The Howl of the Northern Wolf

WHAT IS THIS STORY ABOUT?

It's quite simple - it is a story about forbidden love.

Irma is a young Lithuanian woman with a sparkling personality. She is about to go to study in the USA. Oliver is a sensible American man who is her adoptive father. He's married to a foreigner and runs his own business abroad.

On the surface Oliver is a father figure to Irma, while Irma acts like a caring and friendly daughter towards Oliver. However, there are strong hidden currents underneath. One day their suppressed feelings burst into the surface. These are powerful conflicting feelings of love, hate, desire for brutality and gentleness, primal desire to submit to male authority and the instinct to protect the woman you love.

Irma and Oliver express their feelings through intricate love and sex games. These games take them to ballet, to imaginary encounters between a brute rapist and a noblewoman, to roleplaying wild animals and substituting for Irma's teenage friends.

This story is also a portrait of a woman, who learns how to deal with her burgeoning sexuality. It is not an image portrait, it is a character portrait.

If you'd like to experience the character of a beautiful woman like Irma, dressed or naked or making love, that's way more difficult. You might get there if you read this story. It will take you about one hour.

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THE HOWL OF THE NORTHERN WOLF

I. The Ice Age Woman.

"Don't move. Don't even think of running away." The man's voice sounded calm and almost threatening. It was as cold as the snow that covered the forest clearing and the frost that covered the branches of the old spruce.

I knew that voice very well. It was the voice of my adoptive father, Oliver, when he felt danger.

"She will not attack us if not provoked. Pull back slowly, without turning your back."

"HRRRHRRH!!!"

Ten paces away, on the other side of the clearing, a wolf growled, teeth bared. Her litter of three wolf cubs was hiding closely behind her back. The she-wolf's fur was matted - gray with darker streaks. Her eyes were light brown - almost yellow - and her gaping jaws were full of pointed teeth, as if deliberately sharpened.

Dad and I slowly began to back away, sinking into the snow.

The she-wolf followed us at a very close range, sinking into the snow as well. Her cubs quickly disappeared into the bushes, kicking up frost.

"Don't turn your back, Irma," my father told me loudly, waving his hands in front of him. "And don't start running. We must have come close to her den. Wolves usually avoid people. You can scream and shout, but don't run away."

The wolf followed us for another hundred paces. Only then she lazily turned around, licked her paw, and disappeared among the fir trees.

That winter day we'd been lost in the forest. We'd trudged through the snow, frozen and cold, unable to find the clearing and the forest road where we had left the car. Several times we'd found our own footprints. Oliver's shoes were bigger and mine were smaller. It had seemed that we had been bewitched by the evil spirits of the forest, cursed to keep going in circles.

It was getting dark. I could see my father, who is usually very calm, getting nervous. His anxiety was spreading to me. I felt cold and my hands were shaking.

Finally, Oliver breathed a sigh of relief. He exclaimed in English, "Thank God! There's the road!"

When we got to the road, we still had to walk a few kilometers. We had wandered completely off the path when we'd been lost in the forest. By the time we reached our car, it was already completely dark.

"Listen," Oliver said, stopping suddenly.

I heard the sound too.

"Hhoooaaaaaouuuu!!!" a howl came through the forest.

After a few seconds of silence, it was repeated:

"Ooouhhoooowww!!!"

The howl made the hair on my arms stand on end. I had never heard wolves howl, but you don't have to know it to immediately recognize it for what it is. It's in our genes.

If there had been some ice age woman who'd wandered through that forest twenty thousand years ago, wearing fur and not having washed for six months, I'm sure she would have felt exactly the same way I did.

She, too, would have had her hair standing on end, and she, too, would have clung to her man's hand.

"This is how they show that this is their forest," my father said. "This is their territory. The others - let them stay away."

***

Oliver often took me on his expeditions into the woods. On the week-days he had to manage over one hundred employees in his IT consultancy business, so during the week-ends he followed the policy that he would turn off his phone and get away. The further away from people and from the city he would get, the better.

A few years ago, he'd decided to build himself a small log cabin in the Labanor forest. Once he'd been done with the construction, he'd invited both me and my mom to see it.

My mom said that she wasn't a forest person, but that, as an exceptional favor, she would go. Naturally, she'd expect to be generously rewarded for that extraordinary favor later on.

