The Japanese Way Pt. 01

There was an uncomfortable quiet in the room, with the only sound being Akane's bare feet moving on my pillow as she tugged and twisted the fabric between her toes. I could tell a huge moment was brewing. It was almost as if she was testing me and this was the chance for me to stand my ground and prove I had a backbone. There was a risk that my choice of actions could define how the rest of the summer progressed. So, what did I do? Did I stand up for myself and demand she remove her bare feet from my pillow? No, I'm too shy and lacked the confidence for such a confrontation. Like a wimp, I changed the subject. I noticed a bookshelf across the room and pointed towards it, "Wow, you have so many books."

There was silence from Akane, before she gave a little chuckle. She kicked my pillow off the bed. "Yes, I like to read. Do you like to read, Molly?"

"Sometimes," I said, while walking over to the shelves. I glanced at the titles and most of them were in Japanese. There were a few in English, though not the sort that would interest me, mostly being educational school stuff.

"Come here, Molly." Akane tapped the bed with her palm, and I tentatively returned to her and took a seat at her direction. Immediately, she moved up and sat cross-legged so that she was looking straight at me. However, even sat I was left looking down at the smaller girl. "So, why did you come to Japan, Molly?" she asked, the braces on her teeth sparkling beneath the bedroom lamp.

"I wanted to learn and experience your culture."

Akane's cute face soured to a frown.

"W-what?" I asked hesitantly.

She tilted her head to the side and sized me up through her thick glasses. "Are you another one of these American girls that watches anime and tells all your friends you're kawaii?"

"Ummm, no I don't think that." I glanced down my plain t-shirt and jeans. "I don't even know what that means."

"Are you going to treat our home like a vacation resort?"

"Of course not, I'm very appreciative to you for hosting me, Akane. I'm sorry if you think—"

"Akane-san," she corrected me with a smile. "Let this be your first lesson in our culture. It's polite for a foreigner to refer to us as san."

"I'm sorry, Akane-san," I said, as I felt my mouth becoming dry. I was extremely uncomfortable now that I was all alone with Akane and she seemed incredibly hostile to my motives for this exchange. Yet, all of the words were spoken with a smile.

"Does that mean I am Molly-san to you?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, Molly. This is only for Japanese. If you asked a Japanese person to call you that, they would think you are making fun of them."

"Well, I don't want to do that," I sighed. The Japanese way appeared to be so complicated.

"So, do you speak any more Japanese?"

I suddenly felt extremely embarrassed. "Ummm, well, I know a couple of phrases to get by. Most I've already told you."

"Oh, hello and goodbye? So, not really any at all then. Would you like to know what your name is in Japanese?"

"Of course," I said with a smile. "I would love that."

Akane was quiet for a moment, and her eyes looked off towards the ceiling as if she was thinking. "I guess in Japanese your name would be"—she tapped a finger against her lips—"Mushi!"

"Mushi?" I asked. "Molly is Mushi in Japanese?"

Akane giggled then enthusiastically nodded her head. "Yes, you are a mushi, I believe. Looking at you now"—she squinted her eyes at me through her glasses—"this is how I see you."

"Mushi," I said again. I smiled. "I like it. It sounds cute."

"You should just introduce yourself like that in future. Japanese people will respond really well."

I nodded. "Kon'nichiwa, Akane-san. My name is Mushi, pleased to meet you."

Akane covered her hand with her mouth, but I could see that she was trying not to laugh. Her eyes were wrinkled in amusement behind her glasses. "Perfect," she said eventually after composing herself.

"Did I say kon'nichiwa wrong again?" I asked. It seemed every time I tried to speak Japanese, someone ended up laughing at me or seeming confused.

She reached out and took my hands in her own. I noticed how extreme the contrast was in her skintone, where her pale complexion appeared soft and welcoming next to my natural tan. "No, not at all. We can be good friends, Mushi. I have so much I'd like to teach you about Japanese culture."

"Yes! Yes, please, Akane-san. That's why I wanted to do this exchange so badly."

She leapt from the bed and went over to the bookshelf. I joined her and watched as she ran a finger along each book, looking for something in particular. As I said, most were in Japanese and I couldn't understand them. I noticed one was a child's picture book, and I picked it up and had a quick flick through. There were cartoon drawings of various animals, kind of like the books we had back home when infants are learning to read. There were all sorts in there: tigers, lions, horses, dogs, snakes and lizards; a real mixture of domestic and wild animals. On one page there was a drawing of a beetle, and next to it was the Japanese version of my name: Mushi.

