The Heart Never Waits

Chapter 7: Two weeks later

Kara was served with the divorce papers at work and was so distraught that they sent her home. She prayed this wouldn't happen and that Josh would return. The attorney outlined the best course of action, and he had no problem with their settlement. She could stay in the house if she wanted and pay the bills until the house was sold. He didn't need the money; he had enough to live on for another year if he didn't start working. Kara would not sign the divorce papers and continued to hope Josh would return. In the meantime, he did find a job a few weeks later and settled into his new apartment in Biloxi, Mississippi.

She hired a PI to find him, but he didn't leave a trail, paying cash and being careful not to give away his location. None of his family knew where he was, and he didn't tell anyone when they talked. They all told him to come home, but he just said he needed time to work things out.

He rented an apartment on the river and spent the first month reevaluating his life. What he learned is that he was a product of his mother's beliefs. His dad had died when he was young, and his mother did the best she could but raised him from a female perspective. During this time, he read lots of books on relationships and watched videos, which gave him a new perspective. But one day he came across a YouTube channel by @CaseyZander.

He was hooked and watched every one of his videos. The guy made him understand how women think and act and how real men should respond. His videos made him realize that he was a Beta male, raised to treat women as if they were above him, and he was there to make them happy. After a week and thirty videos, he was a changed man. For the first time in his life, he realized how women needed to be treated, and a New Josh was born.

During the day, he picked up his old hobby of playing electric guitar. In college, he belonged to a blues band, and he found that playing again was helping him get through his pain. He got a bartender job at the Biloxi Hollywood Casino. The hotel had a great bar with an adjacent lounge, which had a live band and dancing. It paid well; there were lots of tips, and the hours were great. He was financially doing well, enjoying the job, meeting new people, and starting his new life.

He found the women were now easy prey with his new attitude. He now treated them as if he wasn't interested, with a major "I don't give a shit" attitude. Strangely, Casey's YouTube video training paid off, and the way he now treated girls was like honey to the bees. Suddenly, his don't care attitude and position of being powerful made him an aphrodisiac to women. He couldn't believe it took losing his wife to learn what women were all about.

As the bartender, he became friends with several of the house band musicians, who in fact played blues music in the lounge. They were older men who played Mississippi blues a few nights a week. Over many nights of conversation, they learned about his love of the blues and his guitar hobby and invited him to join them during one of the weekday nights, when it wasn't too busy.

The next Wednesday night, he joined them and told them he would play his best song, "The Heart Never Waits," which they knew well. He took the lead, and for the next ten minutes he was in a trance as he played the guitar and sang the lyrics with his full heart and soul. To the band's amazement, his rendition was on par with Joe Bonamassa (note: I recommend looking him up on YouTube). When he hit the last cord, the room was dead silent, and the guys in the band were staring at him with an odd expression.

He had a quizzical look on his face as the thirty or so people in the audience suddenly started cheering and clapping. Billy, the drummer, came over to him and shook his hand. "That was unbelievable, man; you're going to be playing with us more often."

As the crowd kept cheering for more, the other band member, Marty, grabbed the microphone and spoke, "That was our bartender, Josh, who will now be known as our guest guitarist, Jonny the Kid." All the band members were over 60, and at 32, he was the kid. Jonny was one of their old friends who passed away, and they gave him the honor of his name. It stuck, and that became his nickname. He felt like a new man, and he accepted everything with gratitude.

He told them he wasn't ready to be a band member and just enjoyed the honor of playing with them that night. The next day, his supervisor heard about his performance from the band and several guests. He had a talk with him and said he would be grateful if he considered playing a few songs with the band one night a week and would pay him $500 cash for each performance. That was an easy decision, and from that week on, he enjoyed playing every Wednesday night in front of a growing crowd. He played several old BB King, Robert Johnson, and Buddy Guy songs, which always got him a standing ovation. Apparently, his singing the blues was much better than he gave himself credit for.

