's fine sweetie," replied my mom. "This isn't about that. We need to talk."

I was aware that I had been particularly closed off and distant lately, but I had no idea it was that bad. I had been so worried about Evan that I had let the mask slip.

"Oh, yeah? What about?" I asked innocently.

"Don't play with us Charlie," said my dad gruffly. "We've put up with whatever this is for five years, and now it's time to come clean."

"It's been getting worse lately, honey," mom said, "Don't think we haven't noticed. You hardly ever call, you're never at home. You're a wreck. We can't just ignore it anymore."

They weren't going to leave until I came up with something. On the fly I decided on telling them half the story. "A friend's been in the hospital. I've been worried."

"We know."

"You know? Have you been following me?"

"We were so worried about you," my mom replied. My dad was more to the point.

"Charlie, who is this person to you?"

"He's a friend dad." I was starting to panic, but I pushed it down. Maybe I could still get out of this.

"I don't have any friends that I would spend every waking hour with, even if he was a crippled hero." I was squirming. That's when he came right out with it. "Charlie, are you gay?"

"What? No! Of course not!" I said it as insistently as I could, but saying it loudly didn't make it the truth. They knew me too well.

My dad let out a sigh and buried his face in his hands. My mom put a comforting hand on his back. How could I have been so careless? Now my family was slipping away and there was nothing I could do about it.

That's when I realized that they weren't angry or disappointed. My dad was laughing. He looked up at me, relief filling his eyes. "Thank God! The way you've been acting we thought you had cancer or owed money to the mob or some shit like that."

I stood there in shock, slightly light headed. I had wanted to tell them so many times, but after being ambushed like this it took quite a bit of effort to fight back the urge to continue denying it. "'Thank God?' What about all the things you said when I was a kid?"

Dad flinched. "That. You have to understand, at the time I didn't realize what I was doing. It was just...the way I was raised. It was a different time." He shrugged, knowing how lame that sounded. "Didn't you notice that I stopped saying those things when you started getting in trouble for bullying?"

"Why would you... Wait a minute. Youknewthat's why I was bullying?

"Suspected. Strongly."

I dropped my work satchel. I felt like throwing it. "You knew! You knew all this time, you knew I was miserable, and you never told me it was okay? You let me think for fifteen years that you would disown me if I came out?" Would they still? Maybe it wasn't being gay they minded so much as everyone knowing they had a queer for a son.

"It's been hard for us too, son. It's wasn't an easy thing for us to accept. It took a long time."

"Hard foryou? You aren't the ones who spent the first half of your life hating yourself for who you were, and the second half regretting what you did because of it."

"We want to meet him."

"You never had to...wait, what?"

"We want to meet the man that's so important to you," repeated my mother. "We should have said it years ago, but it's okay. We love you, no matter what. All we want is for you to be happy again." My mom really knew how to take the wind out of my sails.

"Since when have you insisted on meeting my friends?"

"Come on now, don't start with this again. Weknow, Charlie."

"We really are just friends. I..."God this was hard to say. "I have...feelings...for him. But I don't think he does for me."

"Oh," she said knowingly. "So that's what this has been about. Unrequited love. But he's still obviously a very important part of your life and has been for a long time, and we want to know him."

I had to sit down. Anger and overwhelming relief were battling in my head and it was making me dizzy.

"Um, okay." I finally said. "I guess I can ask him. You sure you guys are ready for that?"

"Of course," said my mother.

"Yeah," said my dad, but he looked dubious. "Um, he's not too...fancy...is he?"

"Dad, he's a cop."

"A gay cop."

"I'm gay." It was only the second time in my life I had uttered those words, and it felt good.

He looked at me with dread.

"Dad, you're being stupid. I'm still the same person I was before. It's not like I'm suddenly going to get a tramp stamp and start watchingProject Runway."

Dad heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank God." In spite of everything I couldn't help but laugh at him. How clueless could you be? It would take a while for me to be able to forgive them, but they were willing to learn, and that meant a lot.

********

The next day was Tuesday, but I took a personal day to help Evan move back home. When I got to his hospital room I overheard him talking with his former Lieutenant.