Frankly, I didn't feel like going there either. No eighteen-year-old likes spending time with her parents. It would be even worse than that. It would be spending time with parents in a forest with no cellular coverage.

I think that was the last day that we looked like a happy family. We spent half a day fishing, and then we cooked a very smelly fish stew with lots of wild garlic and thyme.

Even though my mother enjoyed it, too, she would never admit it, because, per her worldview, that would weaken her negotiating position.

That day I pouted my lips, rolled my eyes and complained about mosquito stings. That's what teenagers do. However, when Oliver asked me if I'd like to go there again, I'd said, "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

My mother had had other things to do, so since that day it had just been Oliver and me.

The forest has grown on me. Those spring, summer, autumn, and winter days in the woods had felt vivid and real. We would hike, we would fish, and we would cook simple meals on an open fire. Often we would climb into a tree and spend time birdwatching.

Almost every time, we also managed to spot forest animals: foxes, roe deer, wild boar, elk. However, we had never encountered a wolf before. The she-wolf we met on that snowy day was our first.

It took us two hours to drive home that night, and all the way long we talked about the power of the forest and the primal instincts hiding in us. What would we be like if we were ice age people? What would it feel like to hear at night the roar of saber-tooth tigers and the trumpeting of mammoths?

"Would you like to live in the ice age?" I asked my dad.

"Yeah, I would love it. There would be no government, no countries, no tax authorities, and no keeping up with the Kardashians. The whole world would be ours. I would build us a nice cabin by the lake. You could go fishing in a log canoe. I think you would be good at spearfishing."

"I think so too! Yep - that would be great!"

"What would you be if you were a forest animal?"

"If I were an animal... hmmm," I mused, "if I were a forest animal I would be a wolf. I would be like that she-wolf protecting her cubs. All the ice age people would see me and they'd know right away that it's better not to mess with me."

"Would you howl like a wolf?" My father sounded very amused.

"Yes I would!"

"Show me."

" Whooohoooaaaaaouuuu!!! I howled in the car. "Ooouwhhoooowww!!!"

"Not bad, not bad at all!" he said with a sparkle in his eyes.

A strong gust of wind suddenly blew snow against the windscreen. The blizzard was getting worse.

Oliver focused on the road and drove in silence.

"It was a good howl, Irma," he said after a while.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It gave me goosebumps."

II. The Modern Young Woman

I'm texting with my best friends on my smartphone. Whenever they get a chance, they bug me about my secret love life.

GINA:So... Irm, when will you finally tell us about this bear guy that you are dating? --

LAIMA:I've told you - she isn't dating anyone. She's just pretending that she does --

GINA:She's visiting a teddy bear in the woods 🌲🌲🌲--

ME:ha ha ha, very funny... it is not! --

LAIMA:her slender trunk is tickled by hedgehogs... on New Year's Day she's SEX SEX SEX SEX with the squirrels --

GINA:lol --

ME:Not funny! Again! --

LAIMA:So, when are you leaving for the States? --

ME:I have the plane tickets for the 15th of August --

GINA:Will your parents go together? --

ME:No, it is just me. I am totally independent now! I have a college fund and I can use it any way I like. Well, with a few exceptions. I will have to live on campus for the first year. It's the policy of the university --

LAIMA:I'm jealous. I wish I could study in the states. Their universities are much better than ours--

ME:Yep, Chapel Hill is among the 30 best. It isn't the Ivy league, but close. My father studied in North Carolina, so he knows the place. He says this is a very good price/quality ratio --

LAIMA:I am gonna miss our school. All the dating excitement. So, now that we are officially grown-ups and college students - so now there should be the moment of truth: Who the hell is that grizzly boyfriend that you are dating? Are you meeting him tonight or not? You have to tell us. It is your last chance to be honest with your best friends! --

ME:Nice try, Laima. So dramatic - the last chance! Well, I've told you everything already. I am dating a huge bear. That's it. --

LAIMA:C'mon, Irma, no hints?--

ME:As if you were telling us about your boyfriends --

GINA:Irma and Laima - don't fight! No no no!!! Make sex not war! Make sex with teddy bears 🐻 🐻 🐻! LOL!!! --

Frankly, they were starting to piss me off. It had become their favorite pastime: teasing and questioning me about my love adventures with a grizzly bear, which I was not willing to disclose.

