The Good Therapist

I. Blurred Lines

"Why do you feel so much shame around the pornography you view, Luke? Why does it make you feel so bad?"

Luke sighed. He knew Kristin would challenge him on his belief that consuming pornography, at least the type of pornography that he was drawn to, made him a bad person.

"I mean, I don't know, shouldn't I feel bad watching some girl just barely out of high school get passed around like a sex object by a bunch of guys? Shouldn't I feel bad about watching some woman gag so hard on a man's dick that she can barely breathe? These are disgusting things I'm watching, and they turn me on so much. It just feels wrong. And since I can't seem to stop watching and reading this stuff, I feel like I'm wrong too."

"But you aren't wrong, Luke! You aren't wrong. Enjoying rough sex, even somewhat perverse sex, is just fine. As long as the adults are consenting, then it's what they want to do. And if you want to watch them do it, there's no shame in that. From everything I've learned about you in the last 18 months, from your work as a teacher to your dedication to your family, from your volunteering to your triathlons, you have a lot to be proud of. Don't lose sight of that."

I suppose that's true, Luke thought to himself. He still didn't fully believe that his porn consumption was okay, but Kristin had made some good points. He wasn't a bad person, even if the things he did, and the thoughts he had, sometimes made him feel like he was. He was grateful Kristin could help him see that.

In fact, Luke had many reasons to be grateful to Kristin. In the 18 months since he'd started attending online therapy with her, his mental wellbeing was the healthiest it had been for a long time. So many of the misguided notions he'd had about himself had begun to melt away as his sessions with Kristin continued, and in turn, his life was better than ever. He was drinking less, working out more, revisiting old hobbies, and truly enjoying his job.

Still, though, not everything was perfect. Despite being handsome, intelligent, and funny, Luke struggled when it came to romance. It seemed whenever he was really interested in a woman, the feeling wasn't mutual. Conversely, when a woman showed an obvious liking for him, he would balk and end the relationship.

Seemingly reading his mind, Kristin asked, "How's dating? Anything new there?"

After a brief hesitation, Luke admitted "No, not really. I went on a few dates with a flight attendant I met through Bumble, but I just wasn't that interested."

"And why was that?" Kristin replied as she moved her hair out of her eyes.

Luke heard the question, but failed to respond. The way Kristin had just brushed her hair away, softly moving her hand through the golden blond tresses in front of her face and letting them fall toward the back of her head, caught him short.

This had been happening more and more often during their recent sessions--Kristin's advice and encouragement being lost on Luke as he got lost in her eyes. Kristin was, in fact, a very beautiful woman. So beautiful that Luke had almost asked to change therapists after their first session. He knew the danger of becoming attracted to one's therapist, and wanted to avoid it. But fortunately, he was meeting her via BetterHelp, not in her actual office. The distance inherent in online therapy, the lack of physical proximity, and the fact that Kristin only appeared to him in a window on his computer all made the situation more palatable.

This didn't make Kristin less beautiful, though, and her striking features leapt out at Luke through the screen of his laptop. Her blond hair cascaded down to her shoulders in gentle, curling waves. Her big brown eyes and long eyelashes sat above a perfectly-proportioned button nose, which itself sat between high, refined cheekbones. Her soft, sensual lips framed straight, white teeth that perfectly complimented her lightly freckled skin..

Most beautiful of all, though, were the dimples. If there was one single trait Luke would use to describe Kristin during their sessions, it was positive, and that positivity came with a lot of smiles. And when that smile came, with the lips upturned and the eyes somehow even bigger and brighter than usual, Kristin's dimples would spread across her cheeks and Luke would temporarily lose the ability to speak.

"Luke?" Kristin repeated, prompting him to snap out of it and respond to her question.

"I'm not sure. I guess she just didn't really do it for me? Something felt like it was missing."

"I want to be in a relationship," he continued. "I truly do. I want to bond with someone. I think, though, in some ways, I am really terrified of being that vulnerable, of making a really deep connection with another person. I just...I just don't want to get hurt again."

Kristin looked back at him with affection in her eyes. She cared about and was concerned for her client. She wanted him to get better.

