tagHumor & SatireThe Improbable Adventure Ch. 05

The Improbable Adventure Ch. 05


I slowly regained consciousness and found myself tied to an armless chair in an empty room, the witches' blanket draped over my lap to hide my nakedness. The room had white walls and a soft, off-white carpet. To my right was a closet door fitted with a floor to ceiling mirror, to my left were heavy curtains covering what I presumed was a window, and in front of me, standing between me and the door, were three of the fundies who had attacked and abducted me.

I felt a furious anger rising within me, and was about to begin screaming abuse at them when I remembered that they were not only completely insane, but were also in total control of the situation. So I restrained myself and just looked at their sneering faces.

"You see, brother Daniel?" one of them said. "I told you he'd be fine."

"That may be, but we still couldn't have left him out there," replied another. With their identical outfits, haircuts, and slightly chubby, anger-reddened faces, I literally couldn't tell them apart.

"Alright, listen here, heathen," the third fundie said, taking a step towards me. "We aren't normally in the habit of kidnapping folks, not even filthy satan-worshipping idolators like you. But we didn't have any other choice. We're gonna keep you here until morning, then come morning we're gonna pray over you and let you loose. But if you tell anyone about this, I promise you that we will find you and send you straight to the hellfire that's already awaiting your cursed soul. Understand?"

I had no doubt that he was serious, so I just nodded meekly. The fundie turned, seemingly satisfied with my response, and he and his two compatriots stalked out of the room, turning off the light and shutting the door behind them, leaving me in darkness.

I immediately began struggling against the ropes that held my wrists and ankles to the chair legs, but they were too well-tied and the chair was too sturdy for me to break free. I heard a door slam somewhere beneath me, and then the men's voices from outside, receding into the distance. Then there was silence. I struggled some more, only barely preventing myself from tipping the chair over, and finally I gave up, exhausted, and slowly drifted back into much-needed sleep, hoping that they really would just set me free in the morning and not do something crazy like burn me at the stake.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep when I suddenly awoke, startled by the sound of footsteps out in the hall. I heard them approach the door, which opened and a figure, indistinct in the darkness, entered the room and shut the door, then flipped on the light.

I blinked in the sudden brightness, and saw that the figure was an extremely pretty young woman, her brown hair tied back in a ponytail, wearing a blue long-sleeved dress that hung down to her ankles and a necklace from which hung a wooden cross. Her blue eyes widened in surprise when she saw me sitting there, and a smile spread across her face.

"So it's true!" she said excitedly, clasping her hands together in front of her. "Amazing!"

I didn't know what to do. "Uh...what's true? Who are you?" I asked, still a little groggy.

"Why, I'm Mary Gray," she said, as if it was obvious. "I awoke with the clamor of the men's arrival, and heard them speaking in low tones with my father, saying they'd captured an idolator, a worshipper of the devil himself, fornicating with his satanic harlots! What's your name, satanist?" She seemed thrilled by the idea of being in the presence of a devil-worshipper.

"Listen," I began, "My name is Kurt, and I'm not a satanist. And just because those chicks were witches doesn't mean they worship the devil, either," I said, wondering whether I should even bother getting into a theological dispute with this fundie chick.

"Nonsense, Kurt!" Mary laughed, "Anyone who worships anything other than the Lord and His son Jesus Christ is worshipping the devil, whether they know it or not! That's what father says, and on that point I happen to agree with him."

"And what's your father know about it?" I asked snarkily.

She raised her eyebrows. "Why, he's the Reverend Gray, founder and leader of the Brethren of Christian Righteousness, of whose estate you are now a guest. In fact," she added with a giggle, "you're the first guest in our new guest house!" She gestured to indicate the room and, presumably, the building itself. "We've just finished it, only it's not furnished yet. I heard Father tell the men to keep you here until morning."

"Sounds like preaching has done your father well," I said, my tone still caustic.

Her eyes narrowed somewhat. "God has smiled on my father," she said flatly. "Now, would you like my help or not?"

I was surprised. "I didn't know that's what you were here for," I told her.

"Well it is. I intend to free you, Kurt. This treatment frankly isn't Christian. But first I want you to do something for me."

Delighted, I quickly agreed. "You'd set me free? Shit, I'll do anything!"