"I'm not going to be a liability," Evan was saying. "I appreciate the offer, but I can't. I'll come back to the force, but behind a desk."

"I knew you'd say that. I've checked it out with the union, and we're going to send you to MIT. They've got a program there with the U.S. Army. Real high tech prosthetics, robotics and computer chips and all that. They'll have you almost as good as new. Everyone wants you back."

From the doorway I could see Evan's astonishment. He still wasn't used to being treated like this. "I'll think about it."

"What's there to think about? I've booked you a flight in three days. It isn't going to be easy. And it'll take time. A few months at least. I expect you to do your best."

"Yes sir."

The Lieutenant patted him on the shoulder and nodded at me as he left.

Evan looked at me in happy bewilderment. "Well, how do you like that? Who would have thought that losing my leg would be the best thing that ever happened to me?" Just the prospect of having a normal life and being well liked was heaven to him. "What are you smiling about?"

I couldn't stop grinning. "I am just so happy for you, man."

His expression changed slightly. "You are a great friend, Charlie. You didn't deserve those things I said."

"Yes I did."

"You used to deserve it, not anymore. I wish I could have taken it out on you in high school."

"I deserved it for that, and for what happened five years ago."

"That wasn't... Okay. I think we're going to have to just agree that that was both our faults equally."

"Fair enough."

"One thing I really didn't mean. It doesn't make me sick to touch you. It used to, but I can't even see that guy anymore. Just a really great friend." To prove his point he wound his fingers into mine and squeezed my hand. It was a small gesture, but it still made my heart skip.

He was still ignoring the most glaring fact of all. I had told him that I loved him. Again. What did that mean? Was he trying to let me down without hurting me? I wanted to push, but after burning both of us so badly the first time, I wasn't about to risk our renewed friendship by sticking my hand in the fire again.

We packed his things. He had a dozen vases from long gone flowers, enough cards to paper an entire wall, and a massive collection of stuffed "get well" animals, gifts from the police wives and kids. It was crap, but I somehow knew he would never throw one piece of it away. He was still getting used to walking with a crutch, so he needed a lot of help.

"I came out to my parents last night." I had been nervous to tell him, guessing what his reaction would be. I was right.

"What?" He shook his head and moaned. "Charlie..."

"I didn't really have a choice. They knew something was wrong, and it was either tell them I was gay or tell them the mob was going to break my legs. Besides, I get the feeling it won't be as bad being gay in this town as it used to be."

"It's still not going to be anywhere close to easy. So, they weren't mad?"

"Turns out they've known since I was in high school. It'll be an adjustment, but they're really trying."

"Look Charlie, I know this is your choice, and I respect it, but you should consider keeping it between you and your family."

"No offense Evan but you don't know what it's like to be in the closet, because you came out as soon as you realized you were gay. I can't say which is harder, but they both come with their fair share of pain. If it's going to be difficult either way, maybe I'd rather be honest while I'm at it."

Evan thought about it. "I just don't want to see you get hurt the way I did. I guess I didn't think hard enough about how you were hurting on your own. You should do whatever you think is best." He smirked. "If it helps, you're already half way there. Most of the police force thinks you're my boyfriend."

I didn't trust myself to respond to that, so I kept my mouth shut.

When we got to his place we immediately started packing for a long trip to Massachusetts.

********

Four months later

I saw the uniform first, which was not unusual since most of my friends nowadays were cops. It took me a second to realize it was Evan in the uniform, standing there on two legs in my doorway. I had talked to him nearly every day since he had left, but God it was good to see him.

I didn't know whether to stare or hug him, but he made the first move and hugged me so tight my feet came off the ground.

"Evan, you bastard, why didn't you tell me you were coming home today?"

"I wanted to surprise you." He stood back and held out his arms. "So, what do you think?"

If I didn't know he was missing a leg I never would have guessed. But what I was really interested in was him. He had a gigantic smile, his eyes were sparkling. He looked the oldest I had ever seen him, but for the first time since I knew him it was right.