With his new small amount of fame, he attracted a plethora of women, young and old, that were more than happy to take him home and rock his world. He took advantage of their desires and was enjoying his fun new life. After a few months, he had a group of about six women that would attend each show, sit near the stage, and wait for him to choose one to bring home. It was surreal; he treated them exactly as they needed to be treated. No love, no relationship — just a woman to use for his pleasure.

Chapter 8: Kara and the Bar Scene

Now, nine months after that life-changing night on a hot July afternoon, Kara walked into the lounge, got a table away from the bar, and ordered a coffee. The young woman was dressed conservatively with her hair tied up, wearing sunglasses, and trying to fit in with the local patrons.

An hour later, her heart started beating hard when she saw the man behind the bar. It was Josh, her husband. She saw him speaking to the older woman as she gave him a warm hello kiss. He was obviously starting his shift. Who was that woman, and why was she so friendly? She felt jealousy and anger that another woman was after her man. Then she realized the situation, and a tear fell from her eyes.

Ever since that fateful night, she had been alone, crying every night, calling his parents daily, and begging them to tell her where he was. She had long stopped sending texts and phone calls when the number was disconnected. She did send emails, hoping he would reply, but that never happened. Now she was there, and he was sixty feet away. What would she do?

He was talking to another girl at the end of the bar, clearly flirting and having a love interest. She planned her move, and when Josh was busy at the other end of the bar, she took a seat on the stool next to the pretty young blonde and introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Kara. It looks like you and the bartender are an item. Have you two been dating long?"

The girl smiled and said, "I'm Chrissy, and no, not yet. I've been trying to get Jonny in bed for the last month, but no luck yet. Kara? He talks about Kara, are you the one that broke his heart?"

"Ouch, that hurts but, yes, I'm the tramp that fucked up a great marriage. I've been sick since the day he left, and I've come to take him home. His name is Josh; why did you call him Jonny?"

"Good luck with trying to get him back. I think he's still really upset with whatever happened, and he gets angry whenever anyone brings up your name. They've called him Jonny the Kid ever since he's been playing in the lounge. Well, I'm going home. Good luck with Jonny, but be careful because if you break his heart again, there are several people here who would love to fuck you up. If you're lucky enough to win him back, I suggest you don't mess it up again."

I watched my husband as he made drinks and took care of the customers. He looked so different with his long hair, the three-day beard, and the tattoos. But I saw his face and knew it was him. When he saw me, he didn't look happy. After a few minutes, he made his way down to my end of the bar with my favorite drink, a rum and coke, and placed it in front of me.

"Hello, Kara. It looks like you found me. What do you want? Are you here to rip my heart out again, or to just crush my soul?"

I gave him a sad smile and said, "Josh, can we please talk? I've missed you so much."

"Look, I'll have a break in about an hour, and we can talk then. Why don't you get a quiet booth, and I'll join you for a few minutes?"

Chapter 9: The Talk

Kara got to the table and nervously waited for him to join her. She hadn't been this nervous since her wedding day seven years ago. She played with her wedding rings, which she hadn't take off after coming home that night. Regret and shame filled her heart as she realized how her actions had led to this point.

Josh sat down abruptly with his drink in his hand. "How did you find me? I never thought you would look for me down here in Mississippi."

"I've missed you so much, baby. I'm sorry for everything."

"Look, please don't apologize; it means nothing to me. How did you find me?"

"Well, Karen came across a video that was going viral. There was a guy with long hair and tattoos that looked like you, but they were calling him Jonny the Kid, not Josh. He was playing a guitar with a blues band, and the video had like a million hits. But even with your new look and ink, I knew it was you. The problem was that there was no information about the video or where it was filmed. I spent weeks trying to track you down until someone I knew recognized something in the video. It was a longshot, but I made some calls and knew it was you before I headed down here."

