All Comments on 'The Hooker and the Marine'

Considering I have a general distaste for Rambo-like characters/themes. Sorry, but I've read too many of them that were poorly implemented to ever feel fully satisfied after reading another one. I liked the hero/ lost soul play. That part was just about right.

Not being a writer I stay away that area in my remarks. Personally I find there is too much naration that could easily be turned into dialog to build up or deepen the relationship between them. Again just a personal point of view

Whole story based on what he was supposed to have done. Nothing to do with cleaning up the neighborhood. Description of his life in the Corps was just just completely overdone. Alot of words saying nothing. You are definitely not a former Marine. Don't give up your day job.

When I saw the title, I thought it was going to be trite. I never expected to read a story, such as this, here on Literotica. I'm used to reading jerk off stories.

I was a Marine and I've done my duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. Even though it made me uncomfortable reading the misery this man is going through, I could feel your character. If you weren't a Marine, then you knew a Marine. If you're a woman, then you are a great writer.

As far as there being too much narrative, unless the Frank was sitting on the stoop talking to himself, I don't know how you'd develop his character the way you did. He was the story and the story was even bigger than him.

It's about America. Yeah, I got it. "God bless America."

Even though I served, even though I love my country, you need to go out and meet those people who live elsewhere to see why we are so hated and there are good reasons why we are hated. For one, they hate Bush, Pappa Bush and baby Bush. The consensus is from all my buddies in combat fighting terrorist and terrorism that had George Jr. not been president, the twin towers would still be standing.

I can't believe I'm writing all of this but this story has effected me in that way. Then, for Frank to find another survivor in Robin, no matter the difference in their age, is a true love story. Wow. The sex scene was erotically realistic.

If I could have voted a ten, I would have. I loved this story. Thank you for giving me this to read.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to read, vote for, and comment on my story. No, I'm was never a Marine, but my first husband was. He was killed in combat. He shouldn't have been allowed to return to duty but he was cleared. I know how he suffered, when he was home and he returned home as someone I no longer recognized.

Now, the prostitute was more difficult for me to write about than the Marine, as I've never had sex for money (lol).

Thank you all again.

when I read this curious sentence -

>>"Normal men hate it when their backs are up against the wall but Frank preferred it. "<<

I had to look up your bio - yep, you are a woman.

(guys don't hate when their backs are against a wall, ever seen one leaning? a LOT do!)

a good story, especially the back info, but a weak ending - in my $0.00 opinion.

To the last commentor, you took my meaning about a man having his back up against the wall too literal. I meant if figuratively. Having your back up against the wall in a pressure situation, something that normally is without options.

Marines, as well as others, such as police and firefighters, et al, find themselves in those situations all the time. Some thrive when their backs are up against the wall and others crumble.

Thanks so much for your comment and for your kind words.

Overall, I felt this was rather unrealistic. They "fall in love" so fast, when in real life that would probably be the basis of a really unhealthy relationship. I can't help but feel like Frank is some patronizing guy - this is largely a personal preference, but I have little patience for men who want to "protect" and "save" women. Overall, I just can't see this scenario playing out well in real life.

I can't help but suspect DorlaMoorehouse that because you haven't had a man who protected you and kept you safe that you are bringing your emotional baggage here to a mere story. Chill, Dorla, it's just a story, fiction, and not real life. Nothing will happen to you by having read this story. Okay?

Now, as far as this story not playing out in real life? Seriously? You're kidding right? Where did you grow up? You must have had the perfect childhood with a wonderful mommy and daddy.

Do you know anyone with Post Traumatic Stress? No? Look around. You're surrounded. I dare say most who write here and nearly all who read here have that condition by being abused one way or another.

The story is about a Marine killing machine and a prostitute who has been raped since she was a little girl. They both have Post Traumatic Stress. They both are surivors and they both came together when they each needed the other the most.

Now, I think that Susan wrote another incredible story, but because of people like you, DorlaMoorehouse who cannot get down from her high horse to mingle with the rest of us, well, I guess it's a compliment that you just don't get it.

I gave you a 5 vote Susan. You are an amazing writer, a much better writer than me.

i saw it as a nice common day romance.. not really an erotic story.. good writing, with a few grammer errors common in Liter-stories.

I loved, loved, loved the ending. Great story.

I almost passed this by, until I saw you had written it, Susan.

Hey, my I Love You Mommy is the number one, most read story for 2010. I just now noticed. I'm so excited.