Mary smiled. "Alright. I want you to fuck me like you fucked those satanic sluts out in the woods until my pussy creams on your nice fat cock."

My mouth literally fell open. Of all the crazy shit I'd been through, nothing had surprised me as much as hearing this torrent of filth come pouring out of the mouth of what was to all appearances a modest young fundamentalist Christian woman.

"What the...?" I exclaimed, convinced I was still asleep and dreaming. "What? Where did you learn to talk like that?" I had another distressing thought. "How old are you even, anyway?"

Mary laughed, and began walking slowly towards me. "I'm twenty," she said, then proceeded to explain. "My father has always preached against fornication," she began, "but I know that I am saved by the grace of Jesus Christ. So when I felt my body begin to desire the flesh of men, I knew deep inside that that desire came from God, and it was good. And I've seen videos on the internet, even though my father forbids us from using it, of people enjoying pleasure so powerful that it cannot but have come from God."

I realized then that she must have received the entirety of her education about sex from porn.

"So I began fornicating with some of the young men from my father's flock, who I quickly convinced of the correctness of my beliefs. But when Father found out, he was furious, and had them sent away to New Guinea to perform penance and work as missionaries. And now my wet little pussy, which I know God has made to bring pleasure to men, just as Eve was made to bring pleasure to Adam, has been bereft of the cocks it desires, yes, that it desires with a passion that mirrors my soul's longing for God."

Her voice rose, quivering with emotion as she continued. "And when I heard the men speaking of you, and I felt my pussy grow wet with lust as they described how you'd fucked those devil-worshipping whores, I knew that God was giving me a sign. I knew that if I came to you, and I showed you the pleasure of a Godly woman's body, you would see that God is good, and he loves you, and you would turn away from your satanic ways and embrace the Lord and His son Jesus Christ and be saved for all eternity."

It was, I reflected, among the most beautiful and poetic invitations to sex I had probably ever received.

"So," she said as she finally reached me, and took my head in her gentle hands, lifting it to look up into her gorgeous face. "Will you let me show you the bounty of God's love?"

I wondered if she was insane or just a firm believer in her interpretation of Christianity, and then I realized that there was no way to even tell the difference. "Show me," I said.

Mary smiled and bent down, giving me a long, deep kiss on my mouth, at the end of which her wet tongue slipped briefly between my lips. "You shall see the glory of God," she whispered, then released my head and stepped back, leaving me still tied to the chair. She tucked her necklace into her dress, then reached down and pulled her dress up over her head, revealing that she wore nothing underneath, then slid her arms out of the sleeves and tossed the dress aside. She stood and looked at me, allowing me to admire her body, naked but for the cross that still hung from her neck.

She was fucking magnificent, with lovely thighs, wide hips, and smallish perky breasts on which her nipples stood out thick and pink. She placed her hands on her sides, then slid them down and forward, over her stomach and into the patch of pubic hair between her legs. "Am I not a masterpiece of God's creation?" she asked, her voice thickening with arousal.

"You are," I agreed, my dick growing hard beneath the blanket and starting to tent it up. I watched as Mary turned, displaying her incredibly juicy ass, and then planted her feet and leaned forward, resting one hand on the floor and using the other to spread her wet labia, which glistened pink and dripping amidst the curls of her dark pubic hair. Then she slowly lowered her knees to the carpet, arching her back and pushing her gorgeous ass up into the air to present it to me.

"Do you want me to slap my ass?" she asked, looking back at me with a saucy expression.

I pondered her question for a moment, and realized that, in fact, I did, and promptly told her so. She raised her right hand, then brought it down firmly on her ass, her luscious flesh jiggling under the impact of her hand as the sharp sound resounded through the empty room. She wiggled her hips a few times, her ass shaking gently and deliciously, then turned and crawled towards me across the floor, her cross swinging from side to side.

