The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 08

Crazy super powered Kejourou's? Hostages? Holy hell, what did I agree to?

But I had to admit to some deja-vu about what she described. Some aspects of this were very familiar.

"So what does this powerful artifact look like?" I asked before taking another sip from my cup.

"It is described as a small yellowish shard of a larger stone. The energy it emits would make it appear to glow."

"That fucking bitch." I whispered under my breath in both anger and disgust as the realization hit me. The Maou had asked about that very thing a month or so back. God damn it! All of this shit was her fault and she manipulated my ass into doing the clean up!

The maid looked to me curiously as I silently fumed. Finally after cooling myself down, I sighed and said,

"Nothing, continue on."

"It is theorized that she may have ingested the shard itself. If that is the case it must be removed from her body by any means possible. Again, it is very powerful and has the ability to imbue the user with great strengths and abilities." She said, stressing the fact to me.

Fuck the news just kept getting better and better. I had the sneaking suspicion that old Maou Ma purposely threw me in over my head on this one. No way out now though. At least I had Winona with me. If there were two things my lady was good at, it was going boom followed by making sure fuckers hit the ground and stayed there. I wasn't too worried... much...

•••••••••••••••••••

After what seemed like an hour or so of driving we finally pulled up behind some kind of fenced off abandoned warehouse. We both got out as the Manits examined her phone intently while periodically peering up at the rotting structure.

"This is the location." She said after a moment's consideration.

"Charming," I replied, "How do we get past the fence?"

Putting away her phone, Molly walked to the barrier and unsheathed the scythes in her forearms. In a blur that was almost too fast to see, she expertly sliced a large hole in the chain link.

Ask and ye shall receive.

I walked though it towards the building then paused as I noticed that I was alone. Turning, I saw Molly was still at the hole she made.

"What, you're not going with?" I asked as she walked back to the limo.

"I was specifically instructed not to accompany you. Also, you may encounter other Mamono inside. They are attempting to stop June as well. You should treat them as allies."

Well that's just fucking great. What am I, the Calvary?

She popped the trunk and threw me a small pry bar from it.

"Do not go through the front entrance. It's unsafe."

"Well how do I get in then? And what the fuck am I suppose to use this for?" I asked holding it up, pissed at all the bullshit.

"The emergency exit." Is all she said as she got back into the car.

Wonderful.

The thing about emergency exits are exactly what they are named. They are ment to be exits during an emergency. Trying to enter through one is a very different, pain in the ass kind of story.

Shoving the metal wedge into the slim space between the door and the frame, I grunted as I pushed and pulled trying to get the door open. God damn it something like this would have been no problem for me in the past but being the way I was now, it was an almost impossible task. My efforts were finally rewarded as I heard the breaking of metal and saw the door pull open from its lock.

Throwing the bar on the ground, I drew Winona and entered into the dark interior. Inside, I found something out of a barbers worst nightmare as long black hair covered the walls. The strands snaked, waved and vibrated as if agitated or excited. Something told me not to touch them as I gingerly made my way towards the sound of screaming and yelling.

"...cking BITCH!" Echoed a feminine roar down the corridor I was walking though.

I had to pause at that one. What the fuck was going on up there? Suddenly an explosion shook the structure as debris and dust rained down upon me.

There was a slight twist in my stomach as I thought back to Victoria's home and what happened with Faith. All of this was too familiar and panic began to well up inside me. No! I had to pull it together!

I stopped to take a deep breath of musty air in order to calm myself. No, this was something I had to do. I had to keep going, no matter what. Nobody I cared about was here, it's just a simple wham -bam- thank you -ma'am deal then that's it. Go home. Just 1 more job. Take out a bad guy... girl, that's it.

Easy. Real easy.

Against their will, my legs to start walking again. I made sure to step around or over the tresses that were now thrashing about. Finally, I reached an opening into the main warehouse and saw the remains of a battle to end all battles.

There was a large hole in one of the walls, broken glass and wreckage all over. On the floor I saw a ragged and bloodied Succubus with a naked Kejourou standing over her. Her body was stained all over with black ichored blood that was gushing through a wound in her chest.