"Luke, you are an objectively handsome man. That's just a fact. And when you come to our sessions, you never fail to make me laugh, or teach me something I didn't know before. And you are kind. You have so, so much going for you. But until you believe that you are worth loving, that you deserve to be loved, you will never allow yourself to get close to someone. That has to change."

Luke nodded, thoughtfully. "Yeah, I know. I know. I'm working on it. I really am."

"We're working on it, Luke. You and me. And we'll get there. I promise."

Luke smiled. "Thanks, Kristin. That means a lot."

"No problem," she responded "And one last thing before our time is up: The sex stuff you're worried about. You really must let it go. There are a lot more freaks in the world than you realize. Rough sex--intense, perverted sex--is just what some people need."

As Kristin finished this final sentence, that beautiful smile once again spread across her face. Only this one was different. Instead of that wholesome encouraging smile he usually saw, this one had a trace of the devil in it. Her eyes, twinkling with mischief, took on an uncommon intensity and focus. She stared at Luke, right back into his eyes, while that mischievous smile continued to play on her lips. He couldn't look away.

"Aaaaaaand that's all the time we have for today," Kristin chimed, breaking her gaze, and the tension. "See you next week? Same time?"

"Yes, same time" Luke responded cheerfully.

"Sounds good. See you then."

She logged off, leaving Luke to ponder what had just transpired at the end of their session. He could feel his dick had become slightly hard, a remnant of the electric gaze he had just shared with his therapist.

What was that? He thought. Is Kristin kinky? Is that what she was saying? And if so, why would she want me to know that?

Luke stood up from his laptop and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Kristin, at 29 years old, was married with two children. Her marriage seemed happy and her life seemed good. As far as Luke could tell, she was not available. Also, she lived a hundred miles away. Yet with her final words, and her final look, the possibility that there was another side to her began to open up to him. Maybe, just maybe--

"No, dude, no!" Luke declared, slapping himself in the forehead. "Your therapist does not want to fuck you. So get these stupid ideas out of your head and remember these words: She. Is. Your. Therapist."

II. The Lake House

One day after Luke's session with Kristin, he received an email from his friend Jack, a lawyer with Sidley Austin. Jack and his girlfriend Bridgette would be at their getaway house in Galena this upcoming weekend, and all friends were welcome to visit.

Hell yeah! Luke thought to himself. Jack's lake house lacked for nothing. Boats, jet skis, barbecue and booze would all be on hand, as well as many of Bridgette's pretty friends. It was always a good time heading out there.

Luke RSVPed with a yes and waited for the weekend to arrive.

Finally, Friday came. Luke entered Jack's address into his GPS and buckled in for the three hour drive out west. Galena was scenic, but it wasn't exactly close, sitting almost on the Illinois-Iowa border. No matter, though. The June weather was perfect, and he had plenty of music and podcasts to occupy him.

About halfway through the drive, as Luke scanned the road in front of him, an oncoming road sign stood out:

Brookville - Exit 49B - Three Miles

Brookville? Luke thought to himself. Where do I know that from?

Oh shit, he thought. I know where.

Brookville, Illinois was where Kristin lived.

All of a sudden, Luke's thoughts of her, the attraction he felt, and the mysterious moment they shared, surged back into his body and mind. Katlin's face--her big eyes, perfect nose, and soft lips--appeared before him, forming that sinful smile.

The smile, and more specifically those pink, pouty lips, begin to part. Kristin opens up just a little bit at first, but then wider and wider, until her mouth has formed itself into a wet, open hole, perfect for sucking dick. Looking at Luke with "fuck me" eyes, she slowly extends her tongue, allowing him a perfect view straight down the back of her throat. Reaching up with both hands, she places the tips of her index fingers just inside her cheeks and pulls them apart, exposing even more of her gullet to Luke's lustful stare. "Aaaaaahh," she intones, as if following a dentist's orders. Luke is transfixed, watching this gorgeous woman offer her mouth to him, for him to do whatever he wishes. "Aaaaaaah," she continues, as drool begins to seep vulgarly over her bottom lip. Luke begins to unclasp his--

HOOOOONNNNKKKK!!!!

"Oh shit!" Luke yelled, as he finally registered the semi truck coming right toward him. He grabbed the wheel and swerved hard right back into his own lane, just avoiding the colossal 18-wheeler.