"You look great." It was a vast understatement. "You'll be able to work a beat again?"

"Eventually. They still need to do some fine tuning. Another year, maybe two. The department's going to pay for me to study forensics, so at least I'll be of some use."

"That's great. Well, let's see it." He walked across the living room. The stride was completely natural. "Wow. That's amazing. I can't even tell it's there."

"You think that's something, watch this." He grabbed one of my kitchen chairs. I thought he was going to step onto it but instead he set it on its side, took a couple running steps and jumped over it. It was only a foot and a half, and it was nowhere near graceful, but for a guy with one leg was huge. He stumbled when he landed and I grabbed him, feeling a shot of heat as our bodies came together again. Evan put his arms around me to steady himself, but then didn't let go.

He stared straight in my eyes. He was breathing hard, but I didn't think it was from the exertion. It was a look I recognized well, because it was the one I was constantly trying to hide every time I looked at him. He put a hand on my face and leaned in close.

"You've got to know there's another reason why I'm here. You said you loved me Charlie." His voice was husky. "Do you still?"

I could only nod, my head swimming from having him this close, looking at me like that.

"I love you too."

Then he kissed me. If he hadn't been holding onto me so tight I'm sure I would have ended up on the floor. I pulled away while I still had the wherewithal to do it, and I searched his face for the tiniest hint of that fevered expression from five years ago. All I saw was love.

"You don't have to worry, Charlie. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't absolutely sure. Last time I wasn't ready. I thought the past was past, but it was right on my heels and I should have dealt with it first. By the time I did it was two years later and I didn't think I had any business contacting you. I fell for you too quick, before I could separate you from the guy you used to be. But I don't see that guy anymore."

"Why now?"

"Because you came out. I couldn't stand us being together but having to be a secret. It was worth waiting."

I was beginning to suspect this was a dream, but even if it was I would take it. I pulled him over to the couch, pushed him down, and straddled him. I'd been waiting five years for him to kiss me and now I was going to get my fill. I brought my lips to his again, gently at first, absorbing the feel of his soft mouth and slight stubble, his masculine smell and taste. He licked my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and our tongues met. He wrapped his hands around the back of my neck and pulled me in deeper. One of his hands slid down to my ass, but I pulled it up to my shoulder.

He understood. Wanting this so badly for so long had given me a hell of a fixation, and I wasn't going to be distracted until I was satisfied. We kissed deep and passionate, moaning into each other's mouths, and light and tender, looking into each other's eyes. For half an hour we made out like teenagers until I finally broke it off.

We were both breathing like we had just run a marathon, and were turned on to a degree I hadn't known was possible.

"God Charlie," Evan panted, "I had no idea kissing could be like that."

"I don't think it would be with anyone else."

Part of me wanted to draw this out as long as possible, to give us a chance to explore each other head to toe. I wanted to find every erogenous zone on Evan's body, find out what made him moan and whimper. But I was at a point of near desperation, and from the way Evan was grasping at me so was he. I put my mouth to his ear. "I want you to take me Evan." He nodded.

I hated to leave the warmth of his body, but the lube was in the bedroom. When I came back he pulled me to the couch, stripping me naked gently but urgently. It was my turn to do the same for him. I unbuttoned his uniform, which for some reason I found sexy as hell (I had always loved the way he looked in uniform), and stripped off his undershirt. He was leaner than he had been, but still just as beautiful. When I got to his pants I felt his body tense. "Um, Charlie, you should know that shotgun kind of fucked things up down there a little bit, and not just the leg."

"I know. I don't care."

He smiled faintly. "I know you don't. I just didn't want it to be a surprise."

I undid his button and zipper, exposing the first of the scars on his lower abdomen. I kissed them roughly, making him groan. I pulled his pants and underwear down to mid thigh. There were more scars on his hip, and the front and outside of his thigh were more scar tissue than not. I kissed those too. I wanted him to know that there was no way he could be anything but perfect to me. He got it and relaxed, grinning in anticipation. There was one scar I hadn't gotten to yet, one from a pellet that had grazed the top of his dick near the head.