"Now... you... die." She wheezed with a smile as she struggled to raise a few strands of hair that wove themselves together into a spear.

Fuck that must be June! And if I didn't do something fast, she was going to kill that Succubus. Raising Winona up I took aim and yelled,

"Yo Cousin It!"

She frowned and turned her head towards me as I pulled the trigger. Winona roared throughout the warehouse as the Kejourou's head exploded from the bullets blast. I quickly aimed lower and let loose another shot as her chest blossomed out from the bullets detonation.

Holy shit! So that's what those bullets were- explosive tips! I had the feeling that Winona was packing some extremely illegal ammunition, courtesy of Druella.

Still though, you couldn't argue with the results. Taking some crazy, super powerful evil Kejourou down with 2 shots isn't bad in the grand scheme of things.

"Adam's family reject," I commented as I strolled over to the exhausted Succubus on the ground.

"Ya always gotta double tap the crazy ones... Oh, yeah, the Maou sent me to help you guys out." I said conversationally as I helped pull her up to her feet. She looked to be in rough shape but one thing I knew about Mamono was that they healed fast.

She'd be alright.

"About time that bitch did something." She mumbled, looking over at the remains of the nutjob Kejourou I just killed.

"Who the fuck are you?" She asked, glaring at me. I was taken back, never heard a Succubus talk quite like that before. Dropping F-bombs... how vulgar! That and in all my time, I never heard a Mamono talk about the Maou like that either. Just who the hell was this chick? I couldn't help but chuckle, whoever she was, I liked her attitude.

"Well, the names-"

"Angel! Are you ok?" Called a voice from behind us.

Yeah, I'm alright, June... she's dead. How's everyone else?" The Succubus, no I guess her name was Angel, called back.

"Get out here quick! Everybody's with us, but it's bad!"

"Thanks for the save, cowboy, but I gotta go." Angel said to me as she flapped her wings and flew over to the exit.

"Cowboy.... Huh...." I mumbled, watching her leave. Guess they still had westerns here.

Did I really come off as a cowboy?

Walking over to the Kejourou's... June's... Whoever's body, I gave it a good kick. Didn't want the bitch popping back up alive again like in them horror movies. After a few quiet moments, I figured it was safe enough and crouched down. Grimacing in disgust, I dug my fingers in the open, bloody cavity, searching for the glowy stone of power thing that Maou Ma lost all them years ago.

"I really don't get paid enough for all this crap." I mumbled to myself as I felt things I really never imagined I'd ever feel. I won't tell you about the stench or the slimy, black bloody gore... several times I retched and almost vomited. After a painfully long search, I finally found my prize.

This tiny little thing... It had so much power it could twist and warp anyone that held it, even to the point of mutating them like Cousin It here. And yet I felt nothing but a hint of warmth coming from the shiny smooth exterior. Heh, maybe I'm already so twisted and warped enough as it is that the stupid thing doesn't affect me. Or maybe there's the fact that somehow even back on Earth, I'm still immune to magic...

After wiping it off, I stood and tucked it into my pants pocket. I struggled a little because they were god damn skinny jeans but I finally got it in there. Making my way back to the emergency exit that I broke in through, a shimmer of light caught my attention. I saw a discarded sword laying on the ground. Walking over, I stared at it for a moment, puzzled, before recognizing what it really was. Picking it up from where it laid, I said aloud,

"Son of a bitch... Fuckin Gramps leaving his shit everywhere."

The shape, the size, the filigree, it was the same fucking sword that old bastard used to try to kill me! Why the hell was it here of all places?

The Maous voice echoed in my head as I held the blade,

"Perhaps Dam's sword? Oh well, he never uses the thing anyway, he just walks around with it, making himself feel important."

This was all apart of her plan, wasn't it? Should I just leave it there?

Eh, well maybe I'll get some brownie points with that grumpy asshole if I return it to him. Wonder if he still wants to murder me after all these years?

Looking around, I shrugged slightly to myself before taking ol' Excalibur with me on the way out the door. Molly would be waiting and I had something for her boss.