Good luck in the contest, girlfriend.

Elizabeth

Lazlo over on SOL wrote a similar story (Commune??) about cleaning up a neighborhood after things go to poop. There are sufficient differences that I feel that you could write more on how the neighborhood gets cleaned up. Does he go Rambo and kill all the bad guys or does he involve what's left of the neighbors to make the place better???

First time reader and liked your writing style. If I was to read more, what are your top five favorites in your stories?

5 out of 5

You'd better buckle up and stay awhile because I'll be posting a favorite story every day for the next three weeks (lol).

Actually, if you want to read more of my work, it'd be easier if you picked a category you enjoy reading and go from there, as I've written in nearly all the categories.

Thanks so much for your vote of support and nice comment.

I think you have a winner here, Susan.

My favorite part is when he beat the crap out of the pimp, just like Matt Damon did in his Bourne movies. Awesome.

Good luck in the contest.

Paul

I had a lot of difficulty getting past the first page. The story was boring and slow and not much more than narrative. It didn't grab my attention in the first couple of paragraphs. I kept reading, hoping it would get better. I understand telling the story and giving the characters background, but if you can't capture the reader in the first paragraph or two, then you're not really qualified to have a story review thread in the Literotica forums either. If you're going to critique other author's stories, you really should learn the proper way to use numbers in your writing. Most numbers are spelled out (eighteen years old, three in a row, four tours of desert duty, etc.) Oh, and what's with the over-use of commas? You use them far too much in places they shouldn't be used at all. Kind of like another writer on this site whose name shall remain unsaid. Beyond all that, it was an interesting story. Good luck in the contest.

Frank could have been a guy I know. The description is uncanny.

I always enjoy your stories. You develop your characters so well that I can see them. Boy, I'd hate to meet Frank in a dark alley that's for sure, but I wouldn't mind bumping into Robin.

Good luck in the contest, Sue.

Paul

It's a great story, and has a happy ending, I don't know if that's good or not because I struggle with endings and my stories all too often end with the hero getting married but hey what the heck yours ws great, and I never suspeced the author was a Girl, well I suppose you must be to be married to a marine, just one complaint, you could have spread the last few lines out over about three more chapters. I'd like to read how Frank cleaned up his neighbourhood

Why do you call them 'blow jobs' when they're actually 'suck jobs'? I never could understand that.

Suck jobs?

Are you serious?

Thank you so much for telling me. All this time I've been blowing on cocks, when I should have been sucking on them. Duh!? Now it all makes sense.

Well, that's a relief. I won't be needing that oxygen tank now. I was always so out of breath after making love to my boyfriend.

Actually, you should see me blow out the candles on my birthday cake. I blow the thing clear across the table. Boy, do I have a set of lungs from giving so many blowjobs instead of suck jobs.

Thanks again,

Susan

Just as a reminder, as this story is a Summer Lovin' contest story, it's important that you vote and please feel free to comment. Good, bad, or indifferent, feedback helps writers to improve.

Why did I write this story? My first husband was a Marine. He died in combat. He never should have been allowed to return. He wasn't fit for duty. Highly decorated, it wouldn't surprise me if he had committed suicide by accepting impossible missions. He was a tortured soul, but he was a Marine inside and out.

Plagued with Post Traumatic Stress, the syndrome gave him such a rage that everyone feared him. He had no friends and even his family turned against him. He wasn't the same man that I fell in love with. Had he not been killed, I was planning on leaving him and I think he knew that. I think he didn't return, so that he wouldn't kill me.

War is a terrible thing. We send our best young men to die. Why do we do that? Meanwhile, the politicians wave the flag of the United States when sending our sons and husbands off to war and then turn their backs on them when they return needing our help to recover.

The VA should have helped my husband, but they didn't. I found out later from men who knew my husband that he had been with prostitutes and had a particular fondness for one, ergo the inspiration for the story. It was a sad, bittersweet story for me to write, but in writing it, I more understood my husband's pain.

The part about the drug dealers that he erradicated from our neighborhood and the part about the pimp are true, virtually word for word. He was a sweet man when he went off to war and he returned as a monster.

Yet, we need men like him to keep us safe, otherwise, we'd be fighting the enemy here at home.

Rest in peace Frank. After all you've been through, you deserve some quiet time.