ME:All right, all right. I might tell you, but before that I have a secret to share. I've met two fantastic guys here in the resort. Really cute guys. I've shown them your photos and they were like - Whooaaa! Can you introduce us?!! --

LAIMA:What?!! What guys? You showed our pictures to some weird perverts who want to meet us? --

GINA:She's lying. She's just bullshitting us --

ME:I am serious! Very cool guys. And I am sure they would be great for you Laima and Gina. I'll send you the pictures in a minute. Wanna see them? --

LAIMA:Well, send them over, don't wait --

ME:Are you ready? Oh, sorry, I can't find any pictures, but I can tell you their names. --

GINA:I've told you she was bullshitting us. So, what are their names? --

ME:Ready? Well, the first one is called Fuck and the second one is called Off. I told you they'd suit you very well.--

GINA:Oh, oh - that's rude --

LAIMA:That kind of proves our point - you have no boyfriend. No teddy bear in the woods - ha ha --

GINA:Oh, for God's sake, just don't start a major fight for nothing --

ME:I have to go. We'll chat tonight guys, right?--

GINA:OK --

LAIMA:OK, bye Irm --

My best friends know nothing.

They keep bugging me; they keep making jokes; they are looking for any clues. Yet, they know nothing.

There is no way I am telling them.

III. Looking Into The Magic Mirror

I toss my iPhone away from the edge of the pool so it doesn't get wet. Then I dive into the water. It is cold!

I hold my breath for half a minute and I sit on the floor of the pool. The water lifts me up. Sun glitters in the waves above my head.

This is the last summer for me in our vacation chalet. I should be excited to leave my parents' home, but somehow it makes me feel sad. The summers that we've spent here, the friends that I made here, the books that I've read here - all of that will slowly fade away. Something else will replace and erase it and will make me forget this careless glittering of the sun above my head.

I do not want this summer to end. I think this is the best summer that I've ever had.

I dive across the pool to the other side. I can feel my hair under the water straighten with each stroke and spread out again, as if I were a jellyfish, propelled forward not by my legs and not by my arms, but by the engine of loose hair pulsating underwater.

I swim up to the corner and then I rest my chin on the edge of the marble pool.

A dragonfly flew in. It hangs in the air. It flies away.

The evening is still so far away.

I really can't make up my mind now. Is it a "Yes" or is it a "No" for tonight? Actually, that's the way I like it. I like to swim in the uncertainty and dive into the unknown.

It is starting to get cold. I make my way out of the pool and climb through the large window into the living room of our summer house. I walk across the room looking for a towel, which I must have left here somewhere. My bare feet leave a wet trail on the floor.

"Please, Irma, just don't drip the water everywhere," says Oliver without looking up from his laptop.

"I shouldn't drip water?" I ask in an innocent voice.

Then I bend halfway down. The water from my wet hair starts dripping onto the silky Persian carpet. And then I shake myself like a wolf pup: fiut-fiut-fiut... fiut-fiut-fiut...

The water splashes in all directions: on the antique china, on the glass of the bookcase, on the floor and on the ceiling.

"Irma, stop it! What's the matter with you today!" Oliver is finally distracted from his PC. "Clean this up - now! Your mother will make a lot of fuss if she sees it."

"Nope," I said, grinning ear to ear.

"No?" He looks at me curiously.

"No - ope"

He suddenly jumps to his feet. I was expecting that.

I run quickly into the hallway, then into the bathroom, and then I lock the door.

"I'll catch you the next time," he says behind the door.

Like everything else in this chalet, the bathroom is furnished with heavy, antique furniture from French and Italian castles. Instead of a bathtub, there are marble steps leading down to a small pool in the ground by the window.

This is my mother's idea of luxury. She decorated the place, sparing no expense. I find it tacky. I like simple style and open spaces, while this chalet feels cluttered and old-fashioned. I would do many things differently than my mum, but, well, she is the one who calls the shots here.

Two heavy, antique, high-backed armchairs stand against the mirrored wall. There lay my clothes, neatly folded: a Converse T-shirt and a pair of frayed denim shorts.

I take off my swimsuit. Then I look at myself in the mirror.

Am I pretty? Am I as pretty as my mother?