"Hey," I said, while directing the book towards Akane. She seemed a bit annoyed that I had disturbed her from whatever she was looking for. "This bug is called Molly." I laughed. "What are the chances of that?"

Akane narrowed her eyes and looked at the book. I noticed a blush take over her pale cheeks. "Well, umm, yes, oh, look, this animal"—she tapped her finger on a drawing of a pig—"has a name too. See, his name is Buta."

"What's Buta mean in English? Is it like Mushi, a Japanese version of an American name?"

"It's like..." Akane looked confused for a moment. "Umm?" she asked questioningly.

"Oh, is it like Babe the pig?"

She didn't say anything but instead maintained her confused look.

"It's a movie about a pig called Babe," I elaborated.

She smiled and nodded her head. "Exactly. These are just silly names they have given to the animals." She shrugged. "Just like Babe the pig."

"That's kind of cute," I said, while Akane returned her attention to the books. "So, if I had a boyfriend, he'd call me Buta?"

Akane snorted and had to cover her mouth. Was the thought of me having a boyfriend really that much of a laughing matter? Her reaction cut me deep. "Yes, maybe he would call you that," she finally said. "If you went out to dinner together."

"That sounds romantic."

Akane laughed again, then returned her attention to the books. "I know it's here somewhere," she said. She fished through all of the books on the shelf, then plucked a brightly-coloured specimen from her collection. She held it out to me and pointed at the cover. "You want to play a game?"

I looked at my luggage. "I should really unpack and get settled in."

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun. What better way to settle in than playing a game?"

She had a point I supposed. "Well, okay then, what sort of game?"

"A game is the best way to learn. Fun and educational. You already know how to say kon'nichiwa, but Japanese is as an action language too. You can greet without speaking. It'll be a lot easier for you while you're still learning to speak Japanese."

"Action language? Like sign language for deaf people?"

She gestured her arms about. "Yes, you know, like demonstration."

"I don't follow."

"You see," Akane said as she enthusiastically pointed at the picture book. "See, this is a foreigner arriving in Japan for the first time, just like you, Mushi." She tapped her fingertip repeatedly on the image of a man bowing. "See how he bows at the feet of the Emperor? This is how a foreigner shows respect here in my country. We call it dogeza. Do you see how low he bows?"

"Umm, he looks Asian," I said. "He doesn't look like a foreigner."

Akane let out a cute little giggle. "You can be foreign and Asian, Mushi. Not all of Asia is Japan," she said, before continuing under her breath, "unfortunately."

"I don't get it though. It looks like something you would do for a king."

"Exactly, so you are showing the respect and making Japanese people feel good, like royalty! It's a great way to greet someone. Very polite. Japanese people will respond to you extremely well if you do this instead of mispronouncing kon'nichiwa."

"That makes sense I guess."

"If you struggle to speak Japanese, you can do other things like this instead. Japanese people will understand you a lot better. I can show you all sorts of ways to communicate without speaking!"

I looked at the page. "So, this bowing thing? Instead of saying kon'nichiwa, I can just do this and Japanese people will know I respect them and I'm saying hello?"

"Yes!"

To be honest, the bowing thing looked like it was kind of embarrassing. I'd never bowed before to anyone back home. However, every time I said kon'nichiwa to someone they ended up laughing or looking at me confused anyway. Maybe because they had been expecting me to do this bowing thing instead? Perhaps I'd been unintentionally insulting the local people ever since I'd arrived. If it meant it would stop people laughing at me, maybe it would be better if I tried it.

"Would you like to try?" Akane asked, seeming to sense what thoughts were rolling around my head.

"I'm not sure." Though I wanted the Japanese locals to like me, I was still hesitant about putting myself in such a servile position. It just seemed...weird. But then, so did kicking your shoes off when you entered the house. That wasn't something we ever did at home. My father was always walking his muddy boots through the carpet, much to the chagrin of my mother.

"We'll make it a fun game," Akane said. "Let's pretend I am the Empress of Japan and you have just arrived here."

"Okay," I said, while climbing to my feet and joining her in the middle of her bedroom. If it was a game then it could be something fun to do. Perhaps this was a great way to break the ice between us. "What should I do?"

