The Karma Credit Plan

"Of course, I complained about it, but she always pretended that I was complaining about a lack of sex. 'Grow up, it shouldn't be that important for people in our age,' she used to reply."

Juliette snorted. "Sorry, but that's just nonsense," she said, frowning.

"I don't understand it, either. Instead, she started this keep up with the Schmidts game with her friends. For example, Christine bought this preposterously huge TV set, although we hardly ever used the old one. We didn't use the new one either, but it looked very stylish and expensive on our living room wall. Suddenly, I found out that all of her friends were invited to watch soccer at our place. We both hated soccer!

"They all pestered me for details about the TV. I could tell them which was the front side, and that was about it. Still, everyone seemed to assume that the man of the house was the one to ask about such things. Christine seemed to agree, and kept her mouth shut when questions came up, even though she knew the answers and I didn't. These conversations were plain bizarre.

"Within a few weeks, all of her friends had similar gadgets and we were invited to admire the whole range of TV sets on the market while pretending to watch some utterly boring sports events. It became surreal.

"Then came bigger apartments, nicer cars, better clothes, stylish parties, the whole lot."

"I see."

"Then came the death knell to our marriage, although I didn't see it back then. Her single friends all got married. One tied the knot after a surprisingly short courtship, and just like with the TV sets, everyone else followed suit immediately afterwards. They all seemed to select their partners strictly for economic and aesthetic reasons. These couples all looked just perfect together. Sometimes they even looked at each other."

"I see where this is leading. Your looks certainly aren't your problem, I can tell you."

"What?"

"Go on, please."

"Huh?" I was still a bit confused.

"Okay, how about if I tell you what came next. Her friends suddenly had more money, because they all had two nice incomes. They all had a partner to brag about. She still liked you, physically, but was embarrassed to talk about you in public. She couldn't keep up with her friends because you held her back. She lost her respect for you. She probably convinced you to stay at home when she met with her friends. You tried to overlook this, be even more attentive and save the marriage. Am I right?" She sounded confident and engaged, as if she was watching a telenovela she'd seen before.

"Spot on."

"You felt that you were failing, so you went on this trip. In reality, it was a marriage time-out, even though you had no intention of cheating on her."

She was right. Damn.

"You suddenly were in deep shit down there, so the idea of returning to your loving wife kept you alive. You suppressed the truth that your marriage was already in shambles. You kept this idealized version of her and your marriage in mind to keep yourself alive. You needed something to look forward to."

I just nodded. Damn, she should work as a shrink.

"Then you found her with a new guy. I bet you weren't even terribly sad, you just felt like she betrayed you while you were in hell. You still think that she behaved like an asshole by doing it like this and not caring about you one bit."

"Spot on again."

"So it was just a matter of how she ended your marriage, not that she did it?"

"Partially, but there is more. We were definitely happy in the beginning. We loved each other. I'm still angry about her sacrificing all of our happiness for some trivial material shit. So you might have to excuse me if I'm a bit, um, reserved when it comes to people with money. I think it tends to corrupt people."

Juliette was thoughtful for a moment. "Let me tell you a story. My father's hobby was sailing regattas with original historic racing yachts. As you can imagine, this is an incredibly expensive hobby. Whenever they met, the place was full of really rich people. You could easily spot them. They were the ones in the ratty functional clothes. They were the cordial friendly ones. There were always dressed up people present, but they were outsiders. They were inevitably trying to sell something. Investment bankers, yacht brokers, whatever. If you saw someone snapping at a waiter, it was inevitably one of the suit guys, while the truly rich were busy helping carry stuff back to the kitchen.

"You see, my perception is quite different from yours. To me, the real wealthy ones are easy to handle. I have problems with the ambitious driven envious people who are not yet where they want to be. I understand them: they are under pressure, they are afraid and worried. I know I'm in a more privileged position. Even though I understand them, I'm wary around them."

"You have a point. My ex certainly was one of those people, always looking for more, always on the run, always unhappy with what she had, always worried something could go wrong. I guess I just became her ball and chain on her way up."

