All Comments on 'The Good Neighbor Ch. 01'

Speaking of needing a good editor:

1. It is "tongue" not "tong". Furthermore, it is "tarry" not "terry".

2. The point of view switched from 3rd person to 1st person at the commencement of his fantasy and then back to 3rd person at the conclusion of the fantasy.

3. The sex scene moves back and forth between past and present tenses.

Still an interesting premise. Let's see what happens with chapter two.

Get someone reliable to 'proof read' your next story before you submit it. It generally helps.

It's very entertaining that your character wants to be a novelist, but your story is full of typos, errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. Take your own advise, and get an editor. Or, if you can't get an editor, spend at least as much time as you do WRITING the story, re-reading it yourself, to clean up the more obvious mistakes.

Having said that, this story does have potential. I'd suggest revising and reposting this prior to posting chapter 2.

Wooden writing, changes in person, every mistake in the book.

Like one of the previous comments, if you were really going to write a story about a novelist and an editor, I would have gotten out "Mr. Websters" latest edition to double check the spelling and grammer for a few words, vaginal and tounges, to name a couple. I "ain't" no litterary genius or nothin, but I understand that if I want to describe a writer in a story, you can bet that I would get someone to double-check my grammer. Quite frankly, it put me to sleep. Harsh, yes, but what I hope you take from my comment is, keep us interested and keep it simple. I don't pay much attention to spelling or grammer, but, when it is this obvious... This is literotica, so sex is what we want to read. Another way to put it is, We dummies want to read about some fuckin!

Love "double check the spelling and grammer" and "double-check my grammer". The word is spelled "grammar". There is no e in the word. Once can be brushed off as a typo, but twice indicates you don't know how to spell the word. This is not good when you are commenting on poor spelling.

<P>

"I don't have time nor the ability to check my spelling" is a poor argument. Switch browsers. Firefox and Chrome, for example, have built-in spell checkers. When I copied and pasted your text, Firefox immediately flagged it as a misspelling.

I'll jump on the bandwagon.

Punctuation was odd in places.

Jumping between first- and third-person is just wrong.

Jumping between past and present tenses is wrong.

Spelling was for shit throughout.

I could go on.

Seriously, get an editor. Better yet, can the whole notion of yourself as a writer.

"... obviously out of patients, ..."

That SHOULD be 'patience'!

Get a good Proof-Reader and/or a very good Editor!

All over the place, no clue What TF or Who TF.

Is she the neighbor mentioned in the title, or not? I can't tell.

I'll check back for the next chapter to find out.

please keep writing. This could be the worst ever day on lit with stories submitted.

a "tong" I assume is a tongue.

These things are what keeps reader in the story. I fell out.

Oh dear: "and the visitor, obviously out of patients..." At this point I stopped reading.

I think that this was a joke, a writer/editor written without one. Ha Ha, don't bother joking with another part though.

Since Dutch is probably your 1st language (and my 2nd) I'm guessing that the spelling errors are easily attributed to that. It would be nice to have this little gem polished with some help from a native English speaker/writer/editor.

Don't submit this to a publisher. You/re jumping between first and third person and between present and past tenses.

but will he shine and glow. TK U MLJ LV NV