"Greet me."

I took a breath and remembered from before. "Kon'nichiwa, Akane-san, I am Mushi."

Akane laughed, but then shook her head so her long, black hair sprayed around her. Then she rolled her eyes and slapped at my shoulders softly. "No, no, no, Mushi. What did you just learn?"

"Oh," I said, "The dogeeza."

"Dogeza," she said, in slow, pronounced syllables.

"Dogeza," I mimicked as best I could.

She placed pressure to my shoulders and encouraged me towards the floor. "Show me your dogeza. Try to do it exactly as you saw in the book."

I remembered in the book that the man was bowed so far that is forehead was flat to the floor. I dropped to my hands and knees and attempted the same position. It was more difficult that I imagined, as with my head to the floor, my butt was sort of up in the air.

"Straighten your back." I felt her bare foot kick against my thigh. "No slacking, Mushi. You have to look like you really mean it."

I tensed the muscles in my arms and legs, then straightened my back as best I could. "Is this better?"

I felt Akane place her bare foot upon the top of my head. "That's right," she whispered. "Bow before me, foreigner."

I felt my face blush at hearing her talk to me in that way. It just sounded so...degrading. "What are you doing?"

"I'm playing the role of the Empress of Japan, remember?"

"Oh, sure," I said, somewhat relieved that it was still part of the game.

"This is the way foreigners show respect to Japanese. You should do this every time you come into a room."

"Every time?" I asked in exasperation and I could feel my warm breath ricocheting from the hardwood floor. "I thought this was just a game?"

"Teaching you is a game, Mushi, but the dogeza is very serious."

"Why are you still standing on my head though?"

"That's our way of accepting your greeting. Kind of like us saying hello back to you."

I frowned into the floor. "That didn't happen in the book."

"It was a picture, Mushi, not a movie. You didn't see what happens next. But the Emperor would have responded just like I am now."

"It seems insulting," I said from beneath her foot.

"Not at all," Akane said. I felt her little toes wriggling about in my blonde hair. "This is acceptance. It's the Japanese way!"

"Can I get up, please?" I felt uncomfortable having Akane put her feet all over my head. It was bad enough that she'd rubbed them over my pillow, and yet, barely minutes later, she'd somehow put me in a position where she could rub her foot directly on my head. "Please can I get up? My back is starting to hurt."

I felt Akane grind her foot into the back of my head some more, which in turn ground my forehead into the hard, wooden floor. "No, it is very rude to ask such a thing. You cannot rise until one of us says you can. Leaving dogeza before being given permission is extremely offensive in our culture. You'll receive bad karma. You don't want bad karma, do you?"

"No, but how long do I have to stay like this?" My forearms were beginning to tremble from supporting my weight.

"For as long as I say you have to. It shows that you are respectful of our culture while being a guest in Japan. Plus, it's best to practise and get your body used to doing it."

Akane removed her foot from my head, and I heard her bare feet scamper across the room before a soft thump indicating she'd hopped onto her bed. Next, I heard her talking in Japanese, presumably on the phone to someone else.

I wasn't sure what to do as she'd left me still bowing there in the middle of the room. Was I supposed to remain with my forehead to the floor or could I get back up now she'd gotten busy doing something else? I wasn't sure of the rules and the last thing I wanted to do was offend her this early into our friendship. I'd caused enough intentional offence as it was.

Suddenly, almost immediately after Akane had stopped speaking, the door opened, and I heard someone walking into the room. There was the slapping of sandals, followed by the unmistakeable voice of Saori, "What are you doing down there, Molly?"

"Dog," I mumbled into the floor, as my forehead began to hurt.

"You're a dog?" she asked curiously.

"Dogooza. Akane-san has been teaching me about Japanese greetings."

There was a vicious snigger from above me. "I think you mean dogeza?"

"Yes, ma'am." I crawled along the floor towards her until I could just make out her sandals, and I placed my forehead against the floor. I felt like a complete idiot, but if this was what a foreigner was expected to do to be accepted by their Japanese hosts, then I would do it. I could already detect a softer tone to Saori's voice, which was a lot less hostile than at the airport. "Kon'nichiwa, ma'am," I said, spurred on by my success. "My name is Mushi." I beamed with pride at displaying everything I'd learned without mistake. I loved the Japanese version of my name. It was so cute. I'd only been in their home an hour or so, and already I had my very own cute Japanese nickname. If that isn't acceptance into a home, then I don't know what is?