"Kara, you know, I have loved you since the first day we met at the coffee shop that winter day. It was love at first sight for me, and I knew we would always be together. You know I never wanted anyone but you, and I never broke my vows, but the minute you left our home without your wedding rings, you ended our marriage. That was the most disrespectful, hurtful thing you could have ever done to me, and even worse, you treated that action so casually when you said, and I quote, 'no big deal'."

Her eyes teared up as she remembered that day. He continued, "Well, it was a big deal. It was my heart, my love, and my entire world, and you left that night with no regret, remorse, or caring. You never looked back. You could have turned around and kept your date with me, but no, all you did was tell me you changed our dinner reservations to another night and to chill out with your sister."

Holding back his anger, Josh said, "So yes, I've been with other women, dozens, almost every night since you destroyed our marriage. Every one of them helped put back a little piece of my heart. Being the bartender and meeting lots of girls made me a hot commodity, and I'm having a great time. Unlike you, none of those women wanted to be with another man while we were together, and somehow, I was able to regain my sanity, confidence, and manhood. Kara, I've changed, and the nice guy you remember is gone. I'll never be the willing cuckold, wimp, or weak man that I was when we were married. Never again will I give into my partner's desires if they aren't something I want. The man you dumped is gone, and I'm not sure you would like the new me."

After a few minutes of silence, he continued, "Now you come here and tell me you want me to come home. Come home to what? To a woman who was never happy with just me? To a wife who wants to be with other men and will leave me in the dust when her lover needs her for something? Tell me, Kara, why, in God's good name, would I ever want to be with someone like that again?"

Kara sat there quietly as a tear fell from her eye. She felt his pain and understood what she had done, only wanting to take away his pain and take him in her arms. In a low, trembling voice, she answered.

"Because you love me, and I love you."

We sat there quietly for several minutes before Kara continued. "Josh, I've been alone since that night, only going to work and hating myself for what I did to you every second of the day. My sister helped me find a therapist who has helped me with my issues with self-confidence. She helped me understand what I did and why. Without her being here to help me explain, there is no way you would understand, but I'll try anyway, and if you come home, I'll have you meet her, and maybe she can help."

After taking another drink of her coffee, she went on, "You see, I've had low self-esteem my entire life and no confidence in my sexual performance. I never wanted to do things with you because I thought I would be bad at it or you wouldn't like me. You were so big that it hurt when you made love to me, and I desperately wanted to make you happy.

Honey, I know how ridiculous this is going to sound, but I loved you so much that I never wanted you to think poorly of me in bed or do things that would make you think I was a slut and change your love for me. When I heard about other girls telling me how someone outside the marriage could help my sex performance for you, it made sense. I know it's crazy, but I thought if I could learn to be better in bed, you would love me even more, and I would be a better wife. Then, when I told you about my idea and you agreed to let me try it, I was shocked but happy that you understood. Yes, I got carried away and broke the rules, and for that, I will be eternally sorry, but I never intended to hurt you. In my sick mind, because our sex life was so much better, I assumed you were OK with everything."

After taking a deep breath, she continued, "Josh, that night, when I left without my rings to meet his parents, I was ending it with David. I was repaying him for what I felt was his help in making me your perfect wife. In a way, I thought of being with him as my sex therapy, and that night was my payback for all his help. He was in love with me and wanted me to leave you, but he didn't understand that I was just using him, and I knew it had to end. I left them in the middle of dinner when I realized what I had done. I remembered the look on your face when you saw that I had taken off my wedding rings. It broke my heart when I realized how much that had to hurt. I wasn't thinking about you at the time, and only about how I was going to end things that night."

"My plan was to go to that dinner with David one last time and tell him it was over, that I didn't want to be with him, and that my only love was for you. I was going to come home and give you everything, all my love, and show you that I was all yours. Obviously, I miscalculated everything and messed up what we had. Yes, it's all my fault, but I did it for us, as stupid as that sounds. I should never have listened to the other girls and just told you my insecurities about sex, and yes, it was all just about sex. Like I said, I wanted to be the perfect wife for you, and instead I was the complete opposite, but I swear that will never happen again. Please try to understand and take me back. We're still legally married, and I don't want a divorce. I'll do whatever you want; you're the only man I'll ever love," Kara said, crying hard into her hands.

