All Comments on 'The Incident at Last Home'

A big huge thank you, from both Amory and myself, to BlackRandl1958 for arranging this and for her most excellent editing work on this piece.

Had much more than erotica. It felt like a Tarantino western in theme. The dialogue and narrations were spot on for the period AND entertaining. Loved the minimalist approach to describing Virginia Alice went through. A lot more unsaid than said, like a great story should have.

The best part was the sex. It was suited to being at the end of the story so we knew what they had been through and how they had suffered and finally, found their own way. 5 stars.

Sadly I can't give any more.

It's not showing on Literotica

Probably the best thing in a western setting I've ever read. Perfect dialogue, funny, realistic. Hot. I had a complete blast reading it more than once.

Louis LaMour would be proud!!

I’m so glad we did this! And hopefully the first of many :)

I liked the characters, the setting, the dialogues.

A really enjoyable and endearing story.

Thanks for the effort!

My thanks to the two of you. You wrote a spellbinding love story, and immediately very impressed and grateful. Congratulations on writing such a great story. Randi

A wonderfully written story of the real West. It put me in mind of "Call of the Wild" of all things, with the manner of telling this tale.

I may have read about a tenth of the stories in this special contest so far, and every single one has been superb! I keep adding authors to my favorites list and probably will never run out of reading material.

Many thanks to both authors and the orchestrator of this wonderful Western adventure.

This could be a movie! It should be a movie! Truly amazing, it could even be in line with the top 10s like The Handmaiden

"she snapped" - While I had figured out that Riley was a woman, it hadn't yet been established in the story, so why give it away by saying "she"?

Riley went right from removing her breast bindings to getting in the tub, with no mention of removing her pants and what Virginia Alice would have seen?

If her boobs aren't that big and she binds them just so they don't bounce, I wouldn't think that she'd have to bind them all that tight.

"I just had nowhere else to go once my Pa put this on me." - I'm confused. Her father put the scar in her? I thought she was kicked by a horse?

"the men she'd set up to die earlier that day," - Did I miss something? How did she set them up to die? Did SHE take the money so that the gang would blame the Tatums? That doesn't explain Emit coming after her, which I thought was what kicked off the gunfight when she shot him.

Very nice story despite my nitpicks, five stars.

- We knew that, by putting the story in the lesbian category, many readers would figure out very quickly that Riley was a woman, but we purposefully made sure that the narrative was silent on the matter until exactly the point you described. “she snapped” -is- the establishing moment.

- All writing makes shortcuts where the reader is able to and capable of making inferences.

Further, after the scene break where Virginia Alice fills the tub, the rest of that scene is from Riley’s point of view. We don’t know what Virginia Alice would have seen because the story isn’t from her perspective.

- While you are technically correct that Riley’s chest bindings are not painfully restrictive, you haven’t considered that Riley has been in close quarters with 5 men, pretending to be a man, for months. She’s never been naked around them because she can’t be. Try wearing a sock for a single week and see how your skin feels, and trust me when I tell you that doing the same to breasts would be worse.

- Riley had significant facial scarring as a child, when she was kicked by a horse, that presented a significant hurdle in her ability to be married off like her father wanted. After Riley’s brother was killed, and her mother died, Riley’s father went on to scar her even further, and that was the nail in the proverbial coffin.

- Riley stole the money. She says at the end of the story that she has four hundred dollars, the amount Walt bragged about having stolen at the beginning of the story. She took it in the night when the rest were sleeping. Until Riley shoots Walt, though, and her motives become more clear (rescuing Virginia Alice from everyone), the narrative is purposefully silent on the subject.

I hope that helps clarify!

Yes, it does, thanks!

I still might differ on a couple of points, but I'd be splitting hairs!

Yeah, dawn broke over Marblehead, as we say here in Mass, after I posted the comment about the money, Duh!

Yes, I think this could make a good movie! And there are stories from the old west about women who were gunslingers, cowboys, robbers, and farmers who dressed as men and got respect for strength and hard work. Wonderful love story. I cheered for the Indian girl as she ran away!

I loved this story. Once again, Amory and Awkward - your use of language to set a scene and develop relationships is wonderful. I truly enjoy reading stories that don't fall back on the same phrases for descriptions. It made the story so vibrant and real that I was just swept along in it.

Magnificent.

I've written two long comments in the last hour or so on your stories and I'd like to not accidently repeat myself and lessen the praise there. So, this one is going to be more brief:

I can't quite believe how interesting and vidid all of your characters are. It's almost shocking.

A&A,

You writers have done magic with words in this story!

WHEW...!

Home run.

Fantastic collaboration.Really excellent work with dialect. Loved the protagonists...some real brutality but realistic, so sweet at the end-another 5,fave and will be looking into Amory's work too

Really really good!

Received.

Just re-read-still think superb, and, going back to 1st page...

can't understand why your collaborator wanted to disassociate

have noticed even stories you just edit are always great...

@roverone my co-writer has distanced themselves from their Lit profile, and from all of their works.