"Oh, Dear God!" Luke yelled to himself. "That was fucked up. What did you just do, man? What did you just do? That is not okay."

A half-mile down the road, Luke pulled his car up onto the shoulder. He needed to recollect himself after almost dying in the stupidest way possible. After taking a few breaths, he looked into the rearview mirror and back into his own face.

He had known for a while that he was attracted to Kristin, but until seeing that road sign and experiencing the most erotic hallucination of his life, he hadn't realized just how strong the attraction was. In fact, it went beyond mere attraction. He wanted to fuck her. He needed to fuck her. And he needed to fuck her hard. He wanted to tear her clothes off, throw her on a bed, and have his way with her.

And he was going to make that happen.

Friday night at the lake house was par for the course: steaks on the grill, alcohol flowing freely, and about fifteen 30-somethings there to enjoy it all. A number of Bridgette's friends approached Luke throughout the evening and tried to strike up a conversation, but they found him preoccupied. Indeed, he had other things on his mind.

Jack walked over and gave Luke a slap on the back. "Hey pal, what the heck are you doing? I just saw Mindy and Heather come over and try to talk to you and it looked like you were barely present? Are you actively trying to not get laid right now?"

Luke laughed. "You're right, dude. You are right. I am an idiot, and I am sure I'll regret passing on Mindy and Heather later. But right now I have another girl on my mind."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It's uhh--. Well, it's my therapist."

"Hahahahahaha," Jack laughed as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. "Man, you really are an idiot, aren't you? Your therapist? How's that gonna work?"

"I'm trying to figure that out right now. It turns out she lives only 20 miles away from here. I never thought I'd meet her in person, but now it seems like there could be a chance, and I think, well, I guess I hope, that she might be into me."

"You poor bastard," Jack replied. "You poor, poor bastard. How can I help?"

Luke laughed again. "I think I have a plan. It's pretty straightforward. So no help really needed. But there is one thing you can do for me?"

Jack waited expectantly.

"Your toy chest. Do you still have it?"

"My toy chest!? You want to borrow my toy chest?? Dear God, Luke. What are you gonna do to this woman?"

"Don't worry about that. But I really do need it. Mind helping a brother out?"

Jack looked up to the sky and shook his head in amazement. Then he simply nodded and headed to his bedroom closet.

The party continued on Saturday morning. Most of those in attendance woke up still drunk and continued boozing straightaway. Things were about to get extra rowdy.

But Luke wasn't a part of it. Instead, he was still in his room, crafting an email to Kristin, letting her know that the lakehouse he was staying at had shoddy Wi-Fi (nevermind that the Wi-Fi was perfectly fine), and he didn't think he'd be able to meet online tomorrow. However, he mentioned, it turned out he wasn't too far from her, so perhaps they could meet in person?

After a few anxious rereads, Luke hit send and went down to join the party.

One hour passed. Luke ate a bratwurst and laid beside the pool.

Another hour passed. No big deal. Luke made himself a Moscow Mule and played bags with his friends.

Two more hours passed, and two more Mules consumed. Four hours isn't that long, right? I mean, Saturdays are busy for a lot of people. He made himself another drink.

Four more hours; it was nearly 8:00pm and still no response. I crossed a line, didn't I? What was I thinking? Is it too late for me to tell her I was just kidding? Luke drank a tequila shot, and then another.

At 11:00pm, Luke stood at the end of Jack's darkened boat pier, staring down at his phone. He was trying, desperately, to articulate a message to Kristin that would somehow reverse the damage he believed he had caused. He knew there was a way to fix things, if only he could think of the right thing to--

DING!

The gentle chime of his email alert announced the arrival of a new message. Luke couldn't hit the Open button fast enough.

Hi, Luke. Yes, we can meet in person. I will be at the corner of Ashford and Main Street at noon. See you then.

Best,

Kristin

"Yeeeeeesss!!" Luke yelled, pumping his fist into the air. It was on. It was really, actually happening. He and Kristin meeting in person. He could barely believe it.