"I think she's a complete idiot."

"What?" I wasn't about to disagree, but I hadn't expected her to be that harsh.

"There's nothing wrong with a woman being ambitious. It's plain idiotic to choose or discard a man because of money or status. That is cold, uncaring and she will realize eventually that it simply won't work. She's an idiot for dumping you and she's going to see that soon. Someone might have snatched you up by then, though, and might not let you go again."

"Thanks for being kind, but I don't see anyone volunteering."

Obviously, I was no expert on women, or the disaster with Christine wouldn't have happened, but even with my limited knowledge on the subject, I could have sworn that Juliette's smile was, well, dreamy? For a few seconds that confused the hell out of me before she broke the tension by changing to a much more business-like persona I hadn't seen before.

"So, you were in some hell-hole prison, innocently, of course..."

"Of course," I agreed, smiling.

"You've returned home, you are out of a job, you have nowhere to stay, and you have no money, right?"

"Well, that's the ultra-short version. I have found a temp job as a kitchen help, but it's not much." I'm not sure why I didn't mention the diamonds. I guess I wasn't feeling very trusting at the moment.

"Can you live off what you're making?"

"I can get by. I don't need much."

"I see," she answered, looking as if she liked my answer for some reason. Maybe my frugality was a refreshing contrast with the people she knew?

"I'm looking for a cheap apartment right now. I don't need much, but even that is hard to find around here. I might have to move."

She just nodded, as if she'd expected what I said. She thought for several moments, then made up her mind.

"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," she said, suddenly in her best Godfather impersonation. It was silly and she failed hilariously, making both of us laugh until we cried.

"Wait, wait." She pulled herself together with an effort. "Seriously. This house it way too big, it's depressingly lonely in here. You're going to live here as a lodger." Her sudden change from giggly little girl to no-nonsense business woman was as fascinating as it was confusing.

"I'm not sure..." I tried to interject without knowing how to finish the sentence.

"Nonsense. You need somewhere to live, I need a roommate; this is settled. Where do you live right now?"

"In a cheap hotel, but my savings..."

"Then it's definitely settled," she interrupted me again. Her business persona had the habit of doing that, but when she did, I couldn't deny that she had my best interests in mind. That was a welcome change.

"Juliette, as much as I appreciate the offer, Vic is my best friend. Hell, he might be my only friend. He saved my life. I'm not sure if it would be appropriate if I, well..." I tapered off, not knowing what to say and hoping she would interrupt me again, but she didn't. She just looked at me as if she admired me for being the biggest fool in history.

"Yes, I remember seeing him through rose-colored glasses, too, at least in the early years. He has this ability to make you overlook his weaknesses, to try to find excuses for him. Wait, let me show you something. He sent me a letter. You might find this enlightening, I think."

She left the room and returned with a hand-written letter. I realized that it had been a while since I had seen one. Wordlessly, she handed me the paper, which turned out to be a letter from Vic to Juliette.

"I don't think that I should read this, Juliette."

"Please do, it's important to me."

Confused, I started to read it. I just skimmed his protestations of love, how much he missed her etc. That seemed a bit private, and it was embarrassing to see this soft and sensitive side of my happy-go-lucky hunky friend.

"You see, I came home one day, and he was gone. All he left behind was a note saying that he had left for a while to become rich overseas. I had no means of contacting him until this letter arrived." I nodded and continued to read, suddenly curious.

He continued to talk about their relationship. It seemed that his problems with Juliette were similar to mine with Christine. She was the one with the money in their marriage. Unlike Christine, Juliette didn't have the slightest problem with that. Unlike me, Vic seemed to suffer from the disparity. It was strange to see how similar, yet reversed, our marriages had been.

"That's interesting," I mused.

"How money caused the problems in both of our marriages?"

I just nodded and continued to read.

Vic had changed from lovey-dovey to total complaining mode by then. He accused her of being an overbearing dominant rich wife. He said that she saw him as some kind of trophy boy-toy, never accepting him as an equal or giving him the room to fully unfold, to become independent. He seemed to regard his marriage as a gilded cage and her as his tyrant.