During the long semi- awkward drive to wherever the hell Druella lived in Timbuktu, I asked Molly if she had something to write a letter with. I honestly didn't know when or how I would be back on Earth again, but it didn't feel right being here without something to my parents. Yeah I could have called but how could I explain everything? It would take hours, hell even days to tell them about how I came to be mixed up in this whirlwind. How I'm kinda married to Romie, how she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, how I'm a fucking in-law of Maou Ma and friends.

As messed up as it may seem, as much as I wanted to hear the voices of my family, I knew it wouldn't be fair. A short conversation then what? Back to me being a vegetable? A letter was perhaps the kindest thing I could offer to them in this whole screwed up show that was my life.

Just before we pulled up to the large, imposing front gates, I handed the paper to Molly along with an address and made her promise to send it. It was the best I could do...

••••••••••••••••

Druella might have had to downsize from a castle in Lessicate to a mansion in California, but I'm sure things weren't too bad for the princess. Somewhere in the back of my head I could hear Robin Leach narrating the scene before me as we walked through the place.

There were expensive looking paintings on the wall worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Statues, vases and intricate rugs that were probably made by famously deceased artisans decorated the floor. And of course what mansion wouldn't be complete by 100" TV's in all the rooms. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams indeed.

Mantis maid lady lead me down the hallway and into a large study. Monitors of various sizes littered the walls in an extremely creepy 'Saw' movie kinda way. I really didn't care, I was tired and the concoction that I downed earlier was wearing off. I did what was asked of me, now it was time for the Maou of this era to push or pull or fucking field goal my ass back to Romie.

"The Human-"

"I need to speak to your mom." I interrupted, walking past her.

The Lilim turned around slowly in her high-backed chair like a god damn James Bond villain. Except I never remembered any one of them wearing nothing but an open bathrobe.

First things first, the shard please?" Druella asked sweetly, while holding out her hand.

I was tempted to tell her to go fuck herself but from what I heard of this particular chick, she'd probably just take it as in invitation to masturbate in front of me. I had to bite my tongue, telling myself that it was just for a little longer and I'd be back with my Cheshire. It didn't matter what dimension I was in, as long as I had her by my side.

Reaching in my pocket I dug out the shard and tossed it to her, silently hoping the radiation or whatever would give the bitch constipation.

She caught it with ease and slipped it somewhere in her lavish looking desk.

"Now then, why would you need to speak to her, when you have me right in front of you?" She asked while smiling and batting her eye lashes at me.

I returned her overtures with a glare.

"Because she needs to send me back to my wife, who also happens to be your niece for starters, Miss Show n Tell." I growled.

She paused at that, then after a few moments said,

"I'm afraid I can't do that..."

Anger flared inside me as the urge to draw Winona was almost too great.

"And why the fuck not?!" I yelled at her, slamming the side of my fist into a nearby wall. I could hear the Mantis moving behind me and was pretty sure she had her blades out ready to kill me if I got violent.

Still didn't give a fuck.

Druella made a shoo'ing gesture with her hand to the maid. Evidently the Lilim didn't think I was much of a threat. For some reason that made me even more pissed off.

"Mother is... unavailable. Hasn't been seen for quite some time actually. She was... is... the only one that has the ability to send you back." The Lilim said hesitantly to me.

I stood in stunned silence as I tried to process what was told to me.

'Unavailable... The only one... to send you back...'

She... She lied to me... She said she would be here. That she could send me back. That Romie and I would be...

I sank to my knees in despair. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, I remember repeating to myself over and over again as if saying it enough times would make it true. That I would just wake up, like before, in bed with Romie. This whole thing nothing more than a nightmare.

"I'm sorry." Said Druella as she knelt down beside me. I barely heard her over the crushing sound of my heart breaking.

••••••••••••••

June 27th...

It had been a few days since I locked myself in the room Druella gave me. I didn't eat, didn't drink, I just wallowed in a pit of depression, self loathing and regret.

How could I be so stupid to trust her? The very being that I once saw as a plague on the world, a different side to the same evil coin being marketed as a god damn savior to everyone and everything.

In reality she was just as selfish and horrible as anyone else out there. Another someone with their own agenda who knew and said all the right words. She didn't care who she stepped on or fucked over, just as long as she got her way.

And my dumb ass fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.