He paused, though, and considered: Why was she really meeting him? He knew why he was meeting her, but perhaps their motives weren't aligned. Kristin had a family, with a husband she seemed to care for, and children she adored. Was there any real chance that she was meeting Luke for reasons other than therapy? For her, this could simply be going the extra mile to help a client. She was a dedicated and talented therapist, after all.

Oh well. He would have to wait until tomorrow to find out the answers to those questions. Drunk, tired, and relieved, Luke finally put himself to bed.

III. Brookville, Illinois

Luke took the 49B exit off the interstate and headed toward downtown Brookville ("downtown" being a bit of an overstatement). He still didn't know exactly what situation waited for him at the corner of Ashford and Main Street. Perhaps Kristin would be waiting there, notepad in hand, ready to do one of their standard sessions on a nearby picnic bench. Perhaps she would be wearing a black leather dominatrix outfit, holding a whip, ready to make Luke her sissy boi bitch (unlikely). Or maybe there would be a third scenario, something a bit more blurry, in which his fantasy might come true.

Luke drove down Main Street, through and beyond downtown, until he came to a quiet street shaded by Oak trees. He looked at the street sign: Ashford Lane. This was the place.

He scanned around looking for some sign of that golden blond hair or those deep brown eyes, but found nothing. He checked the time: 12:04.

Hmm.

Five more minutes passed, and still no Kristin. Perhaps she had changed her mind about an in-person meeting, whatever her motivations might be?

Five more minutes passed. It was almost 12:15 now. Luke's hopes were beginning to fade. That's when he saw a red Jeep Cherokee round onto main street and park opposite his car. Sitting in the driver's seat, giving a little wave and a gentle smile, was Kristin.

Luke began to open the door to his car, but Kristin stepped out first, and he had to stop himself. Most of the time when he saw her, it was from the shoulders up (such was the nature of Zoom). He had seen her body before, on the occasions she had to readjust her laptop or go grab something she needed for one of their sessions. But those moments were fleeting. This was his first opportunity to drink in everything her body had to offer, and it did not disappoint.

She was wearing a spaghetti-strapped yellow sundress that ended at the knee. It was tapered to accentuate her thin, athletic frame, and her perky, B-cup breasts hugged tightly against the cotton bust. Her toned arms and legs were perfectly proportioned, with her delicate hands clutching a light blue purse, and her feet adorned by simple beige sandals.

In somewhat of a surprise, Luke noticed a smattering of small tattoos adorning her lightly tanned skin. Two on her left arm and one on her right ankle. Nothing that looked too aggressive, but enough to make him raise an eyebrow.

And of course, her face remained gorgeous. Her golden blond hair framed her features perfectly. Her high cheekbones and flawless nose wouldn't have been out of place on a supermodel. And those soft, supple lips remained mesmerizing.

After ordering his dick to stay soft and not embarrass him, Luke stepped out to say hello.

"You made it!" Kristin said, greeting him warmly with a hug.

"I made it," Luke confirmed as he took a step back. "It's, umm, nice to finally meet you in person. I didn't really expect this to happen."

"Well, me neither. But hey, sometimes life surprises us. And as helpful as online sessions can be, meeting in person offers certain benefits."

Luke controlled himself and did not fantasize about what all those benefits might be.

"So where are we going to have this session, anyway?" Luke asked, gently laughing. "In your car? In mine?"

"Haha, no. In neither. See that red house right there, with the vinyl siding? That's my friend Lisa's. She and her husband run a bed and breakfast out of there, but they've been renovating the upper floors. She asks me to help out with things sometimes, so I have a key. I was thinking we could have our session in their living room. Sound good?"

"Works for me," Luke responded, as she began to lead the way.

They stepped inside the house. The living room was just off to the right, and Kristin motioned for Luke to take a seat on the couch.

"I'll go get us some water from the kitchen, and then we can start."

Luke looked around. The only seat in the room was the couch. He took the spot along its right end.

Kristin returned with two cold glasses of water, handing him one while settling herself down on the opposite end of the couch.

"My God, it's hot outside. What did the news say it was? 93? We might melt in here." She angled herself so she was facing Luke and wiped the sweat off her brow.

It was indeed extremely hot outside, and the house they were in wasn't much cooler. Luke was wearing khaki shorts and a t-shirt, but he still felt like he was overdressed.