I hope this spotlight of attention will garner me more views, votes, and reads. I wish myself good luck on my story and thank you to everyone who reads, votes, and comments on my story.

A vote for my story is a vote for America and a vote for freedom.

"God bless America.

In your case patriotism really is the last resort of a scoundrel. A vote for your rubbish story is a vote for America? You cheapen the very real efforts of US and Allied troops with your mockery. I gave you a vote, though I felt 1 was a generous score, zero all its worth. -- UK CYNIC

I liked your story. It sounded real enough to me. I don't know if it's true or not. You're a good writer.

It's the same combination of droning and lurching narrative sprinkled with afterthoughts of dialogue that you seem so fond of, but it just so happens to fit this character better.

I find your story quite appropriate for the developed characters that inhabit it.

It's funny, those of us who have been there will not diss you or your writing, it seems only those who have no real concept of PTSD find fault.

I agree with your comment about the VA in normal circumstance. However, even though it is late, as a Vietnam era veteran, my problems have been addressed by the VA with some success.

One of the biggest problems that is faced by the returning veterans and the doctors who see them is no real communication about the PTSD and its resolution. Sometimes I think that Frank's solution in the story should be extended and accelerated.

No matter what anyone else says, keep on writing.

including spin a yarn about your dead marine husband. wow! Do you have so little life that you're only purpose comes from a free erotica contest? Get a hobby.

And in case anyone is wondering, the positive comments on this story are all written by alts. BOSTONFICTIONWRITER is the puppet master. I guess he's so far gone he's making up dead marine husbands for one of his favorite puppets. My god, man...have you no decency?

Finally, the old guy wins the young girl.

I love these kind of stories. Great job.

If you do not like these stories , butt out and let those of us who enjoy them , to do just that, enjoy. It seems I see you pissing on lots of parades here and I am sick of it. Please, go somewhere else and read and critique.

I really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more of your work. I gave you 5-stars on this one!

Well done and written. I felt pity for the both of them. that's life in all it's messiness and grit. People like the marine exist out there and so do the girl named Robin.

i thought the theme of this contest was for summertime erotica? What does this have to do with the theme of the contest? Just wondering.....

Maybe had you read the story instead of bashing it, you would have realized that the story takes place in the summer, the hot summer in the city. Duh!

I guess you missed that along with all the other summertime references, huh?

Thanks for you post.

Thank you for your bashing comment (lol), which I'll take in the way it was written with a grain of salt.

Writing is my passion and not by profession. You seem to forget that this is a porn board and not the Harvard Review.

good story thank you for taking the time to entertain us. Mike from Texas

This is the first of your stories that I have favorited. The moment, I read the name, I felt there was something special about this. This story was really nice and I liked both of your main characters. This story just kept me glued all the time and I also liked the way you described it.

As an old retired police officer, who knows the streets and who has personally suffered the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I could identify with the characters in your story. I thought you did an excellent job of portraying life on the streets, albeit in small measure. I won't go into painful details, but I can't tell you the number tragic life's stories I have seen played out in real people, similar to your "prostitute". Thank you for your story; it richly deserves the Five Stars I gave it.

Being an older gentleman who writes (though not as prolifically as you) about romance and passion between older men and younger women, I found your story appealing to me at many levels. I am also an old-fashioned Sothren-raised (if you've any notion of what this means) romantic, so I was very sorry that there was not a good deal more about their affection and burgeoning interdependence. Like one of your other admirers, I wished for more chapters.

I think that you have more skill than you give yourself credit, but am compelled to remind you that there is a substantial difference between erotica and porn. I would go further with that concept, but even the 9 wise men on the US Supreme Court -and large numbers of their colleagues- have struggled for years to come up with it. So, like a wise colleague of my once said, regarding the issue of quality in the workplace -"I know it when I see it!"

Thank you for this story, it prompts me to read some of your others.

Sincerely,

-Wylde

quick with the ending, but a nice read

It had to much marine talk and flashbacks then when you finally got to the sex it was extremely short .......but good story

I liked the hero. I liked the hooker. I liked the story. I gave it a five. I used periods instead of commas so as not to evoke the wrath of that one critic, and spelled out five to avoid the wrath of the other. What never ceases to astound me is your amazing depiction of the bittersweet.

Susan, I enjoyed reading this story. Besides being another one of your well constructed stories, it actually was realistic and believable. This story must be the jumping off point for your story "The Marine and The Bag Lady".

George in Omaha