My hair is long, blonde, and runs all the way down my back. I lift my breasts in my hands. "I know you would like to touch them, Oliver, but you can't. Sorry!" I turn around and look over my shoulder. "Is my derrière nice? Mum's is wider, that's true. If you'd like - you can slap it. Mum's first and then mine. Oops! You can't do that either! Want to - can't do. My tushy is forbidden too! No matter how badly you want it, you just can't!"

My dad - the man with whom I would go on forest exploration trips, and the man who told me to clean up the water puddles - is not really my biological dad. We live in Lithuania, which is a small Nordic country by the Baltic Sea. Both of my birth parents are Lithuanian, but Oliver, my step-dad, is an American. He started a business here many years ago. He speaks Lithuanian well, but you can still tell that he is a foreigner.

I am used to calling him "Dad", and it sounds natural. Since my parents divorced and my mom remarried, Oliver has been a real father figure to me - or he was, until this past year. Now I am not sure what kind of figure he is.

I have been giving my adoptive father all sorts of shit since this morning, and he has endured it all.

I'm standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror, still wet from the pool, and I ask, "Mirror, mirror, tell me, whose bottom is the most beautiful in the world? Mom's is wider, yes."

I pull on my shorts and put on my wet t-shirt. I deliberately don't wear a bra underneath. I'm going to go to the living room now, and sit next to Oliver in the armchair. I am gonna check out what's new on Instagram. He'll be sure to take a look. He will try not to look, but he won't be able to stop himself.

The wet T-shirt sticks to my body, shining through clearly. I ask the mirror,"Mirror, mirror, tell me, whose tits are the most beautiful in the world?"

And then I answer for the mirror in a husky voice. "Yours, your majesty, Queen, are certainly beautiful, but beyond the nine dense forests, protected by the seven dwarfs, lives a Snow Maiden named Irma. Her tits are much prettier than yours."

I know that my father will definitely look at my wet T-shirt.

Na na na na - na na na na.

IV. The Night of Hunting Grizzlies.

It's been twelve years since my mother remarried.

Oliver does all the stuff the alpha of the pack is supposed to do. His business is doing well and he's bringing a lot of money home. He cooks the family meals and takes care of my mom when she is sick. He used to check my homework, take me to my gymnastics classes and help me choose my clothes at the shopping mall. I think he was a very good husband to my mom and a very good father to me.

Time is the direction of the universe in which entropy increases. The time passed by, and each new day brought minuscule changes. My mom, who was so happy at the beginning of her second marriage, gradually became cooler and more distant. Then she started traveling on business trips. Sometimes she would be away for a day, sometimes for two or even three.

Today, my mom also said that she has an absolutely important deal in the town, and therefore, she will be gone for a day. In the worst case, just two nights and she'll be back.

At the beginning of the afternoon, she was gone.

My mom excels at straight-face lying, but I am not stupid. I do not suspect - I know for sure: my mom has a lover in town.

I made dinner for us tonight and put my brother Darius to bed. Then the lights went out and the chalet became very quiet. I glance at my watch. It's half an hour to midnight. I am sitting in the window of my room on the upper floor, shelling sunflowers and throwing the shells down. I am texting with my friends.

LAIMA:Virga hooked up with Dainius again. I saw them today in Europe shopping mall --

GINA:lol they'll go out for two days and then fight again --

LAIMA:Dainius - I like him. But Virga - what a bitch! Dainius is waaaay better than her. She would fuck anyone just to show how popular she is. A real bitch --

ME:jealous? :))) --

LAIMA:Me? Jealous? She dresses nice but has no boobs (. )(. ) Nah, not jealous --

GINA:yeah, guys like at least C --

LAIMA:Would you get a plastic surgery if you had the $$$? --

ME:I wouldn't --

GINA:I wouldn't either... obviously... btw, remember when I said Uni was the deadline for me --

LAIMA:well, you still have a month left --

GINA:lol I've got nothing left --

ME:HOW? --

GINA:Me and Edwin... today... SEX SEX SEX!!! My first time! --

LAIMA:WHAT!!! --

ME:Yeee!!! --

LAIMA:Why didn't you tell us right away!!! --

ME:Oh you - what a sneaky girl! --

LAIMA:Unreal!!! Well? Did you like it? --

GINA:You know, it was fantastic. I really don't regret doing it --