"It seems your cock likes me, too" Mary said, seeing it sticking up beneath the blanket. As she reached the chair she sat up between my legs and pulled the blanket off. My dick sprang free, standing thick and eager before her, and she looked at it hungrily. She placed her hands on my knees, then slid them forward and wrapped them around the base of my dick and looked up at me. "Christ bade us eat of his body," she said, her voice redolent with a mixture of piety and lust, "And so in feasting upon your cock, I worship your inner Christ." With that solemn pronouncement, she licked her lips, leaned forward, and eagerly engulfed my dick with her mouth, her hard nipples pressed against my thighs and her cross striking my balls. I groaned as her wet lips sank down my shaft, her slippery tongue running along the underside of my dick as she bobbed her mouth up and down on my throbbing pole. She went deeper and deeper, the head of my dick first striking, then entering the tight opening of her throat, and her saliva began drizzling down over my balls and pooling on the chair.

Finally Mary pulled off, breathing deeply, and stood up, raising her hand to her face. She wiped some of the spit off her chin, then spat into her hand to get some more and reached down to rub it between her legs, slathering her hairy slit in saliva. "Now you shall know the holy pleasure of a righteous woman's cunt," she said happily, and stepped forward to straddle me. Still tied to the chair, I could do nothing but watch as she grabbed my dick, held it steady, and lowered herself onto it.

Her pussy was incredibly tight, its hot walls gripping my shaft as she worked herself down onto it, her juices trickling down my shaft and the head of my dick plunging deeper and deeper into her until she was seated on my lap. "Fuck," she gasped, "Thank you, God, for sending me this big fucking cock to ride!" She leaned in and kissed me, then licked my face and pressed it into her chest as she began sliding herself up and down my shaft. "Suck on my tits," she ordered, pressing first one and then the other into my face, the cross banging against my face as she rode me, and I ran my tongue over her breasts' soft roundness and sucked her hard nipples between my lips.

"Yes, yes, fuck yes!" she moaned, riding me harder and harder, grabbing the back of the chair for support as she slapped her juicy ass down onto my thighs, her sopping pussy lips soaking my dick as they slid up and down its rigid length. "I'm gonna fucking come on your cock," she hissed, "You wanna feel my pussy come?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Tell me!"

"I want to feel your pussy come on my cock," I told her, then decided to try out some of her theological language. "Worship my Christ-cock with your blessed cunt," I added.

"Yes!" she squealed.

"Bless it with your holy pussy juice!"


"My cock is the fucking presence of God! Fill yourself with it!"

"OH FUCK YES!" Mary screamed, collapsing forward onto me, her body spasming and her pussy squeezing rhythmically around my dick as she orgasmed. Her fluids poured down my balls, her arms and legs wrapped around the chair, and she ground herself into the base of my dick as she shook and squealed. Finally she leaned back and looked down at me, grinning from ear to ear.

"By the tits of Mary Magdalene, that felt good," she gasped happily. "And now it's your turn."

She climbed off of me and knelt again between my legs. "As your cock is the bread of the sacrament, so your cum shall be the wine," she moaned, "and I intend to have my fill." She leaned forward, spat on my pussy-drenched dick, and began jerking me off with both hands, her perky breasts jiggling as she vigorously slid her hands up and down my slippery shaft. She went faster and faster, and I felt my orgasm coming and knew that I could do nothing to stop it.

She looked up at me eagerly, watching my face as I groaned and grimaced, and finally, as she felt my body start to seize up, she leaned forward, locked her lips around the throbbing head of my dick, and began sucking, still jerking me off as my orgasm peaked within me and I felt my balls tense as my semen came coursing up the length of my dick. She kept her beautiful eyes on mine, raising her eyebrows delightedly as my cum began pumping into her mouth in powerful spurts, and she sucked away at my the head of my dick as it pumped one wave of sperm after another into her eager mouth, her hands still jerking me furiously and drawing the cum up out of my pulsing shaft.

When at last my orgasm ended, Mary popped the head of my dick out of her lips, squeezing the last drops of cum up out of my dick so that they drizzled down onto her hands. Then she leaned back and opened her mouth, showing me the enormous load of semen I'd shot into her mouth. It came right up to the edge of her lips, her mouth nearly overflowing with cum, and then she closed her mouth, and with one enormous gulp she swallowed it down. She showed me her empty mouth, then raised her hands to her mouth and licked off the cum smeared on them. "Thank you," she purred, "for helping me to show my love and gratitude to Christ through you."

"If this is how you worship Christ," I replied with a laugh, "I'll be the first one in the pew come Sunday."