Her confession was heartfelt, and I knew she was telling the truth. "Kara, I'm not sure what to say here. I've finally got myself back together; I have friends here now and lots of admirers. I'll always love you, but I'm not sure I can trust you to not want to do this again. It was so easy for you to take another man to bed. How can I be sure it won't happen again? The man I am now would never put up with that. Any woman I'm with that shows me the slightest amount of disrespect, I walk away. Last week, one of my dates made the mistake of accepting a dance with another guy. I immediately dumped her and left with another girl. She tried to convince me to come back, begged me to stay, and said she would never do it again. I laughed in her face and told her to fuck off, something I would have never done before. Do you remember the old Josh? He would have sat there, put up with the disrespect, and let her have her fun, but no more of that wimp shit for me."

He continued, "No, I'm a new man, and I would throw you out in a minute if you ever disrespected me again. You would no longer be my queen, or even my equal. You've taught me to treat women for what they are: deceitful, selfish beings. To me, women are just here to please me, not something I can ever depend on or expect loyalty from. In my view, women are no longer my equal, and I now treat them that way. The funny thing is that the more I treat them as beneath me, the more they want and respect me. You also taught me that being the caring, wimpy guy might be nice for the woman but does nothing for the man. No, I'm afraid that you won't like the new me, because I no longer give into women's desires now that I understand how women think."

"Oh my goodness, have I turned you into a woman hating a man?"

Just then, Patricia, one of the girls he'd been dating, stopped by their booth. Patti was sex on a stick, huge breasts, long legs, long blonde hair, and deep blue eyes. She stood there in a ridiculously short dress, with her large breasts on display. Patti obviously heard from the others in the bar that Josh was with some new girl, and she had to stop by our table to see for herself.

"Hi Jonny, Are we still on for tomorrow night? Who's your friend?" she said as she stood there in her short skirt, twirling her hair.

"Hi Patricia, of course we're still on for tomorrow night. This is Kara, my wife. You know, the one I told about, the one that broke my heart?" He said this, taking a swipe at Kara.

"Oh, are you taking her back? Are we still going out?"

"Nothing changed, sweetheart. Pick me up at 7 p.m., as we discussed. Now we need some privacy. I'll see you tomorrow night."

She gave a little wave, and we both watched as she walked away, swiveling those amazing hips. Kara sat there with her mouth open, in shock at the audacity of the girl. He continued their conversation where he left off as if nothing happened.

"No, Kara, I love women, but now that I understand how they think, I realize that putting them above me will only lead to their contempt and betrayal. Just like our relationship. I loved you so much and put you above me, giving you anything you desired. You took my love and betrayed me in the worst possible ways. No, I'm not a woman hater; I'm a new man who respects women for what they are and will never be fucked over again."

He enjoyed her shocked expression as he continued, "You see, you don't want a man like that. You want a man like David who will drool over you, give you whatever you want, and treat you like his queen. He would be making the same mistake I made, and it would only be a matter of time before you betrayed him as well; it's just your nature."

She angrily spat out, "No, it's not my nature, and I would never do that to you. I'm sorry I've done this to you and changed you this way, but I do understand. I still want us to be together, and I'll take whatever you give me. I don't want anyone else, especially a guy like David or the old you. I want a real man that I can respect, and I want you back. Now, who is that girl, and are you really going out with her tomorrow? She picks you up."

"Like I said, Kara, I'm not the man you knew. And yes, our date is still on. Did you see her? Of course, I'm taking her out. And yes, I make the girls pick me up. I don't like to drive when I drink, and that's just another way I control the situation. If they don't like it, fuck 'em! I'll find another."

"Josh or Jonny, have you been listening to me? I want you back, and I don't care how you've changed. Can you please just cancel your date and be with me?"