How stupid... so fucking stupid...

Eventually hunger got the better of me and my body forced me to exit out of my haven. I didn't know what time it was, mid afternoon if I was to guess by the sun. The mansion had an enormous, spotless white kitchen. I doubted it had ever been used much, Druella didn't seem like the Rachel Ray type.

More like the rape Ray type.

Raiding the well stocked pantry, I pulled out a loaf of non GMO, gluten-free bread and some organic peanut butter. Guess even the Lilims got on board with the whole healthy eating thing. I also snooped into her fridge which was one of them massive meatlocker types with the weird foreign name that pretty much ment it was worth more than a new car. After digging past some caviar and other gross ass, extravagant shit rich people eat, I found a jar of strawberry jelly in the far back.

Finally I had the makings of a dearly missed comfort food...

It was then I heard the front door open and the approaching echos of high heals on expensive marble tile. Druella briskly walked by me wearing an all black business suit, holding a matching black wide brim hat. Throwing the hat and a dark Prada purse on the counter next to the jelly, she opened the door to the wine cooler.

"Rough day at the office?" I asked quietly, as I spread the peanut butter on the slice of bread.

"Funeral." She said shortly as she slammed the bottle of wine on the counter and grabbed a glass. Waving a hand over its top, the cork exploded out and into the air, landing by my plate. Pouring a full glass, I watched as the Lilim downed it in a single gulp. Without any other words, she took the bottle with her as the black stilettos echoed once more through the mansion on her way to the study. A loud crash of its doors closing told me she probably wouldn't be seen again for the rest of the day.

I returned to my fortress of solitude, plate in hand with my lunch... dinner... whatever. If I was now stuck here in this altered world, I suppose I should learn more about it. Thankfully, being the rich bitch she was, Druella had furnished a state of the art computer in the guest room I stayed in. Invoking the power of the internet, I was able to accomplish some research.

Facebook was now Fuckbook, Xbox turned into Sexbox, PlayStation... was still PlayStation, go figure. Burger King ended up as Burger Queen and a million more little twerks spread across reality along with so much more.

When Grandma Maou used Big Boy to break into Earth, it seemed that she ended up popping in pre-World War 2 Japan, 10 - 14 years before Pearl Harbor or Hitler's retake of Europe. The whole event prevented any of the war from ever happening. Japan calmed the fuck down and that moustached asshole in Germany ended up getting thrown into jail before he ever came to power. But then how did Eric, Romies dad, get to Wonderland? How did Romie ever get born?

The only explanation I could think of was it created a kind of alternate reality. Some kind of fucked up Star Trek reboot style screw up of the time line. And yet I was the only one with memories of the previous reality. Only I knew the real truth.

I started to laugh. Loudly, hysterically, I couldn't control myself. I fucking broke reality... me! Some dumbass kid from Connecticut, broke the mother fucking world, reality itself!

Hearing a noise, I looked over to see that Molly had broken and entered into my room. She was staring at me with a confused, almost frightened look. My laughter slowly changed to tears as I continued to process what had happened.

I wasn't quite too sure of my own emotions. Everything was kinda steamrolling over me. I lost so much. Victoria, Romie... my own world...

I stood only to collapse on the floor from the chair, still crying. The Mantis walked over and wordlessly cradled me in her arms. The very gesture reminded me of that Christmas night, long ago, when Romie comforted me. I cried harder at the thought. Eventually, after some time, I stopped. Looking up to Molly's blushing face, I mumbled an apology,

"Sorry."

"Don't be." She said simply while shyly looking away.

I'm not sure how long she held me like that. Eventually, I managed to pull myself together as she reluctantly released me from her embrace.

That night I laid in bed, contemplating thoughts darker than I really feel comfortable writing.

Was this a life really worth living?

••••••••••••

June 29th...

It was another day and another lunch time when true to her mommy's fashion, ol Dru Dru summoned me to her study for a little chatty chat on some bullshit.

"What's the life span on a Cheshire Cat? Could Romie still be alive? Especially if she's related to you guys? She has royal blood in her or whatever the hell you all have to make you immortal." I asked before she could start in. I had been thinking long and hard about it, was it possible she was still out there?