Mary either didn't realize or didn't care that I was joking. "I told you I would show you the glory of God," she said, as she began untying my legs, "and now that we have completed the first sacrament, we may continue to worship God in other ways." She finished untying my legs, then reached behind me and undid the knots securing my arms to the back legs of the chair. Free at last, I rubbed my wrists as Mary took me by my half-flaccid dick and pulled me to my feet, stroking my soft shaft to draw the blood back into it.

"Come," she whispered, bringing her face close to mine, "Every orgasm we have is an offering of thanks to God, and were we to fuck for a thousand years we still would not come close to showing the depth of the gratitude we owe to our Creator." She turned and led me over towards the mirrored closet door, then released my dick. I stood behind her as she lowered herself to her hands and knees, looking up at me in the mirror's reflection.

"Now that we are cleansed of sin, we return to the state of Adam and Eve, innocent as the other beasts of the garden," she intoned. "And now we shall fuck as they did, like beasts." She arched her back, presenting me with her ass and her beautiful dripping pink slit, nestled invitingly in her dark pubic hair. "Mount me," she moaned, and I recalled the witch Cassie giving me the same invitation earlier that night. Perhaps all religious paths really did run towards the same goal, I thought, then quickly abandoned my pondering as I took advantage of Mary's invitation.

I stayed on my feet and lowered myself behind her, then seized her waist and sank my dick between her slippery pussy lips. She squealed happily as I drove into her, looking up at me in the reflection as I began to thrust in and out of her dripping hole. "That's it," she moaned encouragingly. "Use my cunt, just as Adam used the cunt of Eve, the cunt God made for his pleasure! Fuck me hard!" I grabbed her ponytail and pulled it, drawing her head back so that her back arched even more as I pounded into her sopping depths.

Her moans turned to yelps of delight, and as I hammered my dick into her slick pussy her mouth fell open and she was overcome with pleasure, a string of saliva drizzling over her lower lip and onto the floor as she reached her second orgasm. Her body quivered beneath me, her pussy soaking my dick as she came again, and I kept thrusting, her fluids splattering my thighs. Then her knees gave way and she collapsed forward, and I rode her into the ground, burying my dick in her still-orgasming pussy and relishing the sensation of it squeezing my shaft.

Finally she finished coming and rolled over, my dick popping out of her soaking slit, but she was insatiable, giving me not a moment's rest as she pulled me forward onto her. "Now fuck me like this," she demanded, "and anoint me with your divine cum!" She pulled her legs back and apart, and I propped myself up on my arms and began driving down into her tender pussy, reaching down to suck on her nipples as I slammed into her.

"Yes!" she screamed, "Yes! Pierce me with your Spear of Destiny! Part my pink pussy-sea with your Godly staff! Fill my tabernacle with your holy scepter! Claim my Holy Grail!"

Wow, she's really laying on the religious double entendres, I thought to myself. She must keep a list of them or something. Although she was clearly nuts, she was fucking hot, and now she was begging me to soak her with my cum.

"Please, anoint me with your cock-chrism! Let your cum fall upon me like manna from heaven!" She wanted it so bad I couldn't wait any longer. I felt myself start to come, and wrenched my dripping dick out of her hole and fell forward, leaning on my arms and looking down as she grabbed my shaft and once again used her skillful hands to coax the cum out of it.

I gasped and roared as my orgasm overcame me, and thick jets of cum sprayed out over Mary, splattering over her face, drizzling down her chin, splashing over her breasts and the cross on her necklace, and sliding slipperily down onto her belly. As before, she squeezed the last drops of cum out over her hands, then licked them clean. I collapsed alongside her, gasping, and watched as she played with my cum, smearing it over her gorgeous body, then lifted her cross to her mouth to suck the semen off of it.

I was about to ask her if she wanted to ride me again when I heard what sounded like voices from outside. Alarmed, I leapt to my feet and hurried to the window, pulling the curtain aside just enough to peek out of the window. I was on the second floor, and saw a path leading across a small field to an impressive mansion part way up a forested hill on the other side of the field. Emerging from the mansion were a group of men I recognized instantly as my attackers, and they seemed to be heading down the path towards the guest house.

"Shit!" I yelled, dropping the curtain and turning to Mary, who looked up at me nervously, her body still glistening with semen. "They're coming back!"

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