"Mushi?" Saori said and I detected confusion in her voice.

Akane answered her mother in Japanese, and the two of them conversed for a moment, before I heard Saori giggle, then one of her sandals dropped and slapped against the floor. It was an old, dirty thing, that looked like it was made from straw or something. I could make out the dark, imprint of her foot on the surface. Next, I felt her foot on the back of my head. Again, just like her daughter's, it was dainty in size and she applied little pressure. "That's very respectful of you," she said. There was a soft chuckle. "Mushi."

"Thank you, ma'am." I said. "I'm trying to learn the Japanese way."

She kept her foot on the back of my head. "I'm happy to see you're trying to integrate. You learn a lot more quickly than I expected from our first conversation. Akane-chan must be a great teacher."

I didn't know whether that was a compliment or an insult, so I remained quiet. We stayed this way, me bowed with my head to the floor, and Saori's foot atop for a few moments while the two of them spoke in Japanese. I felt excluded, which was extremely rude, however, we were in their country and home, so who was I to ask them to speak in English?

After a few moments, I felt her foot lift from my head. I peeked up, and saw that her foot was just hanging in the air.

"You can rise," Akane said from the bed. "Help my mother with her zori, please, Mushi."

"Zori?" I asked.

"Her sandal," Akane clarified. "Rice straw sandal. You don't have these in America?"

"I don't think so."

It was an odd request, but since I was already down on the floor, I looked up and saw the sandal was behind her. So, I picked it up, and while Saori kept her foot in the air, I eased it onto her wiggling toes. I noted that just like her daughter, her toenails were also unpainted, though they had been filed to perfection and appeared clean. It must have been another Japanese custom that perhaps they didn't use nail polish? Back home, you'd see most girls walking around with various colours on their toes, but so far, I'd only seen unpolished nails in Japan. I looked at my own chipped fingernails and wondered whether I should remove it.

Saori returned her sandaled foot to the floor, and looked down at me with a pleased smirk while I remained kneeling at her feet. "Thank you, Mushi," she said. "That was very kind of you to help me with my zori." She glanced over at Akane and the two of them smiled at each other.

"Anytime, ma'am," I said.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now, dinner will be ready soon girls," she said, and with that, Saori left me alone with her daughter.

"Well done," Akane said. "See how well that went? You performed dogeza for my mother and she accepted your respect."

"Yes, she actually smiled at me and seemed happy. I thought she didn't like me before this."

"She is just not used to your American ways. If you try the Japanese way, you will find people will like you a lot better."

It seemed that Akane was correct in her assessment. Perhaps doing things her way from then on would provide me with fruitful results.

At the dinner table, Saori had placed a bowl in front of me of a steaming, noodle-like meal. Along with the bowl I was given two chopsticks, which I had no clue how to use.

Akane and Saori were already scooping up mouthfuls with the sticks, while I sat there unsure of where to begin.

"What's wrong?" Saori asked after a minute or so. "You don't like my cooking?"

"Oh, no, I am very grateful, thank you, ma'am. I just don't know how to use chopsticks. Could I please have a fork?"

"It's easy," Akane said. "Look." She snapped at the noodles with her chopsticks and picked up a bunch. Next, she dangled them above her mouth and dropped them in with ease.

"You can't survive in Japan without knowing how to use chopsticks, Mushi," Saori said with a raised eyebrow. "You want this to be a cultural exchange, right? So, embrace our culture."

I looked at the meal again. There was an odd scent wafting up amongst the steam. It was sort of fishy and made my stomach turn. "What is it?"

"Soba noodle with fried shrimp," Akane said through a mouthful of food.

"Oh..." I stared at the bowl and suddenly lost my appetite.

"Is there a problem?" Saori asked.

"It's just...I'm a vegetarian," I said, while avoiding eye contact. "I don't eat shrimp." I heard Saori tut, and I felt compelled to defend myself. "It was on my profile, and I think I mentioned it during our emails. I don't eat any animals."

Saori began talking to Akane in Japanese, and I could tell by her tone that she wasn't happy. Akane barely replied and instead looked embarrassed.

"Sadly, my daughter didn't tell me that before I spent the last hour cooking."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't want to be an inconvenience."