All Comments on 'The Last 24 Hours Ch. 14'

this was one of the stories started out intense, emotional, and attention-getting;

unfortunately, when you tried to stretch "the last 24 hours" into a 500 page story covering light years time, it just dried up and ended with a soft, inaudible wimper, with nothing but cliche lines from the second installment on,,,

the author spent 99 percent of the story having Beth and the tough romantic guy his two evil step daughters and their mother hated with a passion, talking nothing but cliche, unbelievable lines and talking in a circle, going no where. sad for such a promising story to end like this

so well written, fascinating, and compelling. It lacks nothing but would stand well with either an apilog or a sequel. The characters are fun, their lives are now meshed, and their future is before them. All is ask is for "the rest of the story." Thanks so much for your hard work.

Good, tight story line which compels the reader by its closely-woven characters and writing style. The eroticism is a natural outpouring of the characters' intense emotions and situtions, not sex in and of itself....hence, believable and acceptable, even to the most discerning of tastes....keep up the good work!

Please finish this story with the twins and true compasion show them a loving home and parents. Do not let there only role modle continue the chane as it allways dose.

THANK YOU TAKING THE TIME AND IMAGINATION TO TELL THE STORY.

Landrious1

I'd be screaming about having read a story of this length. I've had several readers get on my case about a story or two of mine that went almost 90 pages. I have to compliment you in that you were able to pull off the long novel. It never sagged and has always held my interest. It takes a well written and well thought out story to do that. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Normally I’d hate to read a story this long but I have to commend you on a job well done. You were able to give us a long novel that always held our interest. It takes a really well written and well thought out story to do that! I think that it is a little early to talk about an epilogue or sequel since, in my opinion; you have not yet tied up all the loose ends! While Jacquie deserves a fitting punishment, Lisa and Heather seem to be becoming more the victim and deserving of some compassion. How many of the other ‘wives’ in the club were the victims of Dunne’s and Jacquie’s torture and brain washing? What about Josh and the delightful Gayle? Yes Wayne, you have plenty of loose ends to tie, how about it? Don’t keep us waiting 2 months for Ch.15.

I concur with Peatbog that i the most moving story i feel Alex and Beths Feelings and Love i cry when they cry i wish i could have met them i would follow Alex and Beth anywhere just to be there friend there so full of love and laughter I will give you a score 1000 even if there isnt a scoring of that.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga.

I concur with Peatbog that i the most moving story i feel Alex and Beths Feelings and Love i cry when they cry i wish i could have met them i would follow Alex and Beth anywhere just to be there friend there so full of love and laughter I will give you a score 1000 even if there isnt a scoring of that.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga.

Alex and Beth are and always my favorite couple i hope to read more of Josh and Beth and Alex .

Pat

Atlanta,Ga.

and kind of jumbled. It seemed like you were jumping around a lot. But after a few chapters you seemed to get into a nice groove. I completely disagree with the anonymous poster who gave you a 50. Just where s/he said you went flat and cliche, I consider you hitting your stride. The characters, plotline, and the characters' motivations became more fleshed out and developed. And I dont know why s/he complained about the length. I mean this IS under the NOVEL category RIGHT?

And I recommend that you try doing a spin-off story about Josh and Gayle. I'd love to read up on those two.

Too much anal sex. Too much anger displayed. They both need anger management. I know, it's just a story.

Can you say Deus Ex Machina? This multi-chapter story was clearly done without an outline or treatment. He starts out as a mild mannered wimp, becomes bad tempered, all of a sudden he is a Karate master, then a small weapons expert. She devolves from an independent thinking genius who provided most of the support and backbone in their relationship to a submissive, dependent little girl. You thanked your editor for their help, but they too clearly needed help with diction and spelling. Could have been a good six chapter story but too darned long.

And Beth was Diana Rigg's Mrs. Emma Peel of the 1960's, "The Avengers", as well as Ms. Rigg's being the only woman to ever marry James Bond.

The characters' rapid and repeated personality changes gave me whiplash.

After counting the fifth time Alex had 'never been so enraged in his life, and then icewater not blood in his heart', I stopped counting. You reall need to keep track of those things.

This six-foot tall Amazon needs anger management and aversive coonditioning therapy for her explosive violent life-threatening attacks on the supposed love of her life.

Your lack of knowledge of the law is evident. Google "law against perpetuities" and then explain how the real estate where the house was, "can never be sold". Ditto with 'the defense wouldn't see Alex until the trial'. Look up "discovery" in criminal proceedings. State court judges jumping on helicopters to issue search and arrest warrants, seizure of assets, and so on is simply laughable.

The story took on the characteristics of that 1950's rock song originally by The Coasters, "Along Came Jones", but covered and expanded with more and more crises for the heroine, "Sweet Sue". Nearly every other paragraph ( when the protagonists aren't having marathon episodes of sex) has Beth or Alex thrown onto the railroad tracks, or down a mineshaft to parrot the song. Far too much!

I’m not your son, asshole!

Love this. Good proper story. Fine ending but as all good stories, leaves you wanting more. Hazzah

About 13 chapters too long!

Begging chapters and end chapters were pretty good. Middle chapters just felt like filler. There was more detail and emotion in the bank dealings than there was with the main part of the story and the bad guy.

Just to long they could of done all that in three chapters all the rest was just sex with no story.

I understand why after over 17 years there are so few comments. People simply abandoned this sinking turd.

Way too long

Far too many main and secondary characters

Then there is the MC who is the cliched bazillionaire/marshal arts deity/world class expert at his job. I’m a little surprised that the legendary MarineRangerNinjaSeal wasn’t trotted out.

Since you have not written anything since 2008 I doubt you will read this but.....I liked the story over all. There was too much sex in it for me and honestly I skimmed over most of the sex parts, also I am not into B&D or S&M. The rest of the story I really liked and I would of liked maybe something about Alex's parents, for a weird moment I thought it would turn out his parents were behind it all. Maybe they were working with Dunne. Finally maybe an epilogue where a year had pass, Beth gave birth to twins, and the twins of Lisa, Stephanie and Lauren realize Alex had been their loving Daddy for 10 years and changed their minds about him. Well that is my 2 cents worth you will never read.