The Irishman at the End of the Bar

I hesitate, but I tear it open and remove the contents. Basic banking information and how to access it mostly, but there is also a letter inside. It is folded three ways horizontally, so I unfold it and see the first large D at the start of the letter.

'Dear Chase,

My little boy has just turned thirty. I was half tempted to write just became a man, but I presumed you're already there. Whatever you chose to become, I know I would be proud of it. All I hoped, is that you chose if for yourself. I hoped it fulfills you. As I write this, you are in second grade, with a sixth grade reading level. But that is not why I thought you were special. You have the gentlest soul I had ever seen, and that is what I prayed you hold onto.

Do not let this world change that part of you.

You will not remember this about yourself, but you were the quietest baby in history. After two crying children, it was a relief to have a calm one. You even had a calming effect on your siblings. There was a moment your brother was crying all day, and it drove me near mad, but you crawled over to him, placed your tiny hand on his cheek, and he stopped crying. You always knew when I needed to be uplifted with your hug.

Chase. You were put on this planet to help people in a way other people only pay lip service to. When you do good, it's always in the service of itself. The good, because it is good. Those rare people like you, feel the weight of the world on their shoulders, and it can be crushing. Do not let this world crush you, but always try to lift your small part of it.

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Chase, I know for a fact you are strong, courageous, and wise.

I loved you with all of my heart. And I am sorry, if you ever doubted that, and blamed yourself.

With eternal love. Your mother."

I fold the paper back and wipe a tear with my thumb. She wrote every part about herself in past tense. She already knew what she was going to do. And I did blame myself. I did let the world crush me. I submitted. If I could not save her, how could I save anyone else?

I cannot change everything about this place, but I notice what I already had. One more family got closure. A good cop is going to advance. A bad cop is going to prison.

I will hold up my personal piece of the world, and never, let it crush me again.