All Comments on 'The Journey Home Ch. 03'

to end your story faster, but, as articulate as you are in discribing mundane things, like a walk to the car, or checking in the hotel, etc. Why is it that you just don't have the Doc give Ben a call, after Laura's last visit, I don't by that thought that he just forgot? That's why I'm only giving you a 75 on your story, otherwise I'm enjoying this.

I have been trying to like this story, but there are so many inconsistencies. The airplane crash - wouldn't it have been on the news? And there should have been a flight manifest to narrow down the identities of the bodies in the morgue. Then as other posters said, there is the issue of the timeline - you said that months passed while Laura was working in the bank in Florida, while it was just days after the crash that Ben started looking for her. And when she transferred to the bank in Michigan, why did the bank manager not know which branch she was transferred to, that's just weird for me. And the doctor recommending to transfer work to another state immediately, that's a bit inconvenient, right? Why not just recommend a weekend/ week visit to see if something jogs her memory? And why did Max (the PI) not say anything to her while they were at the bank? He could have introduced himself right there & then. It's not as if she was a fugitive who's hiding from the law.

I'm sorry, but after reading this chapter, I have to give up on this story, having become disgusted with it. Did everyone suddenly get infected with terminal stupidity? For example, Laura rushes to see her doctor after fainting at work. Does he think to tell her he has discovered who she is? And that her fiance is there in Florida looking for her? No, he instead sends her immediately back to Michigan (the very next day, no less) without a word of what he's found, thereby taking her away from Ben.

And Max. When he actually finds himself face-to-face with Laura, does he pull out his cell phone and call Ben, telling him he has found her and to come right over? No, he waits till that night when he sees Ben at the hotel to mention he has found Laura. By then, the opportunity to reconnect the lovers has been missed.

When the author relies on people doing impossibly stupid things to create plot twists, I have to throw up my hands in despair and surrender.