"Wow, that's harsh."

"When he said that I was a tyrant?"

"Yeah."

"I know that he didn't mean it that way, but it still stings." She seemed close to tears, although she probably had read this many times.

"Still finding excuses for him?"

"Touché." She smiled weakly.

Vic went on to describe how she practically forced him to break free from her, to try risky business ideas in his quest to become her equal. He pointed out how sick he was of being patronized by her, of being the economic junior partner in their marriage. He claimed that it was not natural. I asked myself where this shit came from. He would be a perfect partner for Christine if he just had a bit more money. Their perceptions of marriage were certainly compatible.

He went on to describe how he had set up a very profitable and practically surefire business deal that would make him incredibly rich.

"He can't be that naïve?" I didn't want to think that my one-time savior could be that... well, foolish.

"I'm afraid he is, Simon."

Victor concluded by saying that she shouldn't worry, that he had planned everything to the last detail, that the whole thing was absolutely safe and that he still loved her, despite the way she had treated him.

I looked at her questioningly.

"He doesn't paint me in a good light, does he?"

"Well..." I didn't know how to put what I felt into words.

"Simon, let me tell you how I see it. I met a very attractive man and fell in love with him. The problem was not that he had no money. The problem was that he couldn't handle that fact. Apart from that, he never really grew up. He was never able to see something through to the end, to stick to a plan, to overcome any kind of problem. He was always looking for immediate gratification, never willing to invest in something and watch it grow, to think long-term.

"I would have loved to see him grow up, become an adult man, but he never did. I'm not just talking about money here, I'm talking about attitude. He had a child's naïve trust, short attention span and inability to see what could go wrong. He continuously fucked things up, looked to me to bail him out of whatever situation he was in and then resented me for doing so. If I managed to prevent him from doing something idiotic, he resented that, too.

"For example, he once went to a Ford dealer just to have a look at the new Mustang. The salesman convinced him he should buy ten of them because they were so rare and Victor could make a fortune by selling them in Russia. My poor husband fell for it completely. The guy was probably laughing his ass off. Fortunately, Victor had no money or credit rating and needed my help to close the deal.

"The whole idea was absolutely idiotic, so of course I shut it down. Victor saw it as me robbing him of a great business opportunity because I was jealous and wanted to keep him down.

"The opposite was true. I so wanted to see him soar, to grow up, to be happy. I would have given anything for him to come up with an idea that might actually work. Instead I had to protect him all the time. I felt like I had to be his mother, when I wanted to be his wife. I understand his resentment--who wants to marry his mother, anyway --but I got really tired of it.

"Those things overshadowed our otherwise happy marriage. You know him. Physically, he's very attractive. His optimism is infectious until you understand that it's just immaturity." I could almost hear him saying it: 'I've always rolled sixes.'

"You read that he called me a tyrant. I can see how he thought that, and it might even have been partly true. What he never understood is that I hated doing it. I only did it because I had to, to protect him from his greatest enemy: himself.

"Unfortunately, I couldn't stop his latest idiocy. His messages telling me about surefire business opportunities in some third world country never had a return address. He didn't want me to even have the slightest chance of interfering with his plans this time. He would finally become my financial equal and we could have a real marriage. He claimed he was doing this for us. You know how it turned out."

"I'm really sorry." I remembered that Vic and I had never talked about the reasons for our arrests. It was some kind of taboo subject in there.

"It's okay. I'm over him, mostly. I think. I wish him all the best, but I'm sick of worrying about him."

"You want to know how things are down there?"

"No. Definitely not. I would just start worrying again and I don't want that burden anymore. I've carried it for too long."

"His fate doesn't affect you anymore?"

"No. Yes, maybe a bit. Maybe more than a bit. I don't feel love for him anymore, but I feel some kind of affection, like for a neighbor's kid."

"I'm sad to hear that. I know that he looks forward so much to coming home to you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I would warn him that our marriage is history, but I have no way to contact him."

"Maybe it's better if he doesn't know. It might break him, or even kill him."

She just nodded and was silent for a while. "That bad in there?"

"Yes."

She looked out of the window, deep in thought.

"Are you already divorced, Juliette?"

"Yes, we are."

"So at least Vic's going to be rich when he returns?"

"No, we had a prenup. I will always take care of him to some extent, though."

"I'm glad to hear that. I know that he's far from perfect, but I still feel sorry for him. He is the best friend I ever had."

"Best friend?" She seemed genuinely surprised. "Let me show you how much of a friend he was."

She left the room, only to return with a second letter, which she handed to me. Having lost my initial reluctance, I started to read it immediately.

This letter seemed to have come from a changed person. Gone was the happy-go-lucky guy. After claiming to love her, as he did in the first one, he confessed that the one in a million chance of his deal going wrong had occurred and that he was writing from prison.

"What?" I exclaimed. I was a bit pissed at Vic. He certainly had never mentioned the possibility of sending letters.

Juliette just looked at me, frowning.

"Damn, this was sent from prison."

"And?" She didn't understand the significance.

"How could he do that?"

"I have no idea. You are the one who's familiar with that place."

"I had no idea that any communication was possible. You see, one of the worst aspects down there was the feeling of total isolation. I felt as if I had been buried alive, forgotten by the whole world. I had no idea that we could send letters. I never saw him write a single word. Shit. I might have been able to save my marriage by sending a letter to Christine."

"You think so? I think she dumped you as soon as you were aboard your plane. A letter from prison would have changed nothing."

"Hmm." She had a point there, but I still wanted to be mad at Vic for not telling me that he had a way to send letters back home. A friend would have told me, right?

"Besides, do you really think you'd be happy if you had saved it?"

I looked at her for a while and nodded. She was right and we both knew it. Christine had done me a favor, as cruel as it had been. I was glad to be rid of her and that insight set me free. Feeling better, I continued to read the letter.

He went on to describe how he found some unsuspecting and unobtrusive, but handsome, Westerner. He would be the perfect drug mule. Victor was unable to do the job himself because he couldn't disappear in a crowd, eye-catcher that he was.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed. Juliette obviously knew exactly what I had just learned and looked at me sympathetically.

Suddenly, everything made sense, even though it shocked me to the core. I had thought that I had one true friend in life: Victor, the man who saved me. Now it turned out that he was the one who kicked me into that prison. Still, I had difficulty being really angry at him. That was just how he was. My marriage was already in trouble, and probably doomed, when I left. She was right, Vic made you want to find excuses for him. Shit, I was doing it myself. I shook my head and went back to the letter.

He wrote that he was sorry for fucking things up again. He had wanted to get rich quick so he would finally be somewhat on her level, but all he achieved was disappointing her yet again and he was sorry for that. He even advised her to divorce him, as he was never going to get out of there and her life would be better without him anyway. That sounded nothing like the guy who claimed to roll sixes all the time. That guy had received a harsh reality check.

He claimed that he felt extremely guilty for using some unsuspecting guy as a drug mule, and that he was busted. Vic described how the locals had obviously expected his drug mule. Karma retaliated as he was busted, as well, shortly afterwards. He said that by some weird coincidence his mule had ended up in the same cell. He swore to at least protect that guy, who turned out to be a very nice fellow named Simon.

"Shit," I said. I noticed that Juliette was holding my hand. I didn't know when that happened, but it was quite pleasant and I decided to do nothing about it.

"See what kind of buddy you have?" she asked sympathetically.

"Shit," I repeated, not knowing what else to say. I was in deep thought for a while. My savior had been the cause of my problems. Fifteen months in hell because some naïve idiot thought that he could just waltz into some backwater country and take over the local dug market. I thought that at least we could both be happy we were still alive before it occurred to me that he might not be. That thought made me sad, despite my efforts to get mad at him.

"Simon, your so-called best friend was the one who put you into that hellhole. Vic always has the best intentions, and he never sets out to harm anyone, but he just doesn't think things through, and someone ends up getting hurt. Not me anymore, though. I'm